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From YouTube: 5 Questions at Home
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A
Welcome
everybody
today
we're
going
to
be
talking
about
using
the
five
restorative
questions
at
home.
We
are
using
these
questions
in
most
of
our
schools
and
we'll
be
using
them
in
all
of
our
schools
very
shortly.
My
name
is
kathy
rockefeller,
I'm
the
school
climate
specialist
and
we
are
very
lucky
today,
because
we've
had
two
members
of
the
county-wide
restorative
practices
team
who
have
shared
some
recordings
of
themselves
using
the
five
questions
with
their
own
kids
at
home.
So
I'm
excited
to
share
those
with
you.
So
let's
set
the
stage
first.
A
It
came
as
an
effort
to
decrease
suspensions
and
to
increase
high
school
completion,
and
it
came
after
it
became
obvious
that
the
popular
zero
tolerance
policies
were
absolutely,
unfortunately,
not
working
to
improve
safety,
which
was
the
goal
so
meanwhile,
around
the
same
time,
a
study
came
out
that
said
that
there
is
a
school
to
prison
pipeline.
That's
that's
the
verbiage
that
they
used
and
basically
what
it
showed
was
that
every
time
a
student
is
suspended,
it
increases
their
chance
of
not
graduating
from
high
school
and
ending
up
in
prison
and
the
more
times
it
happens.
A
It
exponentially
goes
up
so
with
each
suspension.
There's
more
and
more
of
a
likelihood
of
that,
and
so
I
think
people
were
just
starting
to
realize
that
suspensions
are
just
not
working.
They
don't
work
to
fix
the
behavior
or
make
our
schools
safer
and
in
fact
they
they
go
the
opposite
way.
So
something
had
to
be
done.
But
what
were
we
going
to
do
the
scholarship
started
to
say?
Okay,
so
what
is
restorative
justice?
A
And
basically
they
said
it
has
to
depend
on
certain
principles
and
the
principles
I'd
like
to
say
share
with
you
now
are
that
victims
of
harm
should
be
part
of
the
justice
process.
That's
sort
of
one
basic
principle
of
restorative
justice
that
everyone
is
affected
when
a
harm
is
done
to
a
community.
A
So
that's
another
principle
like
to
recognize
that
more
people
are
affected
than
just
the
person
who
did
the
harm,
or
even
just
the
person
who
was
directly
harmed
and
then
last
but
not
least,
is
that
being
part
of
a
community
comes
with
a
responsibility
and
the
responsibility,
the
responsibilities
that
you
take
on
to
be
part
of
a
community
when
you,
when
you
violate
those
responsibilities,
it's
on
you
to
repair
the
harm
to
be
accepted
back
into
a
community.
A
A
We
also
saw
an
increase
in
hate
crimes
and
bullying,
and
we
saw
that
there
was
more
chance
of
youth
self-harm.
So
when
we,
when
you
put
all
of
those
together,
it
becomes
obvious
that
these
things
that
are
happening
are
sort
of
complaints
that
are
symptoms
of
being
a
more
a
more
disconnected
society
or
a
less
connected
society.
And
so
then
you
hear
people
start
to
say.
Today's
youth
have
no
work
ethic.
Today's
youth
show
no
empathy
for
others.
They
don't
work
well
in
teams,
they
are
self-centered
they're
entitled.
A
So
how
do
we
help
them
feel
connected
so
in
in
aacps?
The
main
restorative
practice
is
regular
community
building
circles
in
schools
so
that
they
are
regularly
in
circle,
with
other
students
and
practicing
listening
and
sharing
back
and
forth
and
having
face-to-face
conversations
and
at
home.
You
can
build
your
family
community
by
having
more
times
together,
maybe
game
nights
trying
for
once
a
week
meal
together
or
more,
but
basically
you
need
to
build
connectedness
in
the
community.
A
Okay,
so
you've
got
this
connected
community.
So
what
about
accountability?
So
people
talk
a
lot
about
students,
young
people
not
being
accountable
for
their
actions
and
restorative
practices.
This
is
really
where
I
think
it
shines
versus
what
we
what
we
have
done,
so
accountability
has
become
kind
of
synonymous
with
a
prescribed
punishment
right.
So
you
do
this
and
you
have
to
be
suspended
for
two
days
or
three
days
or
whatever.
It
is
right
and
then
you're
you've
been
held
accountable,
held
accountable,
but
I
want
you
to
think
about
a
different
way
of
looking
at
this.
A
A
And
I
want
you
to
ask
yourself-
do
we
think
that
those
who
do
a
harm
should
their
accountability
should
connect
somehow
to
the
harm
that
they
did
right?
So
if
what
they
did
was
curse
at
a
teacher,
for
example,
what
they
do
to
be
accountable
should
be
something
that
connects
with
that
something
about
repairing
the
harm
with
that
teacher.
Okay-
and
it
is
much
more
powerful
if
you
think
about
it
and
much
more
difficult
to
be
face
to
face
with
the
person
who's
a
member
of
the
community
that
you
harmed
that's
real
accountability.
A
That
is
tough.
That
is
tough
and
that's
where
what
we
want
to
do.
It
won't
work,
though,
if
the
student
doesn't
feel
connected
to
the
community,
if
they
don't
feel
connected,
they're,
not
going
to
feel
any
motivation
to
fix
the
harm,
if,
if
they
are
just
temporarily
removed
from
community
and
that's
what
we
normally
do,
then
they
don't
care
because
they
don't
feel
connected
to
the
communities.
So
we
really
need
to
work
on
that
connection
piece.
A
That's
why
we
talked
about
community
building
circles
for
this
to
be
effective
and
just
the
general
principle
that
people
who
harm
others
have
a
responsibility
to
repair
that
harm.
That's
true,
accountability!
You
did
something
that
created
a
harm.
You
need
to
do
something
that
repairs
it
or
as
close
as
possible
to
make
it
better.
A
So
why
should
we
use
the
five
restorative
questions
to
repair
harm
at
home?
Well,
every
family
like
every
school,
is
a
community,
and
so
we
have
two
goals
with
using
these
questions.
One
is
when
harm
happens
in
a
family.
We
want
the
child
to
learn
from
their
mistake,
same
thing
in
schools.
We
want
to
use
that
mistake.
A
A
So
now
these
famous
questions
I'm
going
to
unveil
them
for
you
and
when
you're
working
through
a
mistake
with
your
child,
this
is
a
way
to
help
teach
them
from
their
bad
behavior
and
to
hold
them
accountable
to
the
community
that
they've
harmed.
Would
you
be
your
family?
Sometimes
it's
just
one
person
in
the
family
and
sometimes
it's
something
they've
done,
maybe
to
property
that
the
family
owns
or
uses.
A
So
here's
the
questions
and
then
we're
going
to
talk
about
a
more
in-depth
and
we're
going
to
share
some
video
of
actual
parents
using
them
with
their
students
with
their
children.
So
the
first
question
is:
what
happened?
What
happened
number
two.
So
what
were
you
thinking
or
feeling
at
that
time?
Right
then,
when
it
happened?
What
were
you
thinking
notice?
I
didn't
say
what
were
you
thinking?
A
I
said:
what
were
you
thinking?
What
were
you
thinking?
What
were
you
feeling
and
then
okay?
So
that's
how
you
felt,
then
what
are
you
feeling
now?
What
are
you
thinking
or
feeling
right
now
and
who
was
affected
by
your
actions
and
how
this
is
the
accountability,
piece
and
question
number
five:
is
what
can
you
do
to
make
things
better?
A
What
can
you
do
to
make
this
better?
Let's
talk
about
each
question
and
look
at
some
examples.
I'll
give
you
some
tips
that
I
have
found
helpful.
You
may
or
may
not
it's
fine
with
me.
So
let's
talk
it
look
at
question
number
one:
what
happened
when
you
asked
this
of
your
child?
You
may
know
what
happened
you
might
have
watched
them.
Dump
the
cat's
litter
into
the
toilet.
I
don't
know
that
clogged
up
the
toilet-
I
don't
know
you
may
have
seen
that
and
you
may
know
that
they
did
it.
A
But
when
you
ask
them,
I
implore
you
to
use
a
tone
of
genuine
curiosity,
so
you
have
to
kind
of
fake
it.
Sometimes
on
your
face
right,
you
know
what
they
did,
but
you
want
to
ask
it
in
a
way
that
brings
information
out
of
them
and
if
you
ask
it
with
genuine
curiosity,
that
will
help
them
feel
safe
to
share
to
you,
because
the
information
you
want
is
not
necessarily
who
did
it
when
they
did
it
where
it
was
done.
The
information
you
want
is:
do
they
have
a
sense
of
ownership?
A
Are
they
willing
to
admit
it
and
what
is
their
perception
of
what
happened?
So
if
their
perception
is
that
I
did
what
my
older
brother
told
me
to
do,
as
opposed
to
I
decided
to
empty
this
litter
box
into
the
toilet.
For
example,
that's
different
and
that's
a
piece
of
information
you
want,
you
know
still
a
consequence
will
be
needed,
but
this
is
a
piece
of
information
you
want.
A
So
as
you
listen
to
the
next
video
video
clips,
you
will
see
that
we
have
a
little
girl
who's
in
kindergarten
with
her
mom
and
they're
talking
about
something
that
she
did
and
we
have
two
brothers
ones
in.
I
think
kindergarten
and
the
other
is
in
third
grade
and
they're
talking
with
their
dad
about
what
happened
using
the
five
questions,
and
so
I
want
you
to
just
take
note
of
these
things
when
they
ask
question
one
what
happened,
I
want
you
to
notice
that
the
parent
doesn't
fact
check
right.
A
They
don't
correct
their
children,
they
they
just
listen
and
they
keep
them
on
track
by
gently.
Bringing
the
question
around
again
if
needed.
Okay,
so
sometimes
kids
go
off
track
a
lot
actually,
and
so
what
you
find
also
is
that
children's
perception
of
things
like
that
is
generally
mixed
with
emotion,
so
you'll
see
there,
particularly
with
the
boys.
One
is
very
upset.
That's
okay!
That's
okay!
You
can
still
use
these.
A
That's
normal
and
that
neither
parent
approaches
the
children's
version
of
things
with
sort
of
an
eye
to
collect
evidence
or
get
a
true
picture
of
what
actually
happened.
This
isn't
a
trial.
They
are
approaching
it
with
genuine
curiosity,
just
like
I
said
so,
watch
and
listen
and
enjoy
these.
It's
very,
very
interesting
and
fun.
C
D
C
What
happened
was
ben
is
trying
to
use
mine
and
maurice
and
ben's
chair
to
to
play
to
play
with
his
own
zord
and
then
won't.
Let
us
use
his
chair
and
then
me
maria
trying
to
build
a
base
downstairs,
but
ben
won't.
Let
us
do
it
because
he
doesn't
let
us
have
his
chair
and
he
wants
to
join
in,
but
he
wants
to
take
all
the
parts
to
our
base.
C
He
is,
I
had
to
destroy
the
thing
that
he
made
with
our
base.
C
Wanted
to
play
with
ben
with
a
bass,
but
marie
agreed
with
me,
but
ben,
would
not
let
us
do
that.
He
wanted
to
just
make
a
batmobile.
D
D
A
Question
two:
what
were
you
thinking
or
feeling
at
the
time?
The
first
thing
I
want
you
to
know
is
that
thinking
and
feeling
can
be
interchanged
and
you'll
see
it
in
the
second
video
after
this.
So
you
can
use
the
word
thinking
at
the
time
or
feeling
at
the
time,
whichever
one
your
child
responds
to
better
people
are
different.
A
Also
you
you
want
to
really
your
goal
here
with
question
number
two
is
to
help
your
child
begin
to
recognize
what
he
or
she
is
thinking
and
feeling,
maybe
even
like
sweaty
palms,
rapid
heart
rate.
I
don't
know
right
before
they
make
a
bad
choice.
What
are
they
thinking
or
feeling
right
before,
so
that
in
the
future
they
might
notice?
A
Oh
I'm
starting
to
lose
it
right
and
maybe
self-check
and
and
be
better
able
to
do
that
if
you
have
trouble
because
some
children,
especially
young
children,
have
trouble
knowing
what
they
were
thinking
and
feeling
at
the
time.
I
have
found
that
it's
helpful
to
say:
well,
okay,
you
were
in
your
room,
were
you
over
by
the
closet
or
were
you
near
the
door
and
was
jim
in
the
room
with
you,
or
was
he
in
the
hallway
right?
A
So,
let's
watch
the
videos
of
question
number
two
and
our
delightful
children,
and
I
want
you
to
notice
how
there
they
have
varying
developmental
levels,
particularly
with
the
two
brothers
and
the
parents
in
these
videos.
Do
the
exact
right
thing:
they
accept
all
of
the
answers
without
interruption
or
correction.
There's
just
no
need
to
correct
the
children
in
this
particular
circumstance.
A
You
just
listen
because
that's
what
you're
doing
at
this
point
and
then
notice
how
the
boy's
dad
casually
switches,
thinking
and
feeling
we
talked
about
that
and
finally
just
enjoy
the
fun
spirit
that
the
mom
uses
when
she
accepts
the
silly
answers
from
her
kindergartner
and
then
she
just
gently
brings
the
child
back
to
you
know
exactly
what
she
needs
to
ask
her.
So
she
can
think
about
what
she
did
wrong.
C
And
I
was
also
thinking
about
warm
chocolate,
warm
chocolate
like
like
hot
cocoa,
oh
okay!
I
I
don't
know
why
I
do
like
it
was
so
cold
that
was
just
cream
for.
C
C
C
Was
actually
down
there
before
ben
came
like
me,
marie
went
down
there
and
then
we
started
building
and
then
then
destroyed
it.
But
I
was
thinking
that,
because
I'm
I
wanted
to
make
a
vehicle
inside
there,
but
ben
just
won't,
even
he
he
wanted
to
use
every
single
piece
to
make
a
vehicle
for
him.
C
A
All
righty
question
number
three:
what
have
you
been
thinking
or
feeling
since
so?
What
have
you
been
thinking
or
feeling,
since
this
is
a
pivot
question
and
it'll
tell
you
whether
your
child
has
begun
to
reflect,
has
begun
to
accept
and
ownership
and
accountability
so
that
you
know
where
to
go
from
here
right
so,
depending
on
how
they
answer
that
you,
you
basically
know
which
way
you're
going
to
go
with
consequences
later.
A
So
if
a
child
shows
ownership
of
his
or
her
mistake,
then
that
gives
you
one
piece
of
information
and
you
want
to
give
credit
to
the
child.
For
that
and
there's
no
need
to
lecture.
You
know
if,
especially
if
the
child
is
already
taking
ownership,
you
don't
say:
well,
you
know
the
rules
and
we
tell
you
this
and
you
never
listen.
You
know,
don't
go
there,
accept
it
because
they're
actually,
where
you
want
them
to
be
already,
we
don't
need
to
lecture.
That's
for
us
really
not
for
them.
A
So
as
we
listen
to
these
examples
of
question
number
three,
I
want
you
to
notice
that
when
the
kids
get
off
track,
the
parents
are
fine
with
that
they
don't
say
we're
really
concentrating
on
this
question.
Instead
of
that,
you
want
to
say,
you
know
uh-huh
and
you
listen
to
what
they
say
and
then
you
say,
and
what
have
you
been
thinking
now,
since
that
happened
like
just
keep
gently
repeating
it?
A
They'll
they'll
come
around
and
you
will
then
know
and
you'll
notice
on
these
tapes
that,
after
this
question,
both
parents
have
more
more
information
about
each
child's
ownership
like.
Where
are
they?
Are
they
feeling
regretful?
Are
they
not
getting
it.
D
C
C
A
Question
number
four:
this
is
the
accountability
question.
This
is
it.
This
is
what
makes
restorative
practices
in
the
five
questions
differ
than
the
discipline
methods
that
we
use
now,
who
is
affected
by
your
quest
by
your
actions
and
how
children
need
to
be
taught
that
their
actions
are
like
a
pebble
dropped
in
a
pond
or
a
puddle,
and
that
all
of
the
concentric
circles
that
come
out
are
effects
on
the
community.
A
So
if
the
puddle
of
the
community
is
your
family
and
the
pebble
dropped
is
the
child's
action
everyone
in
your
family
is
going
to
be
affected
in
some
way
or
another,
maybe
very
distantly.
Maybe
kids
can't
connect
that,
but
they
need
to
understand.
As
in
a
school,
their
classroom
is
a
community.
They
affect
kids
in
the
classroom
when
they
create
harm
in
the
classroom.
A
A
A
It's
very
it's
it's
great
and
I
can
tell
that
these
parents
have
used
these
with
the
kids
before,
because
this
is
not
an
easy
concept.
It
may
take
a
few
times
of
you
using
it
for
the
kids
to
really
get
it.
The
little
girl
completely
accepts
her
actions
right
away
and
she
names
the
people
that
she
loves
as
people
that
were
affected
by
her
bad
behavior
and
then
you'll
notice.
A
You
can
see
that
developmentally
the
older
boy
is
able
to
connect
it
better
than
the
younger
boy,
but
I
think
it's
adorable
that
the
older
boy
mentions
that
yeah.
He
can
think
of
one
more
one,
more
area
that
was
affected
and
it
was
the
dogs
which
happened
to
be
there
when
he
and
his
brother
were
fighting.
I
think
that's
adorable
and
that's
fine.
C
C
D
So
remember
when
you
have
the
talking
t-shirt,
but
it's
hot
okay,
so
charlie
was
affected.
Who
else
was
affected.
C
A
So
the
last
question
is
so:
what
can
you
do
to
make
things
better
right,
so
you've
made
them
think
about
why
it
mattered.
They
affected
someone
by
their
harm
that
they
did
making
a
mistake,
a
behavioral
mistake
and
then
you're,
you're
gonna
ask
them
to
say:
okay,
so
you
have
some
power.
What
can
you
do
to
make
it
better?
A
So
children
often
feel
powerless
and
if
we
give
them
punishments
or
consequences
that
don't
connect
their
ability
to
repair
what
they
did,
then
we're
really
not
doing
them
any
favors
we're
adding
to
the
feeling
of
powerlessness
and
they
do
have
control
over
what
they
do
with
the
family
and
how
they
act
with
the
family
community.
So,
depending
on
their
age,
if
they're
very
little,
you
may
need
to
use
a
set
of
pictures
things.
A
They
can
do
in
general
to
help
the
family
or
making
a
poster
to
say,
they're,
sorry
or
a
hug,
or
something
like
that
and
guide
them
to
think
about
how
their
action
harmed
the
community
of
the
family
and
how
they
can
make
it
better
right.
They
can't
if
they
make
a
hole
in
the
wall
because
they're
playing
too
roughhouse.
They
can't
necessarily
fix
that
hole
in
the
wall
by
themselves,
but
they
can
help
carry
the
things
down
that
are
needed,
the
supplies
they
can
help
the
father
or
mother.
A
Whoever
is
repairing
the
hole
in
the
wall.
They
can
do
things
that
help
with
that
and
so
help
them.
Think
about
that,
and
let's
talk
for
just
a
second
about
an
apology.
So
a
sincere
apology
is
gold
and
a
genuine
apology.
Just
does
I
mean
a
non-genuine
apology,
a
fake
apology
just
does
more
harm,
so
we
don't
ask
children
to
apologize
just
to
apologize
and
you'll
notice.
It's
very
cute
in
the
second
set
of
clips
you'll
notice
that
one
of
the
brothers,
the
older
brother
at
first
he
says.
A
Well,
I
can
apologize
right
and
then
he
thinks
it
through
and
we
get
to
hear
him
think
it
through,
because
he
does
it
out
loud
and
he
comes
to
the
conclusion
that
he's
not
actually
ready
to
apologize.
He
doesn't
really
think
he
did
anything
wrong,
and
so,
if
he
had
just
apologized,
it
wouldn't
have
felt
genuine
to
the
brother.
A
A
They
love
their
family,
community
and
she's,
able
to
readily
attach
the
things
that
she
did
with
the
effects
that
they
had,
and
so
she
offers
what
she
has
in
her
power
to
make
things
better,
which
is
hugs,
she's
gonna
hug,
the
people
that
she
harmed
so
that
that's
great,
that's
fine
and
then
the
boys
video.
A
A
However,
the
father
wisely
does
not
say:
well,
I
don't
think
your
brother's
on
board
with
that
right
and
because,
as
time
goes
on
the
boys,
just
it'll
kind
of
resolve
and
go
away
and
you'll
notice
at
the
end,
the
younger
brother
says:
well
I'm
going
to
play
up
here
anyway,
and
so
you
don't
really
need
to
go
there.
You
just
thank
him
for
what
he
offers,
which
is
that
they
could
try
playing
together
and
then
last,
but
definitely
not
least,
notice
that
neither
parent
the
second
parent
never
chooses
a
winner.
A
B
D
D
Says
what
are
you
going
to
say
sorry
for.
D
D
D
Okay,
can
you
guys
just
hold
on
okay
come
here.
C
A
So
at
aacps
we
combine
the
connecting
activities
of
the
community
building
circles
with
these
five
questions
when
needed,
because
we
want
to
teach
the
children
how
to
be
in
community
with
each
other.
This
is
how
our
society
is
being
built
really
and
how
they
can
learn
from
their
mistakes
that
they
can
learn
from
their
mistakes.
You
can
use
the
same
language
at
home
with
your
children.
It
helps
keep
me
on
track.
When
I'm
talking
to
my
kids
and
working
together,
we
can
raise
some
remarkable
human
beings.