►
From YouTube: #MeToo: BEING MEN – RAISING MEN
Description
At Arlington County’s Kickoff Event for Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month, Project PEACE — in partnership with the Arlington County Commonwealth Attorney’s Office, Arlington County Police Department, Arlington Magazine, Arlington Public Schools, Doorways for Women and Families and Inova Ewing Forensic Assessment and Consultation Team — hosted a community discussion about masculinity and the role of men in addressing sexual assault and harassment in our community.
Learn more about Project PEACE: https://health.arlingtonva.us/project-peace/
A
So
oftentimes
we
see
the
usual
suspects
right.
It's
the
same
folks
that
come
to
these
types
of
events
and
I
love
that
I
don't
recognize.
Most
of
you
I
think
this
is
amazing.
So
thank
you
all
so
much
for
coming
fir
to
our
event.
This
is
our
Lincoln
counties,
kickoff
event
for
sexual
assault,
awareness
and
Prevention
Month.
A
Our
topic
tonight
is
me
to
being
men
and
raising
men,
and
it's
such
an
important
piece
of
the
national
dialogue
that
we're
so
proud
that
we're
doing
this
I'm
here,
I'm
a
co-chair
of
Project
peace
along
with
Katie
crystal
fellow
co-chair.
Thank
you
so
much
for
being
here
this
evening
and
it's
so
lovely
to
have
Katie
back
with
us
and
here
for
this
important
event,
and
so
it's
it's
great
to
have
the
support
of
Katie
and
the
county
board,
and
really
all
of
our
stakeholders
and
I'm.
A
Just
gonna
take
a
minute
to
note
all
of
our
stakeholders
that
are
here
it's.
These
are
the
usual
suspects
that
I
like
to
see
so
I'm
sure
that
if
I
miss
anybody
we'll
catch
y'all
at
the
end,
but
we've
got
here
with
us
tonight:
we've
got
Delia
Patrick
hope
we've
got
County.
Well.
How
about
we
do
this,
so
we
don't
waste
Anatomy
to
waste
a
time,
but
so
that
we
can
actually
have
the
most
amount
of
time
with
our
panel,
because
that's
really
who
y'all
came
to
see.
A
So,
let's
hold
our
applause
until
the
end,
because
we've
got
a
whole
lot
of
really
important
folks
here.
So
we've
got
delegate
Patrick
Hope
County
board
member
Matt
deeper
on
T
sheriff
Beth
Arthur
judge,
Rob
and
Rob
Senator
Barbara
bola,
the
og
of
project
peace,
Caroline
Jones,
the
head
of
doorways
call
most
attorney
Theo
Stamos.
We
got
Anita
Freedman
the
head
of
DHS
somewhere
around
there.
There
we
go
and
we've
got
Shannon
Flanagan
Watson,
our
deputy
county
manager.
So
thank
you,
everybody
for
being
here.
A
So
I'm
always
mindful
that,
even
though
this
is
my
chosen
fields
right,
this
is
what
I
do.
This
is
my
language.
The
nature
of
this
material
is
deeply
personal.
It
is
deeply
personal,
and
so,
though,
you
might
be
here
in
support
of
the
work
that
we're
doing,
that
doesn't
mean
that
the
things
that
these
fine
men
are
going
to
talk
about
won't
be
triggering
in
some
way
shape
or
form.
You
might
be
surprised
by
it.
A
You
might
have
thought
that
you
were
prepared
for
it,
but
maybe
it
turns
out
that
this
there's
something
else
that
you
need
to.
You
need
some
extra
help.
We
we've
got
you
right,
so
we've
got
doorways
support
staff
that
are
here
for
you.
If
anybody
needs
anything
they're
raising
their
hands.
If
anybody
needs
anything,
if
anyone
needs
any
support,
they
are
here
for
you.
So
please
use
it
so
you're
wondering
if
I
say
that
this
is
my
language,
and
this
is
my
chosen
field.
A
Who
am
I
anyway,
so
my
name
is
Lisa
tingle
I'm,
a
senior
assistant,
commonwealth's
attorney
here
in
Arlington
and
for
the
city
of
Falls
Church.
My
office
is
led
by
Thea
stainless,
the
Commons
attorney
and
our
office
has
been
working
in
partnership
with
project
peace
since
its
inception
since
senator
favela
started
this
whole
project.
We've
been
doing
this
since
2006,
and
so
the
work
that
we've
been
doing
as
a
prosecutor,
in
particular,
who
focuses
on
domestic
violence
and
sexual
assault.
A
Doing
this
work
is
incredibly
meaningful
to
to
myself
in
my
office
and
for
this
13
year
time
span
I've
watched
this
group
make
connections
and
build
bridges
and
build
partnerships,
and
now
here
we
are
this
thriving
coordinated
community
response
that
really
other
communities.
That
can
say
this
I
just
got
back
from
a
statewide
conference
for
all
the
prosecutors.
A
That
means
that
our
leaders,
the
leaders
of
our
agencies,
want
to
come
together
and
they
want
to
figure
out
how
we
can
work
on
domestic
violence
and
sexual
assault
in
our
community.
That
is
an
executive-level
commit
that
other
communities
strive
for,
though,
the
importance
and
the
relevance
of
the
work
that
we
do
is
grounded
in
both
national
and
local
statistics.
So
nationally.
The
CDC
has
done
research
and
has
shown
that
one
out
of
three
women
and
one
out
of
four
men
have
experienced
sexual
violence,
including
involving
physical
contact
in
their
lifetime.
A
But
of
course
that
doesn't
happen
here
in
Arlington
right.
That's
not
here
in
our
highly
educated,
incredibly
progressive
community.
It
is
happening
here
in
Arlington,
so
our
numbers
have
been
trending
upward.
In
2016,
though
we
are
a
very
safe
community.
In
2016
we
had
120
reported
sexual
assaults
and
in
2017
there
were
175.
Does
that
mean
that
all
of
a
sudden,
our
community
became
more
dangerous?
No,
it
does
not.
A
It
means
that
this
group
and
the
work
of
project
peace
and
the
work
of
our
stakeholders
made
Arlington
the
place
where
survivors
felt
that
they
could
report
and
they
could
come
and
feel
supported
and
know
that
if
they
came
forward
that
there
would
be
any
number
of
hands
to
help
them
along
the
way.
So
the
part
of
that
has
to
do
with
the
community
outreach
as
I
said,
but
it's
not
just
happening
to
adults
right.
The
CDC
numbers
mostly
deal
with
adults.
This
is
happening
in
our
schools,
with
our
kids
and
I.
Think.
A
That's
probably
why
a
lot
of
you
are
here
this
evening,
so
the
2017
data
that
we
have
from
the
youth
behavior
risk
survey
tells
us
that
half
of
Arlington
County
public
school
female
students
in
grades,
8,
10
and
12
have
experienced
have
been
sexually
harassed
at
school.
So
I'm
gonna
say
that
again,
half
of
our
girls
in
8th
10th
and
12th
grade
report
having
been
sexually
harassed
in
our
schools,
20%
report
that
a
dating
partner
had
made
unwanted
contact
with
them.
So
that
brings
us
to
tonight
right.
A
Who
is
female?
I
need
to
learn
that
too?
We
all
need
to
learn
that,
and
so,
when
you
look
at
this
statistic
right,
because
when
you're
talking
about
half
of
these
girls
getting
harassed
at
school,
that
is
not
just
passively
happening
to
them.
There
are
boys
that
are
actively
harassing
them
and
when
you
say
when
we
talk
about
his
parents
or
that,
certainly
that
couldn't
be
my
boy
that
wouldn't
be
my
son.
It's
somebody's
son,
okay,
it's
someone's
son,
and
it
could
be
yours.
A
So
the
point
of
the
dialogue
this
evening
is
to
make
sure
that
we're
having
that
conversation
half
the
time
these
boys,
probably
don't
even
realize
what
they
are
doing,
is
harassment,
because
it's
just
about
being
boys
and
it's
just
interacting
with
one
another.
But
that's
why
this
conversation
is
so
important
and
I
can
tell
you
professionally
that
once
a
case
has
landed
on
my
desk.
That
means
these
conversations
didn't
happen.
A
So
we
shouldn't
really
expect
anyone
else
to
be
having
these
conversations,
these
conversations
with
our
kids,
these
conversations
with
our
peers.
We
shouldn't
expect
it
from
our
institutions.
We
shouldn't
expect
it
from
our
law
enforcement.
We
shouldn't
expect
from
prosecutors.
We
shouldn't
expect
it
from
DHS.
We
need
to
expect
it
from
ourselves.
We
need
to
expect
it
as
pics
as
parents,
as
coaches
as
part
of
our
faith
communities
as
aunts
as
uncle's
as
friends
as
citizens.
A
That
is
who
is
responsible
for
having
this
conversation,
and
that's
why
you're
all
here-
and
so
this
panel
in
particular,
is
here
to
help
and
they're
here
to
serve
and
they're
here
to
talk
and
they're
here
to
listen.
So
there's
going
to
be
a
question
and
answer
period:
that's
gonna
happen
at
the
end
of
the
conversation
and
if
you
have
questions,
I
knew
they'd,
probably
hope
that
you
do.
A
If
you
have
questions
there
were
cards
on
the
beginning,
I
think
of
each
aisle
along
with
pencils,
and
so
when
you've
got
a
question
as
they're
going
write
your
questions
down,
even
if
you
think
your
questions
don't
make
any
sense.
Ask
them
anyway,
because
everyone's
trying
to
find
the
words
to
figure
out
what
it
is,
we're
trying
to
to
learn
and
how
to
move
forward.
So
if
you've
got
those
questions,
write
them
down,
stick
your
hands
up.
A
They're
gonna
be
folks
that
are
gonna
come
walking
around
as
soon
as
your
hand
goes
up
with
a
card.
They
are
gonna,
come
and
grab
it
for
you.
So
with
that
I'm
pleased
to
introduce
Greg
Hamilton,
so
Greg
is
the
publisher
of
Arlington
magazine
and
in
the
most
recent
issue
it
featured
a
story
having
to
do
with
sexual
assault,
highlighting
our
community
and
a
local
survivor.
A
B
B
Can
everyone
hear
me-
okay,
great
well,
I'm
here,
to
ask
questions
but
I'm
also
here
to
learn
and
just
one
point
of
clarification:
the
story
that
we're
doing
on
sexual
assault
will
be
in
our
May
June
issue,
which
will
be
distributed:
April
15th.
So
if
you
have
a
chance
to
read
it,
it's
a
very
difficult
story,
but
I
think
it's
an
important
story
for
people
to
read
so
so
with
that,
first
of
all,
I'm
going
to
introduce
our
panel
we're
very
fortunate
to
have
a
very
informed
and
distinguished
and
varied
panel
here
tonight.
B
All
the
way
on
my
I
always
get
this
backwards.
My
right,
your
left,
is
lieutenant
Eliseo,
Pell
Coe
he's
a
Marine
Corps
veteran
and
a
member
of
the
a
CPD
for
the
past
21
years.
Currently
he
supervises
the
detectives
on
the
Special
Victims
Unit,
who
vest
investigates
sex
crimes.
Crimes
against
children
and
domestic
violence
sounds
like
a
rough
way
to
spend
your
day,
but
thank
you
for
your
service
and
starting
on
Monday
he's
going
to
transition
over
to
head
up
the
school
resource
officers,
who
were
the
police
officers
in
our
children's
school?
B
Who
are
there
to
keep
them
safe
again,
another
very
important
role,
so
thank
you.
Next
up
is
Bill
Briggs
and
actually,
if
you
could
all
yeah
raise
your
hand.
Thank
you.
I'm
trying
to
go
in
order.
Bill
has
been
with
Arlington's
Department
of
Human
Services
for
seven
years,
the
last
three
of
which
have
focused
on
mental
wellness
and
substance.
Use
he's
heavily
involved
in
Arlington's
PFLAG,
which
is
parents
and
friends
of
lesbians
and
gay
group.
B
Next
to
him
is
Eric
King
Eric
is
a
supervisor
in
Arlington.
Juvenile
court
he's
also
co-found
the
Capitol
youth
empowerment
program
for
his.
He
has
been
engaging
families
in
particular
young
men,
around
fatherhood,
teen
sexuality
and
healthy
relationships,
and
he's
also
the
father
of
your
own
daughter.
B
Moving
on,
we
have
eric
endo
eric
is
the
father
of
three
boys,
ages,
14,
16
and
18.
He's
a
teacher
with
ApS
is
even
start.
Family
Literacy
Program
he's
also
been
a
coach,
mostly
soccer,
but
some
basketball
for
over
100
cumulative
seasons
is
that
a
typo
okay,
he's
done
a
lot
of
coaching
and
then
next
to
him
is
Matthew
hop.
Hopper.
B
Excuse
me:
Matthew
is
a
senior
at
Washington,
Lee
and
co-founder
of
the
group
men
of
respect,
which
is
in
its
third
year,
and
the
group's
focus
is
on
building
awareness
of
healthy
attitudes
toward
dating
and
relationships
and
last
but
not
least,
is
Michael.
Swisher
who's
worked
with
Arlington
County
for
the
past
22
years
and
the
past
seven
of
those
he's
worked
with
the
Arlington
partnership
for
children,
youth
and
families,
to
educate
and
mobilize
adults
to
value
and
support
our
youth.
B
He
is
also
the
father
of
two
teens,
so
you
know
I
I,
don't
have
a
personal
connection
to
this
issue,
but
I
do
have
three
daughters,
they're
16,
they're,
14
and
11
and
I.
Read
the
media.
I
know
that
this
is
a
I,
don't
know
if
it's
a
growing
problem,
but
it's
certainly
a
problem
that
gets
a
lot
more
attention,
as
as
it
should,
and
so
my
focus
has
been
on
teaching
them
ways
to
stay
safe,
so
they
all
know
how
to
punch
really
really
hard.
B
If
they
were
here,
they'd
show
you
how
they
do
it.
They
know
to
stick
with
their
friends
and
not
wander
off
on
their
own.
They
know
not
to
accept
a
drink
that
they
haven't,
poured
that's
handed
to
them,
I
mean
they
don't
drink
yet,
but
when
they
go
off
to
college,
they
know
those
things,
but
then
it
dawned
on
me.
B
So,
unfortunately,
we
need
to
continue
to
have
these
conversations
with
our
daughters,
because
it
continues
to
be
a
problem,
but
I
think
it's
really
important
that
we're
shifting
the
conversation
and
and
really
examining
what
do
we
do
with
men
and
boys
and
how
do
we
educate
them
not
not
to
act
this
way
and
so
to
get
started.
We're
going
to
watch
a
short
video
about
what
it
means
to
be
a
man,
a.
C
E
G
I
J
D
K
L
C
B
M
N
Have
to
say
it
would
be
somebody
that
I'm
my
own
hero,
somebody
that
I
could
be
proud
of
that
I'm.
Looking
in
the
mirror
of
my
own
strengths
and
my
own
weaknesses
and
the
ability
to
be
able
to
stand
up
for
myself,
but
also
to
be
able
to
stand
up
for
the
person
who
doesn't
have
the
voice
for
it
and
to
be
able
to
do
that.
Proudly
mm-hmm.
G
Had
a
hard
time
with
this
question,
because
what
what
does
that
question
really
mean
if,
if
you
think
of
it
in
terms
of
what
you're,
not
it's
not
being
a
girl,
we're
not
being
a
boy
not
being
a
woman?
If
you
hear
what
people
in
society
might
tell
you,
it's
don't
be
a
baby,
don't
be
a
boy,
and
so
any
of
these
it's
a
damaging
definition
of
what
it
is,
because
really
it's
about
being
yourself.
G
P
Q
B
We
were
working
through
this
conversation
tonight.
I
was
thinking
about
what
it
means
to
be
a
man
and
I'm.
Thinking
of
you
know
the
old
John,
Wayne
kind
of
stuff
and
all
that
what
we're
what
we've
been
fed
and
then
it
sort
of
occurred
to
me
shouldn't
the
question,
be,
what
does
it
mean
to
be
a
person
and
then
like?
Why
do
we
even
care
what
the
Y
does
have
to
be
gender-specific
and
then
the
other
question
is
well:
what's
it
mean
to
be
a
good
person
so
anyway,
that
was
my
observation.
M
Was
raised
in
the
in
this
area,
I
lived
in
DC
for
a
little
while
and
I've
been
in
Arlington,
since
I
was
five,
so
I've
attended
school
at
all.
You
know
all
my
schooling
here
to
include
George
Mason
University,
so
my
experiences
have
run
the
gambit
from
life
in
the
70s
80s
90s
life
in
the
Marine
Corps,
and
you
know
I've
gotten
mixed
messages
about.
You
know
what
it
is
to
be
a
man
I
mean
you
know.
M
Growing
up
in
the
Latino
household
is
one
thing
jumping
into
the
Marines
is
another
and
then
coming
back
full
circle
and
getting
an
education
and
seeing
how
things
have
improved
and
what
we're
teaching
you
know
young
Latino
males
about
responsibility
to
themselves
to
the
community
to
their
household.
But
you
know
how
important
that
is:
you're
a
coach
I'm,
a
coach,
I
coach
soccer
travel,
I,
coach,
high
school
soccer
in
Fairfax
cycles,
high
school
soccer
here
at
Wakefield,
young
men
and
young
women-
and
you
know
I-
think
the
the
it's.
M
My
experiences
have
been
that
over
the
time
over
time
we
have
really
learned
a
lot
and
we
have
really
tried
to
teach
young
men
the
virtues
that
are
important
not
just
for
for
men
but
for
everyone,
but
typically
the
things
that
Latinos
you
know
like
you
have
to
be.
You
know
this
and
I'm
like
well.
This
comes
in
a
lot
of
forms.
It
does
necessarily
have
to
be
what
we
have
learned.
M
N
Have
to
say
in
the
gay
community,
it's
really
difficult
because
growing
up
where
we
don't
come
right
out
as
gay
as
babies
or
as
it's
toddlers,
but
as
the
the
community
around
us
were
raised,
that
men
should
go
out
and
have
as
many
partners
as
possible,
so
your
own
sleep
as
many
women
as
possible.
But
yet
you
got
to
marry
a
virgin
woman,
gay
men.
N
You
know
if
you're
gonna
have
sex,
you
shouldn't
be
having
it
because
then
you're
spreading
aids
to
all
these
people,
so
you're
getting
all
these
different
mixed
messages
and
then,
when
you
finally
come
out
in
the
gay
community,
the
first
thing
that
they
say
is
toughen
it
up
no
fems
allowed
or
on
the
web
sites.
When
you're
looking
for
dates
or
you're
out
at
the
bars
or
with
your
friends,
they
say
you
know
macho
only
are
manly
only
or
straight-acting,
only
so
you're
getting
all
those
sort
of
match
messages.
N
N
John
Wayne
walk
with
Robin
Williams
and
in
like
a
half
an
hour
later
they
are
having
dinner
and
he
came
out
as
a
woman
and
at
the
end
of
the
movie
they
actually
took
the
makeup
off,
and
he
said
this
is
my
other
dad.
This
is
somebody
that
I
am
proud
of,
and
I
really
feel
like
what
the
youth
that
of
today
they're
like
screw.
This
I
I
want
to
be
proud
of.
N
Who
I
am
if
I
want
to
wear
glitter
or
if
I
wouldn't
wear
makeup,
it's
okay
and
they
accept
each
other
and
I,
see
that
walking
in
DC
I
see
that
walking
here
in
Arlington
that
it's
being
feminine
as
a
guy
is
okay
and
to
me
that
really
shows
that
men
are
starting
to
feel
more
and
more
comfortable
with
each
other
and
I'm
really
proud
of
that.
In.
O
My
community
I,
think
being
aggressive
is
accepted
as
a
man,
if
you
look
in
the
corporate
world
or
even
in
the
sports
world
being
aggressive
and
take
charge,
is
valued.
It's
valued
in
the
boardroom,
it's
valued
on
the
football
field,
and
so
that's
the
messages
our
young
people
give
is
be
aggressive,
be
strong,
go
after
what
you
want,
take
what
you
want
and
when
I,
when
I
work
with
males
both
in
the
community
and
on
probation.
That's
that's
what
you
see
you
see
this
aggression,
you
see
this.
This
is
what
being
a
man
is
about.
O
G
G
I
just
remember
growing
up
with
the
lessons
of
be
compassionate
empathetic,
think
about
other
people
be
kind
to
others.
A
lot
of
the
the
lessons
that
we
want
to
give
our
our
children,
but
then
also
being
flooded
by
another
side
of
what
it
means
to
be
a
good
person
or
not
a
good
person,
a
normal
person
and
a
lot
of
that.
If
you
watch
some
of
the
movies
I,
don't
know
if
you
done
this
as
a
as
a
dad
thinking.
Oh
yeah,
that's
the
funny
movie.
G
R
G
Can
look
back
at
the
classic
movies
and
I'm,
not
sure
if
I
should
say
this,
my
wife
might
not
like
it,
but
we
for
our.
When
we
got
married,
my
future
brother-in-law,
he
said
you
have
to
watch
gone
with
the
wind,
because
if
you're
gonna
be
a
part
of
this
family,
you
need
to
see
this
and
I
remember
watching
gone
with
the
wind
and
I
really
liked
it.
G
P
Q
Provider
the
protector
the
problem
solver,
the
guy
who
fixed
stuff
dad's
sitting
over
there,
I
held
the
flashlight
what
we
did
so
that's
that's
what
guys
we
fix
things,
and
so
when
my
wife
starts
talking
about
something
she
just
wants
to
share
and
what
am
I
doing?
I'm
fixing
it
I'm
trying
to
fix
it
so
just
as
ways
that
we
have
to.
We
have
to
step
in
to
that
role.
That's
kind
of
what
how
we
were.
So
that's
how
I
was
brought
up.
Q
We
fix
things
but
the
other,
and
you
know
what
I
consider
a
sort
of
classic
men.
We
don't
stop
and
get
directions.
Why?
Because
we're
in
competition
with
other
men,
because
that's
how
we're
raised,
we
can't
be
lesser
than
other
men
and
she
certainly
should
not
show
vulnerability,
which
is
why
we
don't
express
emotions
either
unless
we're
anger,
so
those
sort
of
like
those
classic
traditional.
That's
the
be
a
man.
You
know,
man
up
and
that
sort
of
thing
and
those
messages
come
through
like
through
media
through
friends.
That
was
not
not
messages.
Q
I
got
from
my
father,
but
it
was
message
as
it
came
from
around
me.
You
know,
and
you
know,
and
when
it
came
to
dating
and
girls,
it
was
like
you
go
and
go
get
it.
You
know,
yeah,
that's
that's
what
it
is.
It's
you,
you
have
to
go,
get
it
they're,
not
gonna,
give
it
to
you.
Well.
If
they
do
or
they
you
know
what
they
are,
and
so
that
was,
it
was
our
job.
It
was
not
something.
I
was
ever
comfortable
with
said,
I
didn't
date
until
as
a
senior
in
high
school
in.
Q
B
The
that's
actually
a
really
good
segue
to
the
next
question,
which
is
so
men
and
boys
are
fed
all
of
these
sort
of
all
these
inputs
right.
There's
all
these
messages
coming
to
us
through
the
media.
Through
you
know,
television
through
movies,
through
music,
you
know
through
social
media.
How
does
that
influence?
How
we
interact
with
our
peers
and
really
specifically
our
dating
partners,
so.
R
Q
The
the
whole
dating
thing-
and
you
know
I,
grew
up
with
the
metaphor
of
baseball.
You
know
getting
the
first
base,
second
base
and
home
run,
and
so
your
that's.
What
we're
trying
to
get
to
the
old
meatloaf
song
in
it.
It
truly
uncomfortable
I'll,
actually
share.
There's
a
there's.
A
guy,
fern
Akio
forget
his
name,
but
he's
like
he
throws
out
her
new
metaphor.
It's
a
TED
talk
around
pizza.
That
pizza
is
actually
something
you
decide
you
want
together.
You
eat
as
many
pieces
as
you
want.
Q
You
decide
what
you
want
on
it
and
you
do
it
together,
as
opposed
to
you
know,
I'm
trying
to
get
to
first
base
I
get
shut
down
and
that
just
it's
it's.
It
was
bizarre
to
me
and
I
honestly
didn't
have
guidance
around
that.
The
the
instruction
I
got
was
don't
get
pregnant,
okay
that
was
or
don't
get
someone
pregnant,
but
that
was
pretty
much
the
guidance
I
got,
but
I
remember
sis
as
a
grad
school
tell
the
store
and
then
I'll
let
someone
else
have
like.
Q
I
remember
looking
out
my
window,
not
that
I
was
leering.
It
happened
to
notice
a
couple
making
out
in
the
car
down
the
street
on
the
street
light
she
was
driving.
He
was
in
the
passenger
seat
there
making
out.
He
keeps
reaching
up
to
touch
her
chest
and
she
keeps
bat
in
his
hand
out
I.
You
know
I
saw
that
I'm
like
okay,
that's,
what's
it
see
what
happens
here?
She
kept
doing
this
about
15
times.
I
wanted
to
go
down
and
just
bang
on
the
window
and
see
like
give
it
up.
Q
N
Say
in
the
gay
male
community,
it's
it's
very
difficult.
It's
getting
a
lot
easier,
but
up
until
recently,
the
only
place
really
to
find
other
guys
around
or
to
date
were
in
the
bar
scene,
and
so
there
was
a
heavily
alcohol
use,
and
so
you
had
to
build
up
the
courage
to
be
able
to
have
enough
drinks
to
be
able
to
approach
that
person.
M
It's
interesting,
you
maybe
think
about
22
years
in
law
enforcement.
A
lot
has
changed
a
lot
for
the
better
I
can
remember
how
you
know
some
domestics
that
I
went
on
from
with
the
guys
from
you
know
the
old-timers.
We
had
guys
that
when
I
started
in
97
that
had
been
in
the
Vietnam
War
and
had
seen
policing
change
very
little,
and
so
you
know
I'm
thinking
now
how
much
we've
progressed.
M
But
you
know
my
time
in
the
Marine
Corps
I
can't
say
it
was
that
that
way,
I
was
in
the
Marines
from
88
to
95,
and
you
know
it
amazes
me
what
we're
doing
now
with
opening
up
so
many
you
know
pretty
much
everything
now
to
women
as
well
as
men,
and
what
we're
you
know.
I
went
in
with
Don't
Ask,
Don't
Tell,
you
know,
and
so
for
me
it's
kind
of
like
you
know
the
military.
You
know
my
experience
was
a
lot
of
times.
It
was
like
I
mean
this
toxic.
M
You
know
toxic
culture
times
100,
and
these
are
the
folks
that
are
defending
your
country,
and
so,
when
I
look
at
it
now,
I'm
really
proud
of
the
steps.
But
you
know
I
kind
of
wish
that
there
were
some
things
that
I
personally
should
have
done.
Some
conversations
that
I
should
have
been
ejected
myself
and
had
said
this
is
a
Marine.
M
M
Look
back
now
and
you
know
I
I'm,
I'm,
proud
of
my
service
and
I'm,
proud
to
call
myself
a
Marine
and
a
veteran,
but
at
the
same
time
I
think
you
know
we
really
I
missed
a
lot
of
opportunities
where
I
could
have
made
a
difference,
and-
and
you
know
we
talked
about
courage-
you
know,
and
it
does
take
a
lot
of
courage
to
look
at
someone
and
say
hey
that.
Wasn't
the
right
thing
to
do
that?
M
Wasn't
the
right
thing
to
say,
and
even
though
you
will
be
by
yourself,
sometimes
and
and
alone,
you
know
and
I
could
tell
you
in
1990.
You
know
if
you
said
something
and
it
went
against
the
culture
in
the
Marine
Corps.
You
were
by
yourself
so
I'm
glad
that
we've
improved
in
that
and
I've
taken
I've
taken
those
lessons
into
you
know
my
career
and
in
law
enforcement
as
well
as
my
coaching
career
as
well.
M
O
Me
when
it
comes
to
relationships
and
human
sexuality,
it's
funny,
because
parents
don't
sometimes
don't
have
the
courage
to
have
those
conversations
with
their
children
about
building
relationships
about
how
the
different
phases
of
relationships
and
what
that
looks
like
look,
those
conversations
aren't
being
had,
and
so
teens
are
learning
from
their
learning
from
the
media
and
learning
from
the
television
shows
and
things
of
that
nature
and
hip-hop
culture
mm-hmm.
And
when
you
look
at
it,
we're
all
here
because
of
sex,
but
we're
scared
to
have
the
conversation
with
our
team.
O
It
really
boggles
the
mind
and
then
teens,
as
their
brains
are
developing
into
adulthood.
They're
experimenting.
It's
like
one,
big
experiment.
Until
you
get
to
your
30s
and
you're,
you
finally
have
all
this
knowledge
to
use
and
create
a
healthy
relationship
and
I.
Think
it's
as
a
community.
It's
we
have
to
take
on
the
responsibility
of
shaping
what
relationships
look
like
and
how
teens
can
develop
healthy,
genuine
relationships
without
feeling,
awkward
or
feeling
like
it's
a
taboo
thing
to
talk
about.
G
G
We
need
relationships
to
exist
as
as
people
as
a
community,
and
so
we
need
to
think
about
how
are
those
healthy
relationships
in
general
not
to
find
them
based
on
any
notion
of
what
a
really
a
typical
relationship
is,
but
look
at
what
the
values
are,
and
so
it
would
be
a
compassion
and
empathy
and
communication
and
respect,
and
if
we
teach
those
concepts
across
all
relationships,
it's
the
building
blocks
for
any
for
a
good
relationship.
That's
sexual,
that
a
marital
relationship,
a
best
buddy
whatever
it
is.
G
We
don't
have
to
isolate
what
kind
of
relationship
it
is
because
they
should
all
have
those
yusin's
in
common.
So
if
we
work
to
instill
those
values
and
then
we
can
talk
about
as
our
children
become
old
enough
to
start
dating
okay,
this
is
what
a
healthy
sexual
relationship
looks
like
it's
the
same
except,
let's
add
a
few
other
elements
and
it's
the
same
conversation
so.
B
We're
gonna
have
to
do
a
quick
transition,
but
first,
if
you
have
questions,
please
remember
to
fill
out
a
card
and
we're
gonna
save
those
until
the
end
and
then
are
you
ready?
Okay,
so
here
speak
by
me.
If
you
could
just
get
the
slide
ready
and
then
I'll
help.
Oh,
it
is
ready.
Okay,
Wow,
there's
nothing
on
there.
Okay!
B
So
it's
it's
a
magical
laptop!
So
next
we're
gonna
watch
a
video
on
ways
that
all
of
us
can
be
more
proactive
when
we're
out
living
our
lives
and
we
see
warning
signs.
So
if
we're
observing
behavior
that
we
think
is
heading
toward
being
unsafe,
this
video
is
going
to
tee
up
a
conversation
about
how
to
how
to
address
that.
S
S
W
M
Well,
the
right
thing
to
do
is
to
say
something:
I
think,
unfortunately,
in
our
culture,
sometimes
folks
have
a
they
feel
like
either
for
fear
of
personal
safety
for
fear
of
being,
you
know
called
nosy
whatever
people
just
don't
do.
What
I
think
is
the
right
thing
to
do,
and
even
though
sometimes
the
right
thing
has
consequences
deadly
consequences.
M
But
you
know
what
I
have
to
respect
that
you
know
as
far
as
their
decision
to
not
get
involved,
but
I
do
walk
away
from
it
kind
of
like
you
know,
it's
a
tough
call,
I
mean
I,
don't
know
if
any
of
you
guys
have
ever
been
in
situations
and
I
would
encourage
you
from
a
law
enforcement
perspective.
At
the
very
least
call
you
know,
call
us
we
get
calls.
M
You
know
I
work
in
our
communication,
Center
on
the
weekends,
overtime
and
I'd
like
it
for
two
reasons:
one,
it's
a
it's
a
different
culture,
I
think
nine-one-one,
you
know
call
takers.
Are
the
frontline
they're
there
who
you
would
call
if
you
see
something
whether
it's
a
perceive
an
obvious
crime
or
whether
it's
something
like
this?
M
You
know
hey
I,
just
I'm
sitting
here
at
the
bus
stop
and
to
be
honest
with
you,
this
guy's,
you
know,
he's
doing
something,
it's
making
even
feel
uncomfortable,
and
could
you
send
an
officer
that,
right
there,
you
know
everyone
can
do
that
I'm,
sorry,
I
I!
Don't
we
have
language
trends?
We
have
doesn't
matter
what
language
you
speak.
Everyone
can
do
that
so
I
would
encourage.
You
know
I
would
say
at
the
very
least,
do
that
and.
B
Do
so
that's
a
great
sort
of
first
step
to
do
the
rest
of
you
or
any
of
you
have
sort
of
best
practices,
tactics,
anything
that
you've
learned
that
people
could
use.
You
know
I'm
thinking
about
when
I
was
in
high
school
I,
don't
know
if
I
would
be
the
guy
in
the
car.
I
would
say:
hey
man,
it's
not
cool,
to
treat
her
disrespectfully.
You
know,
I
mean
I,
just
I
think
that
requires,
for
you
know.
Maybe
that
says
something
about
me.
I
should
admit
in
front
of
people.
R
B
P
G
G
I
think
that
takes
a
lot
of
courage
and
it's
part
of
it's.
What
Alicia
was
saying
you
know
if
you
go
against
the
code
of
conduct,
if
your
whatever
your
understanding
of
what
it
is
to
be
a
member
of
that
group,
you
have
to
risk
your
affiliation
to
say
something
and
I
can
embarrass
my
children
now
by
referencing
Harry
Potter,
one.
R
G
Favorite
quotes
and
I'm
gonna
butcher
it.
It
was
Albus
Dumbledore
who,
in
the
first
book,
said
something
like
it,
takes
a
great
deal
of
courage
to
stand
up
to
your
enemies,
but
even
more
to
stand
up
to
your
friends,
and
it
really
means
a
lot
to
me
because
I
think
it's
everyone
knows
if
someone's
doing
something
that
you
don't
like
and
they're
your
they're,
your
nemesis.
Well,
then,
you
stand
up
to
them,
but
what?
R
P
Totally
because
now
that
many
of
the
students
are
educated
to
some
degree,
they
understand
the
consequences
of
their
actions
as
well,
and
so
it's
not
there's
no
miscommunication
of
what's
going
on,
and
so
everyone
knows
what's
right
and
what's
wrong
and
so
for
someone
to
call
someone
out.
It's
not
as
look
down
upon.
N
For
me,
it's
very
hard
to
speak
up
to
strangers
being
beat
up
my
entire
life
for
being
gay
or
for
being
different.
I'm,
always
afraid
that
you
know
this
time
is
gonna,
be
the
end.
So
I'm
just
gonna
really
hurt
me
a
lot
more
than
I
can,
but
with
my
own
circle
of
friends,
if
somebody's
had
too
much
to
say
or
is
hitting
on
somebody
too
hard
and
someone
is
trying
to
push
away,
it's
much
easier,
be
like
you
know:
you've
had
too
much
to
drink.
It's
Sunday
put
you
and
uber
and
go
home.
N
Oh
that's
a
lot
easier
for
me
because
I
know
all
my
friends,
don't
carry
guns
and
I
know
that
my
other
friends
are
gonna.
Have
my
back.
If
I
intervene
on
the
street
I
feel
very
comfortable
calling
the
police
I
feel
very
comfortable
asking
a
bouncer
like
hey.
Can
you
intervene
with
this,
but
for
being
short
and
being
bullied
and
beat
up
a
lot?
It
would
be
very
hard
for
me
to
do
that,
but
with
my
own
friends,
it
would
be
much
easier
to
be
like
it's
time
to
go.
I.
O
Think
it's
just
perspective
as
a
40
year
old
man,
it's
easy
to
step
in
if
you're
at
work
and
I'm
a
supervisor
and
I
hear
someone
talking
disparaging
about
a
female.
It's
easy
for
me
to
speak
up
and
engage
someone
around
that
versus
teenagers
that
are
developing
and
don't
know
who
they
are
and
don't
their
identity
there
to
figure
it
out.
If
we
all
like
if
you're
older
and
you
think
back
to
when
you
were
a
team,
you
didn't
have
to
figure
it
out.
You
didn't
know
who
you
were.
O
You
know
you
didn't
know
what
profession
you
were
going
into
so
they're
in
these
developmental
stages
and
they're,
trying
to
figure
it
out
and
they're
in
learning
mode,
and
you
gravitate
to
those
peer
groups
and
so
to
think
that
you
would
want
to
isolate
yourself
from
the
group.
It's
terribly
difficult,
so
role
models
within
the
community
within
the
household
have
to
step
up
and
at
least
set
some
expectations
around.
What
proper
conduct
is
and
give
guidance
on
what
to
do
because
our
teenagers,
they
don't
know
what
to
do
that.
M
It's
interesting
you're,
just
one
more
thing
when
you
were
talking
about
you,
know:
I'm
I'm,
big
on
80s
movies
and
now
I
look
about
half
of
them
and
I'm
like
move,
you
know,
but
we
have
many
more
ways
to
get
the
message
across
the
right
message:
I
think
that
what
Eric's
talking
about
with
the
conflicting
messages?
You
know
that
we
have,
you
know,
and
you
know
sometimes
I,
look
at
it
and
I'm
like
gosh.
M
Q
I'm
going
to
touch
on
I
mean
when
you
talk
about
role,
models
and
mentors
and
others
in
the
community
I
I'm,
a
big
I,
do
a
lot
of
work
with
parents
and
I
do
parent
education
workshops
and
things
like
that
and
when
I
think
about
you
know
where
this
starts.
It
starts
with
us
in
the
parents,
role
modeling,
obviously,
but
also
teaching.
You
know
having
conversations
with
our
kids
about
what
does
it
mean
to
stand
up?
What
does
it
mean
and
what
does
it
look
like
to
stand
up
to
your
friends?
I
think?
That's!
Q
That's
a
really
good
comment.
I
remember,
and
this
is
drug
stuff,
but
back
and
forth
great
and
my
daughter
they
were
doing
whatever
else
starts.
A
drug
awareness,
stuff
and
I
asked
her
to
describe
a
drug
dealer
and
she
describes
someone
in
a
hoodie
kind
of
unclean
and
you
know
kind
of
looking
to
sketchy.
You
suspicious
and
I
said
when
you
go
to
school
tomorrow.
Look
around
your
room
because
that
the
kids
in
your
classroom,
those
are
the
kids
that
are
gonna,
be
offering
to
that's.
We
have
to
say
no
to
so.
Q
You
know
the
same
thing
to
be
able
to
talk
with
our
kids,
our
sons,
our
daughters
about
who
do
you
have
to
say
no
to
and
have
those
conversations
give
them
a
chance
to
practice
it.
You
know
who
pretend
them
you
know,
so
instead,
what
and
start
with
really
start
with
facts
start
with
something:
hey
I
was
at
this
thing,
the
other
night,
and
this
guy
said
we
should
talk
about
this.
Q
What
do
you
think
or
if
your
sons
are
here,
your
daughters
are
here
like
walk
home,
you
know
when
you're
driving
home,
but
you
know
what
would
it
look
like?
Who
are
the
friends
you
might
think,
ask
them
what
they
see
in
here.
Don't
ask
them
directly
what
they're
doing
they'll
ever
answer
but
ask
them
what
they
see
in
here.
You
know,
what
do
you
see
for
your
friends?
Are
your
friends
dating
what
is
it
called
dating?
You
know
so
get
start
to
get
into
their
world
understand.
Then?
How
can
you
guide?
Q
How
can
I
help
you
and
if
you
open
up
them
at
if
you
start
getting
judgey
as
a
parent,
stop
the
conversation
because
you
will
shut
it
down
for
them?
They
will
never
come
to
you
again.
If
you
open
up
and
let
them
talk,
they
will
come,
they
will
I
can't
guarantee
it's
just
a
16
year
old
boys
I
get
to
that
age,
but
they
the
more
you're
open
to
them
coming
and
asking
questions
and
not
jumping
and
lecturing,
but
letting
them
come
and
like.
Q
Okay,
so
tell
me
more,
the
more
they'll
come
back
and
that's
we
want,
because
in
this
age
they
are
not
there
they're
learning
this
stuff.
You
know,
we've
been
married,
25
years,
I've
been
through
so
I'm
still
figuring
out
the
relationship
thing,
but
you
know
at
their
age.
This
is
all
brand
new
so
to
give
them
that
opportunity
to
come
to
us
and
say:
what's
this
supposed
to
happen,
what
am
I
supposed
to
do
so
do.
B
N
I've
been
out
with
friends
and
friends:
I've
had
like
I
said
too
much
to
drink
and
they're
they're
completely
hovering
over
somebody
and
asking
them
out
and
when
that
person
rejects
from
then
they
go
into
the
next
person.
And
it's
just
to
me
it's
it's
disgusting.
It's
like
okay,
you
know
how
many
people
are
gonna,
reject
you
before
you
realize
it
you
drink
too
much
and
like
I
care
about
you,
let's
go
into
the
uber
like
it's
time
to
be
able
to
go,
and
the
next
day
like
check
again
like.
N
How
is
your
headache
and
like
what
do
you
remember
about
last
night
and
having
that
dialogue
and
be
like
you
know
what
you
hated
me
at
that
time
and
I
totally
understand
that,
but
I
was
looking
at
for
your
safety
and
the
safety
of
somebody
else
and
I'm
talking
through
that.
You
know
and
I
feel
like
it.
If
you
have
those
friends
and
you
have
those
relationships,
they
understand
where
you're
coming
from
and
they're
not
pissed
off
at
you,
but
they
actually
thank
you
for
that.
Maybe.
U
N
You
know
acknowledging
like
you
might
be
that
person
next
month
or
something
that
you
had
too
much
to
drink,
or
you
were
really
heavily
into
flirting
with
somebody
and
your
friend
needed
to
to
reach
out
to
you
me
like
I,
need
to
protect
you
like
or
protect
that
other
person
I'm
putting
you
in
an
uber
to
go
home.
So.
P
P
A
girl
that
goes
to
my
school
was
drinking
and
was
not
very
with
it,
and
I
noticed
that
this
there
was
this
guy
hovering
over
her
for
most
of
the
game,
and
so
I'm
pulled
her
aside
and
made
sure
I
knew
where
she
was
going
afterwards
and
also
told
her
sister,
who
was
at
the
game
as
well
to
keep
an
eye
on
her
and
make
sure
that
she
goes
home
with
her
instead
of
just
going
off
at
the
end.
So
that's
like
the
one
thing
that
jumps
out
mm-hmm.
R
G
Of
the
hardest
things
that
I
did,
it
was
I,
was
in
a
I,
was
one
of
the
best
men
in
the
wedding
went
down,
and
there
was
another
best
man
who
wanted
to
take
the
groom
out
for
bachelor
nights
and
they
were
gonna.
Take
the
group
out
to
a
strip
bar
and
I
had
no
idea.
We
went
to
a
place
where
we
were
on
the
corner,
and
it's
like
this
is
what
we're
good
we're
doing
and
I
said.
I
only
knew
one
person
at
this
time.
I
knew
the
groom
and
I
said.
I'm
not
gonna.
G
Do
that
and
they
said
well
you're
with
us,
you
have
to
DRI,
said
no
I'm
gonna,
take
a
cab
and
we're
gonna
go
home.
I
can't
tell
you
what
to
do
but
I'm,
not
okay
with
that
so
I
left,
and
that
was
these
were
guys
that
were
important
to
the
groom
who
I
was
just
meeting,
and
it
was
one
of
I
had
no
power
to
tell
them
what
they
could.
F
G
B
B
Remember
it
very
clearly
today
because
it
happened
to
over
and
over
again-
and
you
know,
I
wonder
you
know
who
wasn't
as
fortunate
you
know
and,
and
so
I
think
that's
happening
all
across
the
country
and
college
campuses,
and
you
know
again,
sort
of
bringing
it
all
back
to
me.
I
had
three
daughters
who,
hopefully
all
three
are
going
to
go
to
college,
and
you
know
that
in
a
way
terrifies
me
so
we're
gonna
end
on
that
really
positive
note.
And
do
you
have
questions
okay?
Thank
you.
B
O
I've
run
fatherhood
programming
in
Fairfax,
County
in
the
city
of
Alexandria,
and
it's
almost
traumatic
for
these
young
men
that
grow
up
without
fathers
in
the
home.
I
didn't
have
a
father
in
my
home,
my
parents
got
divorced
when
I
was
young,
and
so
it's
it's
a
it's
a
situation
where
you
know
someone's
out
there,
but
you
don't
know
where
they
are,
and
so
it's
hard
to
find
closure
around
that,
and
you
know
my
dad's
out
there
now.
Why
isn't
he
calling
me
and
why
is
it
he
engaged?
O
O
If
you
have
positive
males
it
works,
but
no
one
can
really
replace
that
father,
and
so
we
do
12-week
programming
for
men
so
that
they
can
understand
their
role
as
fathers
reflect
back
on
their
relationships
with
the
folks
that
brought
them
up,
but
also
talk
to
them
about
the
different
stages
and
how
to
support
their
family.
Because
there's
a
healing
in
engaging
with
your
child,
if
you
didn't
have
your
dad
and
I,
can
speak
to
that
myself.
O
I
have
two
young
children
a
two
year
old
four
year
old
and
that
relationship
has
helped
to
heal
me
and
make
me
feel
better
and
that
trauma
doesn't
impact
me
as
much
because
I
have
that
close
intimate
relationship
with
my
children.
So
it's
about
stopping
the
cycle,
educating
folks
about
how
to
have
these
close
relationships
with
their
their
immediate
family.
And
if
you
didn't
have
a
father
in
your
life,
you
can
stop
the
cycle
by
being
a
good
father
and.
M
You
know
I
meant
to
her
kids
now
at
Abington,
and
you
know
try
to
be
that
person,
but
also
as
a
community.
You
know,
if
you
see
these
young
men,
that
don't
have
that
engaged
father
or
don't
have
a
father,
then
you
know
what
any
little
things
that
you
can
do
like
for
soccer.
You
know
maybe
give
help
the
mom
out
with
rides,
or
you
know,
if
there's
a
function
where
you
know
you
know
all
these
dads
are
going
to
be
there.
M
All
of
us
to
kind
of
sort
of
help
fill
that
gap,
and
you
know
whether
it's
through
programs
or
the
structured
programs,
whether
it's
as
simple
as
just
you
know,
reaching
out
to
a
neighbor
that
you
know
if
you're
a
dad
yourself
and
you
know
you
come
from
a
nuclear
family
and
you
know
reach
out
and
say:
hey,
you
know
how
can
I
help
or
can
you
know
why
don't
you
come
with
us?
You
know
to
an
event
and
and
kind
of
sort
of
see
that
behavior
modeled,
so
that
you
know
this.
M
Young
man
has
at
least
that
reference
and
I
think
that
if
you
have
those
positive
references,
if
you
have
you
know
that
image
of
what
it
should
look
like
what
it
should
be,
then,
when
you
grow
up
and
you
have
to
make
decisions,
you
already
have
that
knowledge
base,
and
you
have
that
reference.
If
that
makes
sense,
I'm.
B
B
Q
Q
You
know
talking
about
it
being
very
clear
that
that
is
not.
That
is
not
what
sex
is.
That's
not
what
love
is?
That's
not
what
a
relationship
is,
but
else,
of
course,
monitoring,
monitoring
those
devices,
parental
controls,
those
exist
so
using
apps
as
you
can.
But
it's
it's
real
and
it's
a
real
impact
and
trying
to
rein
that
in
for
our
our
kids
as
it's
really
hard.
But
it's
so
important.
O
I'd
say
early
I
have
a
four
year
old
and
we
started
talking
about
empathy
and
caring
about
your
little
sister
runs
out
and
pushes
little
sister
down.
That's
a
that's
a
learning
lesson
that
we
can.
We
can
start
to
learn
at
that
age.
You
can
never
start
too
young
because
they
pick
up
at
the
daycare.
You
know
they're
learning
from
their
peers.
It's
amazing
how
fast
they
learn.
O
Q
I'll,
just
go
back
to
the
that
what
I'd
said
early
in
terms
of
like
just
being
able
to
open
the
open
to
the
conversations
real
trick
like
especially
if
they
come
and
ask
about
sex,
then
you
asked
them:
what
are
they?
What
are
they?
What
do
they
know?
Just
just
start
up.
You
know
before
before
you
launch
into
the
whole
biological
thing
and
then
to
like
I
just
want
to
know
this
like,
oh,
okay!
Well,
that's
that's
what
that
is
so
I
always
turn
the
question
around
really.
How
does
that
make
you
feel?
Q
R
Q
So
then
I
can
answer
a
little
bit
more
on
that,
but
starting
that
talk
from
the
sage
on
up
and
and
it
isn't
just
one
talk-
it's
always
it's
constant.
It's
consistent.
You
see
things
that
happen
in
the
media,
hey.
What
did
you
know?
Did
you
notice
that?
What
did
you
see
so
it
starts
when
they're
young,
but
it
continues
on
up
until
beyond,
when
they're
in
college
and
away
from
us
and
I
make.
G
A
comment
that
links
the
two
questions
so
we're
talking
about
healthy
relationships
from
the
moment
they're
born
we're
trying
to
get
them
to
have
empathy
understand
how
to
interact
with
their
siblings
and
others.
But
really
it's
within
the
concept
of
this
is
a
relationship
between
humans
and
I.
Think
with
pornography,
it
dehumanizes
it
objectifies,
and
so
it
takes
out
the
human
element.
It's
very
much
like
the
violence
of
video
games
that
dehumanizes
the
other
the
other
side.
G
In
order
to
win,
you
have
to
do
X
in
society
in
order,
if
you
are
growing
up
in
with
the
influences
of
winning
the
the
sexual
game
of
going
out
and
conquering,
you
know
the
game,
it's
it's
a
dehumanizing
game
and
I
think
pornography
it
it.
It
makes
women
and
other
just
like
military-style
war
games
make
the
enemy
the
other
the
same
thing
about
sports.
M
M
M
But
you
know,
having
you
know,
going
back
into
the
school
resource
officer
unit
next
week
and
having
been
a
school
resource
officer
at
the
beginnings
of
this
internet
thing
and
smartphone
thing
we
have
our
work
cut
out
for
us.
I
think
we
have
grand
opportunities
because
of
this
because
of
you
know
the
word
that
the
the
messages
that
we
can
put
out
the
positive
messages,
but
we
have
to
combat
all
those
others
that
are
out
there
literally
harm
our
youth
and
to
spread
messages.
M
B
Sadly,
we
are
out
of
time
with
our
Q&A
before
I
hand.
The
reins
back
over
to
Candace
I
was
I,
got
a
stop
sign
yeah.
We
have
five
more
minutes.
So
do
we
have
to
stop
okay
I
lied.
We
have
more
time
which
is
good.
Did
anyone
else
have
another
thought
on
that?
Or
could
we
jump
into
another
question
question.
R
B
B
N
That,
because,
when
I
work
with
youth,
they
always
say,
oh
man,
I
was
rejected
and
I
was
rejected
again
and
I'm
really
upset
about
it
and
I
said:
let's
turn
it
around.
You
had
the
power
to
reject
somebody,
so
when
you're
rejecting
somebody
they're
feeling
the
same
exact
way,
you're
feeling
right
now.
So
let's
think
about
that.
Why
did
you
reject
that
person?
Was
it
for
looks
or
was
it
because
of
bad
breath
or
bad
behavior
or
whatever?
It
might
be,
but
think
about
that
that
just
because
you're
getting
rejected?
N
That
means
when
it's
your
turn
to
reject
that
person
still
in
the
exact
same
way.
You
know
it's
like
a
two-way
street
and
then
like
wow
I,
never
really
thought
about
that,
and
letting
them
know
that
rejection
can
go
each
way
that
you
have
the
power
to
reject,
and
somebody
also
has
that
same
power
to
reject
you,
you're,
not
perfect,
and
neither
are
they
and
it
almost
kind
of
see
the
like
light
bulb
go
off
on
someone.
The
other
thing
is
to
let
people
know
particularly
young
people
and
even
young
adults.
Q
Q
Do
you
know?
Don't
it's
not
you?
It's
me.
You
know.
Here's
like
a
sister.
You
like
a
brother
to
me
those
kind
of
things
as
a
class
really
ridiculous,
so
so
to
really
have
those
conversation
to
understand
what
that
looks
and
feels
like,
so
that
when
it
comes
time
to
actually
have
to
do
that,
you're
like
I'm
I'm,
not
interested
in
you,
but
to
have
it
that
way,
so
it
feels
more
honest
but
to
acknowledge
that
it
hurts
and
we
had
some
conversation
with
some
teens
and
one
of
the
young.
Q
Ladies
in
the
room
talked
about
I
reference.
You
know,
hi
I
was
afraid
of
rejection
and
she
said
yeah,
you
know
I
would
not
necessarily
reject
because
I
feel
bad,
and
so,
if
you
think
of
a
sexual
advance-
and
she
doesn't
want
to
make
someone
feel
bad,
then
okay,
yeah
you're,
letting
someone
do
something
you
didn't
really
want,
and
so
girls
women
need
to
stop.
M
A
lot
of
the
same
lines,
you
know,
we
think
rejection
book.
You
know
also
breakups,
you
know
when
someone
has
been
in
a
relationship
or
or
a
marriage,
or
you
know,
and
it's
over
I
think
you
know
as
a
community
also
you
know
we
were
talking
about
being
an
upstander.
You
start
seeing
like
you
know
the
person.
Maybe
that
was
the
person
that
decided
to
end
their
relationship,
not
see
the
signs
as
well.
M
So
we
have
to
be
cognizant
that
if
you
see
signs
of
the
person
that
they
broke
up
with
starting
to
engage
and
some
behavior,
you
know
don't,
there
are
plenty
of
resources.
You
know
available
to
you
and
and
it's
interesting
because
you
know
our
domestic
violence
hotline,
you
can
call
if
you're
someone
that
observing
that
behavior
and
you're
saying
whoa,
you
know
I,
don't
think
you
know
he's
taking
it
very
well,
and
you
know
you
talk
to
you
know
your
friend
and
you're
like
hey.
M
Are
you,
okay
with
him
driving
around
the
block
or
sending
you
these
awful
text
messages
or
disparaging
you
with
to
your
friends
on
Facebook,
he's
fine
he's
just
blowing
off
steam
and
you
know
he'll
get
over
it.
If
you
have
that
concern
call
the
hotline,
you
know
and
talk
to
them
and
say
hey
this
is
you
know,
and
in
or
if
you're
at
school,
you
know
talk
to
a
counselor
talk
to
someone
and
say:
hey
I'm,
seeing
this
and
I
just
don't
know.
M
B
G
Flipside
you
know
we've
been
talking
about
when
people
have
they
take
rejection
hard,
but
sometimes
rejection,
they're,
okay
with
it
and
I
think
we
have
to
remember
that
we
have
to
praise
that,
because
if
someone
takes
rejection
as
the
other
person
saying
no-
and
we
respect
that,
then
we
need
to
make
sure
that
everyone
knows
that
is.
That
is
strength.
B
X
Thank
you
thank
you
Greg
and
Thank
You
panelists,
and
thank
you
again
to
everyone
for
coming
out
tonight.
My
name
is
Candace
Lopez
and
I'm.
The
coordinator
at
project,
peace
and
I
have
the
great
pleasure
of
being
able
to
work
with
many
of
the
folks
on
the
stage
and
in
the
audience
to
advance
our
mission
of
ending
domestic
and
sexual
violence.
Here
in
Arlington
before
I,
say
some
closing
remarks.
I
do
want
to
introduce
our
Arlington
County,
Board,
Chair,
Christian
Dorsey,
to
say
a
few
words
and
to
add
to
this
rich
conversation.
W
Under
the
guise
of
boys
being
boys,
we
have
so
many
sort
of
inputs
into
our
lives
that
show
us
how
incredibly
pervasively
the
system
how
pervasively
wrong
the
system
is
when
it
comes
to
men
being
men
and
how
society
deals
with
it,
and,
quite
frankly,
for
years
for
decades.
In
fact,
the
narrative
has
been
quite
wrong.
Some
people
have
led
us
to
believe
that
families
were
broken
if
there
was
a
father
or
not
in
the
home,
and
that
was
the
reason
that
we
had
breakdowns
such
as
these
in
society.
W
W
I,
like
you,
did
not
have
a
father
at
home,
but
I
did
have
good
role
models
in
my
life,
and
so,
if
there
are
a
couple
things
that
I
would
share
about
how
we
all
deal
with
a
society
that
makes
it
very
very
difficult
for
us
to
actually
be
good
men
and
raise
good
men
and
actually
have
a
system
where
men
can
not
only
value
women
but
value
other
people
generally.
There
are
a
few
things
that
I
think
in
my
my
years
of
living
on
this
earth.
W
W
That
breeds
fear,
contempt,
loathing
mistrust
and
all
other
kinds
of
bad
things
which
I
know
will
be
problematic
later
and
also
with
intentionality
I'm,
making
sure
that
they
engage
with
those
boys,
even
if
they
do
find
them
icky
that
they
talk
to
them,
that
they
have
conversations
that
they
they
play
together
and
I.
Think
it's
important
that
it
be
multiple
boys,
not
just
one,
that
they
find
trusting
and
nice
and
good,
but
they
get
to
see
this.
W
As
part
of
you
know
the
the
wider
and
broader
society
you
know,
I,
don't
know
they
haven't
grown
up
yet,
but
I
think
it's
working,
I
think
it's
helping
them
develop
a
perspective,
and
hopefully
it's
doing
something
to
the
boys
that
they
are
interacting
with.
But
we
also
have
to
realize
quite
frankly
that
beyond
that,
there's
so
many
impulses
in
our
society
that
allow
for
boys
to
grow
up
and
develop
on
a
track
that
doesn't
permit
them
to
develop
the
sensibilities
that
they
need.
W
When
it
comes
to
rejection,
we
spend
a
lot
of
time
not
having
our
kids
be
disappointed.
They
need
to
learn
that
early
I'm
serious.
This
is
gonna
sound,
like
a
crotchety
old
father
at
this
point,
but
I
made
it
a
point
to
disappoint
my
kids
alive
from
the
earliest
age
as
possible.
They
they
have
to
know
that
you
don't
get
what
you
want,
especially
when
it's
just
simply
driven
by
the
impulse.
I
want
it
and
I
want
it.
W
W
W
The
constant,
consistent
cultivation
and
engagement,
to
my
mind
at
least,
is
the
only
way
we
disrupt
a
system
that,
since
time
immemorial,
has
led
us
to
where
we
are
so
I
like
to
just
the
panelists
I'd
like
to
thank
project,
peace
and
all
of
the
conveners
of
tonight's
conversation
and
the
many
of
you
who
wanted
to
engage
in
being
a
part
of
this
for
being
a
part
of
a
special
night
and
giving
me
yet
another
reason
why
I'm
truly
grateful
to
represent
the
community
of
Arlington.
So
thank
you
all
very
much.
X
So
thank
you
again
to
the
panelists
and
for
everyone
for
coming
for
Greg
Hamilton
for
sharing
his
time
and
his
talent
with
us
tonight
and
for
all
the
elected
officials
who
came
out
while
we
heard
statistics
about
how
often
this
happens
in
our
community.
Please
know
that
this
doesn't
mean
that
our
community
is
becoming
less
safe.
X
In
fact,
to
me
it
means
our
community
is
becoming
more
safe
because
it
means
people
are
coming
forward,
they're,
disclosing
and
they
know
the
resources
they
know
where
they
can
go
if
they
need
help
and
for
in
our
community
as
lieutenant
Pilko
said,
that's
the
doorways
forming
a
family's
hotline.
That's
one
of
the
places
of
many
that
sexual
self
survivors
can
go
so
tonight.
If
you're
feeling
like
you,
this
conversation
has
spurred
something
in
you
or
you
know
someone
who
needs
support
or
in
the
future
you
need
it.
X
Please
know
that
we
have
the
hotline
number
here
on
the
screen
and
anyone
can
call
as
a
tuneup
elko
said
it
can
be
yourself
because
you
need
support.
It
can
be
because
you're
supporting
somebody
else
and
you're
not
quite
sure
what
to
do
or
how
to
guide
them
so
they're
there
for
you
are
met.
The
good
thing
is,
as
I
said,
people
know
what
the
resources
are
there,
disclosing
to
us,
they're
coming
out
and
they're
seeking
support.
X
So
this
means
that
our
messages
are
taking
root,
and
so
now
it's
really
the
time
more
than
ever
to
start
those
prevention
messages
and
continue
them
and
to
grow
them.
So
we're
asking
for
you
to
help
us
with
this
culture
change.
Here's
our
call
to
action,
whether
it's
volunteering
with
project
peace
with
doorways,
with
the
safe
havens
program
with
any
of
our
community
organizations
that
work
to
end
domestic
and
sexual
violence,
or
it's
just
having
those
conversations
with
your
kids.
X
You
have
a
role
to
play
and
we're
asking
you
to
do
that
and
to
join
us
in
this
effort.
If
you
need
resources
and
support
we're
here,
you
can
check
out
our
website.
We've
got
tons
of
resources
for
parents
for
kids,
for
young
people
written
by
young
people
in
our
community.
We've
also
got
a
lot
of
resources
out
in
the
community.
Sorry
in
the
lobby
here
so
as
you're
leaving.
Please
stop
and
take
some
information
with
you,
and
this
is
sexual
assault,
awareness
and
Prevention
Month.
This
is
one
of
many
events
in
our
community.
X
We
have
a
calendar
on
our
website
again
that
talks
about
the
other
events,
there's
going
to
be
a
Speak
Out,
hosted
by
Dory's
for
many
families.
There's
a
rally
against
rape
at
the
end
of
this
month
as
well,
which
is
a
take
back
the
night
in
our
community
so
again
encourage
you
to
be
active,
be
vocal,
share
those
resources
and
thank
you
all
again
for
coming.