City of Bloomington, Indiana Our Table, Our Talk, 7 Feb 2019

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From YouTube: Our Table, Our Talk Episode 1: Finding Community

Description

The first of four episodes of Our Table, Our Talk

Guests:
Rafi-Khalid Hasan
Alandra Harris-Hasan
Jermaine Robinson
Lia F. Robinson
Hosted by Beverly Calender-Anderson
Produced by City Of Bloomington's Community and Family Resources Department
Directed by Justin Crossley

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Welcome to our table our talk, a program of the community and family resources.

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Department of the city of bloomington in honor of black history month, we'll be.

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Discussing issues for and about african-americans living in bloomington.

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These conversations are in no way limited to african-americans, but are.

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Designed to spark a conversation today, we'll be talking about finding community.

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You all know when I first came to some of you know when I first came to.

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Bloomington, I came because my husband was appointed here as the united.

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Methodist, minister, in and and so we moved here from jeffersonville and in.

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Trying to find a church, we realized there were no african-american united.

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Methodist conversations and that's sort of where we had found our community and other cities was in the church, and so we ended up joining a united methodist.

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Church, that was predominantly white, but which meant we had to find our community.

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Somewhere else, and so we did things like join commissions and committees, and I.

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Met some women and we started a book club, but I just wonder you know as and.

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I'll start over here with rafi and rafi and.

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Alondra, how did you all I mean coming here as students as a student, and you.

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Were you were working on the assuming? How did you all start to find community.

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Once you moved here well, I think one of the things that was nice about being a.

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Graduate student, it was you, you become a part of a cohort, so you meet people.

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Within that cohort that are from different places, you know you socialize.

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You're you're trying to find places like you know where to eat where you know our.

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People, you know congregating, you know you're trying to get to just simply nope.

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You know where people are and I think, coming into bloomington one of the.

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Things that you know certainly coming from atlanta, I was just like where black.

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Folks, like I'm gonna, be very honest, I was driving down the walnut and I hadn't.

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Seen you know brother or sister in a while, and I saw one at the gas station.

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And I quite literally I pulled over and I got out and I hugged that brother and I said where I said: where are the people at he.

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Was like he was like, I don't know like well, it's really interesting when you.

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Say that I remember when we came for our interview, because as a clergy family, we.

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Were interviewed before we got here and the person that was taking us around.

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Showing us where we were going to live and that whole thing said now, you are gonna have to be each other's best friend, because there are no black people.

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In bloomington I mean just literally dismiss the fact that there were any.

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Black people, but and to me it was a university town, so I knew there had to.

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Be somebody you know, and they may not have been united methodist, but they.

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There had to be somebody alondra, you said it was harder for you.

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It was a lot harder for me because he was immersed in the university culture.

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Classes, you know they do socials and things like that in the beginning of the.

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Year so I was home and I did not have a job when I first came here so I was.

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Actually, the substitute teaching trying to become employed with the school.

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District here and in his suggestion he was like you should probably seek out.

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Your the chat, the reverend chapter for your sorority here so at that particular.

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Time when we first got here, they were having an event.

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At the beginning of the year, and so I actually attended the event and then you.

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Know reach out to them and tell them I was coming. I just attended and kind of observed and when the event was over, then I told them. I was actually a member.

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Of the organization and from there I started attending he says I actually.

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Reached out to my organization as a way to begin to find community mm-hmm. So as.

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A longtime bloomington residents, you know who went to elementary and high.

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School here does that mean that there was always a sense of community, for you.

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I mean: was it through a faith community, your family, different families? How I.

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Would say that it definitely our family was here. We all kind of migrated from.

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California, here together, so we already had a sense of community and we had.

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Family here before so our our whole family, basically on my mother's side, was.

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Here so that was the community and we as we continued to go to school, we kind of.

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Added in more people into our community into our family, but it was difficult.

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After high school going into college to build my own personal community- and I.

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Will say that's where it got a little difficult. Mostly. I have social anxiety disorder, mhm so it was me having to reach out and talk to people and get to.

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Know people outside of my comfort zone, so that was difficult but at the same.

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Time it was, there were organizations that I could reach out to, and I.

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Definitely use my faith community to do that, to reach out to people and get.

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Involved and be have a sense of community and grow more people pull more.

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People into my community, but it was growing up here, you just you when you.

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See black people you connect with black people, so you're kind of like hey you're,.

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Black come around here, yeah with me, so it was kind of like that growing up here.

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In school it was like: let's we eat together, we sit together. We actually had.

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A black culture club in high school, so we were connected to each other. That way.

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As well, but I was related to everybody so that always helps yeah outside of.

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That it that's where we, I ran into my kind of hit a wall and had to figure out.

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How to make community on my own, I know for me it was. It was through the church.

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But you have to understand where I came from. It was an old steel town and it was.

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It was the hood and that's all I can really say about it, and the culture.

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Shock was you know, we went from living in that environment to bloomington and.

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It was night and day different, really the the nice thing was was we did find.

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Community through the church started connecting with people through the.

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Church and that's really, what got us that sense of community once again.

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Because we went from a place that was, you know, eighty percent african-american.

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To a place, it's like four percent african-american and it's it there's.

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Gonna be a drastic difference. Yes yeah well, I grew up in chicago so on the west.

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Side of chicago, so anybody that knows what that is, and.

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So so there it was always community. We we lived in that community, where, if you.

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Were out of pocket, there was somebody that was not a parent or a relative. That.

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Was putting you in check, you know, and so that's the kind of community that that I.

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Grew up in and so when I left and even as an adult with my son, you know he was.

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Growing up and and his babysitter was the woman that babysat me when I was.

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Younger and so we just always had those grandmothers and those mothers and those.

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People raising us, and, and so what is it like to raise children like I, you know.

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Raising children in the community, where you don't have that I mean I say so,.

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Often, I'm so glad that my son is an adult and that I'm not raising a child.

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In bloomington, not because blowing tonie's n't a good safe place to raise a.

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Child but there is that family. Well, you all have family here, but when you don't.

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Have family here you know like you, are it just becomes so much harder.

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So I'm from chicago yeah all right, so I absolutely know what you're talking.

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About I grew up in an enclave of black people. You know the the teenagers across.

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The street there were four girls in the house. They babysat the entire neighbor.

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That they all had their children with in the neighborhood that they baby said and.

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So for us, when we had our daughter here, we he automatically recognized that we.

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Didn't have community because we're not from here so he actually in terms of community was fortunate as a graduate student at the.

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Time there was a black moms group here, comprised of professors, their wives and.

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Graduate students who were you know, parents and a couple undergrads, do like.

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Parents and they became each other's community. It had play groups here. They.

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Met so they became our yeah. It was a way that we found you know care for our.

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Child those are the people that we socialized.

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With those were the women that, on friday nights, we could, you know, take the.

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Children and all congregates again and you don't have a glass of wine and old.

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Pizza and let the kids play so that was, I think I was really fortunate and then.

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Then you know through him, you know with him being a graduate student that he met.

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Other students who were from I called a non-traditional student yeah, so I was.

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Able to connect in that way, and I, to this day when we meet new people, we try.

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To give them, you know, pass that forward and do that same same thing, yeah, so how.

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Do you give your kids a sense of mean? That was why you give you such a kiss.

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Community, but also a sense of their culture, you know and and keep them.

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Grounded in their culture in a city that you know is limited in that way, I can.

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Say, at least for me, I'm just fortunate that my kids aren't dealing with the.

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Same things that I was dealing with when I was a kid because I went to elementary school here and the rice bowl, maybe literally until.

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I hit middle school is when I stopped experiencing, where I was the only person.

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Of color in my class period and the classes that I warn't in there weren't.

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Any and that's just how it was yeah. Now I see my my oldest she's in elementary.

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School and she's in elementary school with all shades, no people and I'm.

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Grateful for that yeah we know just to to add on to- I think some of the things.

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That they saying we're very intentional about you know, aside from school, about.

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Actually, making connections and forging relationships with other families, you.

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Know part of I think, some of the things that you know we talking about. We talk.

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About culture, you know, I really see that what kind of as something that's you.

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Know constantly growing and you know challenging and there's things that I.

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Want to make sure that I'm given you know, you know to my daughter, based on.

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You know who we are, who you know who our families? You know, you know what our.

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Family's value, but when it comes to her identity,.

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You know honestly circumstances have just just faith, I mean you know you meet.

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People through meeting people and we've been so blessed in this in this space to.

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Meet people who not only have little girls around the same age and children.

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Around the same age, but are kind of really searching for that same thing, so.

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We have to recreate our family and be very intentional about doing that, and.

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What I mean by that is, I I try not to even be sometimes overzealous when I.

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Meet another family to say you know, I want to grab them, we'll just say: okay,.

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This is where we are little normal. I don't have this, you know my wife does.

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That you know that type of thing, but there you know it'll be more like kind.

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Of taking it back like I like slow, slow down a little bit, but you know we want.

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To make sure we making a connection, because I want to say, like you know, we.

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Are you know at this place again geographically, you know our closest.

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Family members, are, you know in chicago it's five. You know five six hours away.

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And we have to be very intentional about who we're bringing you know into our.

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Family and at the same time, you know you know skin folk all the time, man, careful.

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Mm-Hmm so under those circumstances you know we've been blessed to just be.

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Around good people wait, you know latino eight, like you know, definitely, but I'm.

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Making sure that when it comes to her being a girl and what that experience is.

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That you know um anybody, that's promoting that! That's what I'm doing.

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Yeah educator and me takes a little different, so I, in terms of like her.

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Education, I'm really attuned to media, and it was just that she sees and the.

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People that she's around in spaces, so for me in our household.

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You know I push her having dolls that look like her presentation.

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Most of the bookshelf, I'm an elementary teacher, so I have thousands of books, but.

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In terms of you know what we pull off the shelf, I'm very. We really make sure that we read those things that where she's.

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Represented she sees people that look like her. Yes,.

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And I call it deprogramming and I'm not. I don't apologize for it. A lot of her.

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You know friends, her white friends that I do it. You know because she's come home.

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And said things as a toddler boom that that I had to then think you know how do.

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I make sure that hurts steam mm-hmm as a young black girl is solid, that she is.

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Comfortable in the skin that she's in the she's comfortable with her her hair.

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Texture- and you know her her, you know her eyes and all those things so from.

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From two different perspectives, the teacher at me, the educator, kicks in.

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About you know what I experienced is you know a black or what I got it from my.

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Family, my mom things like that. It's very different for her because I grew up in.

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That you know right enclave where and you don't even think about it. You don't.

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Yeah well in this space, I do right exactly ask friends were: were judges and.

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Police officer lack yeah, but in this space she sees that very differently.

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Most of her friends that she comes in contact with on a daily basis are not.

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Mm-Hmm, so I have to be, I have to really listen to the conversation than she has.

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And me I watch the things that you know means and picks up, and we have.

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Conversations about them around the things that use and why, okay, why are we.

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Doing these things, so she has an understanding of who she is. You know in.

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In this space mother in this country in this world, yeah, that's good.

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Well, yeah rafi, you said, you know, talked about creating your family and I know.

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That's something that I had to do to coming here in 98 the we I was like you.

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I mean I needed to know where to get my hair done. Cuz, you know the hair, and so I.

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Went to the department store in the mall stood at the bottom of the escalator and.

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Waited because I knew somebody black was shopping, and so I waited until somebody.

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Came down I was like: where do you get your hair done? You know, that's how I found a beautician and at that time there were true. You know, there's there a.

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Couple of others now, but there were, I think, two beauticians and one barber and.

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And so it was just sort of I, and my husband was going back to indy to get.

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His you know haircut and stuff, it means so that was that was interesting. You all.

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Have all girls right? Yes, I think that that's even a more interesting subject.

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Like raising girls, I mean here, you know, and you said it's rough. You need to love.

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Yourself, just for who you are so, we are constantly telling them that they're.

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Beautiful brown skin is your your chocolate colored is your beautiful. This.

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Is you know that is literally a daily part of the way we talk to our children.

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Telling them how beautiful their hair is, tell them how beautiful their texture is.

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Letting them express their self through their hair. You want to wear your hair in.

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An afro just make sure you put your bonnet on at night. You want to wear your.

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Hair and braids- that's fine, you know we want them to be able to love what they.

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Have and just enjoy what they have and it's been a blessing that they actually.

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The youngest one loves her hair up. She loves her curls. She literally gets mad.

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When I put it in ponytails, she doesn't know, I straightened her hair one time.

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And she didn't like it and I washed it five minutes later, so she could have her.

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Curls back it's we are trying to ingrain that in them that they are beautiful, the.

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Way that they are saying early on that you know what you have is good. It is.

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Good hair it beautiful skin, you are enough, I mean I.

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Think those things are important, have any of your kids come home and had any.

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Issues with kids at school that have, I don't know, had any kind of negative.

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Attitudes toward them because of race very much is, and I, as a parent, I kind of.

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Was like you know, I was like who's the kid we're his parents.

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Yeah it was, it was interesting because I was like you know. I really thought that.

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Our community had kind of kind of gotten past it. I was naive enough to believe.

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That I was naive, she was on the bus and it was around halloween last year and.

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The little boy said I have an outfit that I'm gonna wear for you. I have the.

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Kkk uniform and she didn't say anything to her teachers. She didn't say anything.

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To anybody till she got home and I opened the door for I was like good.

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Morning, good afternoon how you doing- and she fell apart right in front of me and I'm like she's emotional, so I'm waiting did you get it great? What's going on, she literally didn't talk to me for five minutes. She.

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Just cried and I finally got her to calm down and she told me what happened and I.

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Called him immediately and he's actually friends with the former principal there.

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So she he called her immediately, so we were going through the right channels.

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But again my response was where his parent isn't because he's he's an.

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Elementary school he's getting this from somewhere. This is not just you know,.

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Coming out of his mind that he had something that he saw on tv, this is something that he is learning from home. We need to talk to his parents, and I.

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Will say that I was very disappointed in the fact that yeah there was never a.

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Meeting between us two parents wow and we requested it- I went in person.

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To the school requested, it several times followed up and requested it several.

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Times just swept under the rug and the next thing you know that principal left.

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And it's like, I know, nothing's gonna happen now, because they're gonna.

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Be act dumb to the right yeah, so they don't know what hat you exactly yeah.

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Siri siri came home once and I guess one of the little boys in her preschool told.

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Her scan was dirty move around. She don't really understand it. So I had a.

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Conversation with her around it because she kept telling him she wasn't her.

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Mother gave her a bath every night, so I don't think she equated that he was.

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Doing that as it relates to right, so I had a conversation with her regarding.

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You know what he was trying to say: mm-hmm and then explaining to him that.

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There are some people who will not like you, because, because that's just a.

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Reality for us yeah, so I didn't I didn't ask for you know flirt any talks because.

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She's also come home and said I want a blonde hair below I mean that.

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Conversation yeah and as somebody who works with elementary children in.

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Schools, I've heard various things come out of children's mannose since we've.

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Been in bloomington that I know are the children of some simply mimicking the.

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Things that their parents have said around the more that they've heard other.

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Adults in their space in their communities say around him. So for me.

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It's more important to educate her about what she'll experience mm-hmm, because.

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I'm not gonna always be there to explain right to her. I'm not going to always be.

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There to come, you know to go to bat mm-hmm, so she has an understanding of.

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What it's happening and if I can't arm her with the tools to allow that to you.

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Know to tie they're handling herself for it for it to roll off her back like.

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Water mm-hmm and that's what I'm gonna try to do for her in that space for.

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People coming to bloomington people of color who come to bloomington. huh Is it.

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Easier now do you think for them to find community, and how would you recommend folks, like gather it, our worship communities? Are I mean? What do you think.

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Your the best ways some party you has to have like a pioneering.

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Spirit, you got to step out on some things. Cuz again, if you come in this.

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Place with these kind of notions about okay, stuff, just gonna come to you yeah.

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It doesn't you gonna, be sitting in the house, you know looking at your.

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Significant other, whoever that might be y'all, might be getting on each other's.

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Nerves, some people cuz, you know I can tell you like you know. We definitely.

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Needed to have to do that, so I'm glad to really have my personalities that that.

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You know gravitate toward I like to think you know, and I think I'm always.

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Thinking because we are mm-hmm, I'm always thinking about how there are.

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Other people who are not interested in going to church even to my community.

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Yeah, so I think you know with him being muslim and me identifying as christian.

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You know spiritual, you know, I know there are people who are that's not right.

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There and that's historically and it's ace 4-bike, but that's been a social.

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Place a place where you know mercia, you know we're doing like everybody's, not.

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Know you know in that same vein, I think his mom actually reached out to the.

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Muslim community here so we we actually know another couple who very much so.

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Mirrors are saying, hmm you know from indianapolis right. Well, they live here.

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But mirror us in terms of he's muslim. She identifies as christian they're.

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Raising children in the communities, those mother immediately toe, make sure you fine. You know emails yeah in his face, he's there too, and I think.

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For him, that was his immediate connection in terms of religion and.

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Meeting his wife mm-hmm, we are doing the same. You know they're sort of nearing in.

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Our marriage and now with raising our children right, it looks very so the same.

C

But there are a lot of people for them that they are not going to the church.

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And no, they are not a part of a historically black fraternity or sunni.

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They are not part of the university, they were working in the community and that's.

C

A difficult thing yeah, I really don't meet those people who are those types of.

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People yeah, they don't have those sort of built-in. You know foundations or.

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Built in communities that they can say I can reach out. I know I'll find out where.

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Can I find out look in the paper and just find the local? You know.

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Historically, black church right yeah, so I always keep that in mind. Also when I.

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See people you know out in spaces that I've never seen to make sure that I.

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Introduce myself cuz, I don't want to make those assumption right. Yeah and I.

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Want to, I don't want to say you know, for us to make sure that we do that to make.

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Sure that we reach out to people I can remember being in the post office and.

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There's an african-american woman working in the post office, one of the first people I met because she reached out and said and do you know so-and-so.

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Once was you know, I so that's important, so I always feel because that happened.

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For me, an obligation to do that to other people and to bring them in. I know my.

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Son was in a cab recently and was passing out things about the black.

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History month gala, like do you know about the black history month gala, so I think that's important. Our time is winding down, but I really.

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Really want to thank you all for this conversation. It was it's a great.

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Conversation that we can and hopefully that we can keep this conversation going.

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In community, if you like, what you've heard us talk about today, be sure to.

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Like comment and share us on facebook, and thank you all for joining our table.

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