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From YouTube: Senior Moments Grief Counseling
Description
Senior Moments Grief Counseling
Video produced by San Bruno Cable for the City of San Bruno
A
Hi
I'm
Dolly
Samana,
and
this
is
senior
moments.
We've
all
dealt
with
grief,
all
our
life
in
one
form
or
not
or
another,
even
losing
a
game
of
checkers
to
a
sibling,
is
a
form
of
grief.
Now
the
grief
may
only
last
for
ten
seconds,
just
long
enough
to
say
done
got
it.
She
beat
me
again,
but
it
is
a
learning
process.
Today's
program
is
going
to
discuss
more
debilitating
forms
of
grief.
My
guest
today
is
Stephanie
Amsden
grief,
counselor
Stephanie,
welcome
to
our
program.
B
Thank
You
Dahlia
I'm
delighted
to
be
here
and
I
love
your
your
introduction,
because
that's
right
on
we
learn
about
grief
and
how
it
can
work
for
each
one
of
us
because
some
of
it
is
individual
and
we
start
as
kids,
so
we're
learning
all
along
and
we
can
keep
learning
and
getting
better
at
it.
So
it's
very
important.
B
C
B
And
then
what
works
and
how
to
help
people
do
that
and
parents
are
the
perfect
teachers
of
their
kids
and
they
know
them
best
and
there's
a
lot
of
support
for
them
in
terms
of
video
books
and
grief
counselors
for
the
parents
and
what
you
just
take
it
out
there
at
their
stage
right
where
they
are,
and
you
answer
their
questions
and
keep
it
simple
and
you
stop
when
they're
satisfied
you
stop
for
them,
don't
over
work,
it
don't
over.
Go
like
we.
B
B
That's
right
and
how
to
manage
their
own
intense
feelings.
In
generally
speaking,
when
an
important
person
has
died
in
someone's
life,
it's
always
the
response,
which
is
grief,
is
all
the
responses
it's
above
one's
normal
copy,
so
we're
gonna
be
over
our
line
and
we
won't
know
how
to
do
with
how
to
help
ourselves,
because
we've
never
had
to
deal
with
a
parent
that
died,
but
we
can
learn
it
just
that
it
might
take
months
to
get
up
to
that
level
of
new
strong,
intense
emotions.
Do.
A
You
feel
that
it
helps
in
deal
dealing
with
small
things.
First,
like
like
the
loss
of
well,
like
I,
said
the
loss
of
a
game
and
then
the
loss
of
a
football
game.
You
know
it's
its
homecoming
and
we
lost
the
game
that
darn
it
and,
and
you
deal
with
that
and
and
it's
it's
not
I
mean
it's
okay
to
feel
the
loss.
Isn't
it
it's?
It.
C
B
C
B
A
B
I'm
in
Sutter
care
at
home,
which
is
one
of
the
agencies
in
the
big
Sutter
organization,
Sutter
Health
Care,
that
includes
hospitals
but
we're
a
home
health
agency
or
you
are
yes
and
all
home
health
agencies
that
most
of
them
have
a
hospice
component.
So
the
end-of-life
care
and
you
can
get
support
from
any
hospice
all
over
the
country.
You
don't
have
to
be
using
their
service
to
use
the
grief.
B
So
really
that's
that's
there
for
all
community
clients
buried,
so
I
think
that's
important
for
people
to
realize
you
may
not
know
when
somebody
dies,
but
if
you
go
online
or
look
on
the
computer
and
just
look
up
a
hospice,
you
in
the
bereavement
section
so
I
serve
all
of
the
county,
and
sometimes
people
come
to
my
classes
and
groups
from
San,
Francisco
and
San
Jose.
If
I
have
a
class
or
a
workshop,
it's
not
offered
someplace
else.
B
Do
you
you
work
separately
with
people
or
in
groups
both
we
do
classes,
workshops,
groups
and
individual
counseling,
and
this
is
one
of
my
interests.
Is
people
need
a
range
of
things
like
we
were
talking
expressing
it
in
your
way?
Well,
not
everybody
wants
to
come
to
a
group,
in
fact,
statistically.
Why
is
not
that
many?
So
then
we
might
have
an
art
class
like
tile,
making
a
memorial
tile.
B
We
have
a
therapeutic
writing,
so
someone
might
want
to
write,
but
many
other
people
no
way
I,
don't
want
to
use
that
that
a
way
of
expressing
myself,
so
it's
good
to
have
a
range
and
just
talking
to
somebody
once
a
lot
of
times
even
on
the
phone
can
be
so
helpful
because
one
of
the
big
things
that
I
do
is
educate
the
educational
piece
and
once
people
hear
oh,
that's
normal,
oh
you're,
shocking
them.
Yes,
that's
normal
Oh.
Most
people
tell
me
the
that
thought
and
feeling
of
a
suicide
without
acting
on
it.
B
A
lot
of
people
do
that,
then
their
shoulders,
just
relax
and
the
the
bereaved
doesn't
feel
so
weird
sick,
ill
psycho,
whatever
and
they're
getting
more
normalized,
which
might
take
a
number
of
times
to
understand
what
grief
is
it's
incredibly
intense,
many
times
with
a
close
loved
ones,
all
the
time
and
it's
discombobulating.
The
internal
experience
is
like
this:
it's
you've
lost
your
normal
sense
of
self
and
sometimes
there's
no
sense
of
self.
B
That's
lost
because
it's
way
above
their
coping,
it's
so
important,
and
it
has
many
many
forms
of
loss
like
you
were
talk
the
loss
of
a
checker
game
yeah.
Well,
if
a
beloved
dies,
so
the
person
is
there,
but
so
maybe
is
a
breadwinner,
a
father
of
children,
roles
that
that
person
did
needs
that
got
met.
B
So
people
don't
know
the
full
meaning
until
you're,
actually
in
situation
in
the
grief,
yes
mm-hmm
and
then,
if
you're,
able
to-
or
you
have
the
time,
the
right
time
to
do
some
grieving
work
and
get
some
support
is
when
it
works
out
for
you.
If,
for
example,
you
had
to
get
a
job
and
take
care
of
your
kids,
you
might
have
higher
priorities
for
a
year
or
two,
and
so
it
really
would
add
more
stress
to
try
to
squeeze
in.
Maybe
a
group.
A
B
I
have
people
that
come
5
10
20
30
years
ago,
but
generally
speaking,
you
either
consciously
put
it
on
hold
it's
great.
If
we
can
have
some
consciousness
about
it
because
we
might
feel
better
I'll
get
to
it,
but
even
not
there's
a
lot
of
product
safety
features
in
our
psyche
that
that
keep
us
safe,
it'll,
just
hey,
if
you
can
only
have
energy
for
two
things.
Why
worry
about
this
third
thing?
The
good
news
is
it?
Does
it's?
B
It's
it's
not
much
of
a
problem
when
next
year,
five
years
it
can't
be
dealt
with
then,
so
you
don't
want
to
add
any
extra
stress
to
somebody
and
they
just
can't
get
to
it,
and
you
can
do
small
little
bits
of
things,
but
this
isn't
people's
lies
and
they're
not
naturally
educated
on
it.
So
then
there's
it
might
be
a
steep
learning
curve.
So
that's
a
really
good
reason
just
to
check
in
with
somebody
and
even
a
session
or
two
on
the
phone
you
can
find
out
and
get
some
tips
and
hints
about
coping.
A
B
People
feel
so
relieved
when
they
get
a
sense
of
what's
normal,
where
do
I
fit
in
what
you
know.
What
are
the
expectations?
Is
this
like
cancer
and
I
have
to
go
to
the
doctor
right
away?
Oh
I
can
wait
and
there's
help.
Well,
then,
that
can
just
make
your
life
a
little
easier
when
it's,
this
is
intense
and
paint
is
very
painful.
B
A
B
A
there's
a
lot
to
it
actually
there's,
but
my
quick,
easy
definition
is
grief
is
any
response
to
loss
and
you
were
right
on
the
mark
about
any
loss
and
we
can
be
more
and
more
skilled
about
losses
and
add
to
our
toolkit
as
we
get
older
and
change.
We
might
need
different
things
when
we
were
younger,
but
it's
the
physical
responses,
emotional,
spiritual,
social,
so.
A
B
59,
if
69
years,
I
have
many
elders
and
one
that
I'm
thinking
about,
went
from
her
father's
house
to
her
husband's
house
and
in
her
80s
later
80s
for
the
first
time
she's
on
her
own.
So
there's
so
that's
why
some
of
grieveth
hearing
individualised
it's
all
your
social
history,
your
mental
health
history,
your
physical
issue,
history
and
then
we
treat
each
person.
You
know
I,
do
a
plan
of
care
for
each
person,
taking
all
the
factors
that
are
important
in
to
a
town,
yeah.
C
Thanks
for
doing
that,
for
my
future,
for
us
today
was
routine
for
the
little
boy
we
brought
in.
It
was
terrifying.
It
was
his
first
asthma
attack.
60%
of
asthma
attacks
are
allergic
reactions.
Pollen
and
pet
dander
are
familiar
culprits,
but
my
spread
allergens
in
82
percent
of
homes,
cockroach
allergens-
are
another
asthma
trigger
they're
found
in
as
many
as
63
percent
of
homes,
but
they're
not
unstoppable,
learn
how
to
protect
your
family
at
pests,
world
org
als
is
a
tough
disease
to
fight
relentlessly
progressive.
C
We
have
no
therapy
for
it
and
virtually
everyone
who
gets
a
disease
ultimately
succumbs
to
it.
How
do
we
stop
this?
How
do
we
break
through
ALS,
the
ælis
Therapy
Alliance
has
been
instrumental
in
discovery
and
treatment.
The
issue
is
being
willing
to
take
risks
where
we
think
there's
a
very
high
payback.
We
are
a
team
of
Fighters.
Randi
is
a
fighter
help
us
breakthrough
ALS.
Thank.
A
We're
back
with
Stephanie
Amsden
master
of
Social
Work
master
of
social.
That's
what
the
letters
behind
your
name
means
that's
right,
okay,
and
we
were
discussing
the
definition
of
grief,
but
I'm
just
wondering
if
there
are
parts
of
grief
like
there
is
there's
different
parts
of
death
and
acceptance
predict
that's
their
different
parts
of
grief.
Exactly.
B
Right
and
you
may
be
referring
to
the
kubler-ross
research
in
the
60s
that
defined
the
grief
of
death
and
those
were
more
linear
one.
Two
three
and
grief
I
like
simple
ways,
although
there's
lots
of
research
and
lots
of
different
ways
to
look
at
it
academically,
but
we
usual
people.
We
want
something
that
we
can
remember
and
work
with
so
I
like
a
three
part
kind
of
a
journey
of
grief,
the
there's
the
death
and
then
right
away.
B
Normal
grief
is
two
years
long
with
it
kind
of
Peaks
like
the
bell
curve
at
the
one-year
mark
anniversary
and
then
it's
easier
the
second
year
because
you're
getting
some
of
that
pain
and
stress
and
tension,
integrated,
processed
and
integrated.
And
then,
when
there's
then
there's
room
when
that
pain
is
gone
for
memories
that
are
happy
without
the
pain
and
going
in
down
into
the
two
year,
and
one
thing
I
want
to
say
really
none
of
this.
B
It
is
helpful
to
learn
about
grief,
but
you
can
learn
as
much
as
you
need
for
where
you
are.
The
middle
part
is
where
the
nuts
bolts
it's
longer.
It's
like
could
be
six
eight,
ten
months
there
or
a
year
and
a
half
in
the
middle
part.
So
we
go
then
to
the
very
deepest
most
painful
parts
possible
at
this
active
two-year
or
whatever
time.
A
A
You're
stunned
at
first
and
when
you're
stunned
you're
not
really
feeling
the
depth
of
your
of
your
grief
and
then
at
and
then
of
course,
people
are
calling
you
all
the
time
and
taking
you
out
and
so
on,
and
then
there's
that
time
when,
when
all
of
a
sudden
they
get
on
to
their
own
lives.
And
you
have
to
deal
on
your.
B
B
And
and
that's
why
people
come
and
get
grief
support,
because
if
you
get
just
for
example,
once
a
week
and
a
group
for
a
year
year
and
a
half
or
whatever,
then
you
can
be
more
the
wife
or
the
daughter
and
be
in
your
role
and
get
some
social
support,
but
your
loved
ones
won't
have
to
be
the
counselor.
So
that's
the
reason
why
a
lot
of
people
do
decide
to
go
out
when
you're
sitting
in
a
room
with
others
that
are
in
your
boat.
You
don't
have
to
say
much.
B
You
know
you
just
feel
understood
and
accepted,
and
that
alone
is
healing.
You
don't
do
anything,
but
just
come
once
a
week
and
and
be
in
the
room
with
others.
You
will
feel
acknowledged
and
for
just
as
you
are
you
don't
have
to
change.
Sometimes
you
hear
well-meaning
well.
Is
it
a
time
to
get
back
on
the
the
horse
or
get
back
to
dating
or
whatever,
and
this
could
come
at
three,
four
or
five
even
six
months
even
a
year
you
mean
it's
all
individual.
A
So
well,
I
think
that
this
brings
up
two
things.
First
of
all,
I
used
to
be
in
sales
and
I
know
that
the
person
doing
the
talking
feels
the
best.
So
it's
interesting
that
you
would
say
that
they'd
come
to
this
to
this
group
and
not
have
to
even
talk,
because
I
would
think
that
the
talking
about
anything
about
the
weather
makes
them
feel
better.
Have
you
not
seen
that
well.
C
B
B
A
The
second
thing:
there's
there's
some
people
who
experience
a
loss
and
Boop
six
months
later,
they're
out
looking
for
someone
else,
yes
and
and
that's
I
mean
does
it
doesn't
mean
necessarily
that
they
didn't
love
their
spouse,
not
at
all
it
may
be,
they
love
them
so
much
that
they
want
to
replace
them
as
soon
as
possible.
This
is
a.
B
B
But
then,
like
the
group,
just
you
you
come
to
a
point
and
then
that's
all
that
style
is
gonna,
help
you
with
that
technique
and
sudden
he
got
some
individual
and
then
he
just
he
wasn't
looking,
but
he
did
meet
a
woman
and
they
became
engaged
and
he
got
married,
probably
around
a
year
and
a
half
and
they
have
a
great
relationship
but
what
he
did
and
I'm
thinking
of
a
couple
of
others.
They
happen
to
be
gentlemen.
B
B
But
you
know
there
one
of
the
messages
in
our
life.
That's
there's
many
things
possible.
There's
a
lot
more
choices
than
maybe
we
know,
there's
not
one
way
to
do
it,
there's
so
many
choices.
So
what
I
like
to
encourage?
Oh
look
at
all
these
different
things.
Maybe
unconcern.
Consider
those
just
try
anything
that
the
first
thing
that
appeals
to
you
if
that
works
or
things
that
you
hear
in
the
group
that
have
worked
for
other
people
if
that
works
great,
keep
doing
it.
B
If
it
doesn't
work
great,
give
yourself
credit
for
trying
and
just
try
things,
but
each
person
is
the
one
that
says
that
that
really
doesn't
work
for
me,
and
so
you
don't
you're,
not
gonna,
find
that
out.
Unless
you
could
try
things
and
sometimes
at
the
beginning,
you
don't
have
much
energy
for
that.
That
might
come
a
little
bit
later.
You
know.
A
I
had
had
this
one
friend
at
the
Senior
Center,
a
husband
passed
away
and
she
says
well:
I
was
sitting
home
one
day
and
she
thought
well.
I
can't
just
sit
here,
so
she
went
out
and
got
a
job
and
it
was
just
it
was
handing
out
perfume
or
handing
out
soap.
Sir,
you
know
at
the
local
drugstore
she
was
so
much
fun
to
be
around.
B
This
is
one
of
the
best
things
that
helps
in
grief.
There's
many
many
specific
things
and
you
have
to
try
them,
but
just
going
out
and
exploring
a
book
club
of
this
about
a
volunteer
job,
I
do
have
a
gentleman
in
my
group
that
went
back
part-time
to
work
and
he
had
been
retired,
and
the
thing
is
that
you're
using
some
what
of
a
distraction
so
that
you're
not
in
this
consciousness
of
pain
and
grief
by
yourself
alone,
you
are
connecting
with
people
and
in
a
lot
of
cases.
B
B
And
if
you
can
feel
good,
when
you're
grieving
and
in
pain,
that
consciously
and
unconsciously
can
keep
a
motivator
to
find
the
right
balance
again
in
your
life
yeah.
So
there
are.
There
are
many
many
ways
to
help
yourself
in
all
of
the
phases:
difficult
phases,
and
sometimes
you
just
need
some
ideas
so
sitting
in
a
group,
or
there
are
many
there's
much
literature.
B
B
In
many
many
ways
we
healed
more
deeply
in
relationship
and
if
you
can
get
in
relationships
which
are
often
really
looked
at
at
the
death
and
people
can
make
significant
changes
in
the
life
some
people,
they
are
not
friendly
with
some
kinds
of
their
former
friends
for
a
while
some
they
say
you
know,
I
realize
that
person.
Is
it's
really
not
that
useful
to
me
in
my
life?
It's
not
that
awesome.
A
lot
of
things
can
change
and
then
there's
a
lot
of
different,
as
we
were
mentioning
ways
to
work
with
grief.
B
A
B
B
Can
and
there's
so
many
factors
again.
For
example,
sitting
meditation
is
counterindicated
for
depression
because
there
you
are
sitting
with
the
pain
and
you
it's
very
hard.
It
would
be
better
to
do
movie,
even
if
it
was
just
walking
so
there's
so
many
little
and
then
later
on,
maybe
at
ten
twelve
months
or
a
year
and
a
half
I'm
just
teaching
a
new
class
starting
in
a
week.
That's
mindfulness
and
the
new
neuroscience
and
positive
psychology.
B
A
B
A
B
Have
a
group
and
other
people
and
people
we
talk
about
that
and
that
we
normalize
it
and
also
well,
that's
where
you
are
right
now
now
what
what
are
your
choices?
Do
you
want
to
in
you
know,
look
at
this
over
time.
Keep
the
question
open.
It's
your
life,
so
you
get
to
choose,
and
sometimes
people
are
also
so
emotional.
They
can't
stand
to
be
in
public
with
all
this
pain
at
the
beginning
in
public
places,
so
it,
but
some
would
go
right
away
and
be
be
comforted
so
try
it.
B
B
B
A
B
C
The
problem
is,
the
public
makes
health
care
decisions
based
on
how
they
feel
I
have
a
tendency
to
call
it
I
feel
good
syndrome
if
I
feel
good.
How
could
there
be
anything
wrong
with
me?
I
feel
great
I
just
did
full
court
basketball
or
18
holes
of
golf
Oh.
Most
people
can
lose
up
to
80
90
percent
of
their
kidney
function
and
feel
great.
You
can't
make
healthcare
decision
solely
based
on
how
you
feel
the
women
we
love
the
women
who
love
us.
C
They
are
dying
heart
disease
is
our
number
one
killer,
taking
more
lives
than
all
forms
of
cancer
combined,
but
we
have
the
power
to
save
those
lives.
Our
lives,
because
the
greatest
force
for
women
is
women.
It's
time
to
stand
together
to
fight
harder
to
shout
louder,
it's
time
to
go
red
for
women.
C
A
B
Overriding
first
response
is
love
every
moment
in
the
present
moment.
Yet
I
still
think
it's
very
wholesome.
When
possible,
you
could
take
a
class
at
a
community
college
or
in
when
young
people
are
going
to
school.
Now
they
have
grief,
death
and
dying
classes
in
psychology
and
spirituality,
investigate
it
through
your
spiritual
world
and
practices
and
people.
You
know
that
they
know.
B
It
gets
you
a
little
more
prepared,
there's
workshops
that
you
could
take.
There
is
I'm
thinking
of
a
book
by
Steven
Levine
who
wrote
about
the
last
year.
If
you
had
one
year
to
live,
and
there
was
every
day
thought
prompts,
but
there's
so
many
ways,
but
then
our
life
is
busy,
and
sometimes
we
notice,
just
like
oh
I,
didn't
write
a
will
and
my
wishes
in
case
I
was
incapacitated
until
my
mid-50s
and
I'm
in
this
business
for
25
years.
B
A
A
B
I'm
just
think,
it's
so
interesting
that
this
is
a
good
idea
like
getting
the
back
packed
full
of
items
in
case
there's
a
big
disaster,
but
how
long
it
takes
us,
and
especially
as
a
culture
to
to
reinforce
that
and
make
it
easier
for
people
to
do
that.
So
people's
individual
personality,
styles
and
life
circumstances
kind
of
inform
what
they're
actually
going
to
do
if
they
had
a
friend
or
a
partner.
Who
thought
this
would
be
a
good
idea
to
trade
off
some
of
the
the
work
tasks
around
the
house
to
to
learn.
B
B
A
B
A
B
What
you
plan
for
one
thing,
I
have
many
families
who
were
totally
preparing
for
one
to
die
because
he
or
she
was
older
and
it
didn't
work
that
way
so
it's
great
to
and
do
things
that
you
really
enjoy
and
are
interested
in
and
bring
some
fun
for
those
hard
things,
but
then
also
prepared
for
that
we're
not
in
charge.
We
can't
control
it.
We
can't
choose
some
things,
so
then
also
try
to
be
ready
for
things,
we're
not
ready
for
it.
Okay,
here's
my
chance,
I
get
to
work
with
people
and
ask.
A
B
Time
to
suggest
counselling
is
anytime
just
as
a
JIT.
Well,
this
is
possible,
but
I
think
you
bring
up
a
really
good
point.
It's
so
important.
This
is
especially
true
for
the
more
complicated
kinds
of
grief
and
it
can
be
because
it
was
a
complicated
kind
of
death,
very
traumatic,
messy,
missing
body
or
because
our
response
we're
just
so
triply
bereaved
and
traumatized
by
the
loss
of
this
person.
B
There
they're
all
there
each
complications
and
this
what
it
is
really
common
to
have
lowered
mood
and
it
could
be
considered
situational
depression,
but
it's
still
depression
and,
if
you're
having
low
any
symptoms,
you
look
at
the
symptoms,
our
body
and
our
behavior
will
tell
us
whether
it's
kids
or
adults,
if
you
can't
sleep
over
time
and
and/or
you're,
not
giving
enough
nutrition,
you
do
not
have
enough
energy
to
process
and
integrate
grief
and
all
the
intensity.
So
it's
like
this.
It
is
not
changing.
B
B
You
want
some
relief
and
if
you
don't
get
it,
you
might
unconsciously
turn
to
self
medication
or
drinking
or
or
you
might
have
suicidal
thoughts
or
that
mind
in
depression,
and
you
don't
see
any
choices,
and
you
just
at
the
end,
want
to
relieve
yourself
of
the
pain
so
call
for
help
family
and
friends
check.
You
know,
check
the
symptoms
regularly
for
the
next
four.
You
know:
you're
gonna
be
checking
in
on
your
friends
regularly.
For
you
their
whole
life
and
grief
might
take
two
years
and
complicated
grief.
It
might
take
three
four
or
five.
B
B
You
can
kind
of
expect
that
it'll
do
this
and
then
this
it'll
look
like
this
and
you'll
have
this
time
to
say
goodbye,
maybe
finish
some
things,
and
maybe
it's
an
elder
person
who
we
expect
elders
to
die
before
our
kin,
so
a
30
year
old
dying
is
not
normal,
so
that
would
be
a
complicated
that
would
be
complicated
just
on
itself.
If
there
are
children,
young
children
in
that
there's
a
whole
list,
the
more
stressors
financial,
more
stressors.
B
There
are
maybe
there's
mental
health
issues,
former
issues
that
were
maybe
not
resolved
in
the
patient
or
family
members,
the
more
difficulties
there
are,
the
more
complicated
it
can
be
and
yet
and
a
person
in
that
situation
could
have
gained
and
learned
many
coping
skills
be
covered
over
difficulties,
so
the
the
stressors
are
still
there,
but
she
might
have
learned
a
lot
about
dealing
with
those,
so
she's
sort
of
minimize
many
of
the
difficulties,
but
the
situational
stressors
are
still
there.
Maybe
it
was
a
horrible
disfiguring,
awful
messy
death.
A
B
B
Could
last
three
to
five
years:
it's
just
like
trauma.
The
complicated
grief
model
would
be
relatively
like
a
trauma
model
because
it
is
very
traumatizing
and
that's
where
a
person
would
be
more
likely
to
feel
depression
and
I've
noticed
a
greater
percentage
of
people
that
I
see
that
use
antidepressants
and
or
anti-anxiety
very
much
more
common,
now
I'd,
say
50
to
60
percent
of
the
people.
Do
you
like
that
idea?
I,
like
the
idea?
What's
the
problem,
what
are
the
choices
and
to
consider
all
the
choices?
Many
people
don't
want
medicines.
B
A
B
Many
people
they
could
be
even
in
their
40s
or
50s
and
they've
never
had
a
significant,
intense,
really
important
death,
and
so
they
maybe
they're
not
prepared
it's
not
they
don't
have
the
coping.
They
don't
have
the
experience.
So
you
can
be
very
surprised
and
if
you
have
some
of
that
stunned
shock
going
on
you're,
not
at
your
very
best,
so
I
think
you
talk
see,
you
can
just
talk
to
enough
people
that
you
know
your
friends
and
families
to
see
if
there
isn't
some
place
or
some
person
that
you
could
just
ask
questions
of.
B
It
could
be
your
Aunt
Sally
who
had
a
death
and
some
is
experienced
it
before
right.
It
could
be
somebody
at
an
agency
like
the
Agency
on
Aging
or
the
the
Senior
Center
any
community.
It
could
be
a
psychotherapist
and
the
counselors
which
are
not
doing
psychotherapy.
It's
supportive
education
stress,
reduction,
coping
the
that's
what
we
have
in
in
bereavement
and
hospices,
so
you
can
just
call
up
and
talk
for
free
on
the
phone
and
ask
questions
and
even
get
an
assessment.
You
recommend
that
over
just
reading
a
book,
try
whatever
is.
B
B
Into
it,
I
think
it
was
a
synchronistic
spiritual
issue,
because
it
is
the
first
time,
20
years
ago
that
I
got
into
the
passion
of
my
work:
life,
I
love.
This
grief
support
that
I
do
and
every
day
I
learned
something,
and
it
comes
from
the
heart.
In
addition
to
the
mind
and
the
way
I
got
into
it
was
I
was
attending
my
regular
Saturday
meditation
Dharma
talk
and
that
the
teacher
that
day
was
a
substitute-
and
he
was
a
director
of
a
hospice
across
the
street
and
I
cried
through
the
whole.
B
A
B
It's
my
training
is
is
really
I
am
what
my
past
has
been,
and
so
I
do
have
that
graduate
degree,
but
really
most
of
the
way
I
work
with
the
brief
has
to
do
with
the
decades
of
meditation
and
mindfulness
practices
and
the
martial
arts
practice.
So
these
are
spiritual
practices,
there's
so
many
ways
to
work
with
grief
and
there's
so
many
different
people
that
need
different
choices.
B
B
B
I
think
it's
that
combination,
which
is
hard
to
put
one
word
on
it,
could
just
be
desperate
misery
and
whatever
the
most
extreme
words
you
could
use.
That
would
express
this
pain,
that
the
words
don't
do
it
service
and
that
would
be
like
a
deep
depressant
depression.
It
could
be
a
hopelessness
and
helplessness
what
the
use
of
life.
What
good
am
I
Who
am
I
now,
so
that's
not
all
of
it.
You
go
in
and
out,
but
I'm
glad
you
asked.
B
B
To
talk
I
would
give
me,
or
anybody
just
give
anybody
a
call
until
you
find
somebody
that
will
help
you
and
everybody
that
I
call
I,
don't
think
I've
turned
away
anybody
that
I
didn't
give
them
at
least
somebody
else
to
call
if
I
wasn't
able
to
give
them
what
they
need
and
I
tell
people
where
all
the
resources
are
closest
to
them.
So
that's
a
good
choice.
Just
try
anybody.