►
Description
Kind Engineering: How To Engineer Kindness - Evan Smith, Solvemate
Speakers: Evan Smith
Software Engineering is an environment that is rife with worrying stereotypes like the "Brilliant Jerk" and the "Peter Principle". How do you be a kind engineer and encourage kindness in engineering? For the last couple years, I've been exploring what it means to be a Kind Engineer. It's called different things in different circles but ultimately it comes down to the fact that people who give more unconditionally make themselves happier, their teams happier and their companies happier. I'd like to share some practical tips on how people can become kinder engineers. This talk will cover code reviews, psychological safety, giving/receiving feedback and honesty in the workplace.
For more Continuous Delivery Foundation content, check out our blog: https://cd.foundation/blog/
A
A
So
for
the
last
couple
years
I've
been
exploring
what
it
means
to
be
a
kind
engineer
and
it's
called
different
things
in
different
circles.
But
ultimately
it
comes
down
to
the
fact
that
people
who
give
more
unconditionally
make
themselves
happier
their
teams
happier
and
their
companies
happier.
So
today,
I'd
like
to
share
some
practical
tips
on
how
people
can
become
kinder
engineers
and
to
do
that
we're
going
to
go
through
six
sections.
A
A
To
help
understand
what
kindness
is,
I
really
love
this
quote
from
tanya
riley's
talk.
Continuous
kind
is
about
being
invested
in
other
people,
it's
about
figuring
out
how
to
help
them
and
meeting
them
where
they
are
and
you'll
see
throughout
today
that
that
last
bit
is
a
recurring
theme.
You'll
see
it
again
and
again
about
putting
yourself
in
their
shoes
it's
about
actively
caring
about
people
getting
invested
in
making
them
better
and
going
that
extra
mile.
A
If
there's
a
difference
between
being
nice
and
kind,
I
mean
be
nice
and
kind,
be
nice
as
much
as
possible
meetings
and
work,
and
everything
go
better
when
people
are
trying
to
be
agreeable
and
friendly
with
each
other,
but
go
further
than
that,
actively
care
about
people
and
get
invested
in
making
them
better.
Go
that
extra
mile
to
help
someone.
A
We
all
know
the
old
algae,
but
nice
guys
finished
last,
so
you
might
be
asking
yourself
what
has
kindness
ever
done
for
me
and
to
answer
that
I
really
love
recommending
this
book
by
adam
grant.
It's
called
give
and
take.
He
divides
the
world
into
three
different
types
of
people,
there's
givers,
who
give
more
than
they
take
there's
takers
who
take
more
than
they
give
and
there's
matchers
who
give
as
much
as
they
take,
and
it's
filled
with
these
studies.
These
stories,
these
anecdotes
that
support
the
fact
that
givers
end
up
more
productive.
A
They
create
more
meaningful
relationships
and
networks
they're
more
likely
to
receive
help
when
they
need
it.
They're
more
successful
and
they're
just
generally
happier
to
start
with
we're
going
to
talk
a
bit
about
code
reviews
they're,
one
of
the
most
powerful
asynchronous
communication
tools
we
have
in
engineering
and
it's
very
important
that
we
nail
the
tone
and
how
we
use
the
method
to
effectively
communicate
with
our
team
one
of
the
most
important
skills
you're
going
to
have
to
master
for
code
reviews.
Is
your
tone
first
of
all,
try
to
understand
more
of
the.
A
Why
and
not
just
the
what
and
the
how
you
need
to
understand
more
of
where
someone's
coming
from
you
need
to
meet
them,
where
they
are
to
help
them
and
to
give
them
a
chance
to
explain
the
reasoning
behind
changes
behind
certain
pieces
of
code
and
the
reasoning
that
went
into
it.
What
was
the
process
that
led
to
this?
And,
secondly,
you
should
not
assume
malice
or
ineptitude.
A
We
don't
hire
bad
engineers.
We
don't
hire
evil
engineers,
don't
go
into
a
review,
assuming
that
someone
is
making
a
change
out
of
mal
intent
or
because
they're
stupid
or
because
they
don't
know
what
they're
doing
or
they're
bad
at
their
job.
It's
more
likely
that
and
leading
into
point
three.
You
should
assume
you
might
be
missing
something
it's
more
likely
that
you
are
missing
something
in
this
context
and
that
you
should
just
ask
for
clarification
rather
than
correction.
A
What
the
logic
was
going
into
this,
which
leads
me
into
point
four,
which
is
that
you
should
ask
open-ended
questions,
questions
that
leave
people
room
to
defend
themselves,
to
explain
their
viewpoint,
to
get
you
on
board,
ask
questions
that
clarify
a
situation
and
ask
them
in
an
open-ended
fashion,
so
asking
questions
like
have
you
thought
about
or
what
would
happen
if
we
did
it
this
way
or
or
I
see
it
like
it's
done
like
this.
What
would
you
think
about
doing
it
like
this?
A
Those
kind
of
questions
are
open-ended
and
they
live
enough
room
for
someone
to
explain
their
choices.
Explain
their
reasoning
behind
things
and
bring
you
on
board
and
bring
you
to
their
level
and
explain
things
to
you
and
while
we're
talking
about
intent,
something
you're
going
to
need
to
do
is
to
ensure
that
the
reviewee
understands
your
intent.
When
you
make
certain
comments,
one
of
the
most
common
ones
is
nitpicks,
so
nitpicks
for
those
who
don't
know,
are
unimportant
comments
where
the
code
could
be
merged
without
even
addressing
them.
A
Things
like
that
and
secondly,
a
lot
of
nitpicks
may
be
a
sign
of
a
larger
problem
such
as
with
your
tooling,
your
process
or
your
standards.
If
you
find
yourself
leaving
a
lot
of
comments
around
like
indentation
or
brackets
on
the
wrong
line-
or
this
doesn't
fit
like
with
our
standards
of
formatting,
then
maybe
you
should
consider
adding
an
automatic
step
either
through
a
pre-commit
hook
or
through
your
ci
pipeline
that
catches
these
things
automatically
and
highlights
them
to
the
to
the
author
of
the
pr,
rather
than
having
you
kind
of
go
through
it.
A
A
Secondly,
a
lot
of
questions
can
indicate
there's
a
misunderstanding
here.
You
might
just
be
talking
past
each
other.
There
might
be
a
tiny
piece
of
the
puzzle
that
one
of
you
is
just
not
getting,
which
leads
into
part
number
three,
which
is
that
a
long
back
and
forth
of
questions
and
answers
is
exhausting
and
talking
will
be
a
lot
quicker
for
both
of
you.
It's
going
to
be
a
lot
easier
to
ask
a
lot
of
small
questions
in
a
face-to-face
situation.
A
Being
honest
starts
with
yourself
and
being
at
work
when
you're
at
work,
you
try
to
be
and
strive
to
be
more
than
just
professional
care
about
people
and
share
more
than
just
your
work
self
and
encourage
everyone
to
do
the
same.
It's
about
building
up
a
relationship
of
trust,
it's
about
understanding
people
and
getting
closer
to
understanding
where
they
come
from
their
life
experiences
their
history,
how
they
feel
and
how
they
act
and
how
you
can
best
help
them
in
the
workplace.
A
You
need
to
be
more
than
just
professionals
together,
you
need
to
have
a
certain
amount
of
connection,
a
certain
amount
of
sharing
to
ensure
that
when
it
comes
down
to
it,
you
can
trust
that
when
you
give
them
critical
feedback
that
they
can
trust
it,
that
they
will
take
it
on
board
and
learn
from
it.
And
similarly,
when
they
give
you
critical
feedback,
you
need
to
be
able
to
understand
it
and
accept
it,
especially
with
praise.
We
don't
trust
praise
from
people
when
we
think
it's
superficial
or
that
it's
insincere.
A
We
need
to
trust
the
people
who
praise
us
and
criticize
us
in
order
to
take
their
feedback
on
board
and
understand
it
and
you
know
build
from
it
and,
secondly,
when
it
comes
to
being
at
work,
you
need
to
challenge
people
directly,
always
challenge
people
directly
go
to
the
person.
You
disagree
with
and
challenge
them
about
what
you
disagree
with.
A
You
should
be
sure
to
one
include
positives
when
things
happen,
we
have
a
tendency
to
always
only
focus
on
the
negative
things
when
things
are
going
wrong,
we
critique
people
and
try
to
give
them
feedback
to
help
them
grow,
but
you
also
need
to
be
there
when
things
are
going
well
and
you
need
to
understand
need
to
help
them
understand
that
this
is
great.
This
is
a
really
cool
thing
and
give
them
that
praise
that
they
deserve,
and
the
second
is
prior
that
you
should
also
be
humble.
A
You
should
always
admit
when
you're
wrong,
when
you've
made
a
mistake
when
someone
when
you
challenge
people
directly
more
often
than
not
they're,
probably
going
to
give
you
back
an
argument
that
will
change
your
opinion
that
will
fill
in
some
of
the
gaps
you
had
because
that's
the
point
of
challenging
someone
directly.
Is
you
get
the
truth
from
the
source
and
admitting
when
you're
wrong
is
going
to
be
a
very
valuable
skill,
because
it's
probably
going
to
happen
a
lot
and
it's
something
that
you
need
to
get
comfortable
with?
A
If,
after
a
meeting,
someone
really
bombed
that
meeting
and
didn't
get
their
point
across,
but
they
seem
really
nervous,
you
just
want
to
build
them
up
and
you
want
to
like.
We
want
to
give
them
the
confidence
to
keep
doing
more
meetings
like
that
telling
them
that
was
a
great
meeting,
isn't
going
to
help
them.
A
In
fact,
it's
going
to
do
the
opposite,
and
it's
going
to
ruin
your
relationship
with
them,
because,
eventually,
what
will
happen
is?
Maybe
they
were
trying
to
convince
a
group
of
people
to
take
on
a
new
architecture
decision
or
something,
and
then
those
people
reject
the
decision
and
they're
kind
of
left
being
like.
Why?
And
then
someone
comes
forward
and
says:
well
it's
because
the
meeting
didn't
go
well
and
because
you
performed
poorly
at
the
meeting
and
then
they'll
have
in
the
back
of
their
mind.
A
Why
did
evan
say
that
that
was
a
really
great
meeting?
If
it
wasn't,
why
were
they
being
insincere?
Why
were
they
lying
to
me
and
then
that's
going
to
burden
your
relationship?
It's
going
to
mark
it
with
something
that
you're
going
to
have
to
work
even
harder
to
reconcile
and
the
next
time
around
they're,
probably
not
going
to
trust
you
when
you
give
them
praise
or
you
give
them
critical
feedback.
A
So
you
need
to
be.
You
need
to
understand
that
it's
all
about
building
relationships,
building,
rapport
with
people
being
more
than
just
your
professional
self,
is
about
forming
a
connection
with
people.
Encouraging
people
to
do
the
same
is
about
fostering
that
connection
between
everyone
so
that
they
trust
each
other.
When
it's
important,
it's
important
to
hone
the
skill
of
being
honest
only
when
it
helps
you
shouldn't
be
brutally
honest
all
the
time,
because
people
need
a
rest,
people
can't
deal
with
constant
negativity,
it's
bad
for
them.
A
You
shouldn't
lie
to
them,
but
you
shouldn't
constantly
be
burdening
them
with
advice
or
feedback,
and
one
of
the
most
common
things
is
this
difference
between
those
white
lies.
I
talked
about
being
nice
versus
being
kind,
so
this
is
that
meeting
example.
I
talked
about
where
a
meeting
didn't
actually
go
well
when
someone
came
out
of
it
and
you
want
to
kind
of
empathize
with
them
and
build
them
up
a
bit.
So
you
say
good
job
in
the
meeting.
A
It
was
great
and
then
later
down
the
line,
you
know
they
get
the
real
feedback,
which
was
that
it
wasn't
great.
They
didn't
do
well,
whereas
something
that's
much
more
kind.
Is
about
developing
that
point.
About
being
honest
with
them
and
saying
things
like
your
answer
to
the
question
was
a
bit
rambly
and
you
missed
the
opportunity
to
convince
people
at
the
at
the
table
about
your
idea,
but
it
is
a
good
idea,
and
all
you
need
to
do
is
just
practice
your
elevator
pitch,
like
once
you
get
your
elevator
pitched
down.
A
I
I
really
think
convincing
people
will
be
a
lot
easier
for
you.
I
really
love
the
idea
and
I
love
how
you
did
x
or
I
love
how
you
did
why
and
how
you
got
up
in
front
of
people.
It
was
great,
but
you
do
need
to
work
on
minimizing
how
many
tangents
you
go
on
and
how
much
rambling
you
do
and
kind
of
make
it
much
more
succinct,
so
that
people
have
a
concrete
point
that
they
go
away
from
the
meeting
with
we're
not
being
brutally
honest
all
the
time
without
any
filter.
A
You
don't
want
to
bombard
people
with
honesty,
because
you're
gonna
seem
like
a
dick.
It's
the
honest
truth
is
that,
if
you're,
honest,
too
much
and
all
the
time
without
any
filter,
without
any
empathy
or
without
any
consideration
for
people,
they're
just
going
to
think
you're
a
bit
of
a
dick
they're
going
to
think
you're
a
bit
of
a
jerk
when
it
comes
to
helping
this
next
section
is
about
psychological
safety.
Psychological
safety
is
a
personal
favorite
topic
of
mine.
A
A
Secondly,
a
lot
of
questions
can
indicate
there's
a
misunderstanding
here.
You
might
just
be
talking
past
each
other.
The
physical
part
of
ourselves
we
need
to
nurture
psychological
safety,
is
the
other
side
of
it.
It's
about
feeling
safe
in
your
workplace.
It's
about
feeling
like
you
belong,
like
you
were
included.
It's
about
feeling,
okay,
to
put
your
hand
up
and
challenge
people,
it's
about
feeling
safe.
A
A
Something
I
really
like
is
the
structure
of
a
sprint
retrospective.
So
it's
what
should
I
start
doing?
What
should
I
stop
doing,
or
what
should
I
keep
doing?
Which
is
basically
just
what
went
badly?
What
went?
Well?
What
can
we
do
in
the
future?
It's
a
really
easy
mental
model
to
get
feedback
for,
because
it's
really
easy
to
answer
those
kind
of
questions
and
get
people
to
answer
those
kind
of
questions
highly
recommend
it,
and
by
seeking
out
criticism
you
make
yourself
vulnerable
and
more
open.
A
You
build
and
sustain
that
relationship
that
we've
worked
really
hard
to
cultivate
in
the
honesty
section.
By
seeking
out
criticism
you
make
yourself
vulnerable
and
more
open.
It
builds
up.
A
rapport
with
people
makes
them
more
amenable
to
criticism
from
you
or
for
you,
it
counters
the
whole.
You
can
dish
it
out,
but
you
can't
take
a
problem.
It's
about
building
off
that
relationship
that
we
had
in
the
honesty
section
that
we
spent
a
while
cultivating
and
actually
using
it.
A
Second
of
all,
try
your
best
to
be
inclusive,
keep
an
eye
out
for
people
who
maybe
don't
contribute
as
much
in
meetings
or
in
documents
and
try
to
find
ways
to
give
them
a
voice.
It
might
be
just
prompting
them
for
feedback
in
the
meeting,
or
maybe
you
need
to
reevaluate
how
people
contribute
entirely
be
open
to
different
backgrounds
and
different
life
experiences
by
talking
to
them
and
offering
to
cater
to
their
preferred
style
of
suggestions
and
communication.
A
A
Thirdly,
you
should
strive
to
make
your
culture
blameless.
Often,
individual
failure
is
actually
a
failure
of
either
process
or
environment
or
workflow.
An
old
manager
used
to
tell
me
that
we
put
you
in
the
position
to
make
that
mistake
or
push
that
commit,
and
that
is
why
the
team
takes
ownership
over
it.
A
Maybe
we
didn't
highlight
enough
information
for
them.
Maybe
we
gave
them
the
wrong
information
at
deploy
time.
Maybe
we
said
things
were
safe
when
they
weren't.
Maybe
the
monitoring
was
wrong
or
it
was
broken,
or
maybe
we
didn't
test
enough.
It
becomes
a
team
responsibility
to
make
sure
that
things
go
right.
A
It's
not
an
individual
responsibility
and
there's
a
difference
between
feeling
accountable
for
causing
an
issue
and
feeling
blame
for
causing
an
issue,
and
it's
important
to
make
sure
that
you
don't
make
people
feel
blamed
for
taking
risks
that
the
company
and
the
team
greenlighted,
because
it's
not
it's
not
their
responsibility.
At
the
end
of
the
day,
they
can
feel
a
certain
amount
of
guilt
for
being
accountable
for
that
issue,
but
you
shouldn't
blame
them
and
continuing
on
from
that
attitude
of
blamelessness,
you
should
be
fostering.
You
should
also
focus
on
turning
your
failure
into
learning.
A
It's
important
that
we
recognize
that
failure
is
an
absolute
it's,
not
the
end
of
the
world.
We
fail
probably
dozens
of
times
a
day
and
we
don't
always
recognize
it,
but
we
learn
from
it.
We
do
better
the
next
time
around
it's
important
to
take
the
time
after
failure
occurs,
to
sit
down
and
walk
through
it.
Take
that
sprint
retrospective
model
I
talked
about
and
take
all
that
empathy
and
trust
and
the
relationship
you've
been
building
with
everyone
and
have
an
honest
conversation
around
why
this
happened
figure
out
what
went
badly.
What
went?
Well?
A
We
are
going
to
use
that
relationship.
We
built
in
honesty,
we're
going
to
use
the
psychologically
safe
environment
we
created
in
the
last
section
and
we're
going
to
build
on
the
code
review
concept
to
really
expand
on
how
you
give
feedback
both
positive
and
negative,
particularly
negative.
It's
something
that
people
find
quite
hard
to
do
it's
quite
hard
to
articulate
and
feel
like
it's
okay
to
do,
and
a
lot
of
this
talk
is
about
showing
you
that
it
is
okay.
A
As
long
as
you
set
the
right
foundation,
you
set
the
right
expectations
and
you
also
open
yourself
to
the
same
feedback
from
people.
Here
are
just
some
general
tips
about
giving
and
receiving
negative
feedback
with
a
little
bit
about
praise.
So,
firstly,
you
should
start
by
asking
for
criticism
not
giving
it.
This
is
about
building
that
relationship
of
trust.
This
is
about
making
sure
that
people
trust
you
to
be
sincere
about
your
praise,
sincere
about
your
criticism
and
to
make
sure
that
your
intent
is
legitimate.
A
Secondly,
don't
make
it
personal.
The
feedback
should
always
be
about
the
piece
of
work
or
the
task.
It
should
not
be
about
the
individual.
It's
not
an
individual,
failing
it's
a
task
that
isn't
done
to
the
standard.
You
expect,
or
it's
a
mistake
that
was
made
that
can
be
rectified,
it's
something
that
can
be
fixed
or
it's
something
that
can
be
honed
so
that
it
doesn't
happen
again.
A
It's
a
lot
easier
to
do
that
because
you
already
have
that
lily
pad
to
leapfrog
from
moving
on
to
specifically
giving
negative
feedback.
There
are
three
things
you
need
to
keep
in
mind
or
to
account
for
when
you're,
getting
it
number.
One
is
emotion,
you
need
to
take
the
listeners,
emotions
into
account
and
not
your
own.
This
is
again
that
theme
of
meeting
people
where
they
are
to
help
them.
A
You
should
be
aware
of
what
emotional
state
they're
currently
in
anticipate,
what
kind
of
emotional
state
they
may
be
in
after
you
give
the
feedback
and
remove
your
own
personal
stake
in
the
feedback.
If
you
are
frustrated
with
someone
or
angry
with
someone
about
what
they
did
or
what
has
happened,
you
need
to
put
those
emotions
aside.
A
It's
not
about
you,
it's
about
helping
them
grow
and
anticipating
their
emotion
and
their
feelings
in
this
moment.
Secondly,
it's
about
credibility.
You
need
to
build
credibility.
We
talked
in
the
last
slide
about
providing
specific
examples,
and
this
is
exactly
why
you
need
to
demonstrate
a
certain
amount
of
expertise
in
what
you're
giving
feedback
about,
so
that
you
can
build
credibility,
that
this
feedback
is
helpful
and
that
it's
authentic,
you
also
need
to
show
humility,
show
that
we
are
not
perfect.
You
are
not
above
or
superior
to
anyone.
A
A
People
need
to
be
able
to
see
if
there
are
any
flaws
in
the
feedback
you're
giving
or
how
you're
worked
it
out.
There
might
be
a
misunderstanding.
There
might
be
an
assumption
you
made.
There
might
be
a
piece
of
context
that
is
missing,
that
you
haven't
taken
into
account
that,
because
you
don't
know
about
it,
and
it's
very
important
that
you
show
your
reasoning,
show
your
workings
out
so
that
people
can
pick
it
apart
and
show
you
where
you
went
wrong
so
that
you
can
grow.
This
is
another
part
about
being
humble
about
things.
A
A
Your
feedback
preferences
understand
how
you
prefer
to
receive
feedback
and
make
sure
people
know,
or
you
correct
them.
If
you
only
prefer
to
receive
it
in
a
written
form,
because
it
makes
it
easier
for
you
to
analyze
or
you
prefer
to
receive
it
face
to
face,
or
over
zoom
or
through
voice
make
that
known
as
much
as
possible,
so
that
people
use
the
correct
method
to
give
you
feedback
so
that
you
feel
the
most
comfortable
to
grow
from
it.
A
You
will
probably
have
given
some
negative
feedback
and
understand
how
hard
it
is
to
give
feedback
it's
hard
to
be
critical
of
people,
because
by
human
nature
we
want
to
empathize
with
them
and
we
want
to
be
nice.
We
want
to
be
kind
and
nurturing-
and
this
goes
against
that
a
bit
because
you
have
to
be
a
little
bit
aggressive,
a
little
bit
honest
about
the
feedback
you're
giving.
A
Thirdly,
don't
react
in
the
moment
take
some
time
to
gather
your
thoughts
and
process
the
feedback,
understand
it
as
much
as
possible,
which
leads
into
the
last
point
ask
for
clarifications
or
examples
where
you
can
you
don't
always
get
enough
information
to
understand
why
the
feedback
is
coming
to
you.
So
you
should
ask
for
clarifications.
Ask
for
specific
examples,
so
you
can
get
the
most
learning
out
of
this
out
of
this
moment
out
of
this
feedback.
A
So
we
come
to
the
end.
This
is
the
outro
I've
compiled
a
couple,
a
list
of
some
further
reading.
If
you're
interested
in
any
of
the
points
I
made
today,
number
one
is
give
and
take
by
adam
grant
it's
that
book.
I
talked
about
at
the
start
and
secondly,
is
radical
candor
by
kim
scott,
which
is
that
concept
of
honesty
and
bringing
your
whole
self
and
challenging
directly,
but
with
empathy.
A
Thirdly,
a
tiny
rally
has
a
really
great
talk
called
being
glue,
which
I
really
like
it's
about
praising
the
work
that
goes
on
between
the
work
and
which
is
just
generally
really
important.
I
highly
recommend
checking
it
out
and
there's
this
great
article
by
allison
mcmillan,
about
getting
feedback.
A
It's
what
I
based
a
lot
of
the
feedback
section
on
this.
Fifthly,
there
is
a
great
article
by
sarah,
a
soul
and
brian
walker,
about
changing
company
culture.
That
requires
a
movement,
not
a
mandate,
because
a
lot
of
this
and
a
lot
of
what
I
talk
about
is
a
cultural
shift,
a
cultural
change
and
it's
very
important
to
understand
how
to
do
that
and
how
to
do
it
well
and
finally,
a
bit
of
self-promotion.
But
this
is
my
own
article
about
psychological
safety.
A
It's
an
intro
to
psychological
safety
and
understanding
it
with
some
tips
on
how
to
build
it
and
sort
of
understand
it
a
bit
more.
I
highly
recommend
it.
I
think
it's
a
good
one
promise,
and
so
we
reached
the
end.
In
summary,
kindness
is
about
communication,
it's
about
honesty
and
safety.
It's
about
meeting
people
where
they
are
to
help
them
taking
their
life,
experiences
their
personal
preferences
into
account
when
you
communicate
with
them
when
you
give
them
feedback
and
when
you
make
try
to
make
a
culture
that
makes
them
feel
safe.