►
From YouTube: The emotionally fit leader - GitHub Universe 2017
Description
The tech industry is realizing more and more that in order for a company to grow, employees must grow as individuals. Humans are emotional beings, and we bring our humanity with us to work every single day. This translates into the product that is being made, which is felt by those using the product. In Silicon Valley, where so much of the culture and community is rooted in the tech scene, having emotionally fit and healthy leaders and employees will have a hugely important ripple effect on society. Intended Audience: This talk is for anyone working in tech who wants to better understand the intersection of their emotional and occupational selves. It is for anyone who has worked with someone who seemed to be leaking their personal issues into the job. It is especially useful for anyone in a leadership position at work.
About GitHub Universe:
GitHub Universe is a two-day conference dedicated to the creativity and curiosity of the largest software community in the world. Sessions cover topics from team culture to open source software across industries and technologies.
For more information on GitHub Universe, check the website:
https://githubuniverse.com
A
Hi
everyone
I'm
really
excited
to
be
here
and
today,
I'll
be
talking
a
little
bit
about
transparency
and
vulnerability,
so
in
service
of
that
I
figured
I'd
share.
That
I
was
actually
talking
asked
to
do
this
talk
two
days
ago.
So
two
days
is
a
quick
turnaround,
but
you
know
when
the
universe
calls
you
answer
so
here,
I
am
and
we're
in
this
journey
together.
A
So
what
you're
seeing
up
here
is
a
slideshow
of
quotes
that
I've
collected
over
the
years
great
quotes
are
one
of
the
first
things
that
showed
me
how
powerful
a
perspective
shift
can
be
the
way
you
can
see
something
familiar
and
known
from
a
different
angle
and
suddenly
have
a
completely
different
idea
about
it
and
I
think
that's
a
lot
of
what
psychology
is.
Psychology
is
trying
to
show
us
things
from
a
slightly
different
perspective
and
see
if
people
can
move
in
a
forward
place
for
knowing
it.
A
A
So
you've
probably
seen
the
statistic
or
some
variation
of
it.
One
in
four
people
will
experience
mental
health
problems
in
their
lifetime,
and
this
was
put
out
with
really
positive
intentions.
The
idea
was
to
try
to
distinctive
ental
health
issues
and
to
show
that
it's
more
common
than
we
think
and
to
try
to
you
know
ramp
up
resources
for
it.
A
But,
to
be
honest,
I
really
don't
like
this
statistic,
because
to
me
it
still
feels
like
it
divides
people
it
makes
it
seem
like
75%
of
us
get
through
our
entire
life
without
struggling
with
a
serious
mental
hell
issue
that
just
does
not
resonate
with
me.
So
I
took
the
liberty
of
making
my
own
chart
in
my
opinion,
because
everyone
has
mental
and
emotional
health.
Everyone
has
mental
and
emotional
health
issues.
We
might
not
all
be
formally
diagnosed
with
a
particular
disorder,
but
we
are
all
dealing
with
the
universal
pain
of
being
human.
A
We
all
struggle
with
existential
angst.
We
all
have
to
deal
with
mourning
whether
we're
mourning
a
person
or
a
job
or
a
path
we
didn't
take
and
we're
all
thrown
headfirst
into
this
crazy
Word
of
adulting,
which,
let's
be
honest,
the
struggle
is
really
real
on
that
one,
sometimes
so
I
think
it's
time
to
sort
of
get
away
from
this
other
ring
that
we
do
where
we
try
to
locate
issues
outside
of
ourselves
that
we're
not
wanting
to
face
in
the
tech
world,
especially
I,
think
emotional
health
has
a
really
interesting
role.
A
Tech
life,
as
you
know,
is
stressful
and
it's
high
pressure,
there's
tons
of
depression
and
anxiety
in
this
industry
and
though
the
industry
is
starting
to
see
that
and
is,
is
trying
to
provide
resources
breath
for
that
which
is
so
important,
but
beyond
those
kinds
of
acute
issues
to
be
successful
in
tech,
especially
in
a
leadership
position,
you
also
have
to
have
good
communication
skills.
You
have
to
have
patience
and
empathy.
You
have
to
be
able
to
form
and
maintain
solid
relationships
when
you're
a
leader,
especially
the
stress
and
responsibility,
is
even
greater.
A
You
have
to
deal
with
a
huge
range
of
emotion,
not
only
your
own,
but
the
emotions
that
your
team
is
bringing
to
work.
A
metaphor
I
like
to
use
is
that
a
tech
leader
is
a
little
like
a
parent
in
that,
like
a
parent,
it
is
up
to
you
to
create
a
space
that
feels
safe
and
valued
a
space
where
your
team
feels
safe
and
valued
and
included.
You
are
setting
the
ethos
and
culture
for
an
entire
group
of
people,
because
team
members
are
going
to
naturally
look
to
you
and
by
the
way,
they're
gonna.
A
Look
at
what
you're
doing
not
what
you're
saying
to
think
about
how
they're
supposed
to
be
at
work.
Also
like
a
parent,
you're
unprocessed
stuff,
gets
put
on
your
team.
It
leaks
into
the
work,
so
it's
really
important
to
have
some
sensitive
now.
This
is
especially
tough
in
tech,
because
the
culture
sometimes
favors
the
analytic.
The
rationale
over
the
emotional
but
I
think
that
this
desire
to
keep
our
emotions
out
of
work
is
a
fantasy
sort
of
like
this
idea
of
work-life
balance.
What
does
work-life
balance
even
mean
anymore?
A
I
wouldn't
know
where
to
draw
the
line
for
most
people
between
their
work
and
their
life,
especially
in
tech
I
mean
for
the
most
part,
people
are
doing
things
like
working
from
home
they're,
going
out
with
their
colleagues
they're
answering
emails
till
midnight
more
than
ever
we're
doing
work.
We
love,
which
means
we're
defining
our
life
by
our
work
in
a
new
way.
A
So
for
that
reason
who
you
are
anywhere
is
who
you
are
everywhere
and
if
you
think
that
you
can
have
some
emotions
in
your
personal
life
and
not
bring
any
of
those
with
you
to
work,
I,
don't
think
you're
seeing
the
whole
picture.
So
this
is
why
I
think
emotional
fitness
is
so
important,
and
at
this
point,
I
should
probably
tell
you
what
emotional
fitness
is.
I
want
to
specify
that
it's
not
the
absence
of
psychological
disorders,
so
a
person
can
be
struggling
with
depression.
A
They
can
have
ADHD,
they
can
be
dealing
with
any
number
of
things
and
still
be
emotionally
fit.
In
my
mind,
emotional
fitness
is
a
commitment
to
looking
inward
to
processing
through
difficult
emotions
and
to
working
toward
self
awareness
and
self
improvement.
I
like
to
use
the
metaphor
of
emotional
fitness
versus
physical
fitness,
so
when
you
think
about
physical
fitness,
everyone
has
a
body
which
means
everyone
has
physical
health.
A
Some
people
struggle
with
chronic
illness,
others
don't
but
we're
all
going
to
get
sick
at
various
points,
and
we
all
have
unique
strengths
and
limitations
that
we
have
to
attend
to
I.
Think
people
like
to
think
that
if
they're
not
actively
sick,
that
that
means
they're
healthy.
But
if
you
talk
to
someone
who's
really
committed
to
their
physical
health,
someone
who's
sleeping
eight
hours
and
exercising
every
day
and
eating
well,
they'll
tell
you
just
because
you're
not
ill
doesn't
mean
that
you're
healthy.
This
is
true
with
emotional
fitness
as
well.
A
Just
because
you're
not
struggling
with
daily
panic
attacks,
doesn't
necessarily
mean
you
have
good
emotional
health,
like
any
fitness
regimen,
it
needs
to
be
maintained.
It's
an
ongoing
process
and
there's
always
more
work
to
do
becoming
emotionally
fit
is
not
quick
and
it's
not
always
easy,
but
if
you're
willing
to
work
regularly
on
your
emotional
health,
you're
going
to
become
emotionally
strong,
and
this
prevents
issues
down
the
line.
A
Emotional
fitness
increases.
Emotional
intelligence,
it
improves
leadership
ability
and
it
makes
a
huge
difference
in
relationships
now.
Business
in
a
sense
is
just
a
series
of
relationships.
So,
as
cliche
as
this
sounds,
the
relationships
you
have
in
your
life
are
really
tied
to
the
relationship
that
you
have
with
yourself.
The
type
of
people
you
attract
into
your
life.
The
type
of
relationships
you
have
with
them
are
really
going
to
depend
on
the
work
that
you've
done
with
your
own
self.
So
I
thought
a
lot
about
this
concept.
A
Emotional,
fitness
but
I
wanted
to
be
able
to
kind
of
define
it
I
wanted
to
understand.
Well,
how
would
you
know
if
you
were
emotionally
fit?
How
would
a
person
know
if
they're
doing
well
in
that
department?
So
I
did
some
research
I
talked
to
a
hundred
psychologists
and
entrepreneurs
and
I
did
both
of
these
things,
because
I
wanted
the
psychological
scientific
perspective,
but
I
also
wanted
to
know
specifically
what
does
this
look
like
in
tech
and
I
asked
all
of
these
people?
What
does
it
mean
to
you
to
be
emotionally
healthy?
A
How
would
you
know
if
you
were
sitting
across
the
table
from
an
emotionally
healthy
person?
I
got
all
kinds
of
great
answers.
One
of
my
psychologist
friends
said
the
people
who
insist
the
hardest
on
their
own
total
self-awareness
and
emotional
health
are
often
the
least
so
and
I
think
what
they
were
trying
to
say
is
just
like
with
knowledge.
The
more
you
know,
the
more
you
learn,
the
more
you
realize.
How
much
you
don't
actually
know,
and
the
same
is
true
of
our
own
self
I.
A
Think
we
like
to
think
we
have
a
really
solid
handle
on
ourselves,
but
actually
the
more
you
learn
about
yourself,
the
more
you
realize
how
much
you're
hiding
from
yourself
and
how
much
of
what's
going
on
inside.
You
is
sort
of
happening
without
you
even
being
totally
aware
of
it.
So
what
I'm
gonna
do
is
I'm
gonna
go
over
each
of
these.
Oh,
oh
sorry,
so
I
took
all
of
the
answers
that
I
got
and
I
kind
of
boiled
them
down
into
these
seven
traits
these
7
pillars
of
emotional
fitness.
A
These
are
the
traits
that
you
would
see
in
someone
who
seems
to
be
working
actively
on
their
emotional
fitness,
so
I'm
gonna
tell
you
about
each
of
the
seven
traits
and
then
I
also
for
each
one
give
a
suggestion
about
something
you
might
do
if
you
want
to
kind
of
kickstart,
your
emotional
fitness
regimen
around
this
tree.
So
let's
dive
into
that.
The
first
trait
of
an
emotionally
fit
leader
is
the
capacity
to
identify
and
manage
their
own
emotions.
An
emotionally
fit
leader
is
self
reflective.
They
know
their
triggers
and
biases
they're
patient
there
is.
A
They
can
tolerate
frustration.
They
know
that
their
feelings
about
other
people
are
really
important
information
about,
what's
probably
going
on
within
their
own
self.
Just
knowing
your
emotions
gives
you
a
lot
of
power
over
them.
If
there's
one
really
important
lesson,
I've
learned
as
a
psychotherapist
that
I
wish
I
could
tell
everyone
about
it's
that
I.
Don't
think
people
have
any
realized
any
idea
just
how
much
their
emotions
are
driving
their
actions
without
even
realizing
it.
So
the
more
you
know
about
yourself,
the
more
you're
going
to
be
able
to
move
through
life
with
intention.
A
So
how
do
you
cultivate
this
capacity?
How
do
you
get
better
at
identifying
and
manage
your
own
emotions?
This
might
not
be
a
huge
surprise
given
who's
giving
the
advice
here.
But
to
me
it's
all
about
get
yourself
into
therapy.
The
work
you
can
do
for
the
world
is
very
tied
to
the
work
you've
been
willing
to
do
on
yourself
and
there's
a
lot
of
misconceptions
and
stigmas
about
therapy.
I.
A
Think
a
lot
of
people
believe
that
therapy
is
something
you
do
when
you're
trying
to
get
to
the
other
side
of
something
when
there's
something
really
wrong
or
you're
in
a
crisis
or
you're
needing
help
kind
of
getting
through
something,
and
so
can
be
wrong.
That's
a
really
good
time
to
seek
the
support
of
a
therapist,
but
actually
therapy
is
really
good
for
anyone
who
wants
to
understand
themselves
and
the
way
that
they're
moving
through
the
world.
A
In
fact,
when
you're,
not
in
crisis,
that's
when
you're
gonna
be
able
to
do
a
whole
new
level
of
the
work.
Think
about
our
metaphor
of
physical
health
when
you're,
sick
or
you're
battling
the
flu.
That's
not
when
you're
gonna
go
to
the
gym
right,
you're,
focusing
on
just
getting
yourself
back
to
the
baseline
and
being
relatively
healthy
and
then
once
you
are
then
you're
in
a
better
position
to
do
the
kind
of
deeper
work
of
getting
stronger
and
more
resilient
and
probably
preventing
yourself
from
certain
sicknesses
down
the
line.
A
This
is
also
true
with
emotional
health.
When
a
person's
in
crisis-
and
they
go
to
therapy,
then
that's
probably
what
the
focus
is
going
to
be
on.
But
if
you
can
get
yourself
to
therapy
when
you're,
not
in
crisis,
that's
when
this
amazing,
deep,
profound
work
happens
where
you
get
to
really
delve
into
the
things
that
are
driving
your
actions
that
you
might
not
even
be
aware
of.
A
You
get
to
explore
your
relationships,
you
get
to
understand
who
you
are
and
what
are
the
things
that
you're
doing
that
are
beneficial
for
you
and
what
are
the
things
that
you're
doing
that
there
might
be
room
to
change.
The
other
thing
is
as
a
leader
of
a
tech
company,
it's
really
helpful
to
have
a
safe
and
confidential
space,
to
talk
about
your
stress
and
anxiety
so
that
it
doesn't
get
leaked
into
your
team.
A
This
is
going
to
benefit
you,
your
team,
the
company,
everyone
around
you
all
right,
trait
number,
two,
the
capacity
to
identify
and
tolerate
the
emotions
of
other
people,
so
the
emotionally
fit
leader
can
and
does
put
themselves
in
other
people's
shoes
on
a
regular
basis.
They
recognize
and
can
tolerate
the
idea
that
people
are
going
to
have
different
feelings
than
they
do
and
they
consider
the
way
their
decisions
are
going
to
affect
other
people.
A
So,
as
a
leader
you're,
often
in
a
position
where
you
have
to
make
a
unilateral
decision
or
an
unpopular
decision
and
that's
just
kind
of
the
truth
of
the
job
but
the
emotionally
fit
leader
is
one
who
really
considers
what
the
feelings
are
going
to
be
that
come
of
this
decision
and
they're
gonna,
be
someone
who's
willing
to.
You
know
be
there
with
those
things
who
understands
their
place
in
it
and
that
they're
in
a
unique
position
to
support
a
person
through
it.
So
how
do
you
cultivate
this
trait?
A
Well,
I
suggest
check
in
with
your
team,
often
and
don't
just
listen
empathize,
so
when
you're
checking
in
don't
just
check
in
about
how
your
product,
their
project
is
going
check
in
about
how
they're
doing
right
see
the
people
on
your
team
as
whole
people,
and
when
you
listen,
don't
just
listen.
Empathize
now
empathy
involves
a
feeling
component.
If
you
intellectually
understand
what
a
person
is
feeling
but
you're
not
feeling
any
of
it.
That's
not
empathy.
Empathy
means
that
you
actually
let
yourself
feel
something
in
order
to
understand.
A
What's
going
on
for
the
other
person
now,
this
doesn't
mean
you
take
on
those
problems
as
your
own
checking
in
and
really
listening
and
empathizing
does
not
mean
that
their
problems
are
now
your
problems
and
that
it's
your
job
to
fix
them.
Somehow
it
just
means
that
you're
really
present
with
the
person
I
think.
Sometimes
people
worry,
oh
I,
don't
want
to
encourage
people
bringing
feelings
into
work.
It's
not
my
job
I'm,
not
their
therapist
right.
A
It's
not
your
job
to
fix
their
problems,
but
whether
you
like
it
or
not,
whether
they
like
it
or
not,
they
are
bringing
those
emotions
into
work
and
so
to
make
a
space
to
confront
them
and
be
with
them
in
those
feelings.
It's
gonna
increase
the
sort
of
genuine
and
authentic
kind
of
presence
that
they
have
there.
A
Trait
number
three
of
the
emotionally
fit
leader
is
the
capacity
to
play.
The
capacity
to
play
is
a
really
important
developmental,
milestone,
I
love,
the
improv
definition
of
play,
which
is
play,
means
saying
yes,
and
so
an
emotionally
fit
leader
is
someone
who
says
yes,
and
they
take
up
other
people's
ideas.
They
try
them
on.
They
build
on
them.
A
Write
play,
builds
community
and
culture,
it
improves
memory,
it
increases
creativity
in
spontaneity,
I,
even
read
one
study
that
showed
that
people
who
integrate
play
into
their
life
in
a
regular
way
live
longer
by
a
significant
number
of
years.
So
how
do
you
increase
your
capacity
to
play?
Well,
you
have
to
play
more
there's
a
psychologist
named
Michael
Parsons,
who
says
play
functions
to
sustain
a
paradoxical
reality
where
things
can
be
real
and
not
real.
At
the
same
time,
I
love
this
definition,
and
especially
in
the
tech
environment.
A
This
is
super
important
tech
is
about
innovation.
It's
about
creating
something
that
wasn't
there
before
there's
a
quote
that
was
on
my
slideshow.
That
said
anything
new
that's
ever
come
about
has
been
a
result
of
play.
So
if
it's
your
job
to
help,
people
create,
then
you
have
to
be
willing
to
play
with
them,
and
play
is
actually
really
tough
to
do,
because
it's
vulnerable
when
we
play
our
guards
naturally
come
down
and
for
people
who
work
really
hard
to
keep
their
guards
up.
A
A
A
Well,
I
suggest
attending
to
your
emotional
health,
even
when
things
are
going
well,
because
if
you
build
up
some
resilience
when
things
are
going
well,
then,
when
you
do
have
to
face
that
difficult
reality,
you'll
be
in
a
you
know,
slightly
better
equipped
to
do
so,
just
as
with
any
type
of
fitness,
it's
important
to
be
proactive.
A
lot
of
issues
are
easier
to
prevent
than
fix
and
tech
life
is
really
unpredictable.
It's
constantly
changing.
You
really
have
to
kind
of
shore
up
your
resources.
A
Now,
if
you
are
the
leader
of
a
company
and
it's
in
your
power
to
actually
create
the
culture
of
the
company,
then
it's
really
important
to
build
wellness
initiatives
into
the
structure
of
your
company.
So
as
a
great
example,
you
can
think
about
github
github
does
all
kinds
of
really
cool
things.
They
have
mindfulness
Fridays,
they
have
wellness
meetings,
they
cover
a
good
portion
of
therapy
and
their
insurance.
They
have
a
private
affinity
group
for
people
who
are
dealing
with
mental
health
issues,
so
not
only
are
they
providing
the
resources
to
their
employees.
A
They're
also
saying
this
has
value
to
us.
It's
worth
investing
in.
We
live
in
it
all
right
treat
number
five.
The
capacity
to
tolerate
discomfort
if
I
were
to
boil
down
what
I
think
any
kind
of
self-improvement
really
is
I
would
say
it's
about
tolerating
discomfort
better
than
you
were
before.
I
can't
even
begin
to
tell
you
how
much
of
what
people
do
day
to
day
is
in
service
of
moving
away
from
discomfort
and
then
so
after
so
often
the
action
we
take
to
move
away.
A
The
disk
from
the
discomfort
ends
up
making
us
feel
more
uncomfortable
than
the
original
discomfort
was.
If
you
are
an
emotionally
fit
leader,
it
probably
means
that
you
will
have
the
capacity
to
slow
things
down
a
little
bit
to
sit
with
and
process
the
discomfort
an
emotionally
fit
leader
also
knows
what
makes
them
uncomfortable
and
they
have
a
sense
of
what
they
tend
to
do
to
move
away
from
that
discomfort,
so
that
when
the
situation
arises,
they
can
kind
of
recognize
it
and
see
if
there
might
be
other
options
available
to
them.
A
So
I'll
give
you
an
example:
I
worked
with
a
woman
in
a
leadership
position
who
was
especially
uncomfortable
with
awkward
silences.
She
just
hated
awkward
silences,
and
so
whenever
there
was
one
she
filled
it.
She
just
said
whatever
was
on
her
mind
and
a
lot
of
times
afterwards.
She
would
feel
shame
and
embarrassment
that
she
had
said
something.
She
didn't
really
mean
to
say,
and
she
wished
she
hadn't
said
it,
but
it
was
just
so
awkward
she
couldn't
handle
it.
A
So,
in
conversations
with
people
and
her
team,
suddenly
there
was
room
for
thoughts
to
kind
of
bubble
up
from
down
below
that
might
not
have
had
time
or
room
to
do
so
if
that
silence
had
been
filled
right
away.
So
how
do
you
increase
your
capacity
to
tolerate
discomfort?
This
sounds
a
little
roundabout,
but
essentially
you
have
to
get
more
uncomfortable,
being
uncomfortable.
Emotional.
A
A
If
you
think
about
what
yoga
is
it's
literally
putting
people
in
physically
uncomfortable
positions
and
then
asking
them
to
pay
attention
to
what's
coming
up
for
them,
and
it
helps
people
understand
their
particular
relationship
to
their
discomfort,
so
think
about
a
yoga
class,
where
the
teacher
is
having
people
hold
warrior
two
for
like
five
minutes
and
people
are
exhausted
and
their
legs
are
shaky
and
they're
super
uncomfortable.
Now,
if
you
were
to
take
three
different
people
and
you
were
to
go
into
their
minds,
person
number
one
might
be
sitting
in
this
pose
thinking.
A
I'm
awful
at
this
I
never
should
have
come
here.
I
am
terrible
at
yoga.
Everyone
else
is
clearly
fine
I'm,
the
only
one
who
is
terrible
and
I
should
never
have
come.
Person
number
two
in
the
same
amount
of
discomfort
might
be
thinking.
Something
like
this
teacher
is
a
sadist.
I
can't
believe
that
she's
doing
this
to
us
she's
the
worst
I'm-
definitely
never
coming
to
this
particular
class
again
and
then
person
number
three:
let's
say
the
person
who's
been
doing
some
work
on
getting
more
comfortable
with
discomfort.
They
might
be
thinking.
A
A
Nobody
likes
failing,
but
I
think
the
emotionally
fit
leader
is
the
one
who
knows
that
they're
going
to
learn
more
from
six
from
failure
than
they
would
from
success,
I
think
emotionally
fit
leaders
are
not
defensive
or
that
might
be
pushing
it
because
we're
all
defensive
I
think
they
can
at
least
recognize
and
admit
when
they're
being
defensive
and
they
could
entertain
opinions
that
are
different
than
their
own
I.
Think
emotional.
Fitness
is
about
feeling
that
your
desire
to
grow
is
genuinely
greater
than
your
desire
to
avoid
criticism
or
failure.
A
Because
of
what
you
really
want
is
to
grow,
then
I
think
you
understand
that
growth
comes
more
from
these
things
than
if
everything
had
gone
perfectly.
So
how
do
you
get
better
at
handling
these
things?
Well,
I.
Think
a
lot
of
it
is
just
about
practicing
being
vulnerable,
allowing
yourself
to
feel
the
full
range
of
human
emotion,
make
an
admit
when
you've
made
mistakes.
I
often
refer
to
this
idea
that
the
perfect
parent
does
not
prepare
their
child
for
an
imperfect
world
by
that
I
mean
as
a
tech
leader.
A
It's
not
your
job,
never
to
fail
or
never
to
make
a
mistake,
it's
about
being
willing
to
own
up
to
it
and
to
deal
with
what
comes
of
it,
to
ask
for
help
and
support,
showing
your
team.
What
it
can
look
like
to
handle
a
mistake
head-on
and
in
a
healthy
way,
is
probably
going
to
be
more
helpful
and
useful
to
them
than
if
you've
never
made
a
mistake
at
all.
A
A
Finally,
we
have
the
capacity
to
communicate
effectively,
so
the
emotionally
fit
leader
can
put
words
to
their
needs
and
expectations.
They're
able
to
balance
a
healthy
amount
of
transparency
with
optimism
and
confidence.
People
will
say
to
me
a
lot.
You
know
you
talk
about
how
important
transparency
is,
but
I
don't
know
if
that's
so
true,
I
feel
like
as
soon
as
I.
Let
on
that
things
are
wrong.
Everyone's
gonna
freak
out.
But
again,
this
is
about
balance.
So
I'll
give
you
an
example.
A
Let's
say
you've
started
a
company
and
it's
not
doing
so
well
financially
you're
pretty
worried
about
it.
You
actually
might
have
to
shut
it
down.
It's
keeping
you
up
at
night
and
you
just
don't
totally
know
what
you're
gonna
do.
Ideally
you're
not
going
to
turn
to
your
team
and
they
say
hey.
How
are
we
doing
ideally
you're,
not
gonna,
say
everything's
great,
we're,
fine,
you've,
nothing
to
worry
about
we're
good,
because
people
are
perceptive
and
when
what
you
tell
them
doesn't
match
what
you're
clearly
feeling
or
what's
going
on
that's
a
very
uncomfortable
thing.
A
Even
little
kids
tend
to
really
know
when
their
parents
are
kind
of
biessing
them
right.
So
you
don't
want
to
do
that.
On
the
other
hand,
you
don't
want
to
turn
your
team
and
say
it's
all
going
to
hell.
We're
gonna
lose
everything
start
applying
for
their
jobs.
We're
gonna
be
homeless.
Right,
that's
not
helpful
either
they
want
to
know
someone
is
at
the
front
of
the
boat
and
has
a
handle
on
things.
A
The
emotionally
fit
leader
is
someone
who
can
take
stock
of
what
they're
feeling
that
can
metabolize
it
enough
define
some
kind
of
middle
ground
which
might
sound
something
like
listen.
The
future
here
is
really
uncertain,
I,
don't
totally
know,
what's
gonna
happen
and
that's
scary,
but
we're
in
it
together
and
we're
gonna
get
through
it.
A
So
how
do
you
increase
your
capacity
to
communicate
effectively?
I
think
it's
so
important
to
find
your
community
a
solid
community
of
like-minded
people
is
a
huge
asset
in
tech.
If
you
can
find
people
who
are
also
committed
to
emotional
fitness,
like
perhaps
in
a
tech
leader
group,
something
like
that,
then
you're
going
to
have
sounding
boards
and
you're
gonna
have
people
around
you
who
can
teach
you
the
way
they
do
things
and
can
learn
from
you,
and
it
can
be
really
helpful
if
you
can
reach
out
for
help
and
offer
help.
A
A
A
The
other
thing
is
I.
Think
in
this
industry,
especially
networking
is
so
prominent
that
we
sometimes
forget
to
connect
to
people
for
who
they
are
instead
of
what
they
can
do
for
us.
But
if
you
can
connect
with
people
for
who
they
are,
then
you're
going
to
be
much
more
likely
to
get
good
feedback
in
communication
and
authenticity
from
them
all
right.
So
those
are
the
seven
pillars
and
I
figured
I
would
give
an
example
of
what
this
work
can
look
like
when
you
are
working
on
your
emotional
fitness.
A
So
this
is
a
real-life
story
of
Sam
I'm,
calling
him
Sam.
When
I
met
Sam,
he
was
a
20-something
year
old
man
working
at
a
really
successful
tech
company
in
Silicon
Valley.
He
was
intelligent
and
sharp
and
he
was
very
confident
as
a
child.
Sam
grew
up
in
a
military
family
that
really
pushed
the
importance
of
facing
problems
head-on.
The
family
mantra
was
essentially
deal
with
it.
Sam
believed
that
sulking
doesn't
get
anyone
anywhere
and
I
think
he
actually
took
a
lot
of
pride
and
his
ability
to
push
through
difficult
times.
A
He
felt
right
at
home
in
tech
where
the
everything's,
fine,
I'm,
crushing
it
mentality,
suited
him.
Well,
because
of
this
can-do
attitude,
Sam
was
promoted
to
a
managerial
position
in
his
company
really
quick,
and
although
he
was
a
smart
leader,
he
was
not
a
particularly
empathetic
leader
when
people
came
to
him
for
help
with
problems
that
were
not
strictly
technical,
he
told
them
essentially
to
deal
with
it
and
sent
them
on
their
way.
A
So
over
time,
his
team
started
to
learn
not
to
bring
their
emotional
selves
to
Sam
and
in
fact,
in
taking
his
example,
they
sort
of
they
kind
of
tried
to
condition
themselves
out
of
even
bringing
their
feelings
to
work
at
all.
This
led
to
the
atmosphere
of
the
team
being
one
of
vigilance
and
tension.
Team
members
were
having
a
lot
of
conflicts
with
each
other.
Their
work
was
suffering
and
before
long
Sam
was
starting
to
get
less-than-stellar
feedback
on
his
performance
reviews.
A
His
team
felt
really
overwhelmed
by
his
expectations
and
they
said
that
they
feel
devalued
by
him.
So
this
completely
floored
Sam.
This
made
no
sense
to
him.
He
had
no
sense
of
himself
devaluing
anyone
and
he
started
to
feel
a
lot
of
stress
and
anxiety
about
this,
and
it
was
stress
and
anxiety
that
he
couldn't
just
deal
with,
and
this
was
when
he
and
I
started
working
together.
So,
admittedly,
the
work
with
Sam
started
pretty
slow.
A
He
did
a
lot
of
hard
work,
a
lot
of
introspection
and
it
led
him
to
realize
that,
although
his
ability
to
deal
with
it
had
served
him
a
lot
and
had
acted
as
a
strength
that
many
times
in
his
life,
it
was
also
getting
in
his
way.
He
began
to
let
himself
see
how
much
of
a
burden
it
felt
at
times
to
act
like
everything
was
fine
when
it's
not,
and
he
realized
that
maybe
he
was
actually
a
little
envious
of
all
these
people
who
were
able
to
let
themself
feel
sad
and
overwhelmed
and
frustrated.
A
Sam
came
to
realize
over
time
the
ways
in
which
he
was
pushing
down
in
his
team,
without
even
realizing
it,
the
things
that
he
had
learned
to
push
down
in
himself
and
as
he
became
a
little
more
comfortable
with
his
own
range
of
emotions,
he
began
to
make
more
space
for
the
emotions
of
his
team.
He
stepped
up
as
a
mentor
morale
improved
now
is
Sam.
Today,
the
most
emotional
and
empathetic
person
you've
ever
met.
No,
definitely
not.
The
goal
was
never
to
get
him
there.
A
Emotional
fitness
isn't
about
stripping
yourself
of
the
things
that
make
you
you
it's
about
developing
a
system
of
self
inquiry
that
shows
you
when
you're
getting
in
your
own
way,
Sam's
credit.
He
was
already
emotionally
fit
enough
to
face
the
difficult
reality
that
his
team
members
were
unhappy
with
him,
and
he
made
the
decision
to
work
on
identifying
his
emotions
and
increases
tolerance
for
the
discomfort
that
those
emotions
gave
him.
A
A
This
is
especially
powerful
in
tech,
where
this
process
has
a
huge
ripple
effect.
This
is
a
far-reaching
industry
that
is
defining
a
lot
about
our
world.
An
emotionally
fit
leader
is
going
to
cultivate
emotionally
fit
employees
emotionally
fit.
Employees
are
going
to
create
emotionally
fit
products
emotionally
fit
products
are
going
to
increase
emotional
fitness
in
its
users,
okay,
you're,
in
a
real
position
in
this
industry
to
kind
of
change
the
culture
of
a
lot
of
things,
and
it
all
starts
by
looking
inward,
so
I
thought
I'd
leave
you
with
some
action
items.
A
If
you
feel
ready
to
kick-start
your
emotional
fitness
regimen
and
some
of
those
bigger
suggestions
feel
like
a
little
too
much
right
now
and
you
just
want
to
know
what
you
can
do
right
now.
Here
are
some
things
you
could
do
in
the
next
week.
One
of
them
is
write
down
your
known
triggers.
What
are
the
things
that
happen
either
in
your
personal
life
or
at
work
that
flip
your
emotional
switch?
Really
quick?
A
What
is
it
about
that
super
annoying
colleague
that
might
help
you
understand
something
that
you're
sort
of
pushing
away
in
your
own
self
all
right.
Another
suggestion
would
be
start
your
next
meeting
with
a
check-in.
So
there
are
a
lot
of
ways
to
do
a
check-in,
but
one
thing
you
could
do
is:
have
everyone
go
around
at
the
beginning
and
give
you
a
thumbs
up
a
thumbs
middle
or
a
thumbs
down
thumbs
up
means
I'm,
great
I'm,
here,
I'm
ready.
A
Let's
do
this
thumbs
middle
means
I'm
a
little
distracted
or
a
little
tired,
but
I'm
here
it's
fine
thumbs
down
means
I
am
somewhere
else,
my
butts
in
the
seat,
but
I'm,
not
here
I'm.
You
know
dealing
with
stuff
and
if
you
have
time
and
desire
you
might
have
people
briefly
tell
you
why
their
thumb
is
a
middle
or
dumb.
You
don't
necessarily
need
to
do
that
now
again,
asking
this
question
and
having
people
explain.
A
It's
just
about
saying,
listen,
I,
know
you're,
bringing
your
emotions
into
this
meeting,
whether
you
want
to
or
not
so,
let's
make
space
for
it
for
a
second
and
get
on
the
same
page
and
understand
where
we're
all
that
it's
also
going
to
help
the
person
presenting
take
it
less
personally,
when
the
person
who
gave
the
thumbs
down
isn't
really
paying
attention
because
you've
now
taken
a
temperature
of
the
room.
So
this
is
one
way
that
you
can
sort
of
integrate
emotional
fitness
and
check-ins
at
work.
A
Another
thing
you
might
do
is
play
a
game
with
your
team.
There
are
all
kinds
of
amazing
games
that
work
really
well
at
work
and
if
you
want
ideas
for
them,
please
reach
out
to
me.
I
have
a
whole
packet
that
I've
put
together
of
games
that
are
really
great
to
play
in
a
tech
setting
so
feel
free
to
reach
out
to
me
and
I
will
send
you
one
of
those,
but
play
in
general
is
really
great
for
team
bonding
and
silliness,
and
sometimes
we
just
have
to
take
ourselves
a
little
less
seriously.
A
Another
thing
you
might
do
is
meditate
for
10
minutes,
so
meditating
is
uncomfortable
and
you're
sitting
there
silently
and
you're
trying
not
to
think
but,
of
course,
you're
thinking
and
it's
tough,
but
it's
actually
really
helpful
to
foster
this
ability
to
sit
with
yourself
as
a
person
with
pretty
legitimate
ADHD
meditating
was
always
really
hard
for
me.
It
almost
felt
impossible
for
me
and
over
time
meditating
10
minutes
every
morning.
A
I
actually
went
a
really
long
way,
and
not
only
did
it
get
easier
to
sit
for
those
10
minutes,
but
it
also
just
got
easier
to
be
with
myself
throughout
the
day.
Also
my
posture
improved,
so
that
was
a
place
alright.
So
if
not
meditating,
then
perhaps
reach
out
to
appear
or
a
mentor.
You
respect
reach
out
to
someone
before
you
need
them.
A
Let
someone
know
that
you
met
at
the
LES
conference
that
their
impact
was
really
positive
and
you're
glad
that
your
lives
cross
paths
right
to
start
to
build
a
community
not
out
of
necessity,
but
out
of
caring
is
really
helpful
and
then,
of
course,
is
going
to
be
even
more
helpful
when
you
do
all
tim.
Italy
needs
poor
light
with
physical
fitness.
A
It
can
be
really
tough
to
get
started
with
emotional
fitness
and
it's
not
always
comfortable,
and
it's
not
always
fun,
but
the
more
you
integrate
it
into
your
life,
the
easier
it's
going
to
be
to
keep
it
going.
So
please
feel
free
to
reach
out
to
me
anytime.
If
you
want
to
keep
the
conversation
going
and
thank
you
so
much
for
having
me.