►
Description
Speaker: Taylor McCaslin, Principal Product Manager
Slides: https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/102iIP6RRtTHV75NFtEZnyGnRLquK4svQSzB62WpDFQM/edit?usp=sharing
Life comes at you fast. It's easy to feel like life happens to you rather than you being in control. In this talk, Taylor shares his personal mental health journey reconciling his professional life and personal happiness. From identity crisis to living his best life, this talk follows a GitLabber through his journey to find himself. His story may surprise you but also hopefully inspires you to stop standing in the way of living your best life all while doing the best work of your career.
Chapters:
0:00 Talk introduction
0:52 Taylor McCaslin: Agenda
2:15 Reminder: there is an intro talk
2:30 Let's get real
3:39 Checkin: You are doing the best you can!
4:59 Identifying Triggers
7:15 I was doing really great work
8:24 Recapping Impostor Syndrome
11:00 Time for an Identity Crisis
12:05 Confronting your impostor
14:40 Your journey through life
16:35 Shifting your mindset
18:05 GitLab Value lead me here
22:30 Why move to the middle of nowhere?
24:05 To the Mountains!
25:50 Give your brain space to breath
27:30 Skiing during work
28:00 You still have so many future paths open to you!
29:50 Seeing myself on the NASDAQ Billboard
31:10 Becoming more of yourself
31:45 The path is straightforward or easy
32:35 Next step takeaways
34:40 Resources and Links
A
I'm
excited
for
this
session
as
taylor
mccaslin
puts
into
practice
all
the
ways
just
covered
in
pg's
authenticity
talk
and
pushing
us
further
into
our
credit
values.
Taylor
is
a
principal
product
manager
at
gitlab,
not
to
mention
a
wonderful
speaker,
leader
and
team
member
at
the
2020
virtual
contribute
taylor's
session
on
killing
the
vampires
inside
your
head.
A
pragmatic
approach
to
concrete
impostor
syndrome
received
an
overwhelming
response
from
the
team
this
year.
B
Hi
everybody,
my
name
is
taylor:
mccaslin
welcome
to
contribute
2021.
you're
in
the
session
you're
holding
yourself
back
from
living
your
best
life.
My
name
is
taylor,
mccaslin,
I'm
a
principal
product
manager
for
the
model,
ops
stage.
I
live
in
beautiful,
big
sky,
montana,
usa
and
today
we're
going
to
talk
about
a
couple
of
things.
I
want
to
start
with
what
we're
not
covering
we're
not
going
to
talk
about
the
history
of
imposter
syndrome,
various
manifestations
of
imposter
syndrome
or
musical
theater.
This
will
make
more
sense
in
a
moment.
B
What
we
are
going
to
cover,
though,
is
that
we're
going
to
look
at
identifying
triggers
we're
going
to
look
at
confronting
your
imposter
shifting
your
mindset
we'll
do
a
couple
of
practical
exercises
and
questions
and
expect
to
talk
about
snow
sports.
So
in
terms
of
slides
videos
and
resources,
the
session
is
being
recorded.
You
will
be
able
to
access
this
video
for
internal
use
on
youtube,
unfiltered.
The
slides
are
going
to
be
linked
in
hobbin,
in
chat
and
in
the
video
description
and
unfiltered
links
of
various
resources
are
at
the
end.
B
These
are
all
things
that
I
found
informative
while
making
this
presentation
now
a
quick
note
before
we
jump
in
there's
actually
an
intro
talk
to
this-
that
I
did
back
in
contribute,
2020.
if
you
like
musical
theater
or
if
you
suffer
from
imposter
syndrome.
I
highly
recommend
you
check
out
this
presentation,
it's
available
on
youtube
unfiltered
internally,
so
before
we
get
started,
I
want
to
get
real
about
a
couple
of
things,
so
this
presentation
is
not
directly
about
imposter
syndrome.
That's
what
my
last
presentation
was
so
go.
B
Watch
that
one
if
you
haven't
this
is
a
story
about
my
personal
journey
and
I
think
it's
going
to
surprise
you
a
little
bit,
but
hopefully
it's
also
gonna
inspire
you.
This
was
probably
one
of
the
hardest
talks
that
I've
ever
assembled,
so
we're
gonna
get
real
in
this
conversation,
there's
a
lot
of
vulnerability
here.
B
B
I
did
not
wake
up
one
day
and
just
magically
realize
all
the
things
that
we're
going
to
talk
about
today.
This
happened
over
many
many
months
and
I'm
building
on
years
of
therapy
with
where
I've
developed
a
mental
toolbox
to
work
from.
So
don't
look
at
this
and
think,
oh
like
I
can
go,
do
exactly
what
taylor
did
or
I
don't
have
the
tools
to
do
this.
B
These
aren't
things
that
I
just
magically
was
able
to
do
one
day.
So,
let's
check
in
real
fast
with
how
you're
doing
real
fast
we
are
living
in
unprecedented
times.
We
work
full-time
remote.
We
are
nearing
two
years
in
a
global
pandemic
or,
as
I
like
to
say,
a
global
panini
or
a
parallelogram
you'll
hear
me
reference
the
pandemic
a
couple
of
times
during
this
presentation.
B
We've
lost
loved
ones,
people
we
care
about
friends,
family
colleagues.
We
can't
travel
and
go
places
the
way
we
used
to
in
terms
of
escaping
from
our
day-to-day
life.
In
many
cases
we
still
have
colleagues
who
are
locked
down
in
their
countries
we're
going
through
phases
of
lockdown
and
opening
back
up.
B
B
B
You
are
doing
the
best
that
you
can,
and
I
want
you
to
take
a
minute
and
really
just
let
that
set
in
you
are
doing
the
best
that
you
can
so
these
situations
that
we
find
ourselves
in
and
across
the
world.
These
are
the
perfect
fuel
for
your
mind
to
turn
against
you,
and
so
I
want
to
talk
a
little
bit
about
identifying
triggers.
B
B
B
So
imagine
it
me
in
the
middle
of
downtown
austin
texas
there
I
am.
I
had
no
idea
what
I
was
doing.
I'm
either
the
smartest
guy
in
the
world
for
joining
a
remote
company
right
before
a
global
panini,
forcing
everyone
to
work
from
home
or
I'm
completely
in
over
my
head.
This
is
truly
how
I
felt
while
I
was
doing
all
of
that
and
it's
kind
of
meta
here.
I
am
talking
now
about
imposter
syndrome,
about
a
talk
I
did
on
imposter
syndrome
last
year.
B
Well,
let
me
tell
you
a
lot
has
changed
since
I
did
that
presentation
back
in
april
of
2020
and
a
lot
has
changed
in
the
world
too,
and
what's
really
interesting
is
that
with
the
global
pandemic,
we
all
threw
ourselves
into
our
work.
I
think
a
little
bit
to
distract
us
a
little
bit,
because
we
had
nothing
better
to
do
and
it
was
just
really
easy
to
focus
on
just
keeping
something
going
in
our
life
with
work.
B
I
actually
found
that
I
was
doing
really
great
work
and
apparently
throwing
myself
into
work
was
working
for
me,
ten
months
into
my
tenure
at
gitlab
and
nine
months
of
being
locked
down
at
home,
with
nothing
to
do
other
than
work
and
netflix.
I
was
promoted,
which
at
face
value,
seems
like
a
really
positive
thing
right.
B
This
is
something
that
I
find
very
common
with
people
with
high
achievers.
We
have
that
imposter
syndrome
that
we
aren't
actually
the
person
who
deserves
any
of
these
things.
In
my
last
year's
talk,
we
talked
about
how
70
of
people
working
professionals
feel
the
effects
of
imposter
syndrome.
This
number
is
actually
based
on
a
study
from
2016..
B
I
believe
that
this
increase
worked
from
home
and
during
a
pandemic,
putting
people
into
situations
they've
never
experienced,
for.
I
think
this
number
is
actually
a
lot
higher
of
people
experiencing
imposter
syndrome.
So,
let's
briefly
recap:
what
is
imposter
syndrome?
It's
when
what
you
think
you
know
is
not
congruent
to
what
you
think.
Other
people
know
you
think
you
don't
know
enough
or
that
other
people
know
more
than
you,
but
in
reality
it's
just
that.
You
know
different
aspects
of
things:
it's
not
that
you're,
smarter
or
dumber
than
anyone
else.
B
It's
just
your
area
of
expertise
is
different
and
it's
easy
to
compare
yourself
to
other
people.
Here
I
was
in
a
pandemic
being
promoted,
not
understanding
what
I
was
doing
to
deserve,
that
it
wasn't
that
I
didn't
know
what
I
was
doing.
I've
got
the
objective
evidence
to
prove
the
successes
and
the
accomplishments
that
I
was
achieving
in
my
role,
but
it
didn't
fix
the
problem
of
me
believing
in
those
things
now
it's
a
really
easy
concept
to
grasp.
B
But
why
do
you
think
that
I
still
felt
like
I
was
on
an
endless
merge
request
that
I
just
couldn't
get
a
green
pipeline
for
working
at
get
lab.
You're,
probably
familiar
with
this
feeling,
where
you
have
no
idea
why
a
pipeline
is
failing,
you
can't
figure
out
what's
causing
it
or
even
sometimes,
on
the
other
side.
You
don't
know
why
it's
passing
either,
but
you
press
on
trying
to
get
that
green
build.
B
Last
year
I
felt
like
I
was
in
this
continuous
cycle
of
a
merge
request
that
I
just
couldn't
get
to
have
a
green,
build
but
magically
I
was
having
things
happen
to
me
that
were
successful
and
that
were
objectively
me
achieving
goals
that
my
manager
had
set
out
for
me
and
accomplishments
for
the
company.
It
didn't
feel
that
way,
though.
So
what
is
it
about
that
mental
questioning
that
really
comes
to
screw
up
our
minds.
B
So,
let's
go
back
to
austin
for
a
second,
so
why
is
it
that,
even
though
I
was
succeeding
at
work
still
getting
to
green
pipelines
that
I
felt
like
I
was
a
failure?
Why
did
my
brain
come
and
try
to
throw
a
wrench
in
those
successes?
Well,
it's
interesting.
Let's
look
at
december
2020,
I
finally
decided
look,
I'm
not
happy
and
of
course,
me
being
who
I
am
and
my
brain
working
the
way
it
was.
I
said
you
know
it's
time
for
an
identity
crisis.
B
B
I
was
surrounded
by
smart
people.
I
was
learning
every
day
taking
on
new
challenges.
So
how
did
those
two
things
add
up
to
me
having
an
identity
crisis
towards
the
end
of
last
year
in
2020
I
was
depressed.
I
was
lonely,
I
was
isolated
and
I
was
frankly
just
lost,
so
how?
How
was
I
being
promoted
and
finally
getting
my
principal
title,
but
still
feeling
this
way?
B
So
let's
talk
about
confronting
that
imposter
here,
it's
really
easy
to
put
on
blinders
and
just
start
climbing
the
career
ladder,
it's
kind
of
what
we've
been
taught,
especially
here
in
the
united
states,
part
of
my
dissociation,
which,
by
the
way,
is
my
favorite
word
of
2020.
if
you're
having
a
hard
time
just
dissociate.
B
B
All
I
was
left
with
was
throwing
myself
into
work,
and
that's
not
why
I
joined
gitlab.
So
I
had
this
identity
crisis,
where
the
reasons
why
I
came
to
this
company
weren't
playing
out
in
reality
because
of
the
situation
playing
out
globally
and
that
really
screwed
with
my
head
also
put
that,
on
top
of
being
alone
in
a
downtown
condo
for
an
over
a
year
just
left
to
your
own
devices.
B
It
creates
sort
of
a
perfect
storm
for
things
to
happen,
and,
what's
interesting
is
that
I
had
actually
kind
of
let
my
professional
identity
overtake,
who
I
was
as
a
person.
You
may
recognize
this
middle
photo.
It's
a
photo
that
I've
used
for
all
of
my
professional
social
media
networks
for
slack,
but
I'd
let
that
person
consume,
who
I
was
my
identity,
the
fun
playful
tailor
that
I
know
and
that
my
friends
and
family
know
it
was
kind
of
replaced
by
an
outer
shell.
B
B
B
B
It's
kind
of
the
social
media
effect
in
many
ways
where
I
was
projecting
only
the
most
successful
parts
of
myself
to
the
world
I
felt
trapped.
I
felt
not
in
control.
It
felt,
like
life
was
happening
to
me
rather
than
me,
choosing
the
path
that
I
wanted
to
take
in
life
and
it
got
so
bad.
It
was
to
the
point
that
I
didn't
even
recognize
who
I
was
anymore.
B
B
I
remember
taking
this
photo,
I'm
approaching
a
birthday
milestone
this
year
and
I
looked
in
the
mirror
that
day
on
my
birthday
and
realized
that
I
didn't
know
who
was
staring
back
at
me
in
the
mirror.
I
couldn't
even
look
myself
in
the
eyes.
As
I
took
this
photo,
I
had
lost
my
joy.
The
spark
had
went
out,
I
became
hollow
and
I
didn't
recognize
who
was
looking
back
at
me
in
the
mirror.
B
B
So
let's
talk
about
shifting
mindset.
Well,
I
decided
that
day
that
I
was
going
to
do
something
really
crazy.
I
decided
that
in
february
2021
I
was
gonna
leave
austin
everything
I
owned,
a
town
I
had
lived
in
for
a
decade.
I
packed
two
bags
and
I
took
a
one-way
trip,
moved
sixteen
hundred
miles
out
of
the
state
that
I
had
lived
in
my
entire
life
to
a
town
of
three
thousand
people,
an
hour
away
from
any
major
city,
and
that's
now,
big
sky,
where
I
live
kind
of
in
the
middle
of
nowhere
montana.
B
So
what
was
it
about
me
deciding
during
a
global
panini
to
take
my
first
pay
cut
of
my
career
montana
is
obviously
a
lower
location
factor
to
move
600
miles
with
zero
friends
or
family
connections
in
the
entire
state
of
montana.
There
are
only
two
get
labbers
in
the
state:
they
live
four
hours
away
from
where
I'm
at
I
had
no
plan,
I
had
a
month-long
airbnb
and
I
was
gonna
figure
it
out.
As
I
went.
How
did
I
get
here?
B
B
It's
actually
funny,
because
when
it,
when
you
start
the
promotion
process
at
get
lab,
you
go
through
the
process
of
creating
a
promotion
document
where
you
and
your
manager
sit
down.
You
look
through
the
gitlab
values
and
you
match
your
accomplishments
to
our
values,
and
you
collect
all
of
the
feedback
of
the
successes
that
you've
had.
We
don't
base
promotions
on
potential.
We
base
them
on
performance,
and
so
this
document
is
about
detailing
and
listing
out
all
of
the
reasons
you
were
promoted.
This
document
did
two
things
for
me:
one
it.
B
It
triggered
a
lot
of
my
imposter
syndrome,
even
though
I
had
those
objective
proof
points
of
things
that
I
had
accomplished
at
my
time
at
get
lab.
It
really
put
me
into
this
crazy
spot
where
I
didn't
know
who
I
was
anymore,
but
what's
really
interesting.
Is
that
as
you
go
through
this
process,
you
go
back
and
read
the
handbook
of
our
values,
and
there
were
some
things
that
really
stood
out
to
me
that
reframed
and
gave
me
the
confidence
to
move
600
miles
across
a
country
to
a
place
I
didn't
have
any
connection
to.
B
B
We
also
have
a
value.
That's
measure
results,
not
hours.
That
started
to
really
resonate
with
me,
because
I
joined
git
lab
to
work
less,
to
really
balance
and
find
a
way
to
put
my
personal
and
professional
life
into
sync
with
each
other.
It
was
the
pandemic
that
really
came
and
screwed
that
up.
For
me,
we
have
a
value
of
managers
of
one.
This
really
spoke
to
me
because
it
reminded
me
that
I
was
in
control.
B
It
wasn't
that
the
world
was
happening
to
me.
It
was
that
I
was
able
to
make
the
decisions
that
I
wanted
to
it's,
not
every
company
that
you
can
join
and
move
halfway
across
the
country
and
still
have
a
job.
Frankly,
that's
something
that's
very
unique
about
gitlab.
We
also
have
freedom
and
responsibility
over
rigidity.
B
One
that
really
stood
out
to
me
was
this
idea
of
don't
wait.
That
was
something
that
when
I
looked
back
at
my
life
in
austin
and
even
living
my
entire
life
in
texas,
I
was
waiting
for
something
to
happen.
To
me
to
push
me
out
of
my
comfort
zone,
I
had
built
a
life
over
a
decade
in
austin
that
was
comfortable.
It
didn't
challenge
me,
it
didn't
push
me.
I
got
complacent
it
and
I
got
stale
and
that's
kind
of
where
that
mental
funk
came
from.
I
set
myself
up
for
that.
B
This
was
something
that
really
started
to
stand
out
to
me,
because
I
asked
myself
what
do
I
like
to
do
for
fun
and
it's
funny
had
you
asked
me
that
a
few
years
ago
I'd
say
building
websites,
and
it
occurred
to
me
that
that
was
what
my
job
was.
Building
software,
that's
not
a
hobby!
That's
using
what
you're
good
at
in
replacement
of
actual
hobbies
and
actual
things
that
bring
you
joy,
building
someone
a
website
didn't
bring
me
joy.
It
was
just
that
I
was
good
at
it
and
it
was
easy.
B
B
I
alone
had
the
power
to
reset
my
mental
state,
but
it
was
going
to
take
a
big
change
for
me
to
shock
the
system
I
needed
to
disconnect
from
the
world
from
the
news
and
everything
that
was
happening
from
social
media
in
terms
of
opportunities.
I
wanted
to
convince
myself
that
I
hadn't
lucked
into
something,
because
I
was
in
a
hot
town
where
tech
was
booming
and
everyone
can
find
a
job.
I
wanted
to
go
and
stand
on
my
own.
B
It's
me
doing
the
work
and
then,
finally,
with
the
growth
I
needed
to
give
myself
literally
space
to
grow
as
a
person
I
needed
to
give
my
brain
space
to
expand,
and
it
reminded
me
that
I
took
a
trip
with
my
family
back
in
college
and
we
went
to
the
mountains
of
new
mexico
taos.
It's
where
I
learned
to
ski,
and
I
remember
being
up
on
the
mountains.
There's
something
inspiring
about
it
and
I
thought
that's
the
answer.
I
need
to
go
to
the
mountains,
and
so
that's
what
I
did
so
here.
B
I
am
in
big
sky
montana.
If
you've
never
seen
it.
This
is
the
resort
town
that
I
live
in,
it's
literally
a
ski
resort.
I
literally
live
on
a
ski
mountain,
and
here
I
am
now
in
february,
2021,
just
three
short
months
after
my
identity
crisis
and
complete
breakdown,
and
I'm
literally
now
on
the
top
of
the
world
11
167
feet
above
sea
level.
B
I
look
at
these
photos
and
I
know
who
that
guy
is
he's
the
guy
that
I
know
that
my
friends
and
family
know
that's
not.
Who
was
looking
back
at
me
in
the
mirror.
What's
also
fun
is
that
I
went
from
skiing
about
four
days
a
year
to
actually
62
days
last
ski
season,
and
I
can
tell
you,
I'm
gonna
be
back
this
next
season.
B
I
created
an
openness
and
space
for
me
to
solve
harder
problems,
but
it's
not
just
skiing.
When
I
moved
to
big
sky
into
montana,
I
also
realized
that
I'm
surrounded
by
beautiful
country
and
I
started
doing
things
that
I
never
thought
I
was
going
to
do.
I
took
up
hiking
I
learned
to
enjoy
the
outdoors
visiting
yellowstone
national
park,
which
is
just
30
minutes
outside
my
back
door.
B
I
also
visited
13
other
national
and
state
parks.
I
took
up
downhill
mountain
biking.
I've
rode
over
a
thousand
miles
downhill
this
summer
down
mountains
in
four
different
states
in
the
shadow
of
the
grand
tetons
is
someone
who
grew
up
in
texas,
where
the
outdoors
meant
that
it
was
easily
a
hundred
degrees
outside.
B
B
B
The
other
side
of
this
is
that,
while
there
are
many
paths
that
are
closed
to
you,
there's
so
many
more
that
stand
in
front
of
you,
where
you're
at
today
the
choices
that
you've
made
the
things
that
have
happened
to
you.
They
defined
your
past,
but
there
are
still
so
many
pathways
for
you.
Looking
to
the
future,
had
I
asked
myself
last
year
at
contribute.
2020.
B
Would
I
see
myself
living
in
a
ski
resort,
skiing,
60,
plus
days
in
the
season
mountain
biking
down
a
mountain
visiting
national
parks?
I
would
have
said:
are
you
crazy?
That's
not
who
I
am
that's
not
what
I
enjoy
doing.
Why
would
I
move
to
montana,
but
here
I
am
and
it's
real
and
it's
made
a
big
difference
for
me
by
pushing
myself
out
of
my
comfort
zone.
B
B
And
what
really
surprises
me
is
that
now,
I'm
working
in
a
cutting
edge
space
of
machine
learning
at
a
remote
company,
a
public
company
at
that
now
and
to
see
this
photo
projected
on
the
tower
in
nasdaq
during
our
ipo
there's
something
about
this
photo
that
I
really
love.
In
fact,
I'm
getting
a
little
emotional
looking
at
it
again,
it's
not
that
I'm
a
seven
story
tall
photo
in
times
square.
B
B
B
So
you're
in
control
of
what
the
future
holds.
My
question
to
you
is:
what
path
will
you
take
next,
I
have
one
quick
note
here
is
that
it's
really
easy
to
think
that
your
plan
is
going
to
be
super
straightforward,
that
it's
an
obvious
path
for
you
to
go
down,
whether
that's
going
to
college
getting
a
degree
meeting
someone
getting
married
having
a
family.
Whatever
your
path
is,
it's
not
gonna
be
easy
and
in
fact,
life's
gonna
throw
so
many
things
at
you
and
you've
gotta.
B
Remember
that
chart
again,
it's
not
what
happens
to
you
in
the
past
that
are
closed.
It's
what
you
do
next,
so
I
want
to
leave
you
with
a
couple
of
next
steps
here.
I've
spent
a
lot
of
time
talking
about
my
story
and
giving
you
a
peek
behind
the
door
of
who
is
taylor
and
what
goes
on
in
my
crazy
head.
So
I
want
you
to
take
a
minute
when
you
have
a
minute
sit
down
with
our
company
values
again
go
read
through
them.
B
B
This
one
sounds
a
little
silly
and
it's
a
little
random
but
go
and
turn
off
social
media
notifications
on
your
phone.
If
there's
something
that
I
can
point
at
last
year
during
the
parallelogram
that
really
cued
a
lot
of
these
problems,
for
me
was
it,
it
was
social
media,
the
little
notification
that
someone's
doing
something
awesome
somewhere
in
the
world
that
you're
not
turn
off
the
notifications
on
your
phone.
B
You
don't
have
to
delete
social
media
if
you're
not
ready
to
do
that,
but
turn
off
the
notifications
so
that
you're
not
getting
pinged
every
time,
someone
posts
an
awesome
photo
or
checks
in
at
an
awesome
place
that
you're
not
at
it
just
fuels
that
comparison
of
you
and
someone
else,
and
I
want
you
to
think
about
your
identity
today.
Who
are
you?
How
do
you
qualify
success
does
how
you
qualify
success
today,
align
with
who
you
are
and
who
you
want
to
be
and
every
day
ask
yourself.
B
I
hope
these
give
you
a
couple
of
actionable
steps
to
really
do
some
deep
introspection
and
ask
yourself
who
am
I?
What
do
I
want?
What's
in
my
control
to
change,
and
hopefully
you
can
identify
some
really
practical
things
to
change,
I'm
not
suggesting
you
need
to
move
across
the
country
and
move
to
montana,
but
it
worked
for
me.
B
So
look
at
these
things
do
that
introspection
and
see
what's
possible
for
you
to
change.
And,
finally,
I
want
to
leave
you
with
a
couple
of
resources
here.
Like
I
mentioned,
these
slides
will
be
available.
These
are
a
couple
of
resources
that
I
have
either
read
in
the
past
or
have
found
helpful
during
this
talk.
If
you've
enjoyed
this
journey
and
hearing
about
my
story,
I
highly
recommend
that
video
that
tedx
talk
by
christina
whitaker,
the
one
thing.
B
There's
a
couple
of
books
and
articles
references
here
to
help
you
think
about
your
life
and
to
to
trigger
some
of
those
deep
introspection
questions,
and
certainly,
if
you
need
support,
want
to
talk
to
somebody
or
learn
more
about
my
story.
I'm
happy
to
chat
with
you,
I'm
always
available
for
a
coffee
chat.
You're,
welcome
to
grab
time
on
my
calendar
and
with
that.
Thank
you,
remember.