Groton Municipal Television, CT Community Conversations, 9 Jul 2019

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From YouTube: Community Conversation: Impact of Fathers

Description

The relationship between a father and his son or daughter can be wonderful and uplifting. Moderator, Kevin Booker, Jr. explores the stories of how fathers and their children have navigated through
life’s ups and downs and the lessons they have learned along the way.

A

When I was thinking about this event, three four months ago, I couldn't help but to think about some of the extraordinary fathers that I know that I come in contact with on a daily basis, I mean these men are selfless individuals. These men pour their hearts every single day and to their own children and also into other children, and that's why I was like.

A

We have to have a program like this, because I get so tired of people saying there aren't any good fathers out there and some terrible fathers out there and I'm like but I, know some extraordinary dads.

A

I know dance were just trailblazers, I know dads who just who would do anything for their children and I, know dads who really care with all the heart about their community about, but just just being positive role models, and those are the fathers that I wanted to put a spotlight on today and I want to say thank you to all your father's whoever come here and take a time out of your schedule, because I really appreciate every last one of you and I mean that with all my heart, it's a pleasure and honor to be amongst all of you, so we're gonna have some fun tonight and we also got to be empowered by some of these extraordinary fathers.

A

The first person who's gonna bless us this evening. It's David, Dave, Richardson, cuz I know he doesn't like me when I call him Big, Dave, Richardson and Dave Richardson is an extraordinary father. Dave Richardson is an extraordinary and incredible man and he's a selfless individual and Dave Richardson is gonna. Help us understand the impact of fatherhood. Please give a round of applause for Dave what'd. You say we can do better than that: let's do it.

B

Thank you, the impact of fatherhood. The impact of fatherhood can, in some cases, depending on the circumstances, can be felt immediately. Sometimes it may take days weeks, maybe years.

C

B

On what it is, the impact of fatherhood I've heard many stories about. You know from different people and things that have read concerning how their fathers have have impacted them in so many ways and how their fathers has helped them to shape their lives. The impact of fathers, even the negative fathers, can have positive impacts.

B

I once heard President Obama say that it was probably a blessing that his father was not in his life, because if he was based on the type of life that his father led, it may have had an adverse effect on his destiny, and then I've heard the other side of that where those people that have been successful they or alter their fathers.

B

So it's about perception. How do we take it in? How do we receive it? What do we do with it? The impact of a father I remember that when I learned that I was going to become a father, I was so happy. I was so proud and going through the whole nine-month process. You know, of course it's not the same as as my wife going through it, but you know, I was I. Was happy with anticipation, and you know what kind of father will I be. You know what what is it a boy, a girl?

B

Wouldn't you know whether the case may be, and you know you just feel realizations yeah I hear you're going to be a father. Yes, I'm going to be a dad, you know I'm, so proud, and but then, when that child came out, you know, especially with my first one and I'm I, didn't feel the elation I didn't feel the the oh yay.

B

It was like, oh my gosh, because, as we know, kids they're not coming to this world with instructions, you learn as you go along, so it went from elation to fear said this is for real but being a dad myself. A lot of it came from observing my father and that what he has taught me and what he is still teaching me throughout the years.

B

He has taught me so much and some of the things that he's taught me is not so much what he said to me, but the the way he does things and and and watching him all my life just working hard and not being a slacker and teach teaching me how to take your business first and then play comes after and so on and so forth how to be respect, how to be a respectable person by respecting others.

B

But one story that sticks out in my mind and I've talked about this story before in my church, but it I think about it now and the impact that has had on me throughout my life is when I was about 10 11 12 ish somewhere around there in that range, and my father took me out, didn't trip from the Caribbean, so we're surrounded by water, and he took me out to do some fishing and we had to go around these rocks and up and over- and you know to me it was so daunting.

B

You know, and I was following him in every step he made. My whole thing was to match those steps. So I would watch where he placed his feet and which way he would go and so and when he places his hands and and I'm trying to keep up with him and along the way as we're going along. These rocks he's also showing me things in nature.

B

I remember one particular thing he showed me was this little organism that's attached to the rock, and he said: if you take a knife and your pillows off, you can actually eat those I never forgot that right. So as we go along, we get to this one part where there was a gap and he hopped over onto the other side of the rocks, but that gap to me it might has been well been a mile, but that wasn't the problem that wasn't the only problem.

B

The other problem was the water was just crashing along the rocks and they came in and out and was just so angry. Looking and I'm concentrating on these waves and I'm. Looking at this gap and I'm looking at the waves and it's crashing against the rocks and my father's on the other side and he's looking at me and he's saying just come across saying to myself, he can see the fear in the panic setting in because I'm, focusing on the crashing waves and that gap between the rocks.

B

He looks at me and he says to me: come across I got you so. Finally, when I took my vision, when I took my focus off of the water crashing against those rocks and off the Gabbin and just focused on him, I made that step and as scary as it was I remember, making it a step and I.

B

Remember him grabbing me by the hand I got you I, never forgot that I don't know if he knew it at the time and I didn't know it at the time it was because I was just terrified, but it wasn't until I became a dad myself. I understood that what my father was teaching me was to face my challenges challenge my challenges. Come across I got you so I.

B

Never forgot that and I try to teach that to my two girls and my grandson, so tonight I'm really looking forward to hear from all the other fathers, because fatherhood is such a precious thing. It is quite a title. We call dad and what and that's one of the my favorite things when my kids call me Dad now when they say Oh, father I said: okay, they want something. You know: father, hey, okay, what's up I put my hands in my pockets. I know where this is.

D

B

I just love the sound of dad, so tonight let's hear the father's so tonight I want to be edified by hearing the other stories from the father's. Thank you.

A

Let's get Dave Richardson another round of applause.

A

Now I came across a book a few years ago by Jim by the name of Randy posh, and he wrote this book and it's titled the last lecture and Randy posh.

A

If any of you ever actually saw it saw his clip on YouTube or his lecture, he wrote the lecture because he was right in lecture when he was diagnosed with cancer and he realized he only had about six months to a year to live and the reason why he gave his last lecture was because he wanted his children to know what he was really all about.

A

He wanted them to know before he died and before he passed away because he said the most important thing in his life, even though our accolades that he received was passing on his words of wisdom to his children and I, wanted to dedicate this series here to Randy Pausch because he's no longer with us, and that was a man who really deeply cared about being a father and deeply cared about his family and his community.

A

So Randy Pausch the last lecture, but before we getting ready to move on and when the gentlemen want to bring up now as a principle he's a principal at stem middle sentimental, magnet and height in middle school and bending over Jackson middle school and he's an incredible principal he's, a phenomenal principal, but not just the principal. He also two of his children also attend the same school so and your son is gonna, be there in the fall and his daughter, and she just did her entire sixth grade year.

A

There so he's going between both being a dad and me an administrator at the same time, but he does a phenomenal job doing it and that's why? Please give a round of applause for mr. Larry Washington and it's to children. You guys too right here, introduce yourselves come on yeah.

A

Microphones on yep.

E

Good evening.

E

Okay good evening so I'm here with Jayla. This is my daughter, and this is my son Jordan awesome mouse today.

E

The first thing I think about when I come up here and sitting here is a father like I'm I'm scared, I'm being honest, I'm scared, because I think about what's happening in the world today and you know being a father where the protector we play that role and with playing that role, I'm afraid, every day, every single day, when my kids leave the house because I know I'm protecting them and then they have to leave for, however many hours, it is fortunate enough than to get my daughter here in middle school with me, which is really a trying time in a trying age in middle school and I automatically go back to thinking about my father and when I think about my father, I think about something that he always said.

E

You have to build a foundation, because if the foundation is strong, everything else will be okay, so I live. I live like that, and so I feel. Like my kids play all sports. They play a lot of different sports and you know you get a lot of fathers who have those egos and I can't let no one teach better or coach my child, it's not about that. It's about the foundation.

E

If you teach the foundation, it doesn't matter who you release them to, because they've learned they're, strong, it's about strengthening your kids and building them up, building them up to a level to where, when they walk away from you, you know they're gonna be okay, so I know they're gonna be okay, because they've learned the right way and for me, I've learned the right way. I, truly believe that I was a cutter in elementary school.

E

As a matter of fact, when I was Jordan's age, I remember being in public school, and this is this is a part of who I am today, and it goes all the way back to when I was his age. I was in the third grade and I just always remember, going to school and just being a clown being silly, always wanting people looking at me laughing with me, but they weren't laughing with me.

E

They were laughing at me, but I didn't realize that, but my parents always told me that that's what they were doing and I just remember like today's time. School was just ending and I. Remember. School was ending and we're walking across the park, and my older brother asked me to see my report card and I handed him. My report card and just jokingly, I said I failed, I didn't pass, then I cracked up laughing, because I was a jokester.

E

He opened up the report card and I thought he was being a jokester. He looked me in my eyes and said you did fail like nah come on man stop playing around. He handed me that report card and I had a three back on a report card. The four was erased and my walk from home to the house. I got very emotional because I said wow. What that, what did I do that did I didn't pass.

E

I was an a/b student I made aids I had a lot of A's and B's and I made it home, and my father was there and my father said: can I see your report card I gave my father a report card. He said you see the three again right. I said yeah. What's that about that, he said I'm going to retain you I said dad. Why I got that's straight? A's I got a a a a B and I can recall, recall having one C.

E

My dad said yes, but you had a seeing reading. No child of mine will be promoted to the next grade with AC in reading.

E

You're gonna need the that for the rest of your life, so you're gonna, don't repeat the grade now: I'm bawling out crying I, don't understand it. He did a great job explaining it, but I just didn't understand it. I couldn't grasp my hands around it and.

E

My mom intervened she jumped in because she was a dad too she jumped in they removed me from public school put myself and my brothers in Catholic school. So for the next 3rd 4th 5th 6th grade I went to a Catholic school. It was. It was an experience, but I picked it up, though, because of my father and every to every day that I went to school, I, remember, making it to high school and I'm late for class I'm running down a hallway and dr.

E

Randolph comes up to me, says Washington, that's gonna, be detention I'm like nah, dr. Anna. No, please, no I can't have a detention. My father will not accept that. Give me paddles give me whatever you could give me, but do not give me detention, because I'm not gonna, be explaining that to my father, because I would have hurt him and.

E

Now I think about fatherhood and I think about every kid. I. Don't think just about these two I, don't I, don't think about my Julius who's, not sitting here as a principal I, think about every kid I'm their father, because when you send your child to a school, I become the father.

E

So when I look at disciplinary referrals, I, don't look at the kid I try to teach people to close your eyes when you see a referral and you deal with what's on the referral, you don't look and deal with that child because that could be a child who's been giving you problems all week and a lot of times. You may hold him accountable because you mad about yesterday.

E

So when I look at a kid, I look at Jayla every time, I, look at a student, I, think I, see Jayla, I, think I, see Jordan and then I say to myself. How am I gonna discipline, this kid I'm a discipline him the way, I discipline, my child they're gonna, be held accountable as though they were. My child Jayla comes to school in the middle school. If she does something wrong, she going to detention. If she does something wrong, she gets a suspension if she does something wrong that she gets.

E

What any other kid is gonna get, there's no special privileges. It's tough I could only imagine how she feels being in school which a dad who's the principal you know and I. You know, I I try my hardest to be principal Washington around her, because that's that's how she needs to view me there and I'm gonna, say I'm gonna say something else about being a father in today's society and one thing my father taught me and you know, being a principal I grew up in it.

E

I grew up in a straight-up poverty, riah called Duquesne Pennsylvania I'm from Pittsburgh PA I grew up in a small town called Duquesne I, remember, driving. We were driving through Pittsburgh, we made it to Duquesne, and my Jordan looked at me and said: dad Pittsburgh just got jacked up because of what he saw. He saw graffiti all over the walls and he saw broken glasses.

E

He saw abandoned buildings and to him he's not used to seeing that he's not used to seeing that, but to go back to see well, this is how your dad grew up is real is real. You know growing up growing up that way and we think about separation, I'm, so glad hearing about what you're going to be talking about it you're next, when you, when we talk about our kids and immigration and being pulled away from us, it's it's. It's a shame.

E

It's sad, but as a father and having foundation I owe my life to my father. I will always be indebted to my father. He just played an instrumental part of my life and growing up in that small little town of Duquesne Pennsylvania. My father was from Watts California, so my father grew up where it was all gang and but my grandmother had a vision that was I need to get him off of the west coast.

E

He was an athlete, so he sent my father all the way across to Pittsburgh and from being there, my father was a black man who had a great job. He worked for Ford Motor Company. He was a regional manager for Ford Motor Company, but he started off as a janitor yep. He started off as a janitor. He was educated. He was as educated as anybody that was sitting in that company, but he had to work from the bottom.

E

He had work and that's what he taught me and my brothers and my sister, you have to work. No one's gonna, give you anything and I remember struggling at a job prior to coming here, and you know my father tell me said man, you have degrees, you do you don't have to settle or anything when you have degrees, you can look and apply and go somewhere else. Your principle people need principles all over the country, and you know what III wasn't afraid.

E

I took a risk and my father taught us the T just take risk and I teach my kids to take risks and to play as a father, I coach. All it are sports, so I'm, a principal I, don't leave the building early I'm there, late I'm, walking around that school late after I'm done with practice being a principal I, go to her practice. I go to his practice. I coach Jillian says practice and after that, it's going home being a father again.

E

Getting kids ready for bed and I yep I have to cook I have to play that role as well. You know I have to make sure that they're taking care of themselves. You know I, don't I, don't just leave it up to them, I'm, trying to teach them responsibility and teach them how to be adults as fast as possible.

E

But again it goes back to foundation, building the foundation within your kids and staying strong being mindful of what's happening around you and it's about teaching as a father, you have to teach the people around you what it's like to be a father, because as men we all can have kids, but are you a father?

E

Are you taking care of your children? I don't know what cards were dealt to many people, so I can't say you're wrong for this or you're wrong for that I don't get into that. But how could I help you? You know how could I help you and it's about speaking the word it's about having faith, it's about belief, it's about having wisdom and before I. Let them say a couple words. They as a father, I, say this and I say this. The Jayla and I say this to Jordan.

E

You you're, not gonna, learn everything from me. There's other men in this room who you can learn from I. Don't have all the answers, but I remember your grandfather who these guys never never had the opportunity to meet my dad and one of the things that my dad instilled in all of us was go out. Seek the elders in the community go find out their stories. They have stories that I can't even relate to.

E

But what you do is you take that information and you build that and you put that in your information box, and let me tell you something: Lawrence, because that's what he used to call me little Lawrence. Let me tell you something: doesn't name that to him. He said you have to have a switch in life. He said, I'm gonna teach you what the switch is when you're around here in the house and you're around this community. You just be you, you can talk the way you want to talk.

E

You can walk the way you want to walk, but when you walk outside of these doors hit your switch and you talk that talk and you walk that walk and you be able to sit in a company of whoever and be a part of that conversation and be proud to be in that conversation and be proud that you're educated be proud. That you're, who you are be proud to be a father and I, could sit here in front of you and definitely tell you.

E

I am a father to these kids and to many other kids who are in my company. If I can reach you, I can be your father and I will treat you that way. I love, kids, I love my job. My job I love my job as a father, everyday I love my job. I love these guys. They know it. Jayla was something that you could say that stands out about me as your father.

D

Something that I could say about my dad is that, like he said, he always tells us to view ourselves and that he always reminds us of how much he likes us and how much he wants us to do our best and how he wants us to succeed in life like how he did.

E

Jordan he let Jordan say somebody's gonna have to come over here, because he'll get nervous. Jordan come over here, real quick. This is my bit listen. This is this is my one who, no matter what we're doing he's looking around trying to see where I'm at I don't know he gonna have to get out of that, though. But what do you think about me being your dad? What you think.

F

You take us from places.

E

F

You do stuff for us.

E

About your sports.

F

You teach us sports so.

E

Okay, listen, you know, he's gonna do as soon as we leave here he's just like dad. You know what I should have said. This I should have said that I should have said that I'm gonna say Jordan. Well, you have the chance to shine yeah, you didn't seize the moment. You know you gotta seize the moment and again look easy. You and you think about fatherhood. That's what you got to teach you seize the opportunity. Seize the moment when it's your time get a shine and again Jordan I'ma!

E

Say it to you, because I was your age when I made the mistakes and with education, I was only a third grader and you're. Your grandfather didn't play the games and I'm here to tell you to your face: I'm, not playing the game. You go to school. You respect your teachers, you respect anyone and everyone. If they're in that school, you respect them and here's what I say to all kids. If you have something to say to an adult in a school you don't just don't say it, you go home and that's your parents job.

E

It's not your job to be arguing with teachers or be arguing with you go home, and you tell your parents and that's their job. You just be respectful in school, like I'm telling my kids be respectful. They they don't get an opportunity to going to school and Jayla can't pull out the principal card, my dad's, the principal they don't work late. It doesn't work like that. Jail is gonna, be accountable, jail is gonna, be respectful. Jayla has to pave the way for julius coming into school. So.

E

Kevin I want to thank you for this and for this opportunity and would love to sit with you, but before before I wrap up. If anyone has a question, that's perfect, but that's good, but but thank you I appreciate this. It has been an honor to sit in front of you and I look forward to doing this again and again and because I just love being a father. Thank you guys. All.

A

Right awesome questions. Please write your questions down because we will do a panel afterwards, we're just trying to record everything and get everything in there, but um I'll just like to bring up Sarah she's gonna introduce her husband and her daughter he's getting round of applause for Sarah. Please I.

G

Had liked well I have the privilege of presenting the next two speakers who's my husband, Gordon, our Sudan and and Tahir a7r, soo and being so lucky to watch their relationship develop from when she was here.

G

Was just the sweetest I always say that she had her dad wrapped around her finger before she had fingers and her dad had the same thing, because when he would walk into a room, it didn't matter if it was way over there or over here. Somehow she always knew and I would feel inside of my stomach as soon as he came in and you know what and like he, she was always always with her dad and so I think that I know I can tell her face.

G

She has a lot to say about her dad and her dad does too and hopefully they'll be able to tell you also about the painting that he did so come on up guys.

H

Hello, everybody, my name is Gordon Arzu. This is my daughter. Tyree Arzu I was born in Honduras Central America, okay I became a citizen. I was 18 more than ten years ago, I met my wife in Honduras, see she went there to be a volunteer. My father actually started an orphanage many years ago in the 80s.

H

So I grew up around many kids. My my father was there father, 120, kids, sometimes more sometimes less, but that was kind of like the number.

H

My daughter doesn't actually know a lot about her grandfather.

H

Because I haven't talked to my father in 10 years. Almost you know it's difficult because I love, my father, like some I, think somebody said I I, also own my life to him and many of the things that I know and I do is because of him, but he was living a double life.

H

He hurt a lot of people and he disappointed a lot of people, including me. You know, that's why actually I haven't I, really don't talk to my daughter about him, but I I love, my father and.

H

One of the things that I.

H

Love most about him is he he was always there protecting us and he never.

H

He never left like a lot of father I'm used to hearing you know my father just left. You know my father never left and he was always there and sometimes he didn't have the time to be there and and talk to us, but he was there. We knew he was there and that's what I want for that's what I want to be for my daughter.

H

Actually, this this painting here, it's called the protector and.

H

You know like the animals, is they represent that instinct to protect your child and then, when I knew I was gonna, be a father. You know, I was really scared, but I always exam. You know excited at the same time and I'm sure a lot of the fathers here know that feeling you know that you have to protect your child I think somebody else said that to you we are the protectors we have to be there in.

H

Just basically that's what the painting represents. Oh yeah, my daughter represents the heart. She wants you to know that one of the one of the things that I remember about my father, a story. I remember one day: two younger brothers and an older brother. You know I used to work at the orphanage. I was the maintenance director. You know I used to build stuff and fix stuff, and do all that kind of stuff and I remember one day I was I was tired.

H

I was I was working like ten hours a day and you know from 6:00 in the morning till 6:00 at night, that particular day we had a project that we had to finish and I was there working and he came to me and he started yelling at me in in complaining about my brothers, yeah I, see if he was talking to them.

H

You know, like I, don't know what they did there, what they were teenagers I, think they were smoking or drinking I, don't know what they did, but he was angry and he was telling me what he wanted to tell them. He was telling me, but in it he was angry and I respect. My father, like I I, wouldn't say anything to him back. You know so I was just there just you know, just in my mind and my heart I was like. Why are you yelling at me?

H

I didn't, do anything I've been working all day and then, after a couple of days, I understood. You know he trusts me and he knows that I'm gonna go and talk to them for him, but at the same time I was like I. Don't want to be a father. If that's what a father does you know? If you don't have time to talk to your kids, you know so it was. It was complicated, but I understood why he did it.

H

I was angry at the moment, but I understood and, like I said you know, I want to say this to my daughter. You know: I'm not perfect and I'm gonna make mistakes, but I hope that you still love me like I love, my father when you know knowing that he's done a lot of things but I love him and I, miss him and I hope some day you get to me and I, don't know if you want to say something about me.

H

If you have any any questions.

F

Well, one thing my dad used well, my dad still does he said he used to and he still does. He brings me to the mall and sometimes I get to play in the inside park and sometimes I see some friends that were at my school and then like. Dad also brings me to restaurants and does lots and stuff like he lets me eat whatever I want.

F

F

He also really does like he lets me. Watch TV like one of them was expect their gadget. One of them was like.

F

He sometimes cooks like rice.

F

And sometimes he actually does fried rice, which I really hope.

F

The first time I lost my tooth. Was he like how we pulled out my tooth.

F

We put dental floss on my tooth and then we tied the other.

F

And the first time it didn't really work, but the second time it rolled out so far it even fell. What the tooth fell out. So we had to try to find it and.

F

F

Sometimes he lets my best friend come over and I think that she has a baby sister now so I'm really like excited.

F

Sometimes like.

F

He does say that, like you're, beautiful, I love you and like he's like you have to do this specific, like hairdo and you have to brush your hair. You have to not get ticks on you. Whatever.

F

And really the most thing that he really did when I was a well. What I did when I was a baby um I, really like helped everything like I I.

F

Put the dishwasher stuff, even when I was a baby I put it away where it was supposed to go. I could even reach it. Even though I was like 2 months old or 1, but 1 years old,.

A

That was awesome. Next we have Keith, Carter and I know you're gonna introduce your daughter and everything. Please give her a round of applause for Keith Carter, all right.

C

Greetings, this is my lovely daughter, Anjali, Carter, I can't say her name because she'll get mad at me, but we call it Jojo and she loved the Jojo name. But you know growing up. We was always taught train up a child in the way they should go and when you part they want, apart from that and I would I you know, I was sitting now, listen, everybody else to talk and know one of the things that I remember about my father was literally sitting at his home.

C

Going the day before his home horn, we in the south I'm from Louisiana. We have wakes and this one Bishop missed the week because he had some other obligations and I. Never forget him stopping by the house, and my mom said he wanted to speak to the four of us. I have three other brothers, so he sat down and he said, look I can't let your father go home without saying something about him and we sat down ever forget sitting there like shocked and we was all looking at each other cuz.

C

My father taught us a lesson when we was growing up and he said son, no matter what you do, you don't do it to glorify yourself. You do it to help others, you put your heart into others and help them never turn your back on body in need, right and I. Take that lesson and I. Look at my daughter, I remember one day, I got frustrated a mentor. A lot and I got frustrated. I said you know, I'm done with mentoring, I'm, not doing that.

C

No more and my daughter looked at me and she said dad. You can't do this. She came into office and she said dad. You cannot do this I said what she said: you're gonna get sick and think about the young people that you help every day, and you know that the work you put into that dad. You can't stop those people, need you I, don't mind, sharing cuz, that's my dad!

C

That's what you do and I look at when you talk about fathering and being a father, it's about doing it unconditionally, putting your heart into being a father. I! Look at my daughter and I. Look at her accomplishments and I smile every day. I! Look at this young lady and say wow every day. She wake up. I call her Princess every night before she go to bed I call her Princess. Why?

C

Because I want her to know when she grows up and she goes into the world, she need to be respected as a princess and that's a lesson we a lot of times. Fathers forget to teach their children. You know I always tell education is important. You know what a funny story. She came home one day, preschool dad.

C

What's a yell and I looked at her, she just always say: I'm gonna be better than y'all. You and Mom could get all the degrees y'all want, but I'm gonna be better. May I say how you gonna do that she said I'm gonna be better and the thing I'm gonna be better is because I'm gonna be better than a man. Cuz I'm gonna, be my own boss and I said okay, and so she said what say: yo dad's I, don't know. I, say: yell is a University I've, really big-time.

C

She said nah dad. What's it y'all and remember, preschool and I looked at I said why she said: cuz I'm gonna be a y'all alumni and I looked at and I said really. She said yeah, so I thought it was a week and done nah. She got the kindergarten and and and and this is just from being a father- she got the kindergarten. I, never forget her first paper. She got and she said dad I picked her up from school that that even said dad. We need to really talk.

C

Let's just skip lunch, cuz I always took out for a snack right. Let's just skip the snack and go home. I said now we could go to have a snack, so we went to have a snack and she rushed through that snack and she looked at me. She said dad it's time to go. I gotta talk to you now. This is her first time getting the graded paper, so we get home, she put her books down. She said dad, look at this.

C

I went through this paper over and over and over again and I can't see why I got C's. Do you realize my academic career is over and she fell on the floor. She fell on the floor right. Her little plats was all over the place and her little dress and little legs poking up. She say: I'm ruined, dad, I'm going and I looked at I said baby.

C

Let me see and I'm looking at this paper I'm looking at this paper in China, says all right: I couldn't figure out why she had seized and then it clicked you're in preschool. This is correct.

C

So she jumped up when she jumped up and she stood up. She say so you telling me I'm still good I said yeah, you know what, though we laugh but she's the dad set the standard for your child's right. You set that pathway and when I look at being a father, I look at how I set the standing in the pathway as I set for my daughter, and you know what ever since then. What is the incident? She has never got nothing under 8 in school.

C

She just moved on the high school straight A's all the way through, and you know what, if she get a month, she want to know why I wasn't a plus if she missed something. She wanted to know why. Why? Because she see us challenge every day, but you know and and and then I look at the other kids on mentor right and I yeah. Just Sunday was Father's Day and I look at their successes and when they Father's Day I got one I. Just let her read one and I got one from a young man.

C

I'm entered he's in it's well almost 30 40, but he's talking about being a father and learning how to be a father right, and he said it wasn't for you when we was over on the ride over, she was saying dad. You know her. Father is not biological, it's commitment and it's how you commit to people and I was like you know. You got a point there and she said you commit to a lot of people and I was just reading.

C

He said the time you put into me it's what taught me how to be the father. I am and then I had one from a young lady, and she was thinking me for being a father to the fatherless and she was saying the PAP. You put me on it's the reason I'm here today, where I'm at today and when I look at my daughter and the day she told me, don't give up dad, keep pushing because I don't mind, sharing you because I know what I got you 365 days a year.

C

She said that little time you give them, it doesn't matter because I wake up, I, see you I go to bed I, know you're there, and you know you look at fatherhood and I look at her. You know I always say wow she's doing it.

C

You know, and you training him up when you training him up going back to that statement trainer month, how much heart and desire do you put into your child a lot of people say: oh I'm, a father. What have you done for your children? Lately uh I'm gonna? Let my daughter talk to y'all.

I

So my dad's, a great dude, he's an awesome, dude and I'm an only child, so I, don't gotta share with no siblings I had to share with anybody, but when I told him that he can't give up on other kids, I thought to myself you've been doing this way too long. No, you can't give up and I said if you give up on all the kids that you've mentored and all those who need to be mentored, they're gonna get sick and I told him that sounds like you're you're, not gonna, stay healthy.

I

If you give up on kids, who need to be mentored, I was like you're gonna get sick and he's like no no I'll be fine. I was like try it, he didn't try it. He kept going and I smiled. I said to myself: I told him that I told him I wasn't trying to be cocky. I was just saying that he was he's too good of a dad, not saying like too good, but he treats other kids who aren't his biological children as they were, and I'm really happy.

I

I have a dad like him and I. Remember this one time that we were sitting on the in our living room and we were just watching a regular TV show and I got up, I, think I went and got a snack and he was so focused on the TV, because it was a TV show that we really liked I can't remember what it was.

I

But then I came back and I kind of jumped on him and it was kind of like we just smiled at each other, because we were so happy and it was a time when my mom was she was on her way home and we were both getting hungry at the same time. So it's kind of funny how we were so connected to each other that were just we know what each other's thinking like, he might have me read something or I might read some or I might have him read something a minor he'll.

I

Have me read something of his and we'll look at each other and we'll know. We both think that it's good or we're just synced in such a good way that we know what each other's thinking and we know how each other's feeling and sometimes he'll walk in the house and even if he has a smile on interface, he might walk around like he's really happy, but I'll know that he might not have had the best day.

I

Maybe someone made him frustrated or I didn't get a task done, that he wanted to and I'll try and cheer him up and normally after that, we kind of either watch TV or we'll just talk about each other's day and then we'll just have like a really fun time and I really value the time that we have alone together, because sometimes you just need that alone time. With someone who's very close to you and who's, a father to you and he's my awesome dad.

I

That's all I got oh.

A

Geez, did you get that I? Never all right! You know, I was reading this thing from our unknown author and and the title of it of the title of the poem was called.

A

What makes a dad what makes a dad God took the strength of a mountain, the majesty of a tree, the warmth of the Summer Sun, the calm of a quiet sea, the generous soul of nature, the comforting arm of night, the wisdom of the ages, the power of the eagle's flight, the joy of the morning and spring the faith of the mustard seed, the patience of eternity did the depth of a family need then God combined these qualities when there was nothing more to add, he knew his masterpiece was complete, and so he called it dad.

A

Marcella, please give us some words of wisdom and closing out on these powerful extraordinary fathers and daughters and submit their sons as well. Give give myself a round of applause.

J

Thank you so much and a very special thank you to everyone of you, dads who came up here and shared what it's like to be a dad and to you.

K

Young lady, you like hit home on so many different levels, about sharing your dad and what it means for your dad to also share his wisdom with other people. My.

J

Father couldn't be here tonight and I, don't.

K

Even call him father unless I'm being sarcastic and I say father father. Can you come here, but I am daddy's girl that that's my dad he's my heart. We say that my dad never had a son, but I was the closest thing to it. So I know how to fish. I bake my own hook, I play sports I. Was that boy so to speak, but I kind of wanted to shift the conversation a little bit tonight. I have my uncle and my cousin here and I'm.

K

So gonna try not to bring you guys to tears, but I want to recognize the different men that we have in our lives, who are not your biological fathers but who play a major father role, a major dad role in our lives.

K

My uncle rich who's here tonight. My love of R&B music comes from him. My dedication to my job and to paying myself first before I pay anybody else. Knowing that hard work will yield all kinds of different fruits of your labor I learned that from my uncle rich and I. Thank you so much for that.

K

Then try not to cry your presence in my life I. Remember my father's mom got really sick and I had to move to Baltimore City I was the only person in my family that could do so. We knew she didn't have long to live and I just I made the move. It was a Friday night. I was on the Eastern Shore in Maryland and I went to go, see my grandmother. She was in Baltimore at the hospital and the doctors and social workers came in and said.

K

If nobody can stay with her, we're gonna have to put her in a nursing home. My grandmother wasn't having it. She was never the kind of woman to be like. Oh okay, no miss Lee wasn't having it so I said: okay, well, I can step up to the plate.

K

I'm going to do this and I did that, and my father was so grateful for me taking on that role of granddaughter and caregiver, and there were moments where my grandmother didn't remember who I was and we'd be in the house together and she'd, say to me: I I, don't I, don't know who you are, but thank you for for being here with me.

K

My dad and I had many conversations on the phone where we were crying because you know obviously what's going on with his mother, but also because I was his girl who stepped up and was able to let her go in peace.

K

The way that she wanted to my uncle rich I, remember: I called him on several occasions feeling completely defeated, not knowing what is my purpose here, and what am I doing, and this is absolutely heartbreaking to see and him telling me how proud he was of me and that you know Marcia doing great things girl and you just you got to be strong. You got to be strong and I'm here for you anytime, you need me and you've always been there for me.

K

He makes the most amazing rice and eggs, and if you don't know what rice and eggs is I'm really sorry for you, he makes amazing rice and eggs and it might sound weird, but nobody cooks, tater tots and french fries, like my Uncle Richie, does nobody does so I want to take a minute to recognize you as being another dad for me, because I I would not be Who.

K

I am today to be able to stand so strong for the many kids that I also work with my work with kids, who have mental health issues and are in crisis more times than not and being able to go to work every day and say: okay, no, it's not about the paycheck, the paychecks sure it's great, it's cool, but the job itself you're here to do something for other people, just like I was there for my grandmother, just like I continued to do every single day.

K

You've given me that strength to remember that it's bigger than me, my cousin Derick, is also here tonight. Derick. Thank you so much for your support in coming my cousin, Derick I. Remember when we were when we were kids and it was me and my cousins Derick used to be like okay, you guys want to come with me, yeah Derick. We want to go with you. We get in the car, we'd go to Delaware.

K

He told us one day, we're gonna go to the beach, so we put on our bathing suits and we're all excited, and he ever going to the beach with Derick, it's gonna be fun. Derrick took us to Six Flags that day we went to great adventures and I. Don't know if you guys remember, but this great adventures in New Jersey when you first entered in there were animals everywhere that were kind of free free free range. You know no, no real limits other than your car doors and your windows and I just remember.

K

We had so much fun every time. Cousin Derek wanted to do that. Any that I'm facing personal challenges in my life I call my voice of reason.

K

My cousin Derek has a very, very level head and he's always there to give me that piece of advice that that I need- or you know, D what am I, what am I missing here and he says you know Sela you got to take care of you. You got to make sure that you know you're doing what you got to do for you. You know you, you always be kind and if there's ever a conflict, you make sure that you are solution. Focused and I.

K

Think that that's such an important lesson to learn in life and to carry with you no matter what the conflict is, whether it's in a relationship with boyfriend girlfriend husband, girlfriends people at the office is such an important thing is okay. This is our problem. But what is our solution? Where are we every solution focused right now, and that was something huge that I had learned and was able to take from you.

K

Thank you. I meet a lot of kids everyday, who don't have fathers, whether they passed away or they're, simply not their mom and dad don't get along. We.

F

K

Know that there are many different reasons that go behind, that I can't help, but stand here and feel completely blessed that I've had so many amazing men in my life, who have been able to teach me these lessons that school is important, have faith in God. You can reach for the stars and reach for the stars and beyond that one another one of my cousin's, who is also my cousin, Derek's brother. He plays another dad role in my life. My cousin, Chris Chris was always saying to me.

K

Stella come on or he calls me a fat kid, because we both love snacks, we love to eat, and that's just that's our thing, but you know Chris is another! One teaches me how to be calm, how to be kind to be patient. Good things will come and then the the other father figure that I really feel the need to to address is a retired, New, Haven police officer, and that's my uncle Rob, who is down in Florida, so he used obviously can't be here tonight.

K

My uncle Rob took my siblings and my cousins and I for summers at a time because my parents had to work. My parents were very, very hard workers and they had to keep a roof over our heads. So in the summer time we went to uncle Robbie's house and I. Remember when I was a kid we some of us I should say some of them didn't have rhythm and I.

K

Remember we were we were trying to learn how to do the Tootsie Roll and the butterfly and uncle Robbie, saying all right now, squat down, and we just looked at him like you- want us to do what we're girls we're girls, you want us to do what but teaching us how to dance in those moments. um These are things that I never forget is how to be fearless, and so what you're a girl you can do it just like anybody else can do it.

K

You got to do another man who taught me about work working hard, but most of all what all of these men? What my dad? What they've all taught me is the power of family.

K

The power of family community tribe- that's my family, they're part of our community and they've, helped to build me up to the woman that I am today.

K

My cousin's told me well Marcy, you know you stand up in front of people and you you command their attention and keep doing what you're doing in and you're doing amazing things with these kids and with your public speaking, and this is what fuels me to keep doing.

K

What I'm doing every single day is because of yes, the women in my life, because mom grandma did not forget you guys, but the men in my life, the dads in my life, the many dads that I am blessed to have you know as with any family you, you have a lot of conflict that goes on in parents and children that don't see eye-to-eye and that that's something that happened with my family and it was very important.

K

This past Father's Day for me to remember the dads that I've had the many dads that I've had who have helped shape the person that I am today. I know that you guys go through your own struggles. I see that and I want you guys to know that, while you don't hear it every day or as frequently as I wish that you could hear it. Thank you for being dads in my life. You guys are amazing men.

K

The speakers that have been up here before me, amazing men. Thank you so much for teaching these girls and this young man and these children that you work with what it means to have a dad.

K

Not everybody has that I worked at Journey house, which is a locked residential facility up in Willimantic, and these are for girls they're all on parole, their DCF mandated to to be at this program for a minimum of six months- and you know this was my first job ever working in mental health, so I'm sitting here and I'm saying to myself. Okay, so they talk about boundaries and this not and this and that okay well well. Well, okay, I! Don't really know what that means, but I'll figure it out. I'll figure it out.

K

So these girls, they cry they're homesick! This is this: they it's it's a normal thing. One girl was sitting on her bed, one night and she's crying, and my first reaction is well why? Why is she crying what's wrong? Why is she crying staff says? No just let her cry, but does anybody know why she's crying? No? No! No just let her cry.

K

Well. If you know me, you know, that's not a satisfying answer and I'm going to do this. My way so I kind of went around about and I said, I'm gonna find out why she's crying cuz? No kid should have to cry by themselves. So I go to her and I say: hey. What's going on she's crying she's crying, she saw Ben.

K

She was finally able to tell me Marcelle I'm gonna discharge from here in a few weeks and I'm gonna graduate from high school and there's gonna, be a photographer in the room and they're gonna be snapping pictures of people with their families and they're gonna come to me and they're gonna say.

K

Would you like me to take a picture of you and your family, but Marcelo who's gonna be there for me and she sobbed and of course, I started crying with her and I have to thank God, my grandfather, Karl Levy, my grandmother Alvina, my other grandparents, Eunice and Robert Lee.

K

Thank you all for giving me the gift of family and for me never having to be in that position where I had to wonder who was going to be there for me. Thank you all for making sure that these kids don't ever have to wonder that question as well. I. Thank you all so much for being here tonight, a Happy Father's Day to you all, and thank you to my other dads for being here tonight and supporting me I appreciate you.

A

This awesome event we're having celebrating these father's awesome. So I would like some of the father's to come up here. Please, the fathers who spoke tonight- okay, like all the fathers that come up here- and you could turn around please and face the audience right here. We can line up right here, just right here, yeah, okay, now for you all some fathers I just want you to leave, because sometimes people might have a lot of doubt right now, right somebody might be having a baby. Now they might feel like they're, not ready.

A

You got some fathers who, because the temptation things that we deal with on a daily basis, you know they feel like hey man, maybe I just can't even be a dad anymore. You know I felt sure I keep falling short. I can't pay the bills. You know employment is rough right now, I can't find a job things are tough I can't really support my household, you know my wife is getting on my nerves. I can't deal she's keep bickering and she's she constantly on my ear she's coming to nag she's annoying.

A

My kids are just you know. They don't want to pay attention to me. Just a quote a word of advice, something to leave the listeners tonight, each one of you just just something cuz, you just never know who's listening.

B

I, don't know if you're ever ready to be a dad. Like I said you know, kids, don't come with instructions and I. Remember when I was getting married. My father said the only advice, I'm gonna give. You is make sure you leave the bathroom clean.

B

In other words, you learn as you go along, but if it was anything I would say two.

F

B

Things that you can give your kids is love in time.

E

So, for me, it'll be real simple. You just gotta find God you reach out to God, and you put it in God's hands and through prayer through faith through just God's. Will you'll find you'll find a way happen.

C

You know the best advice I can give is connection stay connected. You know me and my daughter got started doing shake. We can be looking at each other and we'll do this to each other and we'll do that and we'll do that and we'll cross our heart and we'll cross the room right and that's just to tell each other. We love them and I always say as a parent as a father as a mentor as a coach always stay connected.

H

My advice would be you know we got to think about the next generation and what we're giving them I think about my daughter and someday she's gonna be a mother and what I do the example that I you know give to her? How I treat my wife, how I treat her.

H

You know that she's I hope that I'm doing a good job and she's gonna find a partner. That's gonna do the same for her when she's ready to get married, I hope in a long long time from now, but if you're gonna be a father, just you know even you're nervous about it, like you said, pray just to start, you know, and just just have faith in that there's always gonna be someone there giving you support and there's always gonna, be there's someone trying to help you.

H

If you feel like you know it's too much, don't don't leave any more kids alone. You know we don't need any more of that. They are the future. So please.

A

Give another round of applause for the extraordinary man now before we get to Q&A I know you have to cut turn this off in a minute Derek. Can you please bless this Derrick Williams? Can you please bless us with a song right now, close it out.

L

Hello, everyone, what an awesome program- I'm fortunate, no 50% of these men up here and what they told you that is true, they're they're, accurate in their stories and Larry I- do laugh with you and at you you know it's just how we do and I was fortunate enough to go to school with Dave and grow up in the neighborhood together and and do music together and he's been a very great role model for lots of kids and I've always been proud of.

L

You I never told you that I don't think, but I always thought you were cool. I used to do a lot of teaching up at the middle school and and the other cool teacher was mr. Richardson. You know mr. Williams was I was all right. You know.

L

But to my my baby, cousin Marcela, thank you for inviting me tonight: I'm not really prepared, cuz I didn't do my hair or anything because I just expected to sit in the back and just my money. You know just mama, P's and Q's, but alright.

L

She said she didn't know we'll talk about this later and we'll get resolution as we talked about resolve right, but I'm, very proud of you and I. Do I'm thankful for the role that we've had this relationship and family is very important to me and my cousin, Richard and and because of our parents and so on and and I'm just so so thankful that I was able to be a part of your growth and I. Tell you I, used to put her right here and carry her yeah as a little one.

L

You know right here on my hip and off. We go no matter where she's like as she said, I was so happy because she'd always be like yeah I'm going I want to go. Those kids always want to go with us, no matter where we went. They were there, so you made it easy for me to grow up and be a father, because you guys were just great kids and it was just I was talking about that.

L

You bought you today at work and I was just sharing that um you know I got to go support. My baby I still call my baby cousin. You know, I gotta go support her and you know I'm happy to do it. Of course, and you know it's just uh it's just good to to to have such a. We have a difference in age.

L

You know I'm, not gonna, say that's not important Nova, but you know she was a baby, but it's it's such a such an awesome feeling to have someone who continues to look up to you. You know as from when she was this big, now a grown adult and to be able to call and say, hey, cousin, help me with something help me through this, and you just know that I. My role is to encourage you, but you got to know you got to know, I love, you and you encouraged me alright.

L

So you just keep doing what you do.

L

So one thing I want to teach you now is. Sometimes you got to be ready for things when you're not really ready for things.

L

So I really didn't have a song this evening, but I did something at church and just from what was shared tonight when Dave shared that um you know you know reminded me of biblically of you know, disciple being afraid to walk out into the water and Jesus said, come to me that took me right there, where your father was saying come to me, you're gonna be all right and you stopped looking down at the rocks and you just started walking out.

L

You took that that that faith step that just reminded me of that you know and down you know it's just it's just awesome.

L

You know that uh I received that very from you and just two other stories and in the connections with with the children, an awesome dads, an awesome dude and that's that's that's great stuff, and um you know you should be very proud of this young lady, that she has such a connection to you and it's and don't ever I know you're the dad and we're talking about dads right now, but don't ever take that for granted.

L

I know you won't because they grow up man, and if you got that strong connection, it's gonna continue to be strong so and that little one just loves you to pieces in so she's the heart and just this whole display is so powerful and it's just just an awesome thing and to Larry Larry said um he said: put God first, so that's kind of putting me to where I am now I'll share this with you, because many of us, some of us, don't have fathers and I was at church this past week and a lot of the a lot of the church members don't have a father anymore.

L

They didn't have a father much in their lives. I love what you said that you you still love.

M

L

Father through everything, it's unconditional now you've spoiled her Ratna. You spoiled her rotten it. He spoilers is, but you didn't have that the whole time, but you still love your father that is so powerful. It's just an awesome thing so that one day you you she does get to meet him and because it doesn't matter because love is greater than all things, love conquers all so so I want to just give honor to, as Larry said, put God.

L

First, we've gotten all things so kind of just again: I didn't know what I was going to do so, just listening to these, these men speak and and their that their children I figured I'll just go ahead and do that. That was what was being really I received. Thrown someone share this with you to our Heavenly Father, our Father, all right, Oh.

M

M

We love to call you by your grace. You have adopted now we're your children. You now receive a joint heirs with Jesus our Father, our Father.

M

M

We love to call you by your grace. You have adopted now we're your children.

M

You now receive.

M

Joint heirs with Jesus our Father, our Father.

M

The awesome love he's shown to us goes beyond our wildest dreams. You sad to raid our lives with grace and mercy, and because you love you chasing us, if we should go astray like a father, our father, like a father, our father, our father,.

M

M

M