►
Description
Kevin Booker, Jr. moderates a panel discussion about the One Book, One Region selection, "Hey Kiddo" by author Jarrett J. Krosoczka. The discussion centers around people who have parents battling addiction, incarceration, and other causes of family instability, while exploring the themes presented in the book.
#communityconversation #heykiddo #grotonct
A
Hello,
everyone,
it's
a
pleasure
to
be
here
and
I
just
want
to
thank
Rotten
Public
Library
for
having
this
event
and
I'm
excited
above
this
incredible
panel
that
we
have
tonight.
But
before
we
begin
the
discussion,
I
have
two
individuals
who
would
like
to
share
the
importance
of
this
incredible
book,
called
hey
kiddo
by
Jarrett
krosoczka,
and
this
incredible
book
sheds
light
on
being
a
you
know:
a
loss.
B
A
When
it
comes
to
addiction,
abuse
and
even
our
own
internal
battles
that
we
deal
with
when
it
comes
to,
some
of
the
people
are
very
close
to
us,
and
I'm
gonna
bring
up
Patrick
Sheehan
from
safe
futures
who
does
incredible
work
in
New,
London
County,
and
if
you
could
say
a
few
words
about
why
this
this
book
is
so
important
and
also
about
some
of
the
work
that
he
had,
he
also
does
within
the
community.
Thank
you.
C
All
right,
thank
you.
I
also
want
to
thank
the
ground
library
for
having
us
and
thank
Kevin
for
for
inviting
me
to
speak
for
a
minute
I'm
here,
because
I've
worked
at
safe
futures
for
the
last
five
years
with
families
who've
experienced
abuse
sexual
violence,
domestic
violence,
I
read
this
book
because
my
wife
Frida,
is
on
the
panel
and
I
wanted
to
share
that
experience
with
her,
and
it
struck
me
that
I
don't
know
Jared,
but
I've
known
the
same
kids
that
he
was
right.
C
They're,
not
gonna,
know
if
they're
gonna
get
a
five-course
meal
or
you
know,
told
to
shut
up
and
go
to
your
room,
I
work
in,
say,
futures
within
our
prevention
department,
so
I
go
into
middle
schools
and
high
schools
and
I
try
to
teach
kids
about
healthy
relationships
and
one
of
the
ways
that
we
like
to
begin.
The
program
is
by
really
talking
to
the
students
and
saying
that
everybody
has
their
own
normal
right.
C
Everybody
has
their
own
normal
I
can't
tell
you
what
a
normal
relationship
is,
because
I
got
30
kids
in
the
room,
there's
30
different
normals
and
I
asked
them
to
take
into
that
perspective
of
what
they've
learned
we,
you
know
what
you
know,
what
your
normal
is,
because
it's
what
you
saw
with
your
maybe
parents
or
grandparents,
or
foster
parents
or
your
siblings,
or
your
cousins
or
your
neighbors.
Whatever
relationships
you
saw
around
you,
that's
what
you
expect
normal
fighting
can
include
yelling
and
hitting
and
screaming.
C
It
can
include
a
grandma
who
puts
you
down
all
the
time
and
the
way
that
kids
absorb,
that
is
by
finding
ways
to
survive.
I
felt
like
the
story
was
a
great
kind
of
love
story
to
art
as
a
survival
mechanism,
I
thought
it
was
a
great
love
story
to
some
of
the
people
in
his
lives,
but
it
was
also
a
document
for
how
we
look
back
at
our
trauma,
and
so
you
know
it's
a
futures.
C
Our
goal
is
to
try
to
help
everybody
who's
being
traumatized
in
their
relationships
and
to
try
to
prevent
them
more
more
trauma
in
relationships.
Try
to
prevent
the
next
generation
from
experiencing
again,
you
can't
change
something
if
you
don't
acknowledge
it's
a
problem
and
man.
This
hey
kiddo
did
a
great
job,
acknowledging
the
problem
and
I'm
excited
and
hope
that
tonight's
panel
continues
that
kind
of
acknowledgment
of
different
people's
realities
and
by
bringing
some
more
stories
into
the
room.
A
D
D
Know
I
I
can
sense
as
a
when
I
was
a
child
that
my
mother
had
a
hard
time.
She
had
to
continue
fighting
her
addiction
of
using
drugs
and
to
raise
a
child
by
herself,
so
this
poem
is
dedicated
to
her
and
and
how
much
she
meant
to
me
and
also
it
really
expresses
how
I
felt
at
that
time.
It's
not
necessarily
how
I
feel
now,
but
you
can
imagine,
as
a
seventeen
year
old
child,
probably
lash
out
a
lot
of
anger.
D
D
Thank
you
so
that
that
poem
is
something
really
really
dear
to
me
and
bring
that
that
our
discussion
today
can
be
able
to
help.
Others
realize
that
you
know
no
matter
what
that
person
has
gone
through,
there's
still
a
human
being.
That
is
constantly
you
know,
struggling
with
all
their
past
trauma,
but
trying
to
be
the
better
human
being,
and
that's
all
we're
trying
to
do
we're,
trying
to
be
better
human
beings
as
every
day
goes
by.
So
we
all
have
a
collective
effort
and
that's
why
we
should
continue
supporting
each
other.
Thank
you.
A
So
when
I
thought
of
this
panel
and
I
thought
of
this
discussion,
I
kept
thinking
in
my
head.
What
can
I
title
this
you
know
and
I
and
I
said
Society
has
all
these
preconceived
notions
about
people
who
deal
with
trauma
and
abuse,
and
you
know
I
just
started
thinking
about
my
own
life
as
well,
and
I
was
like
and
I
started
thinking
about
who
could
I
have
on
the
panel
and
who
could
understand?
A
B
A
A
family
member
is
incarcerated
in
nine
times
out
of
ten,
statistically,
you
are
gonna
be
incarcerated.
If,
if
you
are,
if
you
do
you
see
alcoholism
in
your
household
nine
times
out
of
ten
you're
gonna
die
abusing
alcohol
as
you
get
older
so
before
we
get
into
this
discussion,
I
would
like
for
my
extraordinary
panel
here
to
introduce
yourself
who
you
are.
Why
are
you
here
today
and
what
would
you
like,
the
viewers
and
listeners
to
get
from
this
incredible
insightful
panel
discussion
tonight.
E
Hi,
my
name
is
Frida
beragon
I
live
in
New,
London
I
work
for
fresh
new
London.
We
work
with
young
people
growing
vegetables
and
also
growing
leadership
in
London
and
transforming
physical
spaces
from
empty
lots
or
derelict
areas
into
beautiful
and
productive
public
goods
and
common
spaces.
So
so
that's
the
the
work
that
I
do
for
well,
because
it
makes
me
really
happy
and
it's
because
that's
how
I
earn
my
living
and
then
in
my
spare
time.
E
D
My
name
is
Sami
Cologne
I
am
a
clinical
case
manager
at
Gilead
community
services
and
my
role.
There
is
working
with
clients
who
are
struggling
with
many
mental
health
disorders.
Different
traumas,
sometimes
even
a
substance,
abuse
history
and
so
I've
worked
with
adolescent
and
I've
worked
with
the
dots
are
different
ages
and
different
backgrounds,
and
so
I've
seen
a
good
collection
of
of
different
difficult
situations.
Our
clients
can
deal
with
at
times
and
and
hey
kiddo
resembles
a
lot
of
those
situations,
especially
what
adolescence?
D
You
have
situations
where
once
one
parent
is
involved
and
the
other
is
not
or
maybe
two
of
them
are
involved,
one
is
incarcerated.
The
other
one
is
dealing
with
sustance
abuse
and
trying
to
meet
up
with
social
workers
and
trying
to
prove
themselves.
Oh
I
can
be
a
good
parent
and
it's
very
traumatic,
more
for
adolescents,
especially
boys,
specifically
boys.
What
I've
noticed
is
that
it's
hard
for
them
to
open
up
and
opening
up
to
another
man.
A
boy
opening
up
to
another
man
is
probably
really
challenging
this
better
dynamic.
D
When
it's
a
boy
and
a
woman
because
a
lot
of
times,
they
can
kind
of
assimilate
and
really
relate
to
an
order,
positive
female
role
model,
but
it
kind
of
shows
the
dynamic
of
what
what
direction
America
has
gone
into.
Where
we
have
a
lot
more,
you
know
more
positive
female
role
models,
but
then
our
male
or
male,
the
fathers
are
hot.
In
a
picture.
That's
what's
happening
here
in
hey
kiddo
and
there's
much
more
happening
in
in
the
book
and
that's
what
makes
a
lot
of
their
past
and
their
traumas
really
complicated
and.
F
D
G
D
Where
there's
a
adolescence
or
other
adults,
if
they
don't
connect
with
role
models
in
the
community,
then
it'll
be
hard
for
them
to
really
feel
comfortable
with
going
to
specific
individuals
and
really
let
them
know,
hey
I
need
help,
and
that's
one
of
those.
One
of
those
questions
is
I
need
help
and
a
lot
of
times.
People
feel
really
vulnerable
and
scared
to
even
ask
for
that.
Thank.
A
D
H
A
B
She
calls
me
hey,
kiddo,
that's
what
she
actually
calls
me
and
so
just
hearing
the
title
also
resonates.
So
much
I
can't
wait
to
really
get
down
into
the
meat
of
the
discussion
about
the
book.
I
want
to
say
thank
you
to
grind
in
Public
Library
for
hosting
us
here
today
and
actually
bringing
us
all
together
to
talk
about
such
a
great
topic
that
I
think
families
and
people
in
the
community
Kevin
really
need
to
hear
more
about,
because
it's
a
lot
of
things.
B
I
think
that
would
resonate
with
listeners
and
people
in
their
homes
and
in
their
families
as
well.
So
I'm
excited
and
I
hope
that
people
take
away
from
this
very
similar
to
what
hash
lis
shared.
Just
now
that
you're,
not
defined
by
your
past
I,
was
able
to
write
a
new
book
and
so
I'm
continuing
to
write
that
book
and
they're
able
to
write
that
story
each
and
every
day
that
they
live
their
lives
because
there's
a
treasure
buried
beneath
the
dirt
of
your
life.
A
The
other
day,
I
was
walked
up
the
street
from
my
house,
where
I
live,
that
that
told
me,
May
and
I
was
sitting
in
the
park
and
my
nephew
was
running
around
and
this
man.
You
know
he
approached
me
and
he
said
he
said.
Sir,
can
I
talk
to
you
for
a
minute
and
I
said
yeah.
You
know,
and
he
said
to
me
so
I
shared
a
little
quick
story
with
you
and
I
said,
of
course,
and
he
said
that
when
he
was
12
years
old,
he
said
he
was.
A
People
in
the
house
that
were
on
drugs
and
and
I
also
had
an
alcohol
problem
as
well,
and
he
said
even
as
he
said
that
last
and
then
he
said
the
police.
He
got
to
know
the
police
so
well
to
the
point
when
he
was
in
Middle
School
in
high
school,
where
he
knew
them
by
name
because
they
would
come
to
his
house
all
the
time.
A
And
then
he
said
as
he
got
older,
he
became
a
professional
and
he
said
one
of
his
parents
was
still
dealing
with
drug
issues
and
he
would
have
to
go
to
on
the
corner
and
talk
to
him
and
see
if
they
can
get
help.
And
he
remember
one
day
going
to
the
hospital,
and
he
said
his
father
said
to
him:
hey,
I
gotta
go
get
high
before
I
put
myself
in
treatment,
and
at
that
time
he
was
only.
He
was
that
he
was
a
teacher
as
well
and
he's
going
to
the
hospital
he
has.
A
He
has
to
go
teach
in
the
morning
and
he's
going
to
the
hospital
and
he
said
I
got
to
go,
take
another
hit
of
some
dope
before
they
Bremen
put
me
into
treatment
because
you
know
I,
don't
have
insurance
and
all
those
years
of
his
life.
20-Plus
years
watching
family
members
deal
with
drugs
on
and
off
all
his
life
that
young
man
was
me
I'm
that
person,
my
father
has
only
been
clean
now
since
2009,
when
he
came
out
of
prison.
A
A
So
I
am
very
honored
to
have
all
of
you
here
today,
because
time
is
something
you
can
never
get
back
and
I
appreciate
you
taking
the
time
to
be
here
to
discuss
this
important
topic,
but
when
I
think
about
this
incredible
book,
hey
kiddo,
first
thing
that
comes
to
my
mind
is:
why
do
you
think
Jarrett
krosoczka
tie
to
the
book?
Hey,
kiddo
Ashley,
oh
wow,.
H
So
when
I
hear
that
it
brings
me
right
back
to
my
mom,
hey,
kiddo
and
I,
think
that
might
be
part
of
why
he
chose
it,
because
it's
the
only
consistent
thing
that
she
had
I
mean
if
you
read
the
whole
book,
it's
the
only
thing
that
she
consistently
did
for
him
was
say:
hey
kiddo
everything
else
was
kind
of
a
letdown.
So
that's
my
opinion
on
why.
E
E
May
it
makes
me
think
about
his
relationship
with
his
grandfather
and,
and
one
of
the
things
I
really
appreciated
about
the
book
was
that
everyone
in
the
book
is
flawed
right,
even
the
grandpa,
you
know
comes
home
late
drinks
too
much.
You
know,
antagonizes
the
grandma
everybody's
flawed,
but
nobody's
to
blame
right,
he's
mad
at
his
mother.
He
he
harbors
a
ton
of
anger.
He
expresses
his
anger
so
beautifully
so
constructively.
E
It
seems
to
me,
but
you
know
his
grandpa
teaching
him
how
to
drive
in
the
cemetery
the
way
the
book
opens
and
his
grandpa
just
kind
of
continuing
to
love
his
mother.
Even
you
know,
through
all
of
her
failings
and
disappointments
and
her
her
breaking
down
over
and
over
again,
the
grandpa
continues
to
love
the
mom
and
I
think
teaches
the
teachers
Jarrett
a
lot
about
how
to
love,
but
not
to
how
to
love
but
like
in
a
clear
eyed
kind.
I
can't
depend
on
you,
but
I
still
love
you
kind
of
way.
E
A
Thank
you
and
when
you're
talking
you
mentioned
Frieda
you
mentioned
like
how
Jarrod
expressed
in
the
book.
You
know
how
he
continued
to
love
his
mother
through
all
her
failures
and
the
first
person
I.
Think
of
on
this
panel
is
I.
Think
about
you
to
Rico
mm-hmm.
You
know
with
all
the
stuff
that
you
dealt
with
with
your
mom
yeah.
B
B
Definitely
when
you
talk
about
dealing
with
hurt
and
trauma,
because
that's
exactly
what
my
situation
was
definitely
watching.
My
mother
first
of
all,
her
resilience
watching
her
get
up,
because
there
were
some
days
it
was.
My
mom
was
beaten
to
the
floor
and
so
to
watch
my
mom
get
back
up.
Watch
her
climb
up
a
wall
to
stand
back
up
again.
F
B
My
father
would
knock
her
down
I.
Remember
those
images.
I
remember
her
coming
out
her
room
to
go,
get
ice
or
something
kind
of
to
restore
herself.
If
you
would
but
I
remember
watching
her
walking
and
continue
to
press
forward.
I.
Remember
her
words
to
me
in
those
moments
on
her
saying:
I'm
gonna
be
okay,
I'm
gonna
be
okay.
How
that
translate
over
to
my
life,
a
lot
of
people
say:
that's
some
major
trauma
that
you
saw
little
did
I
know
that
that
trauma
that
I
saw
my
mom
go
through
helped.
F
B
In
college
and
wanting
to
quit-
and
you
think
about
your
mom-
went
through
some
really
difficult
stuff
that
she
got
up,
your
mom
was
beaten
and
she
got
up
and
I
watched
her
restore
her
faith
in
life.
I've
watched
her
restore
her
faith
in
love.
I
watched
her
restore
our
faith
and
I
watched
that
I
had
the
most
beautiful
picture
of
forgiveness,
a
forgiveness
and
in
her
being
willing
to
believe
in
hope
again
and
trust
again,
and
that
kind
of
when
I
hear
that
the
title-
hey,
kiddo,
hey
kiddo,
to
me
as
a
rescue.
B
It's
almost
like
a
rescue
term
of
safety,
hey
kiddo,
it's
gonna,
be
okay,
hey
kiddo,
one
one!
It's
gonna
be
better
one
day,
because
that's
what
I
lived
with
and
so
to
have
that
Kevin
that
hurt
to
live
in
my
home
so
consistently,
because
I
watched
it
for
18
years
and
to
watch
my
mom
remarrying
in
things
like
that
to
believe
in
and
see
a
man
actually
come
in
and
treat
her
and
care
for
her
and
and
receive
a
healthy
love.
F
B
B
B
A
A
You
you're
hurt
by
maybe
a
parent
or
a
family
member
being
incarcerated
right,
because
the
lack
of
them
not
being
in
tre
the
bitterness
you're
hurt
by
that
person
using
drugs
right,
you're,
hurt
by
that
person
who
may
have
abused
you,
mm-hmm,
and
but
when
I
think
about
that
I
think
about
what
are
some
of
the
lessons
that
we
learn
from
the
personal
family
member
who
have
hurt
us
the
most
you
know
and
what
comes
in
when
I
Sammy.
You
know,
because
you
mentioned
earlier.
A
You
mentioned
that
you
know
your
your
father
was
a
very
violent
man
right
and
you
watch
your
mom
go
through
a
lot
of
issues
and
her
personal
life.
You
know
by
the
time
you
were
17,
you
know
you,
wouldn't
you
experienced
that
your
mother's
death
and
everything
as
well
right?
So
what
have
you
learned
from
all
that
hurt
in
that
pain,
right
that
you,
the
person
that
was
the
closest
to
you?
What
did
you
learn
from
from
her
or
from
your
mom
or
even
from
your
dad?
D
Well,
she
she
went
to
a
lot
and
she
was
really
honest
with
me
at
a
young
age
about
she
told
me
when
I
was
about
six
or
seven
of
when
she
was
struggling
with
drugs.
She
lost
custody
for
me,
and
I
was
about
two
or
three
mm-hm
and
she
she
had
to
go
to
to
court.
She
had
to
take
classes,
drug
rehab
classes,
I.
Remember
that
she
won
a
lot
of
certificates
and
I
still
have
those
certificates
kind
of
framed,
awesome,
yeah,
and
she
she
just
she
was
really
resilient
with
it.
D
I
can
just
tell
because
she
would
talk
about
those
stories.
I
said
they
just
happen
like
not
too
long
ago,
and
it
took
her
three
years
so
took
her
an
additional
three
years
and
during
that
time,
I
think
I
was
bouncing
with
other
families
and
then
I
was
living
with
relatives
and
always
sense
that
there
was
friction
whether
it
was
me
going,
whether
another
family
or
even
with
my
relatives,
and
throughout
that
time.
You
know
she.
D
And
so,
when
I
think
of
any
challenge
that
I
have
I
think
I
do
think,
as
Tirico
was
mentioning
earlier
about
like
what
what
our
mothers
had
went
and
they
went
through
some
really
scary
things,
and
so
it
teaches
me
about
like
no
matter
what
happens
that
it's
not
not
the
end
of
it.
What
I
went
through
and
what
she
went
through
was
terrible.
F
A
E
Sure
I
might
hopefully
this
isn't
too
long
this
story,
but
my
sister
is
seven
years
younger
than
I
am
and
we
have
a
brother
who's
just
a
year
younger
than
I
am
and
she
called
me
up
a
while
ago.
She
was
doing
social
work
and
she
had
found
this
book.
It
was
a
book
on
trauma
stewardship
and
she
was
reading
it.
E
The
book
is
sort
of
trying
to
help
you
identify
and
process
your
own
trauma,
and
then
you
know
be
available
to
other
people
and
makes
first
serve
healthier
workspaces
and
you
know
boundaries
and
limits
within
the
Social
Work
field.
So
she's
telling
me
all
of
this,
and
I
said:
oh,
my
god
Kate
well
like
did
something
terrible
happen
to
you
like
what
did
I
miss
something
like
like.
Are
you
okay,
like
what
what
trauma?
What
is
this
trauma
of
which
you
speak?
E
Kate
and
I
miss
a
mugging
or
some
sort
of
awful
thing
in
my
sister's
life,
like
am
I
the
worst
big
sister
in
the
world,
she
was
like
you
idiot,
like
our
parents
have
been
in
jail
like
our
entire
lives
and
I
was
like.
Oh
all,
right
right.
Oh,
oh,
my
gosh!
So
it's
it
is
that
right,
that's
okay,
all
right
sure,
if
that's
totally
traumatic
and
the
fact
that
there's
a
political
overlay
to
it
or
that
were
prepared
that
we
were
served
for
part
of
this
political
project.
E
Doesn't
it
provides
a
rationale
for
the
trauma,
but
it
doesn't
alleviate
trauma
right,
and
it
was
this
deep
moment
where
I
was
like.
Oh
I
am
traumatized
by
my
you
know,
my
by
my
parents
absence
and
throughout
my
life
and
the
fact
that
we
wrote
letters
and
that
we
sort
of
tried
to
transcend
prison
in
all
these
ways,
doesn't
make
the
fact
that
my
mother,
you
know,
missed
these
big
parts
of
my
life.
It
doesn't.
It
doesn't
obviate
that
pain
and,
and
so
my
mother's
79
years
old,
she's
a
grandmother
of
six.
E
We
have
three
children.
My
brother
has
three
children.
She
believes
very
deeply.
Her
conscience
has
told
her
that
you
know
the
best
way
to
oppose
nuclear
weapons
is
to
is
to
engage
in
this
in
this
activity
that
you
know
the
government
thinks
is
illegal
and
so
and
there
she
is
in
a
County
Jail
in
Georgia
and
I'm
45
years
old
I'm
supposed
to
be
kind
of
do.
Do
we
need
our
mothers
at
45?
Yes,.
F
E
Our
children
need
their
a
mother's,
and
so
I
find
myself
sort
of
doing
all
of
this
bridging
and
kind
of
all
that
eldercare
that
one
does
as
one's
parents
get
older
and
but
doing
that,
like
mediated
by
this.
This
perverse
awful
system
and
and
I
hope
this
isn't
too
personal,
but
so
I.
My
mom
made
this
book
for
me,
and
these
are
letters
that
she
wrote
to
my
brother
and
I
in
1977.
So
we
were
little.
F
F
F
E
And
so
in
hey
kiddo,
you
know
when
the
mom
is
writing
all
of
these
letters.
I
was
like.
Oh
my
gosh.
My
mom
wrote
these
letters
too,
and
many
wait.
So
she
she
put
all
this
together
for
us
and
but
now
right,
prison
has
changed
right
and
prison
is
a
you
know.
Prison
has
always
been
awful,
but
but
now
it's
a
money-making
enterprise
and
in
a
way
that
it
wasn't,
can.
E
Now
prison
jail.
The
whole
penal
system
in
our
countries
is
a
money-making
enterprise
right
there,
people
making
millions
billions
of
dollars
off
of
off
of
people
who
are
incarcerated
right.
They
make
it
off
the
the
bail
system
and
the
way
we
have
to
pay
cash
bail
to
get
back
to
our
loved
ones.
They
make
it
off
the
phone
calls
they
make
it
off
the
commissary.
They
make
it
off
of
all
the
charges
they.
E
There's
no
color-
and
this
is
a
decision
and
I
I-
think
it
was
just
in
this
jail
but
I
I'm,
understanding
that
it's
and
more
and
more
the
art
gone.
The
books
are
gone,
the
the
notion
of
rehabilitation
is
largely
gone
and
it's
just
it's
a
holding
pattern,
and
you
know
my
mother
is
a
woman
of
extraordinary
faith.
E
She's,
a
former
nun,
Catholic
nun,
and-
and
so
she
has
this,
you
know
prison
isn't
actually
Jail
is
and
all
that
different
really
from
being
a
nun,
very
ways,
and
so
in
many
ways,
she's
quite
she's,
quite
comfortable
and
fine
and
available
to
the
other
women
right.
She
has
a
lot
of
money
in
her
commissary
she's
having
a
little
picnics
all
the
time.
They
don't
feed
them.
Lunch
on
Saturday
or
Sunday
or
holidays
in
the
county.
E
Jail
you're,
not
supposed
to
be
there
that
long,
but
there
she's
been,
you
know
for
16
months
and
she's,
not
the
only
one
right,
because
lots
of
families
don't
have
the
money
to
get
their
loved
ones
out
of
jail
or
or
don't
want
it.
You
know
go
through
all
of
that
again
right,
so
so
anyway,
I
find
myself.
I
found
this
book
not
too
long
ago
and
found
myself
just
like.
Oh
my
gosh
I.
E
You
know
my
mom
is
so
present
in
these
and
when
we
were
little
she
was
so
present
in
the
letters
and
and
and
she's
less
present
in
these
little.
You
know,
4
by
5,
postcards
that
she
sends
to
me
and
my
brother
and
sister
and
her
grandchildren,
but
but
anyway
so
and
so
I'm
lucky
that
she
saved
all
of
these
and
and
put
them
in
this
book.
E
15
minutes,
15
minutes
and
I
talked
to
her
once
a
week
and
it's
15
minutes,
and
you
know
neither
of
us
love
the
telephone
and
so
15
minutes
is
like
it's
a
it's.
It's
it's
enough
to
kind
of
have
a
you
know.
We
can
kind
of
be
in
a
holding
pattern.
You
know
we
can
kind
of
maintain
like
a
relationship.
That's
really
deep.
We
can't
process
anything.
Real
I
can't
be
mad
at
her.
She
can't
really
interrogate
my
decisions
about
things
in
any
sort
of
way.
She
has
a
problem
that
were
we
have
a
trampoline.
E
She
doesn't
really
like
the
trampoline
in
our
backyard
she's
really
like
worried
about
it
anyway,
but
so,
but
I
think
about
you
know
all
there
are
a
lot
of
women
with
no
one
to
call.
No
one
who's
gonna
pick
up
the
phone,
a
lot
of
women
who
aren't
getting
any
postcards
to
the
point
where
she
just
passes
our
postcards
around
and
we
stand
in
for
so
many
like
kind
of
absent
loved
ones
and
that's
kind
of
lovely
and
and
an
incredibly
heartbreaking
at
the
same
time,
because
I'm
conscious
of
that
being
super
public.
A
Don't
say
thank
you
for
sharing
it
and
last
semester.
I
had
the
opportunity
in
the
privileged
to
to
teach
at
a
prison
and
in
Phil
and
Phyl
Connecticut
and
Ashley
Shaw
came
into
my
class
as
a
guest
speaker,
and
you
know
in
my
class
you
mentioned
to
some
of
the
individuals
who
are
incarcerated,
who
have
been
incarcerated
for
over
20
plus
years
and
that
in
that
room
you
know
how
it
felt
to
be
in
that
room
if
you
could
shed
a
little
bit
of
light
on
that
as
well.
I
would
greatly
appreciate
that
cuz.
H
Was
that
was
a
crazy
day
I
before
I
speak
on
that
I
want
to
say
that
I
was
laughing
and
smiling
the
whole
time
you
were
talking
because
I
resonate
with
everything
that
you
said
and
I'm
fighting
back
tears
and
laughter.
It's
weird
I
actually
just
got
a
letter
from
my
mom
two
days
ago
that
was
artwork
and
she's
in
a
phenomenal
artist.
I
really
related
to
that.
From
the
book
too
and
yeah
growing
up,
she
was
always
in
jail.
She
was
always
in
prison.
H
One
of
my
earliest
memories
was
riding
with
my
grandmother
to
Niantic
to
visit
my
mom
in
the
orange
jumpsuit,
and
so
that's
it's
always
been
a
part
of
my
life.
So
I
had
the
same
mentality
like
okay
I'm
in
my
20s
shouldn't
I
be
over
it
by
now.
Isn't
it
something
that
just
it
is
the
way
that
it
is
I
should
just
be
used
to
it
at
this
point.
H
Luckily,
I
work
a
12-step
program.
That's
helped
me
work
on
that
internal
battle
and
today,
truthfully
I
feel
fine
about
everything.
That's
happened,
I've
done
a
lot
of
work
on
it.
I
have
forgiven.
I
am
okay.
I
have
a
good
relationship
with
my
mom
now,
but
it
was
non-existent,
so
it
doesn't
feel
a
whole
lot
different
right
now,
with
her
incarcerated
for
seven
and
a
half
years,
it
doesn't
feel
very
different.
H
The
hardest
part
about
that
was
I
have
a
younger
brother
she's
incarcerated
in
Arizona,
so
my
younger
brother
is
also
across
the
country
and
that
kind
of
severed
ties
with
me
having
a
strong
relationship
with
him.
So
there's
other
aspects
that
make
it
hard,
not
so
much
just
her
being
separated
from
me
because
that's
been
always
it's
always
been
that
way.
A
H
Men's
prison
the
day
Booker
asked
me
to
go
speak
there.
It
happened
to
be
my
mom's
birthday
and
she
had
already
been
incarcerated,
she's
been
in
since
August
1st
of
last
year,
and
her
birthday
was
March
7th.
So
he
didn't
know
that
when
he
invited
me
to
go
so
we
go
and
I
told
the
guys
that
you
know
they
were
my
mom
to
me
that
day
it
was
the
first
day
I
got
to
walk
inside
of
a
facility
like
that
a
prison
and
see
kind
of
what
my
mom
might
be
dealing
with.
H
What
her
environment
might
be,
like
you
know,
and
it
was.
It
was
my
first
real
look
into
that
lifestyle.
I
can
hear
all
about
it.
You
know
she
can
write
all
about
it,
but
actually
seeing
it
that
day
for
me
kind
of
it
kind
of
changed.
My
perspective
on
on
my
mother
in
another
way-
and
that
was
huge
for
me
and
I
talked
a
lot
about
forgiveness.
That
day
and
I
will
stand
by
that.
That
is
the
most
important
thing.
I
have
learned
in
my
life.
So
far,
forgiveness
is
key.
H
H
A
A
And
you
know
when
I
think
about
you
know
as
a
lot
of
stuff
is
internal
right
and
we
take
it
all
in
and
that
trauma
that
we
deal
with
right
and
sometimes
people
think
it
just
leaves
us.
So
you
know
Sammy
you
mentioned
earlier
and
Tirico
you
mentioned
early
as
well.
You
know
Dylan
what
person
will
both
abuse
drug
addiction
as
well
right?
Many
of
you
have
mentioned
that
as
well
on
the
panel.
You
know
what
was
it
like
to
deal
with
a
family
member
who
was
addicted
to
drugs?
A
So
remember
taking
all
that
in
and
processing
that
has
a
little
boy
and
saying
to
myself.
I,
don't
want
to
be
like
that,
so
I
remember
as
little
as
I
got.
It
was
a
to
a
teenager.
I
was
like
that's
not
cool
to
smoke.
It's
not
cool
to
drink,
because
I
remember
identifying
those
drugs
as
not
cool.
As
that
looks
really
like
sloppy.
That's
not
cool
I!
Don't
want
that
smell
on
my
clothes,
because
I
know
what
that
smells
like
I've
smelled
that
all
my
life,
so
I'm
not
doing
that
stuff.
A
D
My
mother,
when
she
regained
custody
of
me
she
was
clean.
Fun
fact,
is
that
the
only
drug
that
I
knew
of
that
she
would
smoke
is
marijuana.
Now
everyone
has
conflictual
perceptions
on
it.
Some
people
agree
with
their
people.
Some
people
don't,
but
she
hid
that
away
from
me
to
a
point
that
I
didn't
find
that
out
until
later
and
because
she
made
it,
she
was
really
strategic
with
not
allowing
me
to
be
exposed
to
that.
You
know:
I
would
knock
on
a
door
and
be
like
don't
come
in
here.
D
D
He
was
a
heavy
drinker
before
he
got
incarcerated
and
he
used
various
different
drugs
and
I
didn't
really
know
so
much
about
it,
but
I
knew
that
he
was
really
addicted
to
to
drinking,
to
a
point
where
he
would
just
play
pranks
on
people,
but
he
would
get
violently
angry
and
with
his
daughter
and
send
some
of
his
sons
and
he
would
say
things
that
try
to
justify.
Oh,
they
didn't
clean
the
dishes
here,
dishes
here
and
they
didn't
do
this.
They
didn't
clean
their
room
or
their.
D
F
D
D
Get
it
that's
his
house,
but
also
too
I
made
it
clear
that,
because
of
that,
because
of
that
decision
mm-hmm,
you
know
me
just
asking
him
for
a
family
dinner
with
a
baby
just
not
smoke
and
and
not
to
curse,
he's
not
ready
to
make
that
decision
to
stop
and
because
of
that,
I
won't
go
over
to
the
house,
so
it
it
makes
it
difficult
and
a
part
of
me
it's
like
it's.
It's
just
a
it's
just
a
small
decision.
D
Why
can't
you
just
not
do
it
for
two
hours
and
I,
don't
understand,
and-
and
maybe
it's
unfair
for
me
to
expect
I
didn't
think
it
was
that
much,
but
maybe
it
unfair
for
me
to
expect
something
that
he
may
consider
too
big
of
a
request.
He,
the
the
response.
Again
me
is
hey
I'm
I'm,
not
I'm,
not
used
in
hardcore
drugs,
I'm,
not
drinking
I'm,
not
smoke.
D
H
I
add
absolutely
please:
I
was
gonna,
get
ready
and
ask
you
about
watching
alcoholism
and
drug
abuse,
or
even
abuse
happen
at
a
young
age
or
if,
through
your
whole
life
I
feel
it
can
go
one
of
two
ways,
your
way,
which
was
I'm,
never
doing
that.
That's
terrible
I'm,
not
touching
that
or
my
way
way,
I
started
that
way
up
until
I
was
probably
like
14,
where
I
was
like
even
with
friends
in
school
like
oh,
you
smoked,
marijuana,
no
get
away
from
me
or
any
of
that
kind
of
Oh
cute.
H
Stuff
of
that
nature,
I
was
against
it,
and
then
it
came
to
a
point
where
I
fell
into
it
and
now
Here
I
am
doing
it
and
it
can
go
one
of
two
ways.
My
cousin,
my
uncle
I
call
him
my
cousin,
my
mom's
brother
he's
my
age,
his
mom,
my
grandmother
is
an
alcoholic,
so
he
watched
the
alcoholism
firsthand
all
the
time
he
witnessed
the
drug
abuse
with
my
mom
firsthand
all
the
time
we
both
did.
H
He
like
from
16
years
old,
knew
he
wanted
to
be
a
cop
wanted
to
be
a
firefighter
now
he's
an
entrepreneur.
Super
successful,
barely
ever
drinks
never
touched
a
drug,
we
grew
up
in
the
same
exact
environment,
I
went
on
to
use,
percocet,
30s
and
then
heroin
and
crack
and
alcohol
knowing
exactly
what
could
happen.
So
my
point
to
that
in
same
with
abuse
is
I.
Think
it's
not
only
just
that
you're
surrounded
by
it.
H
That
plays
a
role
in
it
absolutely,
but
your
environment
and
mental
health
I
think
are
the
absolute
key
ingredients
to
that,
because,
if
Tommy's
group
of
friends
they
were
all
you
know,
video
games
skateboard,
let's
have
fun
and
be
goofy
boys
right.
My
friends
were,
let's
smoke,
some
weed
on
the
weekend
and
have
a
couple
of
drinks
and
it's
not
their
fault
by
any
means,
but
I
just
fell
into
that
kind
of
lifestyle,
because
that
was
my
environment.
H
That's
what
I
kept
myself
around
in
my
mental
health
was
not
okay,
I
was
very
anxious,
I
was
depressed
and
the
drugs
and
the
alcohol
helped
me
with
that.
So
yes,
seeing
it
happen,
maybe
it
played
a
role
because
I
remember
when
I
was
active
in
my
addiction.
I
said
well,
this
is
you
know
what
my
family
does.
This
is
this
is
what
I'm
supposed
to
be
doing.
This
is
my
destiny.
I
will
die
like
this.
H
I
legit
said
that
when
I
was
addicted
to
heroin,
and
that
is
insane
to
me,
but
now
being
out
of
that,
that's
not
my
family's.
You
know
way.
My
grandmother,
hopefully,
will
be
in
recovery
from
alcoholism.
My
mother
will
hopefully
come
out
of
prison
and
remain
clean
after
she
serves
her
time.
That
is
my
hope.
That
is
what
I
believe
will
happen.
I'm
gonna
put
that
out
into
the
universe.
That's
what's
gonna
happen
and
I.
B
F
B
Chaos-
and
so
you
know,
when
we
talk
about
addictions,
we
it's
easy
to
talk
about
a
drug
addiction
right
because
there
is
a
physical
thing
that
we
know
these
people
are
doing,
I,
remember
being
a
kid
in
in
in
in
having
those
moments
where
I
wished.
It
was
something
physical
that
my
father
struggled
with,
so
I
could
justify
the
behaviors
that
I
saw
on
a
daily
basis,
because
at
least
then
I
could
say:
okay,
it's
because
of
this,
which
sent
me.
B
Remember
when
I
got
to
a
place
where
I
released
my
father
when
I
was
really
young
I
released,
my
father
and
I
said
to
him.
I
I'm
expecting
you
to
be
something
that
you
don't
have
the
capacity
to
be,
and
that's
put
a
lot
of
pressure
on
me
mentally
in
my
life.
However,
I
don't
think
it's
fair
to
you.
I,
really,
don't
think
it's
fair
to
you
for
me
to
expect
you
to
be
something
that
you're
incapable
of
being
so
I.
B
Don't
want
you
to
think
that
I'm
hating
you
for
who
you're
not
to
me
I'm,
just
gonna,
believe
that
God
would
bring
men
in
my
life.
That
would
help
give
me
a
picture
in
a
representation
of
what
a
healthy
man
is
and
who
it
is
that
I
want
to
become
and
I
bring
that
up
because
I
mean
talking
about
this
book,
a
kiddo
I
remember
going
through
the
phases.
Actually,
you
just
said
that
the
phases
I
was
where
you
were
Kevin,
where
I
didn't
want
anything
to
do
it.
B
B
What
I
recognized
was
that
my
heart
hadn't
healed,
yet
because
my
goals
that
I
was
setting
for
my
life
was
spent
running
from
my
trauma,
but
not
running
to
be
who
I
wanted
to
be
as
a
man
healthy,
I
literally
set
my
goals
of
my
mentality
based
on
this
broken
environment,
and
so
at
some
point,
I
had
to
recognize
until
I
was
willing
to
heal.
To
accept
that
this
was
my
story.
This
is
who
he
was,
but
I
could
write
my
own
story.
I
had
I
had
a
right
not
to
run
from
him.
B
B
In
my
experience
with
my
parents
and
being
in
that
environment,
where
there
was
drugs
and
where
there
was
abuse-
and
you
know
same
thing-
my
brother,
who
grew
up
he's
a
half
brother,
my
brother
today,
unfortunately
I
hate
to
say
it
he's
a
drug
dealer,
and
so
his
was
totally
different.
His
scenario
was
totally
different.
He
ended
up
falling
into
the
abusive
behavior,
but
with
drugs
with
drugs
and
so
unfortunately
I'm
blessed
to
say
that
you
know
that
forgiveness
piece
for
me.
F
A
B
H
Motivational
speaker
I
watched
his
video
on
Netflix
and
he
talked
to
a
girl
whose
father
I
believe
was
an
alcoholic,
and
he
said
okay.
Well,
what
do
you
blame
him
for
like
she
was
mad
at
him
for
being
an
alcoholic
and
not
being
there
and
and
she
blamed
him
for
feeling,
abandoned
and
all
this
stuff
and
then
he
said,
and
he
uses
it
with
a
lot
of
f-bombs.
But
he
says
if
you're
gonna
blame
them
for
the
bad
they
did.
H
A
You
talked
about
running
from
trauma
and
I
think
about
Jared's
book,
that's
right
and
I
think
about
hey
kiddo.
So
what
do
you
think
for
the
some
of
you
on
the
panel?
Whoever
actually
read
the
entire
book?
What
do
you
think
Jared?
Really
the
lesson
is
behind
this
book.
What
did
you?
What
do
you
think?
The
most
important
lesson
is
important
lesson
that
you
have
learned
from
this
book:
Ashlee
one.
F
H
The
end
of
the
book,
the
mom
said
the
only
reason
I'm
still
alive
is
because
of
grandpa's
love,
and
you
talking
about
her
son,
and
that
reminds
me
of
my
my
grandmother
and
my
mom's
relationship
is
absolutely
terrible.
That
is
probably
the
hardest
part
of
the
situation
right
now.
It
is
horrific,
and
my
mother
does
not
feel
that
love
from
her,
but
she
feels
the
love
from
her
grandfather.
My
great
grandfather
and
she
says
all
the
time
that
that
is
what
helps
her
get
through.
H
You
know
and
I've
learned
now,
since
I've
learned
how
to
forgive
and
work
through
it
to
be
supportive
and
to
be
there
for
her,
even
though
she
was
not
there
for
me,
so
he
he
learned
how
to
forgive
his
mom
and
by
the
end
of
the
book.
While
he's
writing
this
book,
she
passed
away
and
I
think
that
if
he
hadn't
learned
to
accept
her
and
forgive
her,
he
would
have
had
a
lot
of
a
harder
time
dealing
with
her
passing.
H
So
that
is
the
lesson
I
took
from
this
one
of
them,
because
that
I've
I
want
nothing
more
than
to
be
able
to
say
that
I
did
everything
I
could
do
for
anyone
in
my
life,
and
that
is
to
love
them
support
them
and
accept
them,
no
matter
what
not
condone
not
enable
that's
very
different,
but
be
there
for
them,
no
matter
what
leave
the
door
open.
That
is
what
the
end
of
this
book
showed
me.
You.
F
E
Does
the
Apple
sort
of
run
as
fast
as
it
can
from
the
tree?
Or
you
know
the
relationship
between
the
Apple
and
the
tree.
I
was
struck
that
you
know
jared
is
a
father
now
and
and
that
he
didn't
have
a
lot
of
you
know
great
role
models
to
be
a
father
but
that
he
found
you
know
people
found
him.
He
found
people,
he
cultivated
the
relationship
with
his
art
teacher.
There
were
other
men
in
his
life.
He
you
know
kind
of
navigated.
E
This
tricky
relationship
with
his
biological
father
and
you
know
mostly
I,
guess
related
to
that
man's
through
his
half-siblings.
But
you
know
took
his
grandfather's,
good
and
bad,
and
you
know
somehow
kind
of
pieced
together,
you
know
pulling
from
all
of
these
different
places,
maybe
more
like
a
bumblebee.
You
know
getting
pollen
from
different
places
and
creating
the
the
honey.
E
H
H
E
You
know
this
is
this:
is
mature
work
of
a
mature
man.
You
know
who
who
wants
to
be
a
good
father
who
wants
to
unlearn
a
bunch
of
lessons
and
has
a
lot
to
teach,
and
one
of
the
things
I
think
about
a
lot
is,
is
as
I
resonated
a
lot
with
what
ashley
said
about
you
know
when
we,
when
we
serve
blame
a
family
member,
you
know
for
the
bad.
We
also
have
to
serve.
E
E
Despite
having
you
know
the
privilege
of
whiteness
and
the
privilege
of
relative
lack
of
poverty,
we
weren't
wealthy,
but
we
were
you
know
and
so
kind
of
being
exposed
to
a
lot
at
a
young
age
and
and
thinking
about
and
Patrick
and
I
talk
about
this.
A
lot
like
how
to
kind
of
how
to
without
throwing
our
kids
in
at
the
deep
end
of
the
pool,
how
to
sort
of
talk
to
them
about
about
racism,
how
to
talk
to
them
about
abuses.
G
E
Please
allow
me
to
school
you're
coming
boys,
but
you
know
dad
talk
to
my
white
children
about
whiteness
and
privilege,
all
all
of
these
things,
and
and
and
and
so
I
whatever
I
I,
don't
know
exactly
where
I'm
going
with
all
of
this,
except
to
say
that
that
there's
a
maturity
in
this
and
I
I
have
a
lot
of
confidence.
That
jared
is
like
a
really
great
father
and.
F
E
Is
incredibly
honest
with
his
children
and
will
give
the
kids
the
tools
that
they're
gonna
need
to
navigate
gosh,
navigate
this
beautiful,
awful
just
bonkers
world
that
we're
all
living
in
in
2019
and
and
and
moving
into
the
future
and
and
I
think
you
know.
So
we
don't
control
where
the
Apple
falls.
We
don't
control
anything
except
our
own
actions,
right
and
and
in
our
interactions.
A
As
we
get
ready
to
close
out
for
this,
you
know
in
this
panel
discussion
that
we
were
having
if
each
one
of
you
can
share.
What
would
you
like
people
to
learn
from
your
journey?
What
would
you
like
them
to
take
away
from
your
journey
from
your
experience
cause?
You
have
some
of
the
listeners
there
and
some
of
the
people
who
are
watching
this.
This
show,
you
know
they're,
probably
sitting
there
right
now
saying
I,
just
can't
forgive
my
family
member
for
what
they
did
to
me.
A
You
know
it's
just
too
much
pain
that
I'm
going
through
hey
kiddo,
you
know
I
get
it
I,
get
it
Jared's
a
good
dad
and
I
get
that
he's
dealt
with
his
issues,
but
I'm
still
dealing
with
as
Tirico
say,
the
venom
or
the
toxic.
You
know
that
toxic
negative
energy-
it's
still
too
much
for
me
to
come
to
terms
with
what's
really
going
on
presently
in
my
life.
So
what
advice
would
you
for
them,
especially
making
that
connection
to
your
own
journey
and
what
you
are
dealing
with
at
this
point.
B
The
pain
doesn't
go
away
or
disappear
from
my
past,
but
my
future
is
waiting
on
the
decisions
that
I
make
today
and
so
because
my
future
is
waiting
on
those
decisions.
It
was
important
and
imperative
enough
for
me
to
forgive
not
for
them.
But
for
me
it
was
important
for
me
to
forgive
for
my
family
that
I
knew
would
come.
B
It
was
important
for
me
to
forgive
for
my
children
who
would
grow
up
someday
and,
as
they
do
today
say
so
dad
who
so
dad
who's
your
dad
and
I
have
to
have
a
conversation
about
who
my
dad
is,
and
they
deserve
the
opportunity
to
to
have
a
healthy
view.
If
it's
nothing
else
that
we
can
give,
we
can
give
our
kids
health,
and
so
forgiveness,
for
me,
was
also
about
knowing
that
I'm
protecting
something
that
I
knew
couldn't
stop
for
me.
B
H
Forgiveness
is
the
most
important
thing,
but
if
you're
not
ready
to
forgive
for
one
there's
always
hope
I
feel
and
if
you
can't
do,
if
you
can
do
anything
with
it,
I
would
say
do
something
positive
with
it.
If
there
is
anything
that
you
can
do,
you
know
I'm
trying
to
think
of
a
good
example,
one
of
the
negative
things
that
happened
in
my
life
of
course
was
falling
into
drug
addiction.
I
turned
around
I
came
into
recovery
and
now
I
work
in
the
community
with
a
nonprofit
to
try
and
raise
awareness.
H
D
You
know
when
I
think
of
forgiveness,
I
think
of
a
lot
about
some
of
the
things
that
I
went
through,
but
what
really
forgiveness
really
means?
Usually
when
someone
is
resistant
on
forgiving
another
person,
it's
like
a
matter
of
power
like
I,
have
the
power
to
say
that
what
you
did
like
I'm
past
it
or
it's
like
it's-
okay,
more
and
and
that's
not
what
that
that's
about
when
you
forgive
someone
you're,
not
necessarily
saying
that
it's
okay,
I,
you
know
you
made
a
mistake:
it's
alright!
D
You
can
still
forgive
someone
and
still
understand
that
they
don't
have
to
rebuttal
with
anything.
They
don't
have
to
say
you
know
yeah,
you
know,
I
was
right.
I
shouldn't
have
been
using
drugs
and
to
know
that
there's
you
can't
expect
something
out
of
the
forgiveness,
but
also
you
can't
feel
as
if
you
hold
that
power
and
I
think
when
someone
feels
hurt,
they
feel
like
they've
been
cheated,
so
they
use
that
as
like
I
have
the
power
now
to
forgive
you
or
not,
and
really
we
don't
have
the
power.
God
has
the
power.
D
So
what
makes
it
so
selfish
enough
to
try
to
attain
the
power
that
God
has
and
that's
what?
What
is
about
and
I
talk
about
that?
Because
when
my
mother
passed
I
prayed
and
I
wasn't
a
god-fearing
person
at
that
time?
I
prayed
because
I
was
desperate,
I
wanted
her
to
stay
and
she
was
in
a
coma
and
because
she
she
didn't
stay
a
god
with
his
own
wisdom
said
she
can't
stay
here.
D
But
we
do
have
the
power
to
try
to
understand
that
person
right
and
that
comes
with
asking
questions
or
or
just
reconnecting
or
just
letting
them
know
hey.
You
know,
I,
forgive
you
and
then
letting
it
be
it
that's
it.
You
don't
have
to
reconnect
or
anything
as
long
as
you
you
understand
that
when,
when
the
time
comes
you
forgiving
that
person
and
and
and
that
is
all
an
answer,
so
I
think
that's
an
important
thing
to
really
analyze
yourself
when
it
comes
to
forgiveness.
Thank
you.
Thank.
A
E
Something
in
your
question,
Kevin
and,
and
the
person
you're
sort
of
bringing
into
our
myths
made
me
made
me
really
think
about
loneliness
and
how,
how
alone
so
many
people
feel
and
how
easy
it
is.
When
you're,
you
know,
when
you're
feeling
scared,
when
you're
feeling
traumatized
don't
you're
feeling
triggered
to
kind
of
turtle.
Your
your
your
way
in
and
to
fail
to
recognize
that
we
all
are
carrying
so
much
on
our
backs.
E
We
could
all
have
a
beautiful
story
of
our
lives,
be
be
written
right
with
a
lovely
graphic
artist,
kind
of
telling
the
story
of
our
lives
and
that
there
would
be
more.
That
was
the
same
in
each
of
our
stories,
then,
is
different.
Despite
our
differences
of
race
and
class,
and
you
know
the
countries
we
come
from,
or
everything
that
distinguishes
us
and
makes
us
individuals
also
really
ties
us
together
and
and
I
would
encourage
that
person
to
to
to
reach
out
right
and
to
to
kind
of
reach
across
and
to
kind
of
be.
E
You
know
no
more
strangers
right,
no,
more,
no,
more
separation
that
we're
all,
though
we're
all
neighbors
and
that
we're
all
broken
and
and
that
we're
all
we're
all
carrying
a
weight
and
it
would
kind
of
be
powerful
to
see
everybody's
weight.
You
know
to
see
the
burden
that
every
person
carries,
because
so
much
in
our
culture
tells
us
that
everybody
else
is
doing
just
fine.
You
know-
and
it's
just
you
it's
just
you
you
just
and
and
that's
why
you
got
to
take
the
drug.
That's
where
you
got
a
drink.
The
alcohol!
E
That's
why
you
got
to
kind
of
you
know
and
neccessity
is:
is
that
the
word
desensitize
yourself
with
this
or
that
because
everybody
else
is
doing
just
great
and
you're
the
only
one
who
feels
the
way
you
do,
and
so
we
get
these
messages
and-
and
we
gotta
just
say
no,
like
everybody's
feeling,
that
same
broken,
heartedness
and
and
it's
okay,
it's
okay
and
I'll.
Listen
to
you.
G
F
A
You
all
for
sharing
that,
and
you
know
I
I,
just
in
closing
I
think
about
going
back
to
that
seventh-grader
when
I
was
12
years
old
and
I.
Remember
one
day
it
was
my
first
parent-teacher
conference
when
I
was
in
the
seventh
grade
and
my
mother
she's
carrying
30
bags
of
groceries
cuz.
She
had
to
take
a
bus
ride
for
like
ten
miles
to
go
to
the
grocery
store,
because
where
I
was
from
it's
like
a
food
desert
in
my
city,
they
didn't
really
have
too
many
grocery
stores.
A
So
she
had
to
take
the
bus
cuz.
We
have
a
car
for
years
and
I.
Remember
like
getting
on
the
bus,
my
mother.
We
would
go
up
the
street
and
get
help
my
mother
with
these
bags
of
groceries
and
bringing
back
to
the
house
and
then
about
five
o'clock
5:30
around
there.
She
was
like
okay,
I
want
to
go
to
the
parent-teacher
conference
and
my
father
comes
home
after
just
taking
a
hit
and-
and
he
says,
I
want
to
go
too
and
I-
remember
my
mom
would
being
on
the
city
bus.
A
My
mother's,
like
I,
know
you're
gonna
barish,
your
son.
You
know
you're
gonna
bearish
the
sun's
like
showing
up
like
this
at
the
parent-teacher
conference,
you're
really
gonna
bearish,
your
son
and
my
dad
says
he
says
you
know
I
know
I
messed
up,
but
I
love.
My
son
and
my
brother
was
three
years
younger
than
I
am
and
he
says,
I
love.
A
A
Was
a
child
I,
remember
being
12
years
old,
taking
that
in
on
that
city
bus
sit
in
the
back
of
that
city
bus
at
12,
taking
that
in
as
a
12
year
old
and
I
learned
from
that
that
we
cannot
control
our
own
actions
and
I.
Remember,
sitting
back
as
a
12
year
old
processing
that
and
saying
geez
I
can't
control
my
dad,
but
I
can
control
my
own
actions
and
how
I
process
something.
So
when
I
got
16
years
old,
my
brother
was
13
years
old.
A
We
made
a
promise
to
ourselves
to
never
drink,
never
to
smoke,
to
make
sure
we
change
the
legacy
of
our
family
that
this
in
this
generation.
This
is
what
we
do
now
so
because
we
can
control
our
own
actions.
So
at
16
we
made
a
promise
and
we
stuck
to
that
and
that's
something
that
I
never
smoked
to
this
day,
never
drink.
A
Anything
in
my
life
and
I,
remember,
walking
and
I
would
go
into
like
a
bar
or
something
you
know
if
I
was
like
when
I
was
younger
and
I
wanted,
to
impress
like
a
girl
say,
give
me
a
sprite
and
put
a
little
put
a
little
orange
in
there
or
something
make
me
look
cool,
but
I
was
just
drinking
a
sprite
and
I.
Remember
like
thinking
to
myself
cuz,
that's
not
something
I!
Do
that's
not
the
way.
I
grew
up.
I!
A
Don't
want
that
in
my
life
and
thinking
of
that
I
started
thinking
about
how
everything
in
life
happens
for
a
reason,
so
I
don't
ever
regret.
Anything
in
my
life
happening.
I
go
thank
God.
It
did
happen
because
now,
as
an
individual
now
I
can
help
other
people
who
are
dealing
with
addiction.
I
can
talk
to
other
people
who
have
alcoholism,
alcohol
problems
and
stuff
and
not
look
down
on
them
and
say
you
know
what
I
understand
what
you
coming
from
here
cuz.
This
is
what
I
dealt
with
all
my
life.
A
So
it's
not
that
to
me.
Encouraged
me
to
be
a
stronger
leader,
so
I
embrace
all
those
obstacles
that
I
went
through
my
life
and
I
understand
the
importance
of
it.
But
when
you
guys
talk
about
forgiveness,
I
think
as
adults
we
have
to
model
forgiveness
and
the
person
I
learn
from
the
most
about
forgiveness.
Was
my
mom
watching
her
go
through
certain
obstacles
in
her
life
and
to
be
able
to
sit
down
at
the
table
with
people
who
have
hurt
her
and
really
genuinely?
A
Forgive
them
not
say
she
forgive
them,
but
genuinely
show
it
and
express
it.
Get
them
have
them
in
a
car
sit
down
with
them,
have
them
at
the
dinner
table
and
really
demonstrate
forgiveness
from
her
heart
and
give
them
a
hug
and
say
I.
Forgive
and
I
love
you
that
to
me,
allow
me
to
understand
forgiveness
and
to
be
able
to
express
it
and
to
be
able
to
understand
that
we
don't
nothing
has
to
stay
the
same
forever,
so
people
have
to
walk
on
their
journey
on
their
own
and
be
at
their
own
point.
A
But
you
have
to
continue
to
move
your
own
court
so
that
you
can
be
a
model
and
a
positive
example
for
others,
so
I'm
gonna.
Thank
you
again.
I
love
all
of
you
and
I
love.
All
your
positive
energy
and
I've
worked
with
you
all
on
different
many
levels
and
I
just
want
to.
Thank
you
so
much
from
the
bottom
of
my
heart
for
being
here
tonight
and
I
genuinely
mean
that,
with
all
my
heart,
thank
you
and
thank
you
for
the
listeners
have
a
wonderful
day.