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From YouTube: Discovering Authors - Patricia Chadwick: "Little Sister"
Description
Patricia Walsh Chadwick had a thirty-year career on Wall Street as a research analyst, a portfolio manager, and eventually as a Global Partner at Invesco. In 2000, she started Ravengate Partners LLC, a consulting firm engaged in expert witness work and strategic analysis. Patricia sits on the board of directors of WEC Energy Group, a Wisconsin Utility, Amica Mutual Insurance Company, VOYA, and The Royce Funds. Among her many pro-bono activities, she mentors middle school girls at Our Lady Queen of Angels School in East Harlem. Patricia lives in Greenwich, CT with her husband, John.little sister cover
In Little Sister, the author sheds light on her childhood experience, growing up in a religious cult in the 1950s and 1960s, with no access to the outside world or its influences – radio, newspapers, television – or contact with anyone, including family, that lived outside the community of 100 people, including 39 children. She also discusses how it was to be evicted from the community at the age of 17 and face a world she had never been taught to believe was full of sin and danger.
A
Here
with
us
tonight
is
the
author
of
her
memoir
little
sister.
We
have
patricia
walsh
chadwick,
imagine
an
18
year
old
american
girl
who
has
never
read
a
newspaper,
never
watched
television
or
even
made
a
phone
call
an
18
year
old
girl
who
has
never
danced,
and
this
is
in
the
1960s,
patricia
walsh.
Chadwick
was
born
in
cambridge
massachusetts
in
1948,
from
her
infancy
until
the
age
of
17
she
and
her
family,
and
nearly
a
hundred
members
of
the
community
lived
in
a
life
shielded
from
the
outside
world
at
17.
A
A
She
went
on
to
have
a
30-year
career
in
wall
street
as
a
research
analysis,
a
portfolio
manager
and
eventually,
as
a
global
partner
at
invisco
in
2000,
she
started
a
consulting
firm
raven
gate
partners,
patricia
today
sits
on
the
board
of
directors
of
wec
energy
group,
amica,
mutual
insurance
company
boya
and
the
royce
funds
among
her
many
pro
bono
activities.
She
mentors
middle
school
girls
at
our
lady,
queen
of
angels,
school
in
east,
harlem
and,
of
course,
as
you
know,
she
lives
in
connecticut
with
her
husband
and
tonight
she's
going
to
speak
about
her
book.
A
A
B
B
Interestingly,
my
family
was
very
catholic.
My
mother
was
converted
to
catholicism
at
the
age
of
18
and
met
my
father
at
that
time
he
was
considerably
older,
having
been
a
bachelor
throughout
the
war
and
having
fought
the
war
and
he
was
getting
a
graduate
degree
in
philosophy
at
boston
college
and
they
met
at
a
club,
a
catholic
club
in
cambridge
right
outside
of
harvard
square
right
across
from
saint
paul's
church.
B
My
parents
got
married
in
1947
11
months
later,
I
was
born.
My
father
was
still
teaching
at
boston
college,
but
something
happened
in
that
year
or
two
right
around
that
time.
Just
before
I
was
just
around
the
time
I
was
born,
and
what
happened
was
that
after
hiroshima
was
bombed
and,
of
course,
my
gosh,
it's
the
anniversary
in
just
a
couple
of
days
and
then
nagasaki.
B
Well,
we
know
that
there
are
a
number
of
religions
that
say
in
order
to
be
saved.
You
have
to
be
part
of
their
religion,
and
this
group
made
a
very
strong
statement
in
that
regard,
including
my
parents
and
the
bishop
of
boston.
At
the
time,
archbishop
cushing,
who
eventually
became
a
cardinal
asked
them
please
to
stop
well
long
story
short,
they
wouldn't,
and
when
I
was
seven
months
old,
my
father,
together
with
two
of
his
cohorts,
who
were
also
part
of
this
center,
saint
benedict
center,
were
fired
from
their
positions
at
boston
college.
B
So
I
was
seven
months
old
and
my
father
was
not
without
a
job.
What
happened
was
that
this
group
there
were
about
50
adults
that
were
clinging
to
this
dogma
of
the
church
and
every
one
of
them
said.
Okay,
we
are
going
to
form
a
religious
organization
and
they
didn't
call
it
saint
benedict
center,
which
was
the
name
of
the
club,
the
catholic
club.
They
called
themselves
as
a
religious
order,
the
slaves
of
the
immaculate
heart
of
mary,
and
they
took
a
vow
of
obedience
to
father,
leonard
feeney
and
among
those
50
to
60.
B
Other
people
did
the
same
and
they
all
started
living
communally,
and
I
remember
very
very
clearly,
the
house
that
we
lived
in
and
it
was
off
putnam
avenue
and
it
was
a
three
family
house
and
my
family
was
on
the
top
floor
and
the
other
two
professors
with
their
families
were
on
the
next
two
floors,
and
I
will
tell
you
I,
those
early
years
were
to
me
just
full
of
bliss
and
joy.
How
do
I
a
little
two,
three
and
four-year-old
really
know
what's
going
on?
B
B
There
were
about
two
or
three
other
children
that
were
a
little
older
than
I
and
I
started
to
learn
that
something
was
different
and
something
was
wrong
and
we
had
code
words
for
everything,
because
father
had
been
father,
feeney,
whom
we
always
called
father.
So
father
feeney
had
been
banished
from
the
diocese
of
boston
as
a
priest,
but
he
didn't
leave
and
he
continued
to
say
mass.
B
So
our
code
word
as
little
tiny
children,
I'm
talking
three
years
old
for
mass,
was
first
breakfast
because
of
course
we
had
it
first
thing
in
the
morning
and
then
the
regular
breakfast
that
we
would
eat
afterward.
We
called
second
breakfast
and
to
this
day
with
my
family,
I
will
sometimes
say:
are
you
ready
for?
Second
breakfast?
It's
just
just
part
of
our
lexicon,
part
of
the
language
that
we
had,
and
it's
all
very
joking
now,
but
by
the
time
I
was
four
years
old
or
three
years
old.
B
Even
all
the
adults
were
now
wearing
religious
god,
black
skirts
black
jackets
white
blouses,
the
men
were
all
wearing
black
suits.
By
the
time
I
was,
four
everybody's
name
was
being
changed
and
my
mother,
whom
everybody
called
betsy
and
my
father,
whom
everybody
called
jim
my
mother,
became
sister
elizabeth
ann
and
my
father
brother,
james
aloysius.
B
B
And
then,
when
I
was
five
years
old,
father
feeny
came
to
me
one
day
and
said:
how
would
you
like
to
change
your
name?
I
no
more
wanted
to
change
my
name.
I
was
known
as
mary
patricia
and
I
loved
loved.
That
name,
but
just
like
that,
he
changed
my
name.
I
couldn't
say
no,
and
he
changed
my
name
to
anastasia.
B
B
B
Suddenly
there
was
this
huge
separation,
and
shortly
thereafter
leonard
feeney,
the
priest
went
to
my
parents
and
suggested
to
them
that
they
might
take
a
vow
of
celibacy,
which
they
absolutely
said
no
to
and
a
few
months
later
he
came
back
to
them
and
said
you're.
The
only
couple
of
the
12
couples
you're,
the
only
ones
that
haven't
agreed
to
take
a
vow
of
celibacy,
and
so
under
that
pressure
my
parents
agreed
to
do
it
now.
B
My
father
said
to
me:
each
change
was
difficult
and
your
mother
and
I
would
sit
together
and
say:
do
we
want
to
do
this
and
each
time
we
said?
Okay,
this
is
one
small
change
that
I
would
have
thought
having
your
children
taken
away
and
celibacy
might
not
be
considered
too
small,
but
it's
it's.
We
feel
that
they
will
get
the
best
catholic
education
and
so
with
each
change.
B
You
know
they
they
agreed
and
my
father
later
on
said
it
was
like
a
snowball
and
you
know
at
first
you
can
turn
it
and
it
you
know
you
go
along
and
you
go
along
and
you
you're
making
your
snowball
bigger
and
he
says
pretty
soon.
It
simply
became
too
big
to
move,
and
so
by
the
time
I
was
nine
years
old,
the
rest
of
my
little
sisters.
They
were
now
all
separated,
too
and
all
of
a
sudden
we
moved
from
cambridge.
B
B
B
I
had
this
dream
of
being
a
princess,
maybe
many
of
you
in
the
audience
have
the
same
dream
and
marrying
a
prince
and
living
in
a
castle
and
having
jewels
and
beautiful
clothes
and
lots
of
children
and
all
of
that,
and
yet,
as
I
became
12
and
13
and
sister
catherine
talked
about
this,
and
there
was
also
a
certain
paranoia
that
went
along
with
all
of
this,
and
she
was
always
telling
us
that
the
communists
were
coming
to
get
us
and
that
we
were
going
to
die
as
martyrs
and
I
kept
thinking.
Well.
B
I
am
not
going
to
die
I'll
become
a
communist.
I
will
not.
You
know,
find
myself
martyred,
which
I
was
sure
put
me
straight
in
hell,
but
I
that
was
the
girl
I
was.
I
was
not
able
to
to
basically
go
along
and
in
the
back
of
my
mind,
I
kept
thinking
this
isn't
right,
something
something
is
wrong
here,
but
the
other
thing
that
happened
when
I
was
about
12
or
13
was
that
I
started
to
become
interested
in
boys
and
there
weren't
any.
B
There
were
boys,
my
age,
but
one
was
I
wasn't
interested
in
and
the
other
I
wasn't
interested
in
either
of
them
and
then
the
rest
were
too
young
out
of
the
39
children.
There
were
19
boys
and
20
girls
and
all
of
a
sudden,
I
found
myself
in
trouble
all
the
time,
because
I
would
end
up
with
these
crushes
on
the
grown
men,
but
I
didn't
know
what
it
meant.
I
didn't
know
what
a
crush
was.
I
didn't
know
why
I
had
it.
I
was
we
were
told
nothing
about
biology,
because
why
should
they?
B
We
were
all
going
to
be
dedicated
to
god
and
I
was
going
to
be
a
nun
by
the
time
I
was
16
or
17
years
old,
but
I,
I
guess
fair
enough
to
say
my
crushes
wouldn't
end.
There
was
no
way,
and
one
day
when
I
was
we
were
schooled.
It
was
in
our
own
community
when
I
was
early
in
my
senior
year
of
high
school
sister.
Catherine
called
me
into
her
office,
and
my
mother
was
in
the
office
with
her,
and
I
thought
what
is
going
on.
B
B
B
Oh
my
gosh
she's
kicking
me
out
she's
telling
me.
I
can't
live
there
anymore
and
you
might
say
I
would
have
thought
oh
fantastic,
but
the
fact
of
the
matter
was
the
only
people
I
knew
in
the
whole
world
were
there
we,
nobody
was
allowed
to
have
any
contact
with
their
families
who
weren't
part
of
the
community,
and
so
I
was
terrified
and
I
finished-
I
finished
my
senior
year
of
high
school.
B
My
day
of
graduation
was
on
a
sunday
in
june
and
two
hours
later
I
was
escorted
away,
no
opportunity
to
say
goodbye
to
my
siblings.
My
parents
were
aware
of
it
and
I
spent
the
summer
with
basically
relatives
my
father's
sister
and
then
later
on,
my
mother
took
me
to
virginia
to
meet
her
family,
and
that
was
it.
I
had
no
money,
no
mentor,
no
family
to
come
with
me.
My
parents
stayed
behind
and
I
was
out
there
facing
the
world
and
the
truth
be
told.
B
B
B
B
I
didn't
think
of
it
as
a
memoir
per
se.
I
just
thought
I
need
to
put
these
stories
down
because
I
said
50
years
from
now
there
will
be
no
more
eyewitnesses,
and
I
said
I
look
back
on
my
childhood
with
a
lot
of
pleasure
and
they
were
very
encouraging,
and
so
that
was
when
I
was
55
for
the
next
five
years.
I
thought
about
it
and
I
didn't
do
anything
and
when
I
was
59,
my
father
was
90.
He
died
and
then
I
started
writing
my
book,
but
it
was
like.
B
Oh
my
gosh,
the
only
writing.
I
had
really
done
as
an
adult
was
wall
street
kind
of
writing,
which
is,
as
you
can
imagine.
You
know,
you're
going
to
buy
this
dog
or
sell
this
doc,
and
these
are
the
reasons
one
two
three
four,
and
so
I
had
to
learn
the
craft
of
writing
and
I
went
to
school
to
to
to
memoir
writing
classes
at
a
place
called
the
westport
writers
workshop
workshop.
It's
it's
still
around
today.
B
It
is
a
wonderful
place
and
I
had
a
group
of
about
five
or
six
women
and
we
would
meet
once
maybe
even
twice
a
week
sometimes
and
I
started
writing
and
they
were
fascinated-
and
I
said
well,
I'm
really
really
concerned
because
I
don't
want
to
write
the
story
of
people
going
to
hate
my
parents,
because
I
said
I
don't
hate
them
and
I
made
the
inscription.
You
know
the
dedication
was
to
mother
and
dad
for
always
letting
me
know
that
they
loved
me
and
they
said.
No.
No,
no,
don't
worry,
keep
writing.
B
It
did
take
me
a
full
10
years
to
write
the
book,
but
my
mother
read
every
single
chapter
of
the
book
and
she
said
to
me:
she
only
died
gosh
not
quite
two
years
ago
now
and
she
said
to
me
parts
of
it
make
me
sad,
but
she
said
it's
all
true
and
you
need
to
publish
it.
So
I
I
have
published
it
with
the
blessing
frankly
of
both
my
parents
and
there
are
some
interesting
things
about
the
book.
I
was
my.
B
B
As
a
cult
to
me,
a
cult
was
jim
jones
or
the
branch
davidians
or
manson.
To
me
this
was
my
home,
so
I
never.
I
haven't
used
the
word
cult
once
in
the
book
and
I'm
so
pleased
that
I
didn't,
I
simply
told
my
story
and
it
was
for
the
reader
to
determine
what
they
thought
of
it
and
ultimately,
for
me
to
come
around
and
accepting
that
it
wasn't
that
I
was
fighting
it.
I
just
simply
never
thought
of
it
as
a
cult.
B
Now,
with
the
benefit
of
hindsight
and
having
been
interviewed
by
an
array
of
different
people,
some
of
whom
really
do
understand
and
know,
cult
mentality
and
the
tactics
that
are
used.
I
come
completely
comfortable,
accepting
the
fact
that
it
was
a
cult
and
that
my
parents
got
duped
into
it,
but
you
can
imagine.
I
am
sure
that
if
you
stopped
having
your
own
career
and
you
were
prevented
from
talking
to
anyone
to
any
family
outside
and
your
entire
circle
was
a
tightly
knit
circle,
my
father
was
a
professor.
B
He
wasn't
teaching,
he
wasn't
writing
he
wasn't
publishing
and
by
the
time
I
was
12
or
13,
and
he
really
thought
together.
They
thought.
Maybe
this
is
it.
Maybe
we
just
take
our
five
children
in
the
middle
of
the
night
and
just
get
in
the
car
one
of
our
cars.
We
had
not
enough
cars
and
just
leave,
and
I
can
imagine
what
my
father
must
have
thought
then
and
then
what
do
I
do?
B
You
know
his
job
at
the
center
when
we
moved
to
still
river
was
to
fix
the
automobiles
and
very
very
cleverly
sister,
catherine
who
became
the
power
not
even
behind
the
throne.
She
became
the
throne
and
father
feeny
started
to
fade
all
the
people
that
were
intellectual
all
the
people
that
had
been
really
successful
and
had
already
developed
careers.
She
had
them
doing
all
the
menial
tasks
and
the
people
that
she
elevated
were
the
people
who
were
really
yes,
men
and
yes,
women
to
her.
So
you
can
imagine
my
father
thinking.
B
What
am
I
going
to
do
to
support
my
family
and
it
becomes
a
decision
that
is
you
don't
want
to
fail?
You
don't
want
to
fail
your
family,
but
my
father
in
particular
broke
so
many
of
the
rules.
We
didn't
celebrate
birthdays,
we
only
celebrated
feast
days
and
my
father
would
would
be
working
on
the
cars
and
that
was
done
right
in
a
very
open
space
between
the
two
houses
and
he
would-
and
he
did
this
not
just
with
me,
but
with
my
my
three
sisters
and
my
brother.
B
If
I
would
go
by
him,
he
was
always
looking
up
to
see
who
was
coming
by
and
he
would
just
do
that
with
his
little
finger
as
his
way
of
saying
hello,
and
for
me
that
was
all
I
needed.
That
was
the
glue
that
kind
of
held
me
together,
because
we
were
only
allowed
to
visit
with
them,
even
though
we
saw
them
every
single
day
in
chapel.
Oh,
you
know
working
my
mother
made
the
clothes
for
the
children.
She
was
one
of
the
cooks
in
the
kitchen,
even
though
we
saw
them
we
couldn't.
B
B
B
B
B
B
So
there
I
was
an
18
year
old
and
I'd
had
no
idea
what
I
was
going
to
do,
and
sister
catherine
allowed
us
how
she
would
find,
but
unbeknownst
to
me.
This
all
came
now
through
my
mother,
who
I
only
still
knew
as
sister
elizabeth
ban,
but
that
I
could
go
to
a
secretarial
school,
and
so
I
went
to
a
secretarial
school
in
boston
and
completed
in
about
six
months
and
the,
and
while
I
did
that,
I
took
a
bus
to
and
from
still
river
into
boston
and
back
every
day.
B
But
when
I
stayed
even
though
I
stayed
on
the
property,
I
stayed
in
a
separate
house
and
my
mother
would
have
dinner
with
me
and
I
was
not
allowed
to
speak
to
or
talk
to
anyone
else.
My
father
drove
me
to
the
bus
station.
Every
morning
never
saw
my
sisters
never
saw
my
brother
never
saw
anyone,
and,
and
and
that
happened
until
christmas
and
there's
a
there's-
a
wonderful
story
in
there
about
what
happened
on
christmas
day.
B
But
once
I
graduated
that
was
it
and
I
the
school
itself
offered
me
a
position
to
teach
typing.
Okay,
I
mean
what
was
I
going
to
do.
I
had
never
been
offered
a
job,
I
knew
so
little
about
the
world,
so
I
accepted
that
position
and
my
first
department
was
down
at
the
ywca
in
the
not
very
fancy
part
of
boston.
B
One
is
at
the
atlantic
monthly
and
it
was
called
the
atlantic
monthly
back
then,
and
I
knew
about
about
the
company,
it
was
right
on
newbury
street
just
down
the
street
just
one
block
over
from
where
I
had
been
going
to
school,
and
I
knew
that
the
atlantic
monthly
was
a
literary
magazine.
That's
all
I
knew
about
it
and
I
thought
oh
that's
so
great.
Maybe
that
will
be
an
opportunity
for
me
to
get
some
education
and
the
other
one
they
said.
Was
a
company
called
ladenberg
thulman.
B
I
had
never
heard
of
it
sounded
like
a
german
company.
I
didn't
know
what
they
did
and
they
were
down
on
franklin
street,
and
that
was
the
first
interview.
So
I
went
down
to
franklin.
Street
interviewed
was
offered
the
job
for
ninety
dollars
a
week
and
I
thought
oh
I've
been
offered
a
job
and
I
didn't
dare
say
no.
What
if
I
didn't
get
the
other
job,
so
I
accepted
they
asked
me
if
I
could
actually
start
working
the
next
day
and
ladenberg.
B
I
did
go
to
school
at
night.
Sometimes
I'd
be
working.
You
know.
Five
days
a
week
and
going
to
school
for
it
for
nights
a
week,
I
loved
it.
All
of
that
was
part
of
the
drive
to
move
forward.
I
went
to
philadelphia
for
a
couple
of
years,
then
came
back
to
boston
and
moved
to
new
york
in
1975
and
ultimately
have
been
down
here
since
so
I
hope
I
haven't
spoken
too
long.
B
A
C
B
B
The
children's
stories
came
out
and
they
started
telling
their
parents
what
what
had
been
going
on
the
physical
beatings
and
things
like
that
now
remember
you
might
say.
Well
then,
who
was
raising
you?
There
were
eight
women
who
were
selected
and
they
were
called
angels
and,
admittedly,
six
of
those
eight
were
actually
parents
and
they
and
only
they
controlled
the
children,
and
so
there
was
no
way
for
the
parents
to
find
out,
and
you
might
say,
that's
insane,
I
guarantee
you,
the
parents
had
to
know
you
were
being
beaten.
B
I
promise
you,
I
promise
you
they
did
not
and
in
1969,
when
the
children
started
telling
their
stories,
the
parents
were
appalled,
and
it
was
at
that
point
where
my
baby
sister
veronica
and
my
brother
david,
who
was
now
in
69
about
to
graduate
from
high
school.
They
both
said
they
wanted
to
leave,
and
it
was
then
that
my
father
said
fine.
B
B
My
two
other
sisters
remained
there
as
nuns
until
1971..
So
by
1971,
my
entire
family
was
out.
My
parents
bought
a
house
in
watertown.
They
were
the
most
generous
people
to
all
the
other
kids
that
were
leaving
at
that
time.
Some
of
them
had
families
that
were
supportive,
some
did
not,
and
so
my
parents
home,
became
really.
B
C
B
B
B
She
was
a
year
older
than
I
was
and
I
said,
are
you
going
to
to
read
my
book
and
she
said
I've
bought
it
and
she
said
I
hope
to
so
a
few
weeks
later
I
texted
her
and
said:
have
you
read
it
and
she
said
you
know
that
first
chapter
where
you
get
called
into
sister
catherine's
office,
she
said
I
I
read
it
and
my
stomach
got
so
upset.
I
just
I'm
so
sorry
I
can't
I
can't
read
it.
B
I
said
all
right,
don't
worry,
I
said
I
think,
if
you're
able
to
read
it
at
some
point,
I
actually
think
you'll
be
you'll
be
pleased
about
a
week
or
so
later
she
texts
me
and
she
says
my
therapist
has
read
her
book
and
she
loved
it
and
she
wants
to
talk
to
you
and
I'm
thinking
what
what
do
I?
How
do
I
talk
to
someone's
therapist
long
story?
Short?
B
We
had
a
lovely
conversation,
the
woman
was
extremely
delightful
and
we
talked
nothing
about
our
mutual
friend
and
about
four
or
five
days
later,
the
gal
that
I'd
grown
up
with
texted
me
and
said.
I
read
your
book
in
a
day
and
a
half,
then
I
said
to
her
well,
do
you
think
your
younger
sister
would
be
willing
to
read
it?
Her
younger
sister
had
about
20
years
ago
sent
an
email
and
said
cut
me
off.
I
don't
want
anything.
I
don't
want
to
hear
about
the
place.
B
I
don't
want
to
hear
about
anything
that
has
to
do
with
the
center.
Just
I
don't
want
to
have
anything
to
do
anymore,
which
was
very
disappointing
because
I
rather
adored
her
and
my
father
adored
her.
She
was
just
a
wonderful
and
just
my
youngest
sister's
best
friend,
so
I
said
to
florida:
do
you
think
your
sister
angela
will
read
the
book
she
said?
B
B
You
you've
just
lifted
something
that
was
weighing
me
down,
so
I
feel
in
a
way
very
blessed
to
have
written
the
book,
because
I
think
it
has
brought
a
lot
of
good
to
to
the
children.
What
I
had
not
realized,
because
I
didn't
really
experience
it
myself.
I
had
not
realized
that
so
many
of
them
had
suffered
from
ptsd,
and
so
many
of
them
have
been
in
therapy
for
10
20
30
years,
and
that
wasn't
my
own
personal
experience
and
I
feel
very,
very
fortunate
and
lucky
for
that.
B
C
One
of
our
comments
from
our
book
club
women,
who
actually
turned
this
into
that
you
know
you
gave
them
a
voice
through
that
by
writing
the
book
express
that's
the
a
blessing,
an
absolute
blessing.
I
agree
with
you
julia.
I
mean
the
one
thing
that
I
had
when
I
was
reading
it.
How
can
you
not
be
so
angry?
How
can
you
not
be
angry?
B
B
So
when
and
I'm
an
optimist-
and
you
know,
as
I
said,
I
think
I've
been
kind
of
hardwired
to
get
through
difficult
periods,
but
the
fact
of
the
matter
is
when
we
get
together
as
a
group
of
adults
who
talking
about
it,
we
laugh
so
hard.
Some
of
the
things
that
I've
learned
some
of
the
experiences
there
have
been
so
important
to
me.
B
In
my
later
life
love
of
music
gregorian
chant,
which
I
can
still
read
and
adore
canning
every
summer,
we
would
can
hundreds
and
hundreds
of
bushels
of
apples
and
pears,
because
we
prepared
all
our
food
for
the
wintertime
and
to
this
day,
every
fall.
I
get
three
or
four
bushels
of
apples
and
pears,
and
I
make
apple
and
pear
sauce,
and
sometimes
I
invite
friends.
Sometimes
I
do
it
all
by
myself,
but
I
have
to
go
back
to
that
space
where
I
was
at
the
center-
and
I
don't
do
it
with
music.
B
I
don't
do
it
with
anything.
I
do
it
in
silence,
because
we
lived
a
life
of
complete
silence
and
I
love
it,
and
some
of
my
friends
have
said
recently.
Oh
I
want
to
do
the
canning
with
you.
I
said:
okay,
but
there's
one
rule
I
mean
we
can
dab
a
little
bit
and
talk,
but
this
is
something
it
brings
back.
B
B
B
And
you
know
that
you
can't
talk
to
your
mother
and
your
father.
Well,
if
you
sit
around
and
mope
you
know
you
haven't,
you
aren't
helping
yourself
all.
That
being
said,
my
sister
kathy
obviously
suffered
in
a
way
I
didn't
and
her
reaction
was
not
to
eat,
for
which
she
got
punished
and
which
I
mean.
That
was
torture
for
me,
because
I
didn't
know
how
to
protect
her
and
you
know
so.
B
The
only
thing
I
could
do
was
eat
her
food
and
hope
I
wouldn't
get
caught
and
she
has
suffered
much
more,
but
every
human
being
is
different
and
I
think
in
raising
my
own
children,
I
thought
a
lot
about
the
way
I
was
brought
up
and
I
knew
that
there
were
certain
things
that
would
just
never
happen
in
our
household
and
one
of
them,
which
of
course,
I
think
most
of
you,
or
mostly
all
of
you,
have
feel
the
same
way
about.
There
was
just
no
reason
ever
to
hit
a
child.
A
B
B
B
It
was
my
solution
to
not
forcing
food
on
anyone
and
they're.
Today
they
have
the
most
universal,
cosmopolitan
appetites
and
and
interests.
So
it
didn't
it
didn't
harm
and
I'm
happy
to
recommend
it
to
anyone
who's
crazy
enough
to
want
to
cook
four
different
meals.
Thank
goodness,
we
didn't
have
five
children
that
would
have
been
almost
yeah.
I
might
have
had
to
make
a
rule
at
that
point.
B
B
Our
children
were
baptized
in
the
episcopalian
church.
I
still
go
to
the
episcopalian
church
and
for
those
of
you
who
may
be
catholic,
I
hope
you'll
agree
with
me,
because
father
matt
malone
of
america
magazine
with
whom
I
am
very
close
and
very
friendly,
he
agrees
with
me.
I
am
catholic.
I
will
never
become
episcopalian.
B
I
want
to
go
to
church
with
my
husband
and
my
family,
but
my
children
now
at
26.
Neither
of
them
goes
to
church
and
that's
their
own
choice
and
they
have
wonderful
values
and
I'm
not
going
to
be
pushing
religion
on
them.
But
I
go
to
the
episcopal
judge:
I
go
to
greek
orthodox
churches,
I
go
to
lutheran
churches,
I
go
to
catholic
churches.
I
there's
a
lot
that
I
enjoy.
B
C
B
Okay,
let
me
do
the
the
solution
and
then
the
surprise
yep
after
sister
catherine
died-
and
this
is
again
perhaps
indicative
of
the
fact
that
it
was
a
cult
after
sister
catherine
died,
the
place
started
to
fall
apart
and
there
were
the
men
and
the
women
were
angling
for
power
and
money
and
control
and
land
and
this
and
that
and
for
me
only
two
years
out.
It
was
shocking
because
I
still
thought
those
people
up.
There
were
far
better
than
I
I
failed.
B
I
was
gone
and
I
admired
them
and
I
cared
about
them
and
I
loved
them
and
to
watch
them
get
into
this.
Internisting
warfare
was
really
shocking
and
disedifying
very
frankly,
and
over
a
long
period
of
time.
You
know,
though
it
settled
down,
but
there
ultimately
were
seven
splinter
groups
that
came
out
of
that
one
place,
and
some
of
them
don't
speak
to
each
other,
but
at
least
the
two
communities
that
are
right
there.
B
Where
we
grew
up,
one
is
the
men's
and
they
are
now
a
benedictine
monastery
and
the
women
all
the
men,
all
the
men
that
were
coated
my
uncles
at
the
center.
They
have
all
died,
but
on
the
sister's
side
there
are
still
three
of
them
who
are
alive
one's
in
her
90s
and
the
other
two
are
in
their
very
late
80s,
so
it
it
broke
apart.
It
didn't
have
the
strength.
Father
feeney
was
reunited
in
the
catholic
church.
B
Cardinal
medeiros
from
boston
was
very
influential
in
having
that
happen,
but
by
then
he
was
well.
He
was
only
72
or
three
or
four
or
five
or
something,
but
he
was
in.
He
was
failing.
He
was
in
frail
condition.
He
had
I'm
sorry
whatever
that
disease
is.
That
makes
your
you
tremor
and
he
eventually
died
in
1980.
I
think
it
was
at
the
age
of
about
82
or
3,
or
something
or
78
something
he
was
about
80
years
old
when
he
died,
so
I'm
very
friendly
with
them.
B
B
B
If
you
could
do
it,
and
it
was
very,
it
was
next
temporaneous,
as
is
you
know
today,
extemporaneous
interaction,
I'm
thinking
quickly,
my
gosh,
you
know
you
gotta
be
on
the
tv,
and
I
was
just
thinking
to
myself
here
I
was,
and
this
was
just
you
know.
Last
year
you
know
71
years
old,
I
have
a
husband
I
married
for
35
years
ago,
whom
I
would
marry
again.
I've
got
two
wonderful
children.
B
B
How
do
I
know
that
I'd
be
in
this
position
where
I
am
today,
and
so
I
just
responded
very
honestly,
and
I
said
I
would
change
nothing,
and
I
really
mean
that,
and
I
know
it's
hard
for
some
people
to
understand,
because
you
don't
go
into
life,
saying
I'm
going
to
embrace
this
exotic
and
perhaps
very
painful
at
times
life.
But
the
fact
of
the
matter
is,
I
have
been
enormously
blessed
and
I've
had
a
family
that
has
been
wonderful
and
both
my
parents
lived
to
be
90.
We
were
so
close.
B
We
never
argued
over
all
those
years
as
to
what
happened.
We
did
have
conversations
but
yeah.
I
I
sometimes
wonder
sometimes
wonder
whether
my
father,
having
fought
world
war
ii
on
the
uss
enterprise
for
four
years
and
coming
back,
and
we
have
one
of
his
diaries
and
in
that
diary
he
one
day
he
wrote.
I
cannot
even
write
what
I
saw
today
and
who
knows
when
he
came
back.
B
My
parents,
well,
as
they
often
say,
converts
are
stauncher
than
you
know,
born
catholics,
and
I
think
that
there
was
just
something
that
made
them
feel
that
that
was
how
they
needed
to
be
rooted
in
their
life,
and
there
were
many
many
regrets
that
they
had,
but
they
were
not
willful.
They
did
not.
They
were
not
aware
of
the
things
that
were
happening
and
just
closed
their
eyes
to
it.
They
were
just
dumbstruck
when
they
found
out,
and
so
I
I
have
nothing,
but
you
know
empathy
or
understanding
for
them.
B
Could
I
have
done
what
they
did?
No,
and
I
I'm
probably,
I
would
have
been
one
of
those
and
said
bye
bye,
I
told
you
already.
I
was,
I
was
willing,
never
to
be
martyred,
I
would
become
a
pagan
I'd
become
a
communist
I'd
become
whatever
I
had
to
to
survive,
but
they
were
cut
from
a
different
cloth,
and
I
can
tell
you
my
siblings
feel
the
same
way
there.
There
is
no
animosity
toward
them.
C
B
I
am
addicted
to
writing,
which
is
why
I
have
to
write
a
second
book,
but
also
because
people
said
please
please
please
just
I
just
love
it,
I'm
not
saying
that
it's
always
easy.
You
know,
sometimes,
when
my
first
writing
my
first
book
there
were
times
when
I
felt
there
was
just
a
boulder
in
front
of
me.
I
didn't
know
what
to
do
and
that
other
times
the
writing
would
just
come
flowing
out.
B
I
will
say-
and
I
think
you
alluded
to
something
I
didn't
feel
as
though
this
was
cathartic
as
I
was
writing
it.
I
think
I
was
always
nervous
the
whole
time
what
if
this
upsets
some
of
the
children,
my
mother
was
fabulous,
but
she
was
she
didn't
at
that
point.
She
was
in
her
80s,
she
didn't
mind
being
outed.
I
was
fearful
that
some
of
the
other
children
didn't
want
to
be
outed.
What
I
found
is
the
opposite.
They
have
said.
Thank
you.
The
burden
is
off
me
now.
B
You
took
that
burden,
but
I
think
for
me,
writing
is
I
don't
know
it's
it's
my
art
form.
I
mean
I
love
music
too,
but
I
can't
draw
a
stick
man,
so
you
know
we
each
have
our
own
way
of
you
know
expressing
our
artistic
interests
and
mine
is
both
with
music
and
I'm
not
a
musician.
I
don't
have
sung
a
lot,
but
you
know
the
coronavirus
has
made
me
a
sad
woman
because
I
can't
go
to
the
opera
every
week,
but
I
I
think
that
it's
been
a
wonderful,
wonderful
experience.
B
I
will
tell
you,
as
I
said,
was
not
cathartic
for
me
or
I
didn't
feel
it
was
cathartic
for
me
to
write
the
book.
But
when
the
book
was
about
to
be
published,
my
agent,
michael
carlisle,
wonderful
person,
I
think
he
he
said
something
to
me.
That
was
interesting
and
I
said
I
can't
remember
exactly
the
way
I
put
it.
But
I
said,
are
you
telling
me
there's
not
enough
sex
in
this
book
and
he
said
well,
maybe
a
little
bit
so
he
wanted
something.
B
You
know
zippy
and
juicier,
and
I
was
wary
of
doing
that.
My
second
book,
I
might
feel
a
little
more
free,
but
I
told
him
the
story
that
is
in
my
book
about
what
happened
to
me
in
when
I
was
all
of
21.
I
think
I
was,
and
this
man
who
invited
me
whom
I
knew
very
well
was
twice
my
age
was
a
broker
in
my
office.
B
I
had
no
interest
in
him
at
all,
but
he
was
friendly
enough
and
he
had
a
couple
of
secretaries
and
he
used
to
take
us
out
for
a
drink
occasionally,
and
he
asked
me
if
I'd
like
to
have
a
drink,
and
I
knew
I
had
to
go
to
school.
That
night
and
I
thought
okay,
I'll
just
have
one
drink
and
then
go
to
school,
and
I
met
him
at
the
typical
wall
street
bar
down
in
the
bottom
of
franklin
street
and
walked
into
the
bar.
B
B
I
told
that
story
to
my
agent
and
my
agents
and
I
said
I've
I've.
You
know
I
you're
like
the
fifth
person.
I've
ever
told
this
story
to,
and
he
said,
if
you
can
write
it
do
so
and
then
we'll
just
take
it
out.
If
you
don't
want
it,
and
in
that
one
case,
once
I
wrote
the
story,
I
said
it's
on
paper,
it's
okay,
it
can
stay.
B
B
B
I
I
mean,
as
I
said
early
on,
this
was
not
a
mommy
dearest
story.
I
wasn't
out
to
get
anyone.
I
simply
wanted
to
tell
the
story.
Could
I
have
turned
it
into
a
mommy
dearest
story?
Yes,
I
could
have
I
could
have,
but
that
wasn't
the
purpose
and
I
think
it
was
better
told
so
that
the
reader
could
just
hear
of
something
that
was
bizarre
without
going.
You
know.
Absolutely
I
don't
know-
and
I
know
you
said
it
made-
makes
people
emotional
and
it
does.
B
B
because
there
are
no
demons,
not
that
there
really
ever
have
been,
except
that
I
certainly
had
a
lot
of
anger
at
one
point
towards
sister,
catherine.
I
don't
know,
I
sometimes
think
if
she
were
alive,
if
there
were
a
way
for
me
to
interact
with
her,
I
would
say:
did
something
horrific
happen
to
you
when
you
were
a
child?
B
I
just
can't
fathom
how
somebody
could
grow
up
and
be
so
fearful.
As
my
mother
said,
she
hated
sex.
That's
what
was
wrong
with
her.
That
I
mean
we
never
learned
biology
when
I
first
got
my
period
and
I'm
sorry.
If
there
are
men
in
the
audience,
you
won't
mind.
They
never
told
me
what
it
meant
why
it
happened.
B
Sister
catherine
merely
told
me,
oh,
our
blessed
mother
also
had
it
now
you're
more
like
her,
okay,
whatever
that
never
studied
biology.
So
when
my
children
were
in
high
school
and
they
were
going
to
take
biology,
I
thought
oh,
this
is
my
opportunity
to
learn
biology.
I
really
don't
know
I
mean
I
know
a
little
bit,
but
I
don't
know
I've
never
taken
a
whole
course
of
biology,
but
somehow
it
didn't
happen
when
they
were
in
the
ninth
grade.
C
So
I
have
meg
wrote.
I
liked
your
book,
I'm
about
the
same
age
as
you.
I
grew
up
catholic
and
went
to
catholic
grammar
school.
I
had
a
friend
who
was
a
congregationalist
and
I
remember
telling
her
she
would
never
get
to
heaven
which
upset
both
of
us,
we're
both
friendly
and
remember
this
I'm
a
congregationalist.
So
I.
C
B
You
know,
actually
I've
always
been
very
concerned
that
that
you
know
selling
the
movie
rights
could
be
a
very
dangerous
thing,
because
you
know
how
sometimes
a
movie
can
be
turned
upside
down
all.
That
being
said,
I
am
working
very
closely
with
a
team
of
people
that
are
interested,
possibly
in
doing
a
docu-series,
we'll
see
what
happens
if
it
happens,
it
happens
if
it
doesn't,
but
the
one
thing
I
don't
want
to
have
is
have
the
story
ripped
to
bits
for
the
sake
of
sensationalism.