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From YouTube: 10 Ways to Stop The Toxic Push-Pull Cycle
Description
The push-pull cycle causes a flood of chemicals that can highjack your nervous system and cause you to become an emotional hostage. In this video, I will explain 10 ways to respond to the push-pull cycle that will help put an end to it, or at least help you find out whether your partner has the willingness and the emotional capacity to work towards creating a healthy and mutually fulfilling relationship.
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About Lise Leblanc
Lise Leblanc is a Therapist, Master Life Coach Practitioner, Mediator, and Author with over 20 years of experience. Lise has a Bachelor's and Master's degree, as well as many clinical certifications (CBT, DBT, Trauma-Informed Care, Suicide Intervention, etc.).
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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. All content is for general information purposes only and does not replace a mental health care of consultation with a health professional.
If you have thoughts about harming yourself, get help right away by taking one of these actions:
Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately.
Call a suicide hotline number. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) In Canada: 1.833.456.4566
Call your mental health provider, doctor or other health care provider.
Reach out to a loved one, trusted friend.
#bpd #narcissist #borderline #narcissism
A
Foreign
does
she
get
cold
feet
every
time
you
get
emotionally
close
to
her,
what
she
love
bombing
you
last
week
and
breaking
up
with
you
this
week,
and
even
though
you
know
you'll
probably
be
back
together
by
next
week,
you're
still
in
a
deep
state
of
anxiety,
grief
and
emotional
distress,
you're
not
ready
to
give
up
on
her
yet.
But
you
can't
take
much
more
of
this
hot
cold
Push
Pull
I'm
staying
I'm
leaving.
She
loves
me.
A
She
loves
me
not
I'm,
Lisa
blah
therapist,
author
and
life
coach
and
in
today's
video
I'm
talking
about
10
ways
to
respond
when
she's
pulling
away
from
you,
so
that
you
can
put
an
end
to
this
destructive
approach,
avoidance
pattern
or
at
least
significantly
decrease
the
frequency
and
intensity
of
it.
If
these
responses
and
strategies
don't
work,
there
may
be
a
deeper
seated
issue,
such
as
a
personality,
disorder,
complex
trauma
or
a
serious
attachment
issue
in
this
video
I
am
using
the
pronoun.
A
She
because
I
find
there's
just
not
enough
resources
geared
to
men,
but
these
strategies
apply
to
anyone
in
any
type
of
intimate
relationship
regardless
of
gender
or
sexuality.
If
you
like
this
video,
please
subscribe
and
hit
the
notification
Bell.
Okay,
so
number
one
call
it
out
gently
if
you've
identified
that
there
is
a
push-pull
pattern,
it's
not
the
first
or
second
time,
you've
experienced
it
calmly.
Let
her
know
that
you're
seeing
this
pattern
ask
her.
A
If
she
wants
to
talk
about
it,
if
she
denies
that
she
has
walls
up
or
that
she's
pushing
you
away,
don't
argue
just
let
her
know
that
you'd
like
to
talk
about
it
when
she's
ready
to
be
supportive
in
your
approach,
not
aggressive,
not
pushy,
not
confrontational,
don't
be
all
up
in
her
face,
letting
her
know
what
you
need
instead
recognize
that
one
she
may
not
realize
what
she's
doing
or
why
she's
doing
it
two.
If
she
knows
she
might
not
have
the
ability
to
talk
about
it
or
manage
it
and
three
the
harder.
A
You
push
her
to
tell
you
what's
going
on
the
bigger
the
threat
you
become
at
a
minimum,
if
you
call
it
out,
and
she
is
doing
this
intentionally
as
a
manipulation
tactic
now
she
knows
that
you're
on
to
her,
and
if
it's
unintentional,
you
will
create
some
awareness
and
hopefully
a
sense
of
safety
for
her
to
talk
to
you
about
it
before
I
go
any
further.
Let
me
just
say
that
you'll
need
to
use
your
own
judgment
when
applying
these
strategies,
because
you
know
based
on
where
you're
at
in
your
relationship.
A
It
may
not
make
as
much
sense
for
a
brand
new
relationship
as
it
would
for
a
20-year
relationship
and
vice
versa,
and
it
also
depends
on
whether
she
pushes
you
away
completely
ending
things
with
you
or
if
she
distances
herself
emotionally
without
leaving
physically
okay,
so
number
two
don't
be
a
fixer.
If
she's
pulling
away,
don't
get
frantic
and
start
desperately
trying
to
fix,
whatever
you
think
is
causing
her
to
push
you
away.
Her
push
may
have
nothing
to
do
with
you.
She
may
just
need
to
regroup
and
process
her
thoughts
and
feelings.
A
She
may
be
scared,
and
that's
not
for
you
to
fix
that
said
if
you
actually
said,
or
did
something
to
cause
her
to
push
you
away
address
it
apologize
and
give
her
some
space.
If
she's
not
ready
to
talk
about
it
or
forgive
you
if
she
does
want
to
talk
about
why
she
is
pulling
away,
don't
go
straight
into
problem
solving
instead
of
jumping
in
with
Solutions
just
listen.
Let
her
know
that
you
are
hearing
her
and
considering
what
she's
saying
check
for
accuracy.
Ask
open-ended
questions,
be
non-judgmental
number
three!
A
Don't
get
baited,
yes,
be
open
to
hearing
what
she's
experiencing,
including
things
that
you
may
have
done
to
create
some
disconnection.
But
if
her
MO
is
to
launch
a
tax
on
you,
while
she's
dysregulated
or
in
the
devaluation
stage,
don't
get
baited
into
arguments
or
long
drawn
out
conversations
any
defense
or
counter-attack
when
she's
in
this
state
will
quickly
escalate
things
intensify
and
strengthen
her
fears
or
other
negative
emotions,
so
calmly,
step
away,
letting
her
know
that
you'll
be
ready
to
continue
the
conversation
once
you've
both
had
time
to
regroup
mentally
and
emotionally.
A
Now
she
may
not
like
this.
That's
okay:
you're
allowed
to
have
boundaries
number
four.
When
she
pulls
away,
you
will
likely
feel
rejected
abandoned
and
you
might
start
putting
up
your
own
defense
mechanisms.
You
may
reactively
start
pulling
away
too
I
personally
believe
that
a
slight
pushback
on
your
part
is
appropriate
in
some
circumstances.
For
example,
if
she
breaks
up
with,
you,
then
starts
texting
you
a
day
later,
it's
okay
to
be
slower
to
respond
and
not
jump.
A
In,
Too,
Deep
right
away,
don't
send
the
message
that
you
were
sitting
at
home,
crying
waiting
for
her
to
come
back
around.
Even
if
you
were
so
just
to
be
clear,
I'm
not
talking
about
deliberately
giving
her
the
cold,
shoulder
or
ignoring
her
messages.
All
I'm
saying
is:
don't
reward
her
for
pushing
you
away
and
don't
be
punishing
her
either
because
I
assume
that
if
you
are
still
in
this
relationship,
a
big
part
of
you
believes
that
her
push-pull
pattern
is
not
a
deliberate
manipulation
tactic
being
used
to
harm.
A
You
number
five
examine
the
underlying
reason.
So
is
there
an
unresolved
issue
that
needs
to
be
addressed?
Is
she
pulling
away
for
the
same
reason
each
time?
If
so,
is
this
issue
resolvable
and
why
hasn't
it
been
resolved?
If
it's
unresolvable,
for
example,
she
has
a
severe
personality
disorder
and
is
refusing
treatment,
then
you
can't
fix
it
if
she's
complaining
that
your
kids
are
horrible
monsters
and
she
can't
stand
them,
you
can't
fix
it.
A
So
you
need
to
ask
yourself:
how
long
are
you
going
to
go
around
and
around
the
same
Loop,
getting
the
same
results
number
six
do
not
submit
I,
get
that
you're
emotionally
distressed
in
that
one
smile,
One
Touch,
one
word
from
her,
can
make
you
feel
better,
but
think
about
the
power
that
you
are
giving
to
her.
If
you
do
submit
what
do
I
mean
by
submit
what
I
mean?
A
When
she
pushes
you
away,
then
you
need
to
work
on
releasing
your
attachment
to
the
responses
you
get
from
her.
You
know
you
might
think,
there's
only
one
woman
in
the
world
for
you,
and
that
makes
her
your
be-all
and
all
and
that's
too
much
pressure
for
anyone.
It
becomes
suffocating
and
scary
and
your
submission
will
cause
her
to
lose
respect
for
you
and
you'll
lose
your
own
self-respect
number.
Seven.
A
If
she
keeps
pulling
away
from
you
despite
you
taking
healthy
measures
to
communicate
and
stay
connected,
then
take
a
moment
to
honestly
ask
yourself
if
your
adult
needs
are
being
met.
The
push-pull
cycle
is
a
pattern
of
intermittent
reinforcement
whereby
you
don't
win
or
get
rewarded
all
of
the
time,
but
you
get
just
enough
wins
and
rewards
to
make.
You
feel
like
you've
got
a
chance
to
win
big
and
it
keeps
you
in
the
game.
Even
when
your
losses
start
to
outweigh
your
wins.
So
don't
wait!
A
20
years,
don't
wait
till
you
lose
everything
to
take
a
rational.
Look
at
your
situation.
Number
eight!
If
she's
pulled
away
completely
and
wants
nothing
to
do
with
you,
she's
ghosted
you
she's
gone,
no
contact,
she's
told
you
I,
don't
want
to
see
you
or
hear
from
you
again
stop
trying
to
get
through
to
her
when
someone
makes
it
clear
that
they
don't
want
a
relationship
with
you,
then
stop
trying
to
read
into
it.
Stop
trying
to
bump
into
them.
A
Just
don't
be
that
guy,
because
even
if
you
did
get
her
to
come
back,
your
desperation
will
disgust.
Her
she'll
have
zero
respect
for
you
and
she'll
know
that
she
can
throw
you
away
and
pick
you
back
up
anytime.
She
wants,
while
you
get
more
and
more
addicted,
unbalanced
and
lose
all
your
power
number
nine
along
similar
lines.
If
she
breaks
up
and
tells
you
that
she
wants
to
be
friends
but
you're
totally
in
love
with
her,
don't
agree
to
it,
allowing
yourself
to
be
friend
zoned
when
that's
not
the
relationship
you
want
with
her.
A
That
is
a
true
Catch-22,
because
you
will
either
one
invest
a
lot
of
time
and
energy
into
a
relationship
that
ends
up
going
nowhere
while
being
endlessly
confused,
desperate
and
heartbroken
or
two
you'll
betray
her
trust
by
breaching
her
boundaries
and
becoming
an
even
bigger
threat.
So
don't
pretend
to
suspend
your
true
wants,
needs,
desires
and
intentions.
Then
wait
for
her
to
let
her
guard
down
and
then
you
know,
push
your
own
agenda
and
push
her
boundaries
at
every
opportunity
you
get.
A
This
will
be
experienced
as
an
emotional
betrayal,
and
even
if
she
does
recommit
to
you
for
a
while,
it
won't
be
long
until
she
sees
you
as
a
major
threat
again
and
starts
pushing
you
away.
So,
instead
of
allowing
yourself
to
be
friend
zoned,
which,
in
my
opinion,
is
one
of
the
worst
possible
positions
to
be
in
if
you're
in
in
love
with
someone
be
honest,
let
her
know
that
you
want
to
need
more
and
that
you're
not
able
to
put
romantic
feelings
aside.
Just
yet
be
honorable,
unfriend
yourself
and
back
off.
A
Let
her
feel
the
loss
don't
be
there
to
cushion
and
support
her
while
she
finds
someone
else,
don't
make
it
easy
for
her
by
letting
her
know
that
you're
always
going
to
be
there
waiting
for
her.
Don't
let
her
pause
you
whenever
she
wants
number
10
don't
chase
now.
This
might
be
the
most
important
advice,
no
matter
how
badly
you
want
her,
no
matter
how
much
you
may
believe,
she's
your
soul,
mate,
the
only
woman
in
the
world
for
you,
the
most
unique
person
you've
ever
met
in
your
entire
life.
A
If
you
have
to
chase
someone,
if
you
have
to
convince
her
of
your
value
or
why
she
should
want
to
be
with
you,
she
will
never
see
you
or
treat
you
as
worthy
of
her,
and
if
she
breaks
up
with
you,
don't
reach
out.
You
know,
don't
reach
out
through
your
friends
commenting
liking,
showing
constant
signs
that
you're
still
thinking
about
her.
A
That
you're
there
waiting
don't
make
any
direct
efforts
to
con
contact
her
by
text,
email
or
whatever
staying
away,
gives
her
a
chance
to
realize
what
she's
losing
and
to
reflect
on
whether
she
wants
to
lose
this.
It
allows
her
to
make
some
adjustments
and
it
shows
her
that
you
have
standards
in
terms
of
how
you
will
be
treated
and
in
what
you
believe
you
deserve.
A
Unless
you
want
a
relationship
with
someone
who
is
settling
with
you
and
not
really
excited
about
being
with
you
who
doesn't
respect
your
value
or
love
you
as
much
as
you
love
them,
then
you
owe
it
to
yourself
to
walk
away
now.
Maybe
you
want
to
prove
to
her
that
you
are
worthy
of
her
love
that
you
can
protect
her
provide
for
her
make
her
feel
safe,
love
her
unconditionally.
A
But
if
she
continues
to
push
you
away,
then
she
has
some
deep
seated
issues,
but
you
also
have
a
serious
one
if
you
are
chasing
someone
who
doesn't
feel
the
same
way
about
you
who
has
no
interest
in
fighting
for
you,
I
realize
it's
hard
to
detach
from
the
person.
You
thought
was
your
perfect
soul
mate,
but
you
deserve
more
than
a
lukewarm,
one-sided
relationship.