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A
Yeah,
when
I
was,
I
was
reading
this
chapter
and
I
was
rereading
it
like
before
the
community
call
and
when
we
were
talking
and
yeah
it's
it's
a
whole
of
that
like
when,
when
we
blame
others
of
doing
something
or
or
or
we
blame
them
for
how
we
feel
yeah
we're
not
being
responsible
of
of
the
the
the
capacity
we
have
to
manage
ourselves.
A
So
well
chapter
is
about
taking
responsibility
for
our
feelings
and
it
starts
saying
that
we
can
have
four
options
when
we
receive
a
negative
message
and
that
what
others
say
may
be
the
stimulus,
but
never
the
cause
of
our
feelings.
A
So
the
our
feelings
is
the
result
of
how
we
choose
to
receive
what
we,
what
others
say
and
do.
A
A
The
the
other
way
is
blaming
others
and
is
is
when
you
judge
the
other
and
when
we
are
angry
because
of
we
think
that
the
actions
of
the
others
are
the
ones
that
produce
our
feelings.
A
So
as
we
give
that
responsibility
to
the
other,
we
feel
angry
about
with
the
other
because
of
of
putting
ourselves
in
the
position
of
of
not
being
responsible
for
them
and
and
yeah
blaming
the
other
that
he
then
says
that
the
third
way
is
sensing,
our
own
feelings
and
needs,
and
when
I
was
reading
it
yeah.
I
I
really
related
to
this
one,
because
it's
something
that
I
try
to
do
and
we
become
conscious
that
our
current
feelings
derive
from
a
need
and
we
we
yeah.
A
A
A
We
are
aware
of
our
own
feelings
and
needs,
but
we
are
not
aware
of
the
other
and
it's
him,
and
he
says
that
the
fourth
way
is
also
sensing,
the
other
feelings
and
needs,
and
in
that
way
we
accept
responsibility
rather
than
blame
other
people
for
our
feelings
so
yeah.
I
think
that
I,
at
least
for
I
still
need
to
improve
a
little
bit
in
this
point
number
four,
because
yeah
sometimes
for
me,
it's
really
easy
to
to
understand.
A
Why
am
I
in
my
position,
but
yeah,
the
the
the
most
difficult
and
challenging
part
is
when,
when
we
try
to
understand
why
the
other
person
is
feeling
or
where
are
the
needs
that
are
driving
the
other
person.
B
You
know
that
which
you've
extended
to
yourself,
you
can
dip
other
people
right,
and
I
think
it's
wise
that
he
actually
puts
this
at
the
end,
because
by
going
through
the
first
three
steps,
you
kind
of
develop
a
library
of
understanding
of
okay,
my
feelings
any
this,
and
in
this
situation
and
then
kind
of
can
it
becomes
less
onerous
to
develop
a
mode
of
extending
that
feeling
and
need
awareness
to
other
people
when
you've
been
practicing
yourself
right,
and
so
it's
not
it's
not
at
all
unusual
or
even
unnatural.
B
To
about
each
one
of
these
steps
as
a
kind
of
building
blocks,
you
know
so
the
more
you
sense,
your
feelings,
it's
the
more
you
develop
your
understanding
and
then
the
amount
of
time
that
it
takes
to
connect
to
another
person's
feeling
needs
short,
as
yourself
have
more
and
more
experiences
that
match
up
with
other
people.
A
He
then
gives
two
examples
of:
how
can
we.
A
Express
disappointment,
and
in
the
first
one
in
a
we
see
that
the
the
speaker
attributes
the
responsibility
of
disappointment
on
the
other
person
and
in
b
that
the
feelings
of
disappointment
is
traced
to
the
speaker
own
desire.
That
was
not
being
fulfilled.
A
So
it's
you
disappointed
me
by
not
coming
over
last
meeting
and
I
was
disappointed
when
you
didn't
come
over,
because
I
wanted
to
talk
over
some
things
that
were
bothering
me.
A
He
then
gives
another
example,
and
I
like
that,
he
says
like
I,
because
I
and
not
to
say
like
because
you
and
that's
something
that
he
like
tips
in
the
in
the
in
the
in
the
chapter
he
says
like.
I,
because
I
I
feel
because
I
and
not
like
I
feel,
because
you
and
that's
a
common
mistake
that
we
make
to
avoid
the
responsibility
of
our
feelings.
B
Yeah,
it's
really,
I
feel
like
this
is
almost
the
absolute
cornerstone.
You
know
that's
my
feeling
about
it
anyway,
by
the
way.
What
did
you
think
of
what
I
said
earlier.
A
Yeah,
I
I
totally
agree
and
even
though
that
I
feel
that
they're,
like
steps,
I
I
also
try
to
see
them
like,
as
we
are
going
all
over
them
in
different
situations
like
sometimes
it
would
be
easier
for
you
to
sense,
others
and
feeling
and
their
needs
of
others,
and
because
sometimes
it's
easier
to
relate
to
people
whom
we
don't
have
so
much
like
history
with,
and
maybe
when
you
have
a
certain
history
of
maybe
abusive
behavior
to
regarding
someone
or
that
someone
has
done
you
this.
A
Sometimes
that
would
be
make
it
more
difficult
for
you
to
sense
the
other
feelings
and
needs,
even
though
that
you
can
do
it
for
some
people
so
yeah.
I
think
that
it's
not
like
stages
like
I'm
on
one,
then
two,
then
three
and
or
or
four
and
more
than
their
like
ways
of
reacting
and
each
time
we
receive
a
message.
We
we
can
choose
one
of
the
four.
B
Yeah
I
mean
for
me,
I
just
I
just
saw
them
as
to
kind
of
continue
to
say
you
know,
because
if
you,
if
you're
saying
number
two
right,
I
mean
every
situation
is
different,
but
I
just
don't
think
in
general
or
this
kind
of
emotional
legislative
literacy.
You
know
I
mean
that's.
Why,
like
this
work,
because
it
feels
like
it
is
a
kind
of
you
know,
literacy
of
this
stuff,
as
opposed
to
some
kind
of
commandment.
You
know.
A
Well,
yeah
yeah,
we
we,
we
also,
I
what
I
think
when
I
read
this,
is
that
there
are
so
much
the
cultural
differences
and
yeah
so
much
things
that
we
normalize,
like
people
in
colombia,
say
that
the
people
from
my
town
speak
like
giving
orders
right,
but
but
like
it's
just
something
that
we
have
normalized
in
our
culture
and
sure
and
and
yeah.
We
talk
all
the
time
with
like
very
bad
words,
and
we
don't
say
to
the
other.
Like
hey.
A
So
in
my
interpretation
of
of
nbc,
I
see
all
this
as
a
framework
and
not
like
an
exact
yeah
thing
and
and-
and
I
understand
the
way
I
understand
it-
it's
not
like
just
the
way
that
you
can
phrase
something,
but
also
like
the
intention
that
is
behind
it.
A
So
maybe,
like
someone,
one
of
my
friends
would
would
tell
me
like
hey,
get
me
that,
but
I
understand
the
words
that
he
said
and
if
I
would
be
like
too
literal,
I
would
under
think
that
he's
not
being
like
that
he's
giving
me
like
a
an
order
or
something
but
but
like
processing
through
the
signal.
I
really
understand
that
that
that
he's
like
asking
me
for
a
favor,
so
yeah,
it's
it.
A
I
I
think
it's
not
just
exactly
like
the
words
that
follow
one
another,
but
also
on
the
context
that
that
they
are
being
said.
B
What
you're
saying
is
so
true,
because
if
you
go
to
italy,
like
the
example
I
always
use
about
italy
is-
is
that
in
italy
nobody
there
thinks
that
the
kitchen
is
a
part
of
the
house.
So
if
you
buy
a
house,
you
can
expect
to
go
in
there
and
there
will
be
no
kitchen
there'll,
be
no
cats,
there's
no
stink,
there's!
No
anything!
There's
just
there's
just
a
blank
kitchen
with
like
hookups
for
electricity
and
stuff,
but
it's
not
they.
B
They
expect
that
that,
like
the
kitchen
is
such
a
personal
thing
that
it's
so
incredibly
personal
to
people
in
italy
that
that
it
would
be
almost
rude
to
to
think
that
someone
would
move
in
and
have
a
kitchen
there.
You
know
I
mean
so
it's
really
interesting
so
like
when
I
asked
them
about
that.
I
thought
it
was
crazy.
B
B
A
Something
about
the
latching
team
culture
yeah
that
that
I
feel
that
we
are.
A
Reproducing
this,
the
this
violent
communication,
but
in
a
very
unconscious
way-
and
maybe
we
we
are
treating
our
friends
and
we
are
like
yeah.
We
have
a
good
relationship
with
someone,
but
we
are
having
some
like
type
of
strong
wording
with
him
or
her.
B
Well,
the
other
example
that
I'd
use
for
this
is
that
I
remember
my
my
first
wife.
She
was
well,
I
mean
there's
just
a
lot
of
violent
communicators
in
the
world
from
my
perspective,
and
so
so
she
actually
thought
that
I
should
be
jealous
when
she
was
like
when
someone
else
was
floating
with
her.
For
example,
I
wasn't
so
it
made
her
mad
right
and
so
for
her
jealousy.
Displaying
jealousy
was
a
sign
that
I
cared
when
in
fact
for
me,
it
would
be
a
corrosive
neck
kind
of
a
situation
right.
B
So
so
you
know
the
question
for
me
was
always
you
know,
response
is
healthy.
Do
you
know
what
I
mean,
and
so
it's
interesting
because
I
krishnamurti
said
that
to
be
well
adapted
to
a
to
a
sick.
Society
is
not
a
measure
of
health,
and
I
think
that's
true.
So
I
think
this
also
helps
us
to
more
objectively
sort
of
gauge
our
cultural
reference
points.
A
And
it
it
makes
like
a
lot
of
reflection
because
yeah
I
talk
and-
and
here
when
I
speak
when
I
hear
other
people
speaking,
I
hear
like
so
much
violence,
but
even
in
in
relationships
when,
when
they're
expressing
love.
So
it's
it's
also,
I'm
like
surprising
how
hard
it
is
for
us
to
to
like
not
talk
violently
and
how
violence
is
so
deeply
rooted
in
in
the
way
we
communicate.
A
Okay
and
and
then
he
moves
to
saying
that
the
basic
mechanism
of
motivating
by
guilt
is
to
attribute
to
attribute
the
responsibility
for,
wants
our
feelings
to
to
others
so
yeah.
We,
if,
if
we
attribute
the
responsibility
for
our
feelings
to
other,
we
are
making
that
other
person
feel
guilty
for
our
behavior
and
he
talks
in
in
this
about
children.
A
And
I
think
this
is
something
we
all
have
somehow
experienced
in
our
life
and
and
is
the
fear
of
like
doing
or
not
doing
something,
because
someone
set
us
that
that
would
have
a
a
big
impact
on
them
and
like
yeah.
I
remember
when
I
was
a
a
kid
trying
to
to
to
be
one
of
the
top
of
my
class,
because
my
my
my
parents
told
me
like
hey.
A
A
Yeah
and
and
and
it's
a
common
mistake
we
do
and-
and
he
then
gives
some
tips
like
what
I
was
mentioning
before
like
I
feel,
because
I
and
not
like,
I
feel,
because
you
yeah,
we
feel
because
we
want
to
and
feel
something
and
not
because,
like
other
wants
us
to
feel
something-
and
this
relates
me
to
to
the
book
that
is
called
like
man,
search
for
meaning
for
by
viktor
frankl,
that
he
says
like
no
matter
what
others
can
do
to
punish
you.
A
You
are
the
owner
and
you're
the
only
one
who
can
produce
the
feelings
you
feel
so,
even
if
others
are
trying
to
to
torture
you,
you
can
always
have
that.
That
last
word
on
on
what?
What
is
that
reaction
that
you
produce
to
that
action?.
A
And
then
he
he
goes
to
talk
about
the
needs
at
the
roots
of
feelings,
and
this
is
something
that
we
have
talked
in
several
times
like
judgments
of
others
are
alienated.
Expressions
of
our
own
unmet
meets
so
maybe
yeah
the
the
this
guy
that
we
were
talking
about
that
that
crashed
into
into
a
class
and
started
like
criticizing.
A
He
he
has
this
unmet
needs
of
of
maybe
recognition
or
of
or
of
compassion
that
that
gets
reflected
by
by
not
being
compassionate
with
others.
A
B
B
All
we
really
tried
to
do
was
ask
him
questions
and
stuff,
and-
and
he
just
I
don't
know
it's-
it's
really
interesting,
because
he
was
talking
about
how
he
was
so
far
above
to
deal
with
people
who
were
manipulating
and
other
stuff,
but
he
was
very
blatant
in
its
own
manipulation
of
thing,
and
so
it
was
just
a
really
thing.
Yeah.
A
Kind
of
thing
like
that,
that's
the
difficulty
of
of
being
so
sure
when
you
are
really
sure
about
something,
it's
very
possible
that
you
are
biased
and
and
yeah.
That's
why
socrates
was
the
the
the
most
clever
man
of
of
all
when
he
said
like.
What
I
know
is
that
I
don't
know
anything
and
and
yeah
that
that
that
took
him
away,
that
bias
of
being
certain
about
something
and.
B
People
often
misunderstand
that
you
know
that
they
they
they
kind
of
extrapolate
and
say
like
the
more
I
know
the
more
I
don't
you
know
it's
a
that's
an
expression
of
this.
The
thing
that
you
discover
should
create
kind
of
an
awe
inside
you
that
such
that
it
also
creates
a
humility
right,
and
so
so
that's
a
very
smart
thing.
You
just
said
no
and
yeah,
so
it
that's.
B
Actually
the
reason
why
I
said
to
you
that
I'd
be
really
interested
in,
and
I
actually
put
this
in
to
our
spiral
dynamics,
integral
group
to
say
hey
how
about
we
actually
take
a
look
at
what
this
guy
was
saying,
because
you
know
here
we
are
all
trying
to
do
all
this
great
work
and
this
and
that
and
then
random
guy
shows
up
and
says
yeah
you
guys
all
suck
and
yeah
and
so
we're
like.
Okay,
you
know
it's
like
all
right,
so
that's
interesting,
but
so
let's
take
that
on.
B
You
know
maybe,
instead
of
shying
away
from
it,
you
know
why
don't
we
just
lean
into
it
a
little
bit
more
and
should
say?
Okay,
so
you
know.
Maybe
there
are
some
shadow
things
where
we're
not
handling
here,
you
know
or
there's
a
thing
in
liberating
structures
where
you
specifically
do
that
as
a
method,
you
know-
or
you
say,
okay,
I'm
just
gonna
assume
that
nonviolent
communication
is
actually
psychic
terrorism
right
so
like.
So,
if
you
consider
that
perspective,
then
it
gives
you
a
more
complete
understanding
about
what
it
is.
B
That's
that's
going
on,
and
so
that
actually
suits
this
chapter
very
well.
A
A
He
also,
then,.
A
A
There's
a
lot
of
cultural
ideas
that
that
try
to
teach
us
of
of
not
expressing
our
feelings,
but
he
says
that
it's,
it's
actually
really
really
important
to
express
our
feelings
and
our
needs,
because
no
one
is
is
like
a
mind
reader
to
know
what
we
are
thinking
and
and
that's
why
we
we
we
can
express
ourselves.
A
But
I
think
that
what
I
am
talking
about
it's
a
little
bit
yeah,
it's
a
here
when
when
he
says
that
yeah
we
we
sometimes
feel
judged
by
revealing
our
needs,
and
we
feel
frightened
by
it
by
like,
if,
like
yeah,
if
we
being
vulnerable
would
have
been
something
wrong
or
something.
B
Well-
and
that's
actually,
you
can
take
a
look
in
this
first
four
things
we
were
talking
about
earlier
in
the
chapter
right.
It
was
like
if
you,
if
you
parse
it
out
right.
This
idea
of,
I
feel
because
I
makes
you
vulnerable
because
eyes
is
the
thing
that
makes
you
vulnerable
now,
when
you
live
in
a
consistently
sort
of
violent
sort
of
setup,
be
that
I
can't
be
regarding
and
structured,
then
you
will
tend
to
develop
euphemisms
for
things
which
actually
create
a
lot
of
clarity.
B
A
The
first
steps
of.
B
Yeah
yeah
yeah.
I
feel
because
I
right
so
if
I'm
like,
if
the
person
said
you
know,
when
I
hear
you
saying
I'm
the
most
self-centered
person
you've
ever
met,
I
feel
because
you
were
just
there.
Sorry,
I
don't
know
yeah
yeah,
so
yeah.
So
this
that
that's
what
I'm
saying
is
to
say,
I
feel
you
know
you're
dismissing
me
versus.
B
I
feel,
because
I
have
a
needful.
You
know
recognition
it
that
that
is
the
thing
that
makes
you,
and
so
I
think
not
only
are
we
taught
communicate
violently,
but
I
think
we
unconsciously
truncate
our
own
agency
in
terms
of
that,
so
that
we
don't
have
to
feel
more
right.
B
So
it's
not
necessarily
so
much
the
culture
sort
of
teaches
us
to
do
that,
but
it
also
it
teaches
us
that
we'll
be
punished
for
being
vulnerable
oftentimes,
and
so
we
will
do
that
in
a
bunch
different
just
way.
So
it's
not
just
about
saying,
I
feel
because
I
it's
it's
also
just
about
recognizing
various
ways
in
which
you
know
the
culture
around
you
might
advocate
for
some
other
position.
You
know
other
than
you
know,
economy
and
agents
that
that
you
have
in
birthright
to
so
yeah.
B
A
About
this-
and
I
I
really
like
this-
is
something
that
I
really
like
about
nbc
the
fact
that
he
says
that
we
all
share
some
basic
human
needs.
A
Yeah
it
may
like,
we
all
breathe,
we
all
eat,
we
all
have
caring
needs.
A
We
all
have
been
babies,
we
all
have
had
uncertainty
about
about
economic
things,
and-
and
I
I
I
think
this
is
something
that
is
a
key
for
conflict
resolution-
the
the
ability
of
understanding
that
we
all
have
the
same
needs,
because
when,
when
you
understand
that
the
other
did
something
because
of
hunger,
you
you
you
can
relate
to
to
that
behavior
and
maybe
you
can
be
more
compassionate
or
you
can
say
like
I,
maybe
I
would
have
done
the
same
and
and
and
yeah
when,
when
someone
is
expressing
an
unmet
need
some
like
that
immediately
gives
us
yeah
the
the
understanding
of
of
of
and
and
relevance
to
to
to
the
point
of
view
of
the
other
like.
A
If
we
think
that
the
other
doesn't
have
the
same
needs
than
I
yeah,
it
would
be
so
so
difficult
to
relate
to
relate
or
to
feel
compassion
to
one
another.
A
So
yeah
like
integrity,
autonomy,
celebration,
interdependence,
spiritual,
communicate,
communion
physical
nurturance
play
like
yeah.
We
we
all
share
these
needs
and-
and
some
sometimes,
if
we
only
stay
by
by
what
are
the
feelings
that
are
expressed
by
the
other.
We
can
only
think
that
yeah
that
the
other
is
feeling
something
because
they
want
to.
But
when
we
also
want
are
able
to
see
and
to
see
the
needs
behind
their
expression,
we
can
yeah.
A
We
we
can
place
ourselves
in
in
in
in
the
in
in
that
situation
and
and
really
understand
and
and
and
do
something.
A
Yeah
we
we
are
about
to
wrap
the
chapter.
We
already
talked
about
this,
the
pain
of
expressing
our
needs
versus
the
the
pain
of
not
expressing
our
needs
and
that
sometimes
it
can
be
frightening,
but
like
expressing
vulnerability
is
something
that
that
breaks
the
eyes
and
that
may
let
us
like
place
ourselves
in
the
same
stage
than
the
other,
so
it
promotes
like
in
know
it
promotes
equality.
A
And
yeah,
and
if
we
don't
value
our
needs,
others
may
not
either
like.
If
we
let
people
to
step
out
over
us
like
like
yeah,
they
are
going
to
do
it
because
we
they
are
not
knowing
that
we
don't
want
others
to
to
step
on
us,
and
sometimes
that
happens
to
people
that
is
very
socially
like-minded
like
like
they
let
themselves
to
be
bullied
or
to
be
yeah
judged
or
to
be
seen
as
as
fools,
but
yeah.
A
If,
if,
if
you
don't
express
your
needs,
others
won't
do
do
them
or
won't
take
them
into
account,
so
that
that
that
also
states
that,
if,
if
you
want
others
to
to
take
you
seriously,
you
have
to
take
you
seriously
yourself.
A
And
this
is
one
of
the
parts
that
called
my
attention
most
about
the
book
about
the
the
chapter
that
from
emotional
slavery
to
emotional
liberation.
A
He
says
that
there
are
three
stages
of
of
how
can
we
liberate
from
from
from
this
emotional,
carries
and
and
like
in
the
first
step
yeah?
We
will
leave
ourselves
responsible
for
the
feelings
of
others
and
that's
th.
This
is
something
as
we
spoke
before
like
when
we
do
something,
because
we
don't
want
the
other
to
to
feel
certain
x
or
y
reaction.
A
But
here
we
are
not
giving
from
the
hurt
heartbur,
but
by
giving
out
of
guilt.
A
And
yeah,
the
second
stage
is
when
we
become
aware
of
the
high
cost
of
assuming
responsibility
for
others
feelings
and
trying
to
accommodate
them
at
our
own
expense.
A
Yeah
in
the
obnoxious
stage
and-
and
you
say
like
that's
your
problem
and
you
don't
really
like
to
to
to
to
considerate
the
other
feelings
or
the
other
needs,
and
and.
B
A
Yeah
and
then
she
like
her,
her
daughter,
was,
was
being
like
bothered
by
by
by
yeah
but
by
the
school
principal,
and
he
and
she
told
her
like
hey
off
and
and
even
though,
like
some
people
would
say
like
yeah
she
she
she
did
something
wrong
like
he
congratulated
her,
because
she
had
indepen
become
independent
of
what
the
the
other
feeling,
the
other,
like
the
the
the
other
attribution
of
the
feelings
to
us,
but
then
there's
the
the
third
stage,
that
is
emotional
liberation.
A
Where
we
respond
to
the
needs
of
others
out
of
compassion
and
yeah.
We
we
don't
want
to
have
our
to
get
what
we
want
by
stepping
out
of
other.
A
So
we
accept
full
responsibility
for
our
own
intentions
and
actions,
but
not
for
the
feelings
of
others.
So
yeah,
maybe
maybe
you
can
buy
a
cake
for
a
birthday
present
and
maybe
the
other
person
didn't
like
it,
but
you
did
it
with
the
with
the
best
intention.
So
that
way,
yeah
you
can
be
relieved
out
of
the
way,
like
others
react
to
to
the
way
you
behaved,
and
we
are
aware
that
we
can
never
meet
our
own
needs
at
the
expense
of
others.
A
Emotional
liberation
involves
stating
clearly
what
we
need
in
a
way
that
communicates.
We
are
all
equally
concerned
that
the
ends
of
others
be
fulfilled,
that
the
needs
of
others
be
fulfilled.
So
yeah
we
don't.
We
don't
want
to
step
out
of
the
other,
because
we
understand
that
the
other
needs
need
to
be
fulfilled
too,
and
that's
the
way
we
can
also
fulfill
our
needs
and
and.
A
Communicate
like
with
seeing
the
other
as
an
equal
and
yeah.