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From YouTube: NVC Book Club Chapter 3: Observing Without Evaluating
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B
I
will
start
recording
this
call.
C
Okay,
lovely
all
right,
hey
guys,
I've
got
something
I'm
grabbing
here.
I
got
little
images
that
I
wanted
to
put
in
the
chat
for
us.
C
So
after
reading
through
chapter
three,
I
went
ahead
and
grabbed
sort
of
some
screenshots
throughout
the
book
cutting
out
you
know,
since
we
read
through
it,
I
kind
of
cut
out
just
like
the
the
things
I
wanted
to
talk
about.
As
a
group,
I'm
gonna
start
putting
those
here
in
the
chat.
C
C
B
Yeah,
I
I
found
this
this
chapter
like
really
practical,
because
there
are
like
really
small
steps
that
you
can
use
to
improve
your
communication
and
like
just
not
saying
like
always
and
never
or
like
telling
someone
that
you
are
dad,
but
like
a
situation,
is
happening.
That
helps
a
lot
on
on
the
way
we
communicate
and
that
yeah
that
when
we
evaluate.
B
We
we
yeah,
probably
won't
receive
the
the
better
the
best
response
from
from
from
our
receiver.
B
But
also
other
thing
that
I
wanted
to
say
is
that
I
I
saw
in
this
chapter
that
he
focused
a
lot
in
observation
when
we
are
expressing,
but
he
doesn't
mentions
too
much
how
to
apply
observation
when
we
are
receiving
a
message.
B
I
think
it's
it's
going
to
be
like
the
same,
but
like
the
same
process
but
yeah.
It
would
be
good
if,
if
he
like
talked
a
little
bit
more
on
that
on
on,
how
can
we
observe
without
evaluating
the
things
that
are
said
to
us.
C
Yeah
yeah,
I
hear
that
I
feel
like
it
would
apply
in
both
places,
and
I
also
think
that
it
has
a
lot
to
do
with
whether
or
not
people
are
actually
doing
like
the
internal
work,
the
healing
of
their
wounds
from
from
just
maturing
through
this
lifetime.
I
think
that
would
definitely
play
a
role
in
it.
C
C
C
Right,
my
friend
morgan
says
this
thing
and
it's
kind
of
like.
C
But
what
a
lot
of
folks
hear-
and
this
is
my
part,
what
a
lot
of
folks
here
or
for
me,
because
I'm
in
the
states
a
lot
of
people
here,
there's
like
you
know,
being
an
american
or
or
whatever
that
is
or
whatever,
but
a
lot
of
like
culture
was
kind
of
like
rinsed
out
in
the
process
of
that,
and
something
that
I
really
appreciate
is
when
people
hold
spaces
and
containers
by
setting
preference
like
setting
setting
some
sort
of
context
explaining
or
just
like,
addressing
it
to
the
group
that
we
are
all
using
the
colonizer's
tongue
to
like
speak
through
our
oppression
and
experiences
of
trauma
and
like
that,
has
a
significant
impact
within
itself.
C
The
actual
language
that
we're
using
like
what
we
have
access
to.
So
that
sentence
like
stung
out
like
it
just
stung.
It
stuck
out
for
me
because
it
feels
relevant
to
the
other.
D
D
It's
it's
hard
to
claim
that
publicly
and
justify
that
when
other
people
clearly
have
a
much
better
claim
to
having
been
oppressed
in
some
capacity
and
having
their,
like,
you
say,
they're
indicating
their
culture,
whitewashed
and
suppressed,
and
so
it's
it's
just
hard
to
elaborate
that
from
my
own
perspective,
I
just
had
to
stay
quiet
except
being
you
know
in
the
colonizer's
tone,
so.
B
I
I
also
recall
reading
a
book
from
jean-paul
sartre
where
he
said,
like
the
difference
between
dead
men
and
and
men
who
are
alive,
is
the
capacity
of
changing
like
when
you're
dead.
B
Change,
but
when
your
life,
you
can
change
all
the
time
and
when
people
tell
you
like,
you
are
always
like
that
that
they
are
me.
They
are
telling
you
implicitly
that
you
cannot
change
and-
and
they
are
also
somehow
saying
that,
like
that
you're
dead,
because
you
you,
you
don't
have
the
capacity
to
change
and
and
that's
why
it's
so
important
to
to
have
a
proactive
language,
not
only
like
stating
the
fact
that
sometimes,
you
repeat
certain
behavior,
but
also
always
giving
like
an
idea
on
on.
B
C
C
Next,
one
I
got
is
the
page
28
pdf47.
If
you're
following
along
there
was
a
sentence
that
said,
while
the
effects
of
negative
labels,
such
as
lazy
and
stupid
may
more
may
be
more
obvious,
even
a
positive
or
an
apparently
neutral
label
such
as
cook
limits,
our
perception
of
the
totality
of
another
person's
being.
C
D
Well,
like
you
know
what
to
what?
D
C
C
You
know
to
like
have
the
awareness
to
have
the
resources
to
say
better
things
to
be
less
harmful.
C
B
Yeah
also,
one
thing
that
didn't
to
us
before
looking
at
the
praise
system
is
that
when
we
say
like
someone
is
amazing,
we
are
also
like
somehow
evaluating
that
person.
We.
B
Evaluating
but
that
it's
better
to
to
to
really
try
to
state
the
fact
that
that
that
like
gave
you
happiness
or
that
made
you
feel,
supported
or
proud,
and
not
like
saying
you
are
that
or
that,
because
that
also
like
puts
weight
on
the
shoulder
of
people.
A
It's
like
how
we've
been
trained
to
talk.
You
know
it
took
like
somebody,
like
marshall,
rosenberg,
to
kind
of
figure
out
what
even
was
going
on
with
the
language
for
us
to
have
awareness
of
it,
and
I
don't
think
it's
necessarily
bad,
but
it's
just
part
of
a
pattern
where
we
judge
what
people
are
and
then
it
has
some.
A
You
know
negative
externalities
overall,
but
just
part
of
that
pattern.
D
Yeah
yeah,
it's
hard
to
vilify.
Like
you
know
I
can.
I
can
hear
my
mom
saying
like
well.
What
am
I
supposed
to
say
or
something
like
that,
it's
hard
to
vilify
somebody
when
they
just
aren't
aren't
aware
of,
or
even
you
know
it
can't
even
really
get
their
their
themselves
around
the
concept
of
that
that
this
is
a
you
know,
an
ideal
mech
you
know,
objectifying
is
not
not
the
ideal
way
of
communicating.
B
Yeah
like
when,
when
you
objectify
others,
you
also
make
a
reflection
of
yourself
as
a
as
an
objectifier
and
yeah.
Those
relationships
in
in
logic
are
called
cinequanon
and
it
means
like
without
this.
There
cannot
be
the
other
thing
so
like
when
you
object
objectify
you
on
me
immediately
be
become
an
objectifier
and
and
right
logically,.
D
But,
but
it's
it's
just
you
know
hard
to
just
you
know
tell
that
to
somebody
who's
of
an
older
generation
or
just
you
know,
can't
get
themselves
to
be
able
to
under.
You
know
understand
that
as
a
you
know,
direct
logical,
you
know
combination
and
it
feels
it
feels
difficult
to
vilify
somebody
for
that.
Even
though
I
you
know
it's
clear
to
acknowledge
that,
that's
you
know
that's
the
case.
Objectifying
makes
you
an
objectifier,
but.
A
Well-
and
I
don't
think
our
objective
here
is
to
go
around
policing
people
on
like
how
you
know
you
said:
I'm
awesome,
that's
objectifying!
How
dare
you
you
know
like?
That's,
that's
not
really
the
point
either,
but
probably
most
useful
as
a
lens
to
examine
our
own
interaction
with
the
world.
C
Right
and
if
we're
doing
those
things
they're
a
pattern
so
whether
or
not
like
or
a
behavior
a
practice,
so
whether
or
not
we're
doing
it
in
like
a
positive
way
where
it's
like
you're,
amazing
or
like
you're
crap
people
are
going
to
get
activated
by
your
crap,
but
not
the
other,
but
in
both
places,
you're
like
sharpening
that
tool
you're
getting
better
at
observing
in
that
way,
if
you're
exercising
it
in
both
places,
yeah.
C
C
I
wanted
to
add
to
that
that
it's
even
harder
to
do
those
things
when
you're
in
connection
with
people
like
it's
a
lot
easier
to
be,
grounded
with
a
stranger
or
like,
listen
and
hear.
Perhaps
then
it
might
be
with
someone
who
you
love
and
like
care
about
deeply
whose
opinions
or
beliefs
or
values
around
you
or
something
could
be
like
impacted
by
your
behavior
decisions,
or
something
like
that.
C
It's
just
yeah
the
people
who
can
get
to
us
the
most
are
sometimes
the
folks
that
we
are
the
closest
to,
and
I
think
at
some
degree,
if
you're,
not
thinking
about
that.
Sometimes
you
let
your
guard
down
yeah.
You
can
like
let
your
guard
down
around
boundaries
and
all
sorts
of
things.
C
I
just
noticed
a
lot
of
folks
are
a
lot
a
lot
more
liable
to
to
not
like
enforce
their
own
boundaries
in
connection,
and
I
think
it
has
to
do
with
resource
scarcity
having
to
wanting
to
keep
those
relationships
alive
at
all
costs
because
of
how
important
they
are
curious.
What
other
people
think
about
that?
D
You
can
be
certainly
afraid
to
lose
what
you
already
have,
and
it
might
might
cause
you
to
act,
an
ideal
in
that
respect.
You
should
not
not
try
too
hard
to
to
rectify.
Whatever
you
are
now
aware
of
is
wrong
because
it's
just
fear
fear
of
the
unknown.
C
Pulled
out
the
the
chart
distinguishing
observations
that
was
in
the
book
that
was
a
table.
A
C
C
B
What
I
see
in
in
all
of
them
is
that
yeah
they
they
reflect
some
kind
of
judgment.
B
And
yeah
it
goes
to
the
root
of
of
not
being
a
judge
when,
when
you
see
the
other
but
and
trying
to
see
him
or
her
as
an
equal,
not
like
above
and
not
beyond,
just
like
an
equal
and
yeah
like
what
I
was
saying
before,
like
dog
procrastinate,
you
are
giving
that
connotation
to
a
person
and
you
are
not
letting
him
the
space
to
change
when
you
say
that,
because
you
are
saying
associating
that
quality
to
that
to
to
that
human,
so
so
yeah
that
that
when,
when
you
say
that
you
take
away
the
capacity
of
change,
so
the
the
the
reaction
is
completely
the
opposite.
B
That
maybe
what
you
want
to
say
when,
when
you
say
that.
C
I
I
saw
something
I
think
that
was
I'm
not
gonna,
say
fun.
I
just
enjoy
this
kind
of
stuff
dissecting
it,
but
the
middle
column.
C
C
I
could
see
that
as
ableism,
like
these
opinions,
that
people
have
some
of
them
are
based
off
of
somebody's
like
abilities
and
without
a
like
knowledge
of
neurodive
like
neurodifferences.
It's
very
easy
to.
C
C
Yeah
hi
morgan,
I've
got
I've
got
some
photos
that
I've
been
dropping
in
the
chat
and
I'm
reading
them
aloud
right
now,
I'm
not
reading
the
whole
one.
It's
the
the
distinguishing
observations
from
evaluations
that
was
in
the
book,
but
we're
kind
of
going
through
these
little
snippets
that
I've
pulled
out
and
talking
about
them.
B
I
also
want
to
comment
on
number
four
like
if
you
don't
eat
balanced
meals.
Your
health
will
be
impaired,
like
those
are
very
changing
things
that
that
sometimes
we
we
state
as
if
there
were
like
fix
and
and
yeah
like
like
there.
B
There
are
some
some
frameworks
that
that
change
every
day
and
like
what
sometimes
like,
we
said
like
we
say
like
something,
is
balanced
one
day
and
then
the
day
after
we
read
the
news
that
that
food
is
not
good,
and
then
we
read
that
other
type
of
meals
are
good
and
we
see
that
every
time
like
with
eggs,
at
least
in
my
country,
you
see
like
egg
is
good.
B
Egg
is
good,
and
then
you
see
like
no,
no
egg
is
bad
and
those
is
when
you,
when
you
refer
to
those
frameworks
you
are
like,
and-
and
this
is
something
that
recalls
me
to
one
of
the
earlier
chapters
you
are
referring
to
to
another
institution,
to
avoid
responsibility
on
on
your
comment,
so
yeah
you're,
avoiding
responsibility
of
of
your
own
thoughts
of
what
is
to
it
balanced.
D
C
Now
I
think
I
might
need
a
little
help
with
this
one.
I
was
a
little
confused
by
it
when
I
was
reading
it.
I
just
think
it's
the
way,
my
brain's
trying
to
like
make
sense
of
it,
but
this
is
just
like
breaking
down
that
little
comparison
chart
that
we
saw,
and
he
had
said
that
the
words
always
never
ever
whenever,
etc,
express
observations
when
used
in
the
following
ways.
C
Whenever
I've
observed
jack
on
the
phone
he
has
spoken
for
at
least
30
minutes.
I
cannot
call
you
recall,
I
cannot
recall
you
ever
writing
me.
Oh
I
get
it
now.
I
just
got
it
in
the
moment.
It
was
the
second
one
I
didn't
see
the
word
recall
or
ever
in
the
second
one,
and
I
was
like
what
is
this
trying
to
tell
me,
but
I
see
it
now.
C
Talks
about
how
some
of
these
words
are
exaggerations,
saying
you
are
always
busy.
She
is
never
there
when
she's
needed.
C
C
Yeah,
I
wonder
what
folks
thought
of
this,
this
breakdown
for
the
evaluations
and
the
observations
this
was
the
one
little
picture
slide
part
that
I
was
not
holding
very
strongly
myself.
B
I
I
think
that
what
he's
trying
to
say
is
that
we
can
actually
state
facts
without
giving
them
the
judgment.
So
it's
like
it's.
You
can
say
that
an
example
that
a
person
repeated
some
behavior
if
that
happened,
but
it's
important
to
be
like
precise
and
to
also
not
give
the
judgment
and-
and
the
word
those
words
like
always,
and
never
that
are
words
that
are
fixed
and
they
not
associate
to
the
changing
reality
that
that
that
we
are
as
humans.
C
A
Think
I
think
what
he's
getting
at
there
is
that
first,
two
examples
are
correct
observation
without
evaluation,
but
usually
when
you
use
words
like
always.
Never
whenever
any
time,
that's
like
a
generalization
and
you're
kind
of
type
type
casting
someone
into
this
static
judgment,
so
it
kind
of
begins
with
it
is
a
little
confusing,
but
he
kind
of
begins,
with
the
the
exception
of
when
those
words
are
actually
just
clear
statements
without
evaluation,
but
that
usually
their
their
judgment,
laden.
C
C
Let's
see
thank
you
for
sharing
this.
This
link,
one.
B
Yeah,
it's
a
it's
a
beautiful
book
that
it's
also
a
theater
play
that
is
called
closed
door
at
with
closed
door
and
yeah
it
it.
It
was
a
book
that
I
read
some
years
ago
and
it's
still
like,
I
recall
it
because
yeah
within
the
play
he
he
covers
this
very
like
philosophical
topics
about
objectification
and
the
other.
B
And
yeah
he
finally
states
that
hell
is
other
people,
but
that
that
is
a
phrase
that
needs
like
a
lot
of
context.
C
C
C
I'm
gonna
pull
up
the
the
exercise
from
the
book.
B
For
me,
number
eight
was
a
little
bit
confusing
because
my
son
often
doesn't
brush
his
teeth.
Yeah.
I
thought
it
was.
It
wasn't
an
evaluation,
but
in
fact,
when
I
was
reading
the
answers
he
said
it
was.
C
A
A
B
If,
if
we
try
to
agree
on
facts,
I
think
it's
possible,
but-
and
this
is
something
that
I
have
seen
here
in
the
in
the
peace
process
in
colombia,
because
we
have
been
trying
to
rebuild
the
story
of
of
of
the
violence
to
like
have
transparency
on
the
number
of
victims
and
what
happened.
B
But
what
we
have
found
is
that
there
are
multiple
truths
that,
on
the
same
fact,
if
you
interview
one
side,
they
will
tell
you
something
and
on
the
other
side,
they
will
tell
you
something
different
and
that
the
truth
like
accommodates
to
to
the
people
who
is
speaking
it.
And
I
will
give
an
example
on
the
university
that
I
worked
at
before.
B
And
when,
when
you
interview
the
students
and
the
and
the
side
of
of
of
the
students
yeah,
they
say
that
this
was
like
an
attack
to
the
students.
And
when
you
interview
the
university,
they
tell
you
like
they.
They
were
students
that
were
planning
a
riot
against
the
institution
so
and
and
when
you
keep
digging
into
into
both
versions
like
both
versions,
make
perfect
sense
and
you
can
see
the
truth
from
one
side
or
the
other.
B
But
I
think
that
what
is
important
is
is
not
only
to
to
like
state
one
truth,
but
to
be
open
to
multiple
truths
coming
from
from
the
people,
and
also
to
only
try
to
state
facts
that
can
be
yeah
that
can
that
that
can
be
agreed
by
both
parts.
Because
always
we
hear
like
history
is
written
by
the
winners,
so
yeah.
What
we
think
is
the
truth
or
or
the
things
that
about
what
happened
before.
B
There's
always
a
lot
of
subjectivity
in
it
like
you
can
stand
from
from
a
christian
side
of
history,
and
you
will
measure
your
your
chronology
in
2000
years.
But
if
you
stand
from
and
a
chinese
point
of
view
you,
you
would
all
like
count
time
and
history
differently
and
also,
if
you
read
a
book
from
before
colonization
here
in
in
in
america,
you
will
also
here
to
different
truths
and
different
time
conceptions
and
conceptions
about
the
human
so
yeah.
C
So
that's
the
that's
the
end
of
that
chapter.
It
wasn't
a
very
long
one.
I
had
an
idea,
but
I'm
not
entirely
sure,
like
I
just
kind
of
thought
of
it
and
I'm
not
sure
how
good
of
an
idea
it
is.
But
I
was
curious
what
it
would
be
like
to
look
at
praise
the
praise
channel
and
see
if
we
can
find
where
and
juan.
C
I
want
your
feedback
on
if
this
is
like
a
crap
idea,
but
I
was
curious
if
we
could
look
to
see
if
we
could
find
places
where
there's
observations
with
and
without
evaluations,
but
I
also
just
want
to
like
be
mindful
of
us
looking
at
our
peers
in
that
way,
like
yeah.
B
Yeah
didn't
did
that
some
month
ago,
so
yeah
you,
you
can
see
the
work
that
he
did
at
that
moment
because
he
like
actually
did
exactly
that.
He
took
some
praises
and
made
us
look
at
them
through
the
nbc
lens
and
it's
not
to
criticize
the
way
we're
praising
but
to
praise
better.
He
said
like
train
our
praise,
praise
muscles
and
I
have
been
trying
to
be
more
more
conscious
about
that.
B
When,
when
giving
praise
and
yeah
now
yeah,
I
think
we
can
give
better
praise
and-
and
we
can
for
sure,
continue
teaching
the
community
to
deliver
praise
through
non-violent
communication
so
that
the
prices
are
not
like
for
always
being
amazing,
but
for
being
punctually
on
the
on
the
act
on
the
action
or
or
the
or
or
the
collaboration
that
that
that
made
you
yeah.
That
impacted
you,
and
that
also
helps
to
facilitate
the
quantification
of
praise.
B
C
C
Yeah,
that's
what
I
brought
to
share
for
this
chapter.
D
That
you
know
it's,
it
was
a
good
idea.
You
know
like
we
were
saying
to
look
back
at
the
appraisal.
It's
just
the
same
thing
I
was
talking
about
like
with
my
mom.
You
know
like
our
family
and
our
peers
and
yeah.
The
idea
is
to
always
do
it
better
clearly
right,
but
it's
it's
a
difficult
thing
to
find
my
mind,
to
walk
to
somewhat
vilify
people
that
have
no
intention
of
of
doing
anything
harmful
in
the
first
place.
B
And
it
says
like
praise,
roll
role
play
worksheets
and
it
has
like
a
hack
md.
I
I
thought
this
exercise
was
really
good
and
then
you
like
choose
one
of
these
options
and
you
get
to
analyze
some
of
the
praise
that
were
that
that
was
given.
C
B
So
it's
really
really
great
that
we
can
always
bring
back
some
of
the
work
that
that
we
did
in
the
past.
A
Actually,
I
just
stepped
back,
I
didn't.
I
just
walked
back
to
the
screen
for
this.
B
And
thank
you,
hello
issues
for
leading
this
call
it's
great
to
have
this
rotative
facilitation
in
the
work
in
this
book
club,
and
I
think
that
bianca
was
going
to
lead
chapter
number
four,
but
I
will
approach
to
her
in
in
the
coming
days
to
see
if
she
confirms.
If
not,
I
will
talk
with
david
that
he
offered
to
or
or
well
we
can.
We
can
do
it
sharing
our
thoughts
in
the
next
chapter.