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From YouTube: At Your Service - Grief
Description
At Your Service is a program hosted by Susan Love and Christy Perdomo from the Student Services department. Each show presents topics of importance to students and their families. This month, Christy & Susan talk with Dr. Katrina Howlett, AACPS School Psychologist, Sarah Montgomery and Susan Coale from Chesapeake Life Center about grief. Originally aired April 1, 2015.
A
B
Hello
today,
on
at
your
service,
we
will
be
discussing
the
topic
of
grief
and
its
impact
on
students.
We
would
like
to
welcome
to
the
studio,
miss
montgomery
and
miss
cole
from
the
chesapeake
life
center
and
dr
hallett,
a
school
psychologist
with
anne
arundel
county
public
schools.
Welcome,
ladies,
if
you
would,
could
you
tell
me
a
little
bit
about
yourselves.
C
D
Okay,
hi,
I'm
sarah
montgomery
and
I'm
a
clinical
social
worker,
and
I
work
for
the
chesapeake
life
center
and
the
chesapeake
life
center
is
under
the
umbrella
of
the
hospice
of
the
chesapeake.
So
we
see
families
who
are
part
of
hospice,
but
also
a
lot
of
families.
Who've
had
sudden
deaths
and
other
deaths
in
the
community,
and
I
also
do
some
trainings
and
outreach
in
the
community.
E
I'm
susan
cole,
I
have
a
also
a
clinical
social
worker.
I
have
a
background
in
protective
services
and
hospital
social
work,
but
for
the
last
10
years
have
been
with
chesapeake
life
center
and
I
provide
bereavement
counseling
for
adults
and
families
and
children
as
well
as
supervision
for
graduate
interns
and
do
trainings
and
outreach
in
the
community.
With
sarah.
E
E
Grief
happens
anytime,
there's
a
change
really
or
loss.
We
tend
to
think
of
it
in
terms
of
of
death,
but
they're
really
many
ways
that
we
all
experience
grief
just
through
the
normal
process
of
our
lives.
There
can
be
an
element
of
grief,
even
in
moving
from
you
know,
third
grade
to
fourth
grade
that,
because
there
are
changes,
different
teachers,
perhaps
different
friends,
sometimes
moving
a
different
school.
C
A
D
I
think
there's
a
broad
range
of
what
is
normal
grief,
and
I
know
in
my
years
I've
I
think
almost
every
single
person
I've
seen
is
within
that
spectrum
of
normal
grief.
I
do
think
you
know
grief
is
a
journey.
We
also,
though,
need
to
be
aware
of
the
anxiety
and
depression.
So
if
we
have
some
anxiety
or
depression
before
a
loss,
we
may
that
may
kind
of
rise
up
in
the
process.
So
sometimes
we
have
to
be,
though
it's
brief
as
a
normal
journey.
F
C
You
have
a
sudden
and
unexpected
loss,
or
you
have
cumulative
losses
where
that
person
has
repeatedly
experienced
loss
it
can
make
the
the
process
more
difficult
or
if
there
was
an
ambivalent
conflicted
relationship
with
the
person
who's
deceased.
All
of
these
things
can
make
that
process
a
little
bit
more
complicated
for
the
child.
B
E
E
D
D
So
all
those
feelings,
but
the
physical
part,
I
think,
is
really
big
with
kids,
and
you
know
we
hear
from
school
nurses
that
when
there's
been
a
loss
or
death
or
change,
they
get
more
visits
to
the
nursing
office,
because
kids
and
adults,
but
kids,
particularly
somaticize,
which
means
hold
their
grief
physically
often
it's
tummy
aches,
but
it
can
be
headaches
and
things
like
that.
So
there's
you
know
physically
I'll,
maybe
mention
how
about
cognitively
and
then
you
can
take
on
that.
D
So
the
mentally
or
cognitively,
most
folks,
particularly
after
a
sudden
death,
have
a
hard
time
concentrating
or
following
through
in
the
same
way
they
did
prior
to
a
loss.
You
come
back
to
it
eventually,
but
during
that
kind
of
the
throes
of
the
grief-
and
it
really
impacts
the
school,
because
if
you,
if
you
are
expected
to
after
a
death,
come
back
and
not
only
make
up
your
work
but
hit
the
ground
running,
that
can
really
set
up
a
child
to
feel
like
a
failure,
and
we
don't
want
to
do
that.
D
So
often
we
have
to
accommodate
as
a
school.
We
may
need
to
reduce
the
number
of
texts
to
read
or
the
number
of
assignments
to
make
it
helpful.
I
know
with
me
years
ago
my
mom
died
suddenly
and
I
was
a
young
social
worker.
If
I
had
to
go
back
and
hit
the
ground
running
and
not
have
support,
I
would
have
failed,
and
and
so
we
have
to
look
at
our
children
and
the
students
and
accommodate
to
support
them
as
they
as
they
come
back
to
school
and
in
school.
A
Right
and
that's
an
interesting
point,
especially
working
with
children
just
experiencing
our
own
issues,
with
grief
and
loss
of
parents
or
family
members,
but
everybody
is
on
a
different
cycle,
and
so
what
little
susan,
let's
say,
if
I
was
in
school,
my
coming
around
might
be
different
than
her
coming
around
and
as
a
teacher
or
parent.
We
need
to
recognize
where
students
are
within
that
process
and
how?
How
would
that
happen?
A
C
Having
an
ongoing
dialogue
is
extremely
important,
I
mean
one
thing
that
I
I
think
is
important
is
for
school
staff,
because
you're
kind
of
the
front
line
you
spend
a
lot
of
time
with
kids
and
you
know
chances
are.
There
are
many
kids
any
day
in
any
classroom
that
are
have
some
kind
of
bereavement
that
their
experience
or
somewhere
in
the
process,
and
it's
not
a
process
where,
on
the
365th
day,
you're
done
you've
finished
it
you've
completed
it,
you
never
graduate
so
to
speak.
C
Things
can
bring
it
back,
but
having
school
staff
know
how
and
feel
comfortable
in
talking
with
kids
about
loss,
and
that
doesn't
mean
having
an
expansive
conversation
daily,
but
being
that
nurturant
support
that
I'm
here
I
would
talk
about.
I
think
sometimes
adults
avoid
talking
with
kids
about
grief,
because
it's
a
hard
thing
to
talk
about,
but
that
can
give
the
message
to
students
and
your
own
children.
We
don't
talk
about
it.
It's
not
something
to
talk
about
when
really
those
open
conversations.
C
They
really
help
kids
to
process
that,
as
far
as
making
accommodations
having
parents
communicate
with
school
staff
about
losses
having
teachers
keep
their
eyes
open
and
be
aware,
students
that
had
academic
vulnerabilities
prior
to
experiencing
a
loss
can
those
can
be
exacerbated
just
to
keep
an
eye
on
right.
So.
B
D
Sometimes
in
grief,
there's
such
an
array,
you
know,
there's
from
moving
neighborhoods
in
schools
having
a
best
friend
move
away,
parents
separating
or
divorcing
deployment
when
a
parent
is
going
overseas
or
even
on
an
extended
work
trip.
All
those
are
our
changes
when
someone
with
a
parent
or
another
family
member
may
be
physically
there,
but
emotionally
not
there.
C
Even
things
like
you
know
economically,
that
can
be
a
huge
thing
to
grieve.
I
know
I
work
in
a
largely
middle
class
setting,
but
when
the
economy
is
very
difficult
many
times
there
are
financial
losses.
If
a
parent
loses
the
job
and
the
life
changes
that
go
along
with,
that
can
be
very
difficult
for
kids,
even
sometimes
joyful
things
like
getting
a
new
sibling.
Unexpectedly,
you.
D
C
E
Death,
they
feel
different
and
kids
really
want
to
fit
in,
and
so
it
really
does
have
that
impact.
I
think.
Sometimes
you
may
see
it
at
school
in
terms
of
a
withdrawal,
just
not
not
wanting
anybody
to
find
out
how
how
different
they
they
are,
and
we
hear
over
and
over
again
when
there's
a
support
group
in
school
or
outside
of
school,
just
the
fact
that
they
discover
that
there's
other
children
who
have
experienced
something
similar
to
what
they're
experiencing
just
that
takes
such
a
burden
off
of
kids.
A
And
I
think
the
whole
going
back
to
the
normalizing
piece
is,
I
think,
sometimes,
when
you
have
people
that
are
struggling
in
and
of
themselves
with,
if
it's
a
traumatic
or
a
death
that
sometimes
they
don't
talk
because
they
feel
like
they'll,
upset
their
children
even
more
because
they're
struggling
with
it
and
through
it.
So
are
there
any
kind
of
tips
or
thoughts
around
when
you
know
hearing
parents
watching
this
today
that
are
also
struggling
but
see
their
children
struggling?
Is
there
any
thoughts
around
that.
C
A
C
Express
it
that
you
know
the
parent
is
the
model
for
the
child
and
what
that
process
is
going
to
be
like
so
an
open
dialogue.
I
would
say
and
be
honest.
I
know
many
times.
I've
had
situations
where
parents
were
not
perhaps
disclosing
the
exact
truth
about
what
had
happened,
particularly
in
a
circumstance
where
there
was
a
suicide
or
an
overdose,
or
you
know
something.
That's
maybe
more
socially
taboo
to
talk
about
it
and
they
were
not
honest
about
what
had
happened,
and
then
that
gets
discovered
and
it's
difficult
for
the
child.
Then.
B
E
F
E
B
Right
and
that's
the
key
really
and
sometimes
I
know
that
the
parents
don't
feel
comfortable
approaching
the
school,
they
don't
want
their
child
to
feel
like
hey,
you
know,
I'm
I'm
going
over
your
head
or
but
they
need
to
join,
to
get
forces
together
and
say
hey.
This
is
the
best
thing
for
everybody:
yeah
school.
B
G
F
H
When
a
school
bus
stops
to
load
students
as
a
driver,
this
is
what
you
will
see
at
150
feet.
The
bus
will
activate
hazard
lights
at
100
feet.
The
bus
driver
will
activate
the
amber
lights,
they
will
start
slowing
down
at
10
feet
before
the
bus
stops.
They
will
turn
on
the
red
bus
lights,
their
stop
sign
will
come
out
and
students
will
begin
to
load
once
all
students
are
on
board
safely.
The
bus
driver
will
turn
off
red
lights
and
move
forward
at
this
time.
It
is
safe
for
the
motorist
to
resume
movement.
A
Welcome
back
and
we're
discussing
an
impact
on
grief,
thank
you
and
we're
back
again,
so
I
have
some
follow-up
questions
that
we
kind
of
left
off.
While
we
were
talking
a
little
bit
before
we
left
for
break
and
we
talk
about
grief
coming
in
waves,
can
somebody
explain
the
whole
grief
and
the
wave
process
I'd
be
happy.
D
To
address
it
a
bit,
I
think
when
we
work
with
families
or
kids
in
the
school
or
in
our
clinic
in
the
community,
letting
folks
know
that
grief
is
not
a
stage.
It's
not
built.
It's
not
linear.
It's
not
stages,
it's
really
much
more
organic
and
that
we
might
feel
kind
of
okay
one
day
and
then
a
wave
will
come
and
you'll
feel
kind
of
yucky,
and
then
it
will
recede.
But
like
a
wave,
it's
natural
normal.
You
will
come
back
to
where
you
were
and
waves
can
be
little
or
they
can
be
tsunamis.
D
And
so
one
of
the
things
I'll
do
with
families
is
I'll.
Have
the
parents
and
children
talk
about
their
grief
wave
and
if
the
mom
or
the
dad
is
getting
upset
that,
to
name
it
to
say,
I'm
going
through
a
grief
wave?
And
this
is
a
big
one,
or
this
I'm
going
through
a
little
grief
ring.
So
the
child
knows
what's
going
on.
If
a
teacher
is
upset
because
they're
grieving
teachers
and
staff
grieve
as
well,
they
can
name
it.
It's
not
about
anything
else.
D
Going
on
the
class,
I'm
going
through
a
grief,
wave
related
to
my
dad
or
related
to
my
dog
or
what
it
is.
So
if
we
can
name
it,
we
can
manage
it.
What
is
mentionable
is
manageable,
and
so
I
think
when
I
hear
back
later
from
families,
I've
worked
with
they'll
say
the
number
one
thing
that
was
helpful
was
introducing
the
idea
of
wave,
and
even
I
have
families.
Who'll
do
little
hand
signals
to
each
other.
Like
oh.
F
C
It's
a
good
concept
for
the
long
run
too,
because
I
think
a
lot
of
times,
people
sort
of
think
the
first
year
you
got
to
get
through
that
first
year
and
the
reality
is
the
second
year
can
be
quite
a
bit
more
difficult
because
in
the
first
year
you
have
a
lot
of
people,
you
know
recognizing
anniversaries
and
giving
support
and
that
support
can
fade
over
time
as
it's
less
in
the
forefront
and
you
get
those
grief
waves
that
rise
up,
particularly
when
something
new
is
coming
up
in
your
life.
It's
a
transition.
C
I
mean,
I
know
from
my
experience.
My
brother
died
at
27
and
when
I
had
my
own
children,
I
did
not
have
children
at
the
time
that
he
died.
My
feelings
about,
for
my
parents
like
what
it
would
have
been
to
lose
a
child,
even
though
that
was
years
in
the
past,
it
really
brought
up
a
lot
of
new
grief
waves
for
me
that
I
had
to
kind
of
figure
out
and
go
through,
because
I
was
seeing
it
in
a.
A
Different
way,
right,
that
makes
sense
yeah.
It
does
very
much
so
thank
you
explaining
that
I
think
that's
very
helpful
for
even
for
adults
to
be
able
to
use
that
as
well,
not
just
for
their
their
children
or
students,
but
the
big
question.
I
think
christie-
and
I
talk
a
lot
a
little
bit
about
this.
One
was:
does
television
or
technology
contribute
to
grief?
A
C
I
mean
as
adults,
we
want
to
do
something
when
there's
a
loss,
you
want
to
make
a
casserole,
write
a
card
and
kids
are
less
inclined
and
have
less
experience
doing
those
kinds
of
things
not
that
we
can't
help
them
to
do
them,
but
social
media
is
their
way
to
do
something
to
write
a
post,
but
it
also
lacks
the
face-to-face
personal
support.
It
can
be
overexposure
to
material
that
is
not
appropriate
for
that
developmental
age.
D
D
We
have
something
that
we
have
borrowed
from
kind
of
other
areas:
the
idea
of
private
versus
secret
that
it's
not,
for
instance,
if
a
dear
one
dies,
for
instance
by
a
drug
overdose
or
a
trauma,
it's
not
a
secret,
but
there
may
be
some
privacy.
Well,
you
may
not
want
everyone
in
the
world
or
you
may,
but
you
need
to
look
through
that
and
to
be
able
to
talk
about
it
with
parent
or
a
guiding
adult
prior
to
posting.
Something
can
be
very
helpful.
It's
hard
to
do
because
people
jump
on
there.
D
I
know
with
robin
williams
death.
I
heard
it
through
my
one
of
my
teenagers
before
I
heard
mom.
You
know
robin
williams
died
and
then
I
kind
of
listened
in,
but
often
we
do
now
hear
from
our
own
kids
or
students,
and
we
don't
have
time
to
kind
of
process
to
talk
back.
So
it's
added
a
whole
another
variable
of
immediacy
in
our
work.
I
think.
H
E
And,
of
course,
everybody
goes
back
to
9
11
and
watching
those
events
over
and
over
that
that's
not
really
helpful
for
our
children
that
that
is
indeed
traumatizing
and
re-traumatizing,
and
so
as
parents
we
need
to
be
aware
of
that.
Are
we
having
that
news
channel
ongoing
all
the
time
and
what
impact
is
that
having
on
our
children,
so
there's
monitoring?
C
Not
waiting
for
it
to
be
a
a
problem,
I
think
you're
getting
involved,
it's
a
process
and
you
know
to
be
even
talking
to
kids
about
death
in
general.
You
don't
have
to
wait
until
something
happened:
to
talk
to
your
kids
about
death
and
to
help
them
to
understand
it.
That
can
happen
before
there's
a
loss.
D
And
I
agree,
I
think,
modeling,
that
as
a
family
or
as
a
classroom,
you
can
talk
about
even
if
it's
really
hard.
We
can
talk
about
anything.
If
you
do
that,
if
you
model
that
with
your
family,
then,
as
other
things
come
up
in
their
lives,
they'll
know
it
won't
be
easy,
but
we
can
do
it
and
I
think
that's
such
an
important
message
and
part
of
that
building
resilience
with
the
coping.
A
D
Talk
about
it
and
we
can
do
it
together.
We
can
do
anything
together.
Our
family
can
do
anything
together,
and
I
think
that
if
you
could
have
that
early
on,
especially
then
going
to
the
teen
years
when
people
are
kind
of
going,
you
can
say
I
don't
want
to
talk
about,
but
we
will
talk
about
it.
We
can,
because
you
have
that
plan
in
place
exactly
we
have
that
stepping
stone.
D
C
The
last
question
that
parents
will
ask
when
they
call
and
say
that
there's
been
a
lot.
My
professional
and
personal
opinion
is.
There
are
a
lot
of
benefits
to
allowing
your
child
to
go
to
a
funeral.
I
would
probably
ask
the
child
if
they
want
to
go.
I
would
not
force
a
child
to
go
to
a
funeral
that
really
adamantly
did
not
want
to
go
to
a
funeral,
but
for
us
as
adults,
it's
a
ritual
that
has
a
lot
of
meaning
it's
a
chance
to
see
people
expressing
emotion
and
receiving
support.
C
D
D
If
a
child
really
doesn't
want
to
go
to
have
them
do
something,
for
instance,
write
a
little
no
pick
out
a
favorite
little
bear
and
then
bring
have
bring
that
to
the
service
for
the
child,
because
as
adults,
we're
actually
holding
the
narrative
of
our
children's
grief.
So
you
can
say
john
when
you
were
four,
you
drew
the
cutest
little
scribbly
picture
and
I
put
it
by
your
grandpa's
coffin,
and
that
was
special.
So
you
can
hold
that
for.
F
D
E
I
think
one
of
the
real
keys
for
children
is
preparation.
Let
them
know
what
to
expect.
Let
them
know
that
you
know
people
may
be
crying
and
that
that's
okay,
you
know
even
to
talking
about
the
smell
of
what
the
funeral
home
will
be
like
you
know,
there's
that
flowery
sort
of
scent
so
as
much
as
you
can
prepare
them
that
decreases
their
anxiety
and
makes
it
easier
for
them
to
to
go
and
experience
that
I.
E
C
Have
that
belief
that
it,
you
know
a
funeral
or
a
memorial
service?
It's
just
going
to
be.
You
know
non-stop
weeping,
but
sometimes
it's
really
a
celebration
of
that
that
person's
life,
and
that
can
be
sometimes
a
mismatch
for
kids,
but
to
prepare
them
like
it
could
look
like
this.
It
could
look
like
that
and
kids
might
ask
the
same
things
over
and
over
again
so
be
prepared
to
answer
those
questions
over
and
over
again
and
it's
okay
to
say
I
don't
know
if
you
don't
know.
D
Yeah
and
one
other
thing
to
add
in
in
some
traumatic
situations
where
the
whole
community
is,
is
very
upset
or
something
like
that
or
grieving
deeply.
It
isn't
always
just
an
either
or
just
attend
the
service
or
don't
attend.
A
service
is
a
way
of
honoring
your
own
grief
and
showing
love
and
care
to
the
family.
That's
grieving,
so
some
one
family
may
choose
to
go
to
the
park
and
have
a
picnic
and
write
little
letters
or
they
may
go
and
blow
bubbles,
love
bubbles
in
an
area
and
think
about
the
special
person
who
died.
D
A
We
have
a
couple
more
minutes
and
so
what
kind
of
resources
I
know
for
the
the
life
center
it's
community.
So
when
you
have
parents
that
are
watching
today
or
grandparents
watching
today
and
you
think
about
community
resources
or
school
resources,
what
could
you
share
with
the
audience
if
they
need
some
additional
support.
A
C
Kids,
through
a
normal
process,
you're
that
nurturing
person
that's
available
to
talk
and
then
you're
keeping
an
eye
to
look
at.
Is
this
getting
to
a
point
where
it's
of
concern
then
the
second
level
of
defense?
There
are
highly
trained
people
that
work
in
your
school
building
that
are
able
to
provide
services
to
students,
school
psychologists,
school
counselors,
school
social
workers.
Those
are
your
people
to
call
and
say
I'm
worried
about
my
kid.
What
do
I
do.
B
C
D
D
Me
I'll
start
so
where
we
are
chesapeake
life
center
is
kind
of
there's
similar
organizations
in
other
counties
and
in
other
states
a
lot
of
hospices
will
have
bereavement
support
services
that
are
open
to
the
community
as
well.
I
know
where
we
are.
We
offer
monthly
groups
for
adults
and
for
children
on
the
children's
groups
on
a
saturday
morning
and
it's
you
make
pancakes
and
crafts
as
you
talk
so
trying
to
normalize
the
feelings
and
make
it
not
be
scary.
D
We
also
have
a
wonderful
camp.
Every
august,
where
kids
get
together,
kids
who've
lost
a
parent,
a
sibling
or
a
guardian
grandparent,
and
it's
at
arlington
echo,
which
is
you
know,
an
anne
arundel
school
property
and
they
feel
which
we
talked
about
before
it
normalizes
therapy,
but
also
learning
coping
techniques
and
enjoying
it
in
a
beautiful
setting.
D
A
I
appreciate,
ladies
your
time
today
I
think
anne
arundel
county
has
wonderful
resources
with
the
life
center.
You
know
I've
been
in
other
systems
and
they
don't
have,
I
think,
the
expansion
of
the
life
center
and
all
the
services
that
are
offered
for
our
system,
but
I
would
like
to
thank
our
audience
today
for
joining
us
stay
tuned
next
time
on
at
your
service.