►
Description
Part 3 of the Compassionate Collaboration speaker series at GitLab hosted in FY23 Q2. Learn more about Maria Moss here: https://www.phoenixleadershipsolutions.com/
A
Okay,
well
welcome
everybody
to
today's
learner
speaker
series.
Today
we
have
maria
moss,
who
is
a
repeat
guest
at
get
lab
here
to
speak
with
us
on
a
topic
that
is
compassionate
feedback
maria's
here,
as
our
third
speaker
from
this
quarter's
speaker
series
and
this
series
is
called
collaborating
with
compassion.
So
we've
had
a
few
other
speakers
one
per
month
and
we're
rounding
out
the
quarter
today
with
maria
about
talking
about
compassionate
feedback.
A
You
might
recognize
maria
because,
like
I
said,
she's
come
and
spoke
to
the
gitlab
team.
Before
last
time
she
was
part
of
our
all
remote
communication,
speaker
series
and,
if
you've
taken
crucial
conversations,
you'll
also
recognize
her
as
a
trainer
from
the
crucial
conversations
course.
I'm
really
excited
to
have
marie
here
today.
A
So
as
maria
and
I
are
talking,
if
you
have
any
follow-up
questions
for
her
or
you
think
of
new
questions
or
topics,
you
want
to
ask
her
about
giving
and
receiving
feedback.
Please
feel
free
to
add
them
to
the
team
member
questions
section
of
the
agenda
and
then
during
the
last
20
minutes
of
the
call
we
will
get
through
as
many
as
we
can.
B
Thank
you
and
good
morning.
Everyone
glad
to
be
here
again
speaking
with
you
all
at
gitlab.
Thank
you
samantha
for
having
me,
but
a
little
bit
about
me.
I
am
a
leadership,
employee
development,
training,
specialist,
speaker,
coach,
all
those
wonderful
things,
I'm
kind
of
a
career
I
fell
in
by
you
know
just
oh.
I
really
like
this.
This
is
cool.
Let
me
figure
out
how
to
do
this
more
than
I
think
more
than
about
12
years
ago,
so
have
worked
both
in
internal
corporate
organization.
B
A
Yeah
great
thanks
maria
excited
to
have
you
here
so
I'll
move
us
into
this
first
question
and
we'll
get
going
with
these
three
fireside
track
questions.
So
this
first
question
is:
what
does
it
look
like
to
give
compassionate
feedback,
and
can
you
give
some
examples
of
how
both
a
manager
or
individual
contributor
might
give
feedback?
That
has
a
focus
on
compassion.
B
I
love
it
such
a
good
question
and
such
a
like
a
necessary
question.
I
think
samantha,
because
you
know,
as
we
all
know
right
now,
the
last
several
years
of
our
life
in
our
world
have
definitely
shifted
for
every
single
person
on
the
planet,
which
I
think
is
a
good
thing,
because
it's
kind
of
aligned
us
to
understanding
how
common
and
how
much
we
all
have
in
common,
but
definitely
created
some
opportunities.
Where,
when
we're
giving
feedback,
we
have
to
have
those
conversations,
it's
definitely
necessary
to
think
about
that
compassion
side.
B
It
is
giving
feedback
to
a
person
from
a
lens
of
concern
and
caring
not
only
for
changing
the
results
or
changing
the
the
things
that
we
want
change,
but
also
from
a
lens
of
like
really
wanting
the
best
for
that
person,
and
I
think
that's
where
it
kind
of
looks
a
little
bit
different
to
say,
compassionate
feedback,
because
it's
yes,
we
have
outcomes
or
behaviors.
We
want
to
see
be
different
things.
B
We
want
change
and
at
the
same
time
you
know
I
want
it
to
be
something
that
is
good
for
you
and
helps
to
support
you
and
helps
you
to
grow.
So
I
think
that's
what
it
really
kind
of
to
me
means
to
give
compassionate
feedback
and
what
it
looks
like
is
you
know,
taking
the
time
to
think
about
another
person's
circumstances
as
you're
giving
feedback,
and
even
if
it's
things
that
you
don't
like,
you
know,
broken
promises,
violent
expectations,
some
behaviors,
you
don't
care
for
at
least
slowing
down
enough
to
kind
of
think
about.
B
You
know
that
person's
lens
their
shoes
what
they
may
be
going
through
as
we're
giving
that
feedback.
I
also
think
it
includes
you
know
giving
that
compassionate
feedback
will
involve
letting
the
person
know
the
impact.
Maybe
those
things
are
having
on
you
being
really
able
to
describe
to
them
the
behaviors
or
the
things
that
we
want
to
see
different,
and
I
also
say,
and
then
doing
it
in
a
way
that
we're
encouraging
them
to
talk
back
to
us,
because
we
don't
want
it
to
just
be
a
drive-by.
B
You
know
dump
of
feedback,
but
definitely
doing
it
in
a
way
that
not
only
am
I
giving
you
my
perspective
and
the
impact
this
is
having
on
me.
I'm
opening
the
door
to
learn
more
about
what
may
be
going
on
with
you
or
what
may
be
causing
these
things
to
occur,
and
so
I
think,
that's
kind
of
what
it
looks
like
in
general
and
tips,
really
thinking
of
examples
for
both
managers
and
ics
to
give
that
feedback.
B
There's
a
template
that
I
like
to
use,
or
I've
seen
a
couple
times.
That's
like
an
instant
feedback
template
which
really
helps
with
real-time
feedback
in
the
moment,
again
still
kind
of
balancing
that
other
person
and
those
outcomes
at
the
same
time,
and
so
it
goes
kind
of
to
saying
you
know
starting
off
with
a
little
bit
of
description.
So
when
you
came
in
late
to
our
staff
meeting
today,
I
felt
as
if
things
were
going
to
be
missed
and
information
was
going
to
be
dropped
because
everyone
wasn't
present.
B
You
know
and
ensure
that
we're
making
the
best
decisions
as
a
group
and
then
what
do
you
think
so
using
that
kind
of
template
to
help
people
not
only
kind
of
see
the
impact
this
is
having
on
you
see
your
lens,
but
also
the
impact
it's
having
on
results,
the
the
desired
outcomes
and
then
giving
them
a
chance
to
respond,
and
so
again
in
quick.
It's
like
a
when
you,
I
feel
because
what
I'd
like,
because
and
then
what
do
you
think
as
our
starters
for
that
feedback.
B
Always
say
to
me,
I
kind
of
see
samantha
like
a
scale
of
results
in
relationships
and
that's
the
thing
that
we
are
balancing,
not
letting
one
be.
You
know
at
the
expense
of
the
other,
because
if
we
focus
too
much
on
the
results
that
feedback
anything
we
give,
people
is
probably
going
to
be
delivered
in
a
way
that
takes
the
person
out
of
the
equation.
Like
you
said,
you
know
it's
not
just
two
people
we're
just
talking
about
this.
B
You
know
so
the
results
focus
only
will
take
the
person
or
the
human
both
out
of
the
equation
and
then
on
the
opposite
end.
Sometimes,
if
we
focus
too
much
on
the
relationship
piece,
the
results
suffer
because
we
are
not
willing
to
step
up
and
have
these
conversations,
so
we
sweep
things
under
the
rug
or
we
talk
in
circles
when
we're
you
know
trying
to
get
feedback
and
people
don't
understand
what
they're
doing
wrong
or
don't
know
what
to
do
differently.
So
it's
really
that
delicate
balance.
B
I
always
think
of
it
as
scales
between
those
two
important
things:
the
results
that
we
care
about
and
things
that
we
do
every
single
day
and
also
those
relationships
that
help
us
to
get
those
results.
And
how
can
we
give
feedback
in
a
way
that
we're
supporting,
nurturing
and
including
both
yeah?
I
love
that.
A
Yeah
great,
thank
you,
so
this
next
question
is
kind
of
like
so
what
happens
when
we
don't
do
this,
so
how
can
we
act
if
we
either
give
or
are
given
feedback
that
lacks
compassion,
and
maybe
what
are
some
strategies
we
can
use
to
reopen
and
revisit
these
feedback
conversations?
If
and
when
trust
is
lost.
B
I,
like
it
good
question
I
like
that
I
like
that
one,
because
I
think
you
know
on
the
being
given
feedback
I'll
kind
of
start
there
we
on
the
receiving
end
of
feedback.
You
know,
definitely
have
no
control
over
the
messenger
as
they're
delivering
that
feedback.
So
one
of
the
things,
I
think
that
really
helps
me
when
I'm
being
given
feedback,
and
maybe
I
feel
it's
lacking
that
compassion
or
lacking
you
know
that
human
element
is,
I
always
try
to
remember.
B
I
am
in
charge
of
how
this
feedback
makes
me
feel
I
am
in
charge
of
how
this
feedback
affects
me,
and
I
am
in
charge
of
taking
from
this
feedback
the
value
that
I
can
find,
even
if
the
messenger
isn't
delivering
it
perfectly.
So
I
think,
for
me,
that's
kind
of
the
first
thing
recognizing
that
you
know
I
can
own
what
I
choose
to
own
out
of
this
feedback
and
everyone's
not
going
to
be
perfectly
equipped
to
give
me
feedback
in
a
way
that
it
just
feels
good.
B
B
You
know
some
feedback
on
how
their
message
was
shared
and
it
might
be
something
like
you
know,
dave.
You
came
today
this
morning
to
give
me
some
information
about
some
errors
I
made
well.
I
appreciate
you
pointing
out
the
errors,
because
it
allowed
me
to
correct
them
and
us
to
resolve
this
as
a
team.
I
want
to
talk
about
how
that
conversation
went
because
there
were
some
pieces
of
it
that
just
didn't
resonate
very
well
with
me
from
a
receiving
end.
B
So
I
definitely
say
that's
on
one
end
and
then
for
me
too.
If
I
am
the
giver
and
I
at
some
point
usually
what
is
the
saying
hindsight
is
20
20
recognize
that
my
messaging
was
not
the
best
you
know
for
that
feedback
I
have
and
and
do
you
know,
go
back
and
say:
hey
you
know
james.
I
need
to
check
in
with
you.
You
know
early
this
morning
we
had
a
conversation.
B
If,
if
there's
anything,
you
want
to
bring
to
my
attention
about
how
I
could
have
done
that
differently
going
forward-
and
I
have
had
those
conversations
because
to
me-
it's
like
sometimes
in
that
moment
those
emotions-
we
are
so
hyped
up
on
the
emotion
or
frustrated
or
so
focused
on
the
problem
like
solving
the
problem
that
we
sometimes
don't
think
about
the
delivery
method.
So
it's
important
to
have
the
ability
to
self-reflect
and
in
those
moments
to
be
willing
to
re-engage-
and
you
know
james
may
say
no,
it's
completely
fine.
B
I
goof,
like
I'm
good
and
you're
like
okay,
you
know,
or
more
maybe
james
at
that
moment
gets
the
opportunity
to
say
yeah
maria.
I
didn't
like
how
you
came
over
and
said
that,
and
I
was
in
the
middle
of
something
you
didn't
give
me
a
chance
to
pause
and
then
me
getting
that
feedback
from
james
being
willing
to
take
it
and
use
it
going
forward
to
really
help
try
to
restore
the
trust
with
james
restore
that
relationship
and
not
make
those
same
mistakes
again,
because
the
best
apology
is
change
behavior.
B
So
if
I
go
and
ask,
if
you
tell
me
you
don't
like
how
I
did
something
or
the
way
I
sent
something
being
willing
to
do,
do
it
differently
in
the
future,
and
I
have
an
example
I
I
am
a
you've
ever
taken
myers-briggs,
I'm
an
estj
if
you've
ever
taken
disc,
I'm
a
d.
So
I
have
a
lot
of
those
directive
problem
solving.
I
am
a
get
her
done
january,
capricorn
type
person,
and
I
never
forget
a
colleague
who
told
me
during
conversation.
B
You
know
she's
like
it
feels
like
you're
interrogating
and
I
was
like
what
and
she's
like
it
feels
like
you're
interested.
No,
I'm
just
telling
you
like.
We
need
to
fix
this
thing
and
she's
like
no.
It
feels
like
an
interrogation
and
I
was
kind
of
hurt
because
I
was
thinking
I
was
doing
like
good
and
thinking
it
was
okay
and
I
remember
kind
of
walking
away
from
the
conversation
calling
a
time
out
and
later
coming
back
to
that
person
and
saying
okay.
So
what
can
I
do
differently
like?
B
I
was
not
trying
to
interrogate
you
yet.
I
cannot
say
that's
not
how
it
felt
to
you,
because
that's
your
experience
with
what
I
was
doing.
So
what
can
I
do
differently
and
she
said
well,
you
just
ask
a
lot
of
questions
all
at
once
and
I
was
like
okay,
I
studied
criminal
justice.
I
used
to
be
a
probation
officer.
I
can
get
it
and
she
said.
B
Could
you
send
me
the
questions
in
an
email
that
you
think
you
want
to
ask
to
at
least
let
me
have
some
time
to
think
through
them
before
we
meet
that
way
when
we
meet.
I
have
some
solutions
already
in
mind.
If
additional
questions
come
up,
we
can
go
from
there,
but
it's
just
the
rate
of
questions
that
you
fire
out.
B
A
B
Oh
you're
welcome.
I
could
teach
how
to
fix
other
people.
I
would-
and
I
can't
you
know
the
only
person
we
can
control
is
us,
and
it's
really
and
that
was
kind
of
our
eye-opening
too,
having
a
conversation
with
joseph
grenny,
one
of
the
authors
actually
of
crucial
conversations,
and
he
talked
about
being
what
he
called
feed
smacked
and
he's
like.
You
know
we
talk
about
how
we
can
deliver
messages
all
the
time.
B
We
don't
always
talk
about
how
to
respond
when
it
feels
like
we've
been
smacked
in
the
face
with
some
feedback,
maybe
some
stuff
that
didn't
feel
as
good
to
us,
and
so
some
of
those
were
the
thoughts
that
you
know
joseph
and
I
discussed
and
shared
was
like
you
can't
control.
That
only
thing
you
can
do
is
control
your
response
and
your
takeaways
from
even
imperfect
messages.
B
A
Yeah,
that's
great.
Thank
you,
you're!
Welcome,
I'm
glad
the
conversation
is
going
here
because
coming
up,
I
think
that
sign
ups
maybe
end
today,
I
would
have
to
check
the
handbook,
but
next
month
our
360,
like
yearly
review
cycle,
happens,
and
I
wanted
to
talk.
So
I'm
glad
we're
talking
about
like
that.
You
know
receiving
feedback.
If
you
receive
it,
and
maybe
it
isn't
what
you
expected.
B
I
like
it,
I
like
it,
I
think
samantha,
one
of
the
things
to
kind
of
keep
in
mind
about
feedback
like
you
want.
You
do
want
that
to
be
something
that's
a
little
bit
more
day
to
day,
because
we
have
our
structured
performance,
evaluations,
360
conversations
like
all
those
things
that
we
know
are
going
to
happen.
But
what
you
don't
want
to
happen
is
you
know
it's
been
six
months
of
a
problem
or
six
months
of
a
challenge
and
a
person
is
only
hearing
about
it
at
this
evaluation.
B
So
it's
just
starting
to
really
recognize
the
necessity
of
day-to-day
feedback
and
making
all
of
us
successful.
I
think
it's
kim
blanchard
who
says
like
breakfast
are:
he
says
feedback
is
the
breakfast
lunch
and
like
afternoon,
snack
of
champions
something
to
that
effect.
But
it's
really
about
again
recognizing
the
only
way
we
are
going
to
get
better
is
receiving
feedback
and
knowing
that
there
are
two
different
types
of
feedback.
I
think
the
one
that
we
kind
of
shy
away
from
or
have
challenged
with
or
definitely
have
to
remember
compassion
is
corrective
feedback.
B
So
when
there
are
aspects
of
someone's
performance
or
work
that
just
isn't
what
it
should
be
needs
to
improve,
like
that's
the
one
that
we
think
about
the
most
and
that's
the
one,
a
lot
of
times
we
find
on
the
most
challenging
and
also
remember
reinforcing
feedback
is
just
important.
You
know,
and
it's
that,
when
someone
is
caught
doing
something
good,
how
can
we
in
those
moments
give
that
feedback
to
reinforce
that
behavior
and
make
it
most
likely
that
it
will
occur?
B
You
know
going
forward,
and
so
in
order
to
just
kind
of
help
get
comfortable
with
day-to-day
feedback.
You
know
knowing
those
two
different
kinds
of
feedback
and
recognizing
that
you
need
to
give
both,
and
I
think
most
of
us
would
be
willing
to
give
that
reinforcing
feedback,
because
that
one
is
the
one
that's
like.
Okay,
I
get
to
go
tell
elena
that
she
did
a
great
job.
B
B
Let's
make
sure
we're
giving
that
pretty
frequently,
which
I
think
will
also
start
to
build
some
of
that
muscle
when
we
have
to
give
corrective
feedback,
because
people
are
getting
in
the
habit
of
hearing
feedback.
You
know
knowing
that
feedback
will
be
given
and
definitely
knowing
that
it's
not
always
going
to
be.
You
know
bad
right,
so
reinforcing
feedback
as
you're
telling
someone
they
did
a
great
job.
You
know
again
kind
of
using
that
same
template.
What
exactly
specifically
did
they
do?
B
You
know
I'd
love
for
you
to
continue
doing
that
and
then
actually
saying
and
thank
you
you
know
so
actually
expressing
that
thanks
on
the
tail
end
of
that
reinforcing
feedback
and
for
corrective
feedback,
I
think
again,
the
more
we
recognize
that
it
is
something
that
is
necessarily
important
and
not
every
time
we
get
feedback.
It's
going
to
be
bad.
It
will
make
us
more
comfortable
in
those
moments
when
we
do
need
to
give
that
correcting
feedback
and
I'll
send
that
template
to
you
samantha.
B
You
can
share
it
with
everyone,
too,
of
just
those
different
phrases
to
start
it
off,
but
just
starting
to
think
about.
You
know
something:
that's
nice
short
sweet
that
we
can
keep
in
our
mind
or
in
our
back
pocket
that
helps
us
to
be
able
to
step
up
and
give
that
feedback,
and
then
I
also
think
back
to
the
compassion
part.
B
The
most
important
piece
that
we
can
kind
of
keep
in
mind
is
like
our
feedback
is
only
as
important
as
how
it
helps
this
person
to
do
whatever
they
need
to
do
differently
or
continue
doing
whatever
they
need
to
do
so.
It's
just
remembering
the
impact
of
that
feedback
is
only
as
valuable
as
it
is
to
the
listener.
So,
as
we
are
giving
this
message
or
wanting
to
give
these
messages,
it's
because
we
are
wanting
to
help
help.
This
person
continue
to
do
these
things
help
this
person
change
these
things.
B
B
Some
of
it
may
be
reinforcing
some
of
it
may
be
correcting,
but
I
want
to
at
least
once
a
week
check
in
with
my
peers
or
give
my
boss,
or
you
know
my
direct
reports,
just
some
feedback
on
how
things
have
been
going.
I
think
the
more
that
we
kind
of
condition
ourselves
to
it
being
normal
natural
and
necessary
the
more
comfortable
we'll
get
giving
that
feedback
even
outside
of
those
structured
conversations
and
feedback
opportunities.
A
Yeah
yeah,
thank
you
for
that.
I
really
appreciate
that
and
the
I
think
that,
like
building
that
habit
and
then
making
sure
that
the
intent
is
always
you
know
recognizing,
like
you
said,
feedback
is
only
as
important
like
as
the
impact
that
it's
going
to
have
on
the
person
that
you're
sharing
it
with
so
building
that
habit
with
that
focus,
I
think,
is
really
healthy.
A
B
Yes,
because
if
you
give
feedback
all
day
long
and
it's
delivered
in
such
a
way
that
people
aren't
able
to
hear
it,
you
know
because
they
get
so
blocked
or
distracted
by
how
you
said
something,
or
you
know
the
timing
of
it.
You
know.
Maybe
it's
something
eight
months
ago
and
you're
just
telling
me
I
was
doing
it
wrong.
You
know
they're
not
able
to
do
anything
with
it.
So
at
that
point
we're
wasting
everybody's
time,
so
appropriate
timing,
appropriate
language,
keep
those
things
in
mind.
B
You
know
making
sure
that
you
are
describing
the
behavior.
You
know
in
behaviorally
specific
terms,
whether
it's
good
or
bad,
because
just
saying
to
someone,
you
know
good
job.
You
know
hey
julie,
good
job
julie's
like
okay,
but
good
job,
and
what
so
really
being
able
to
describe
the
behavior
impact
of
the
behavior
appropriate
language.
Appropriate
timing
are
just
kind
of
quick
things
to
keep
in
mind
for
either
type
of
feedback
to
make
sure
we're
doing
it
more
consistently.
A
Yeah
yeah,
thank
you,
maria
you're
welcome,
so
I'm
going
to
transition
us
now
off
of
this
fireside
chat
and
on
to
team
member
questions.
If
anyone
on
the
call
has
any
questions,
please
feel
free
to
add
them
to
the
team
member
questions
section.
I
actually
just
added
one
in
there,
because
I
haven't
seen
any
yet
and
I
thought
of
one
that
I
have
for
myself.
A
A
If
you're,
okay,
I'm
going
to
ask
you
another
question:
while
we
wait
for
others
to
come
in,
so
I'm
wondering
if
you
can
talk
about
like
how
to
ask
someone
for
feedback
and
maybe
like
ways
that
you
can
ask
someone
to
give
you
feedback
that
is
like
shaped
to
meet
the
goals
you're
trying
to
achieve
like.
If
say,
I'm
like
trying
to
work
on
my
communication
style
at
work.
How
can
I
like
what
are
some
ways?
B
Nice
I
like
that
question
samantha,
because
I
think
one
thing
is
that
we
we
hope
we
would
get
feedback
about
things.
Yet
we
don't
always
ask,
and
so,
if
people
don't
know,
especially
around
specific
things,
that
we
would
love,
you
know
feedback.
How
are
they
gonna
know?
So
I
think
you
know
one
just
being
really
intentional
about
who
you're
asking
first
of
all
like
who
you're
asking,
because
you
want
to
ask
someone
who
has
some
knowledge,
awareness
and
experience
with
whatever
the
specific
topic
is.
B
B
You
know
and
go
to
them,
because
when
you're
asking
for
feedback,
you
probably
have
already
identified
there's
something
that
you're
doing
that,
probably
isn't
what
you
would
like
it
to
be
so
be
really
specific
about.
You
know,
I
want
you
to
come
and
watch
as
I
am
problem
solving
with
beverly
on
this
really
tough
situation,
and
I
want
you
to
look
for
what
about
three
things
that
I
don't
do
so
well
as
I'm
having
this
conversation
with
beverly,
you
know
so
give
them.
You
know
what
you're
looking
for.
B
Specifically,
I
think,
even
included
in
asking
for
that
feedback
is
letting
the
person
know.
You
know,
maybe
why
you're
asking
them,
because
maybe
you've
seen
that
they've
done
something
really
well
or
maybe
you
know
that
they
have
expertise
or
a
skill
set
that
you
are
wanting
to
develop
so
make
sure
you
kind
of
let
them
know
too
hey.
You
know
I
came
to
you
diane
and
asked
this.
B
You
know
ask
you
to
give
me
feedback,
because
I've
seen
that
you
have
excel
time
and
time
again
as
it's
related
to
dealing
with
difficult
customers,
and
I
want
to
get
better
at
that.
So
you
know
next
week
I
have
to
have
this
meeting
with
the
client
who's
already
upset.
Is
there
any
way
you
could
sit
in
and
give
me
some
tips
and
pointers
and
about
three
things
that
I'm
not
doing
so
well,
and
I
tend
to
say
the
number
three
is
a
really
good
number.
B
If
you
ever
recognize
like
our
social
security
numbers
are
broken
down
in
threes,
our
phone
numbers
are
broken
down
in
threes.
A
lot
of
things
that
we
get
as
data
are
in
threes
because
our
brains
tend
to
handle
threes
really
well.
So
that's
why
you
know
three
is
enough
that
they're
able
to
kind
of
watch
the
interaction
capture,
some
things
for
feedback,
but
not
be
so.
You
know
busy
trying
to
capture
notes
that
they
miss.
You
know
anything
that
may
be
of
importance,
so
definitely
going
in
with
that
you
know
hey.
B
I
want
to
talk
to
you
about
this
feedback.
I'd
love
to
get
from
you,
here's
why
I
want
to
get
it
from
you.
Can
you
watch
and
give
me
about
three
things
that
I
could
do
maybe
differently
going
forward
or
three
things
that
I'm
doing
really?
Well,
you
know
or
either
or
and
having
that
be
the
conversation.
C
Thank
you.
So
thank
you,
maria
for
the
insides,
and
the
question
is
more.
I
I
think
internally.
This
is
this
is
great
content,
and
I'm
wondering
if
this
is
part
of
the
as
we
have
new
managers.
I
wonder
if
this
is
part
of
a
new
manager's
classes
or
something
that
it's
part
of
the
the
content
that
you
managers
have
to
go
through,
because
I
think
it
would
be
great
for
managers
or
leadership
to
understand
this
part.
C
B
I
definitely
know
alejandro
that
I
work
in
an
area
where
I
teach
a
new
manager
program
and
this
is
one
of
the
core
components.
So
I
definitely
concur
that
it
is
so
important
as
a
new
leader
existing
leader
too,
and
definitely
a
new
leader
to
have
some
framework
and
some
skill
set
around
giving
feedback
giving
and
receiving
feedback.
So
I
definitely
know
it's
important.
A
Yeah
for
sure,
I
believe
that
there
is
some
I
I
know
we
have
some
giving
and
receiving
feedback
training
in
our
learning
platform
that
is
linked
to
the
new
manager
training
and
I'm
also
really
excited
just
like
in
from
you
know:
l
d,
world.
Recently
we
had
a
new
l
d
director
join,
I'm
not.
I
haven't
seen
her
on
the
call.
I
think
it's
so
kind
of
early
for
her.
A
So
I
don't
think
she's
here,
but
one
of
the
things
that
her
name
is
satu
salman
and
one
of
the
things
she's
really
focused
on
is
kind
of
like
redefining
what
the
new
manager
and
existing
existing
manager
training
looks
like
at
gitlab.
So
I
really
like
this
call
out
alejandra
about
how
important
the
feedback
piece
is
and
I'm
going
to
make
sure
to
tag
satu
in
these
notes,
as
she's
kind
of
building
out
that
next
iteration
of
manager,
training
at
gitlab.
B
And
I'll
definitely
jump
into
in
another
thought
kind
of
run.
Our
same
feedback
line
to
alejandro
is,
in
addition
to
these
instant
feedback
opportunities
and
day-to-day
feedback,
even
starting
to
create
the
opportunities
for
one-on-one.
So
I
don't
know
if
you
all
currently
do
the
one-on-one
check-ins,
but
having
this
not
as
formal
as
like
the
360
evaluations.
B
Oh,
this
is
regular
like
this
is
just
what
we're
doing:
okay,
good
and
start
today.
I
can
come
to
these
meetings
and
give
that
leader
feedback,
but
also
at
the
same
time,
know
that
I
can
ask
for
back
to
samantha's
question
earlier.
Ask
for
what
I
need
help
with
and
ask
for
what
I
need
feedback
on
in
those
one-on-one
check-ins
as
well.
E
C
B
I,
like
that
good
question
and
real
life
too
right.
We
have
to
give
feedback
sometime
to
people
who
there
may
be
some
opportunity
in
our
relationship
or
some
people
who
honestly
may
not
receive
feedback
well,
and
I
think
for
me,
one
of
the
things
in
those
situations
in
particular,
is
honestly.
First,
I
have
to
work
on,
like
you
know,
in
my
own
head,
am
I
already
telling
myself
that
they're
not
going
to
receive
it
well,
which
is
probably
going
to
impact?
B
How
I
deliver
it
and
definitely
a
lot
of
times
become
that
self-fulfilling
prophecy?
Right?
If
I've
already
said
oh
they're
not
going
to
receive
it
they're
not
friendly,
they
don't
want
to
hear
anything.
You
know
it's
going
to
definitely
impact
how
I
show
up
and
have
the
conversation.
So
I
kind
of
work
on
me
and
say
you
know.
If
it
was
me,
you
know.
Why
might
I
have
a
challenge
with
this
feedback
or
if
it
was
me,
you
know.
B
Why
might
I
be
in
this
kind
of
relationship
that
this
co-worker
and
I
are
having
and
just
really
kind
of
give
them
the
benefit
of
the
doubt?
There's
a
quote.
I
heard
from
plato-
probably
one
of
my
favorite
quotes.
It's
be
kind
for
everyone,
you
meet
is
fighting
a
great
battle,
and
I
think
I
kind
of
focus
on
that
before
I
even
open
my
mouth
to
help
me
go
into
the
conversation
assuming
working
towards
and
almost
like,
you
know,
commanding
the
best
possible
outcome,
and
the
other
like
more
practical
tip
too
is.
B
I
am
really,
and
those
conversations
really
really
clear
on
the
data
I'm
presenting
to
this
person
about
what
needs
to
be
changed
or
what
needs
to
be
different.
So
I
try
to
go
in
again,
having
really
looked
at
whatever
the
issue
is
and
come
up
with
a
couple
of
examples
of
where
this
person
may
be
doing
something
wrong
or
the
information
may
be
wrong
or
whatever
I'd
use
more.
B
You
know.
I
noticed
that
three
times
this
week
on
this
report,
there
were
errors,
I'm
not
sure
what
may
have
contributed
to
these
errors.
I
know
it's
something
that
was
assigned
to
you
in
particular.
Can
you
help
me
understand
your
thoughts
on
what
may
have
happened
in
this
situation
and
try
to
get
really
to
getting
them
into
the
conversation?
But
again
you
know
up
front
working
on
myself
working
on
that
story,
I'm
telling
myself
about
my
per
this
person,
maybe
why
this
happened.
B
Definitely
we
don't
have
a
good
working
relationship
and
I'm
probably
not
the
best
messenger,
because
no
matter
what
or
how
I
say
it,
they
are
not
going
to
in
my
thought
like
hear
it
because
of
maybe
trust
issues
which
I
think
we
hit
on
earlier
or
things
that
have
happened
in
the
past.
Yet
I
know
this
feedback
is
valuable
for
them
to
improve.
I
would
probably
solicit
the
assistance
of
someone
that
I
know
they
have
a
better
relationship
with
and
have
them
almost
be
the
messenger
of
this
feedback.
B
Just
because
again,
I
want
to
make
sure
that
the
the
information
is
shared
and
the
person
is
able
to
hear
it
and
if
I'm
the
hindrance,
I'm
fine
taking
me
out
of
the
equation
as
long
as
the
results
happen.
The
relationship
hopefully
improves
from
here
on
out
and
this
person
can
continue
to
be
successful.
So
sometimes
it's
calling
in
a
third
friend
to
help
us
out
hope
that
helps
sometimes.
D
D
B
Yes,
and
that
is
an
excellent
question-
rob
kind
of
looking
at
it
two
parts,
so
one
the
emotional
state
of
the
other
person
right
and
you
already,
I
feel,
like
you
kind
of
answered
it
as
you
were
asking
it.
So
definitely
the
awareness
if
I
am
coming
to
have
this
crucial
conversation
with
simon,
give
him
this
feedback,
and
I
can
already
see
simon's
not
in
a
good
place.
B
B
You
know
my
favorite
quote
might
play
the
quote,
but
definitely
when
people
feel
like
they're
being
confronted
those
instinctive
responses
a
lot
of
time,
we
will
deny
defend
or
deflect
and
when
you
are
having
someone
doing
that,
they're
not
going
to
hear
what
you're
saying
at
any
time,
because
you
are
going
to
just
keep
hitting
up
against.
You
know
this
wall
of
defensiveness,
so
I
definitely
say-
and
you
said
it
kind
of
when
I
noticed
that
I
I
would
definitely
give
a
person
an
out
and
how
I
tend
to
do.
B
B
So
can
you
give
me
you
know
about
30
minutes
to
kind
of
look
over
this
and
think
through
these
things,
and
I
definitely
want
to
come
back
and
try
to
see
if
I
can
have
a
better
understanding
of
what
occurred
in
about
a
half
an
hour.
Would
that
be
okay?
And
so
I
usually
will
say
you
know,
I
need
the
time
and
a
lot.
B
Sometimes
I
do
when
I
notice
that
emotional
response
on
another
person
and
then
giving
that
time
for
those
emotions
to
kind
of
defuse,
because
most
often
we're
giving
feedback
we're
hitting
that
wall.
You
know
they
may
have
already
been
in
a
bad
place,
or
maybe
they
were
triggered
to
a
bad
place,
and
even
just
sometimes
the
allowance
of
some
time
gives
them
a
chance
to
kind
of
work
through
the
emotion
get
back
to
logical
part
of
your
brain
and
be
willing
to
have
that
conversation.
B
But
I
would
even
in
those
situations
come
back
and
say:
hey
is
now
a
good
time
because
I
really
want
to
you
know
work
together
with
you
to
resolve
this,
and
I
think
that
the
answers
I
need
the
only
person
I
can
get
them
from
is
you?
Can
you
please?
You
know,
let
me
know
if
this
is
a
good
time
and
if
they
say
no
respect
it,
one
would
be
a
better
time
because
again,
people
are
going
through
stuff.
You
got
to
give
them
that
space,
but
I
definitely
will
come
back
up
front
best.
B
Intentions
want
to
do
this
together,
you're
the
person
I
want
to
do
this
with.
Can
we
please,
you
know,
discuss
these
things,
but
recognizing
those
emotions
and
then
another
good
thought
you
brought
in
rob
too
goes
to
another
little
saying
I
have
when
you
want
to
give
people
feedback
and
you're
in
a
group
setting
what
I
generally
will
coach
a
lot
of
my
especially
leaders,
or
you
know,
team
members
on.
B
If
you
give
people
an
audience,
they
will
give
you
a
show,
which
is
what
I
generally
will
say,
which
means
that
feedback
that
I
might
be
wanting
to
give
you.
If
I'm
in
a
room
with
10
other
people
and
I'm
trying
to
give
you
this
feedback
a
lot
of
times,
you
will
respond
totally
differently
than
you
would
if
it
was
just
me
and
you
so
always
kind
of
be
mindful
of
of
that,
and
that
is
one
tip
that
I
use
a
lot.
B
Yet
you
don't
want
to
have
this
person
in
this
group.
Conversation
feel
like
they're
being
the
example.
You
know
as
you're,
giving
them
feedback
in
front
of
everybody,
because
you
feel
like
everybody,
should
hear
it
make
it
two
separate
conversations,
I'm
having
a
specific
conversation
with
austin
about
some
things
that
I'd
love
to
see
austin
do
differently
and
I'm
coming
back
and
having
a
group
conversation
about.
You
know
our
expectations
around
certain
task,
behaviors
or
whatever,
because
it
tends
to
put
people
less
on
the
defensive
when
you
do
it
like
that.
A
F
Hey
sure
yeah
I
had
to
switch
from
my
phone
to
my
laptop
so
excited
to
be
here.
Thank
you
so
much
for
this.
This
is
great
and
I
I'm
a
huge
fan
of
compassionate
feedback,
but
my
question
stems
from
a
real
life
example
of
somebody
that
was
unwilling
to
receive
feedback
again
and
again
and
again.
This
is
like
a
habitual
thing
and
constantly
on
the
defensive,
so
I
know
how
I
handled
it,
but
I'm
curious.
B
I
love
it.
I
love
that
question
colleen.
I
think
for
me,
one
of
the
things
that
I
have
had
similar
situations.
I
think
one
of
the
things
for
me
definitely
is
kind
of
recognizing
or
trying
to
think
about
like
what
would
make
a
person
you
know.
Most
of
us
are
reasonable,
rational,
decent
people.
So
what
would
make
a
person
so
resistant
to
feedback,
and
I
think
I
kind
of
take
I've
taken
deep,
dives
and
kind
of
explored?
Is
it?
Is
it
me
you
know?
Is
it
my
approach?
Even
unintentionally
is
it.
B
You
know
they've
only
received
feedback
that
was
hurtful
in
the
past
and
they're
not
sure
how
to
process
it.
You
know
is
it
they
don't
really
see
a
problem
like
they
have
no
clue
they're
doing
this
wrong,
and
that's
why
you
know
what's
going
on
so
I
think
my
first
step
in
those
situations
is
always
really
going
through
my
head
and
saying
what
in
the
world
would
make
a
person
so
hesitant
and
resistant
to
the
feedback
and
trying
to
eliminate
as
many
of
those
things
as
possible?
B
So
if
it's
my
approach,
get
a
little
bit
more
intentional
and
tactful
about
my
approach,
like
I
said,
I
tell
you,
I'm
a
very
direct
person.
So
in
those
instances
you
know
tempering
my
directness
with
compassion
and
curiosity
a
lot
more.
If
I
think
it's
because
the
person
has
only
received
negative
feedback
in
the
past
and
they
feel
like
somebody's
out
to
get
them,
I
may
start
off
with
the
statement
of
good
intent.
B
Listen,
you
know
olga
I'm
here
to
give
you
this
feedback,
not
because
I
want
you
to
feel
that
I'm
trying
to
make
you
think
you
are
wrong.
This
is
to
help
you
if
I
feel
like
it's
just
they
just
are
not
able
to
receive
feedback.
You
know
what
are
some
other
ways
I
can
get
the
same
messaging
to
them
or
back
to.
I
think
what
I
said
a
little
bit
earlier,
or
am
I
even
the
right
person
you
know,
or
is
there
another
person
that
they
trust
a
little
bit
more?
B
B
You
know,
and
then
at
that
point
there
are
other
things
that
start
to
happen,
but
definitely
for
me,
it's
at
first,
almost
like
playing
whack-a-mole
as
to
what
may
be
possible
causes
of
this
person
not
being
able
to
receive
feedback
because,
most
of
us,
you
know,
even
if
we
don't
like
it
initially
and
I've
had
feedback
given
to
me
where
I
walked
away
and
I
was
like
kind
of
butt
hurt.
But
when
I
sat
down
and
thought
about
it,
I
was
like
no.
That
was
actually
something
I
needed.
B
F
Yeah
the
solution
that
we
went
with
was
I
provided
written
feedback
ahead
of
time
allowed
that
person
to
process
it
get
kind
of
like
the
emotion
out.
So
then
we
could
have
like
a
constructive
conversation,
but
that
didn't
sit
well
with
me
because
it
felt
a
little
passive-aggressive,
but
it
actually
seemed
to
work
better
for
them.
So
I
don't
know.
I
don't
know
if
that
was
a
good
solution.
B
I
love
that.
I
think
it
is
because
again
back
to
like
most
of
the
initial
response
is
the
emotional
response
defense
denied
deflect,
you
know
or
defend,
and
you
were
able
to
give
them
a
chance
to
even
work
through
that
before
you
were
face
to
face,
and
that
super
helpful.
I
would
I
don't
I
don't.
I
don't
see
this
past
aggressive.
B
I
think
it's
like
brilliant,
because
it's
like
I'm
giving
you
the
data,
you
do
what
you
need
to
do
with
the
data
to
get
ready
to
talk
about
the
data,
but
at
least
you
have
the
data
and
then,
when
we
come
together
now,
let's
get
to
the
logical
and
solving
the
problem
versus
working
through
the
emotion
in
this
conversation
yeah.
Thank
you.
A
Thanks
so
much
for
that
question
colleen
and
for
everyone's
questions,
we're
just
that
time,
so
I'm
gonna
wrap
us
up,
but
maria.
Thank
you
again
for
such
a
awesome
session.
I've
already
seen
a
few
messages
come
through
the
chat
of
people,
who've
had
to
jump
off
early
who
really
enjoyed
it.
I'm
really
excited
to
share
this
recording
with
team
members
who
weren't
able
to
join
us,
live
and
yeah.
I
really
appreciate
your
time.
Thank
you.