Token Engineering Commons 3rd Graviton Training, 16 Jun 2022

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From YouTube: Thrid Graviton Training Module 1: NonViolent Communication - (OFNR practice) w/Ddan

Description

NVC summary 3
Nonviolent communication, a language of life by M. Rosenberg (Audiobook)
Nonviolent communication, a language of life by M. Rosenberg (PDF)
Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication 1

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A

Okay, perfect and I'll make you the host again.

B

C

Yeah: okay share that screen.

C

Oh wow, uh I had no idea that it would actually control the.

C

C

Just one moment, while this is my first time doing, a screen share on zoom, so I.

C

Just got to figure out how that works.

C

Okay, um everyone can hear me: okay, hopefully yep.

C

uh Thanks everybody for coming, we still got people rolling in um right now. um Actually, let me get my. uh Let me drop the link for this presentation before we go too much further into our chat here. So folks at home can follow along at their own pace, so I'll make sure that it.

C

Make sure the sharing settings are on that, so everybody can do it, um but right now, for the um kind of opening exercise we're going to just explore a physical sensation.

C

Any physical sensation uh that you notice and uh you want to share in the in the chat here, that'll be a great way to uh get us prepared for this discussion.

C

um Shanzi I'm looking, for I mean uh physical sensation. I don't know if maybe peaceful as a is a sensation, but if you can locate any sensation somewhere in your body um like right now, I'm I'm feeling like uh right in my center.

C

It's just maybe a little there's some pressure and it feels a little squiggly. Is that a sensation? I don't know? I guess.

C

Maybe maybe it's uh it's not always easy for us to identify exactly what we're feeling and that's partly what this session is about.

C

Yes, he is aching.

C

Some food stuck in the teeth, um so maybe there's some pressure there- heaviness, yes, um and that maybe is more of a there's, a physical sensation. To that that's hard to describe awesome.

C

um Is are people familiar with non-violent communication.

C

I I'm assuming that I know a lot of people in this crowd are have some familiarity. We've done the book. The nonviolent communication book club.

C

But we're going to go through it, real quick and if you look in the in the presentation.

A

Sorry, sorry, um I think there's some people in the waiting room.

C

Okay, let me look, I didn't. I was getting the notifications about that, but.

C

I I don't even oh, maybe it's up here.

A

It's in participants.

C

C

Oh, oh yeah, there's a bunch of people waiting.

C

Okay, hopefully everybody.

C

Is finding their way in um and now I can see, I can keep a better eye on that. It was telling me when people were waiting.

D

C

Everybody hello, uh we were just exploring some physical sensations uh within our bodies um and sharing in the chat uh just to kind of warm up the session in at the top of those notes. At the top of the chat, is a link to our presentation.

C

And I'm just going to mute everybody and you can unmute or raise your hand or whatever. If you want to say anything.

C

Okay, and um as I was mentioning, if you look at the presentation slideshow um in the notes underneath there, um a lot of the slides, have notes and links to more information to videos, um audio.

C

Images whatever um that I happen to find along the way, so um so be sure to notice, and take advantage of that too. If you're trying to find out anything else.

C

Admitting more people, okay,.

C

So marshall rosenberg dr marshall rosenberg, who came up with the non-violent communication.

C

It was his belief that violence in the planet um was created by the way that we think in the way that we speak and he created this process. While as a product of the research that he embarked on to discover what makes people seem to what makes people some people enjoy compassionate giving and then what makes others seem to thrive on the suffering of others.

C

So um you know we're not going to talk a lot about that, but just understand that that's where this all comes from and there's a link to the last session. I did uh for on nonviolent community communication here on this slide and there's a ton of quotes that kind of break down the whole process, but I think we're gonna.

C

I think we're gonna cover all the main points here.

C

I think we'll cover all the main points here.

C

C

C

Non-Violent communication involves sharing, what's going on with our feelings and our needs and how we feel in relation to those needs.

C

That's what dr rosenberg taught was that our feelings indicate whether our needs are met or whether they're unmet. So when they're met, we feel pleasurable feelings and when they're not met, we feel unpleasant feelings. So.

C

Another part of online communication is once we've.

C

You know once we've connected with those needs, exactly what needs are relating to which feelings. Then we ask how others can help us. Ask other people like how they can help to meet those needs, or we share appreciation for that, how they have, and then we also want to receive.

C

The same when something that we do isn't uh contributing to the needs of someone that they can communicate with us, hey, you know like this is how I feel, when x, y and z happens, um which interferes with my needs in area a can you you know, would you be willing to do something different to help me meet this need um part of the problem. Is that we don't that's not what we're trained and taught how to do? That's not what we're we're used to doing is um when I feel upset.

C

I think, like oh, what a jerk that this person just was so rude to me um and I'm not thinking about what needs. I have I'm thinking about a specific strategy for meeting those needs and.

C

Yeah and nonviolent communication is a core component of our gravity, our whole gravity um foundation for gravity, and they all it all kind of revolves on a on a spectrum from creating frameworks that support the kind of community that we want to be able to have and having measures to to uh to address when things aren't going, the way that we'd like or when there's conflicts between individuals or situations where people aren't feeling feeling so great.

C

C

A couple of important uh core aspects of nonlinear communication is that the idea is to connect with ourselves in a way that promotes compassionate, giving not judging what people are um like that person's a jerk.

C

That person is, um you know so rude, but or but judging behavior based on how it meets our needs um and avoiding enemy images, which kind of goes into that. Judging what people are, and we get just it's hard to explain, but we get caught up in this feeling of just.

C

Injustice or that it's so wrong what the person did um and it's hard in that to just really see what is actually the problem, um and it's not always immediate evident in the moment.

C

um This is also part of it's not a core component to today's session, but this is a big, important part to non-violent communication.

C

I think it's left out that the reason that we have this type of language that judges what we are uh rather than how our behaviors met needs or how it's interfered with needs is that it helps to maintain domination structures and so that we're always looking to authorities on whether we're right or wrong or good or bad, and this language identifies us as a certain type of person based on our behavior, our appearance, our intelligence.

C

You know the way we talk the way we dress, how we look and uh retributive justice judges, people as wrong right or wrong, good or bad, and if you're judged is good, then you deserve to be rewarded.

C

And if your judge is wrong, then you deserve to suffer, and this is how we this is how we it makes it easy for us to enjoy making other people suffer, because if we judge them as bad, then we can. We can attack them all. We want and we're feel like the good guy.

E

C

Yeah nonviolent communication focuses on what's happening to our needs.

C

And you know another thing about the judging what people are is. It also goes not just on the negative judgments, um but also the positive judgments of you are great. Oh you're awesome.

C

That'll tie together when we get to gratitude in communication, but that's like that's all tied in together with this objectification and you know, judging what people are for, you know deciding who gets punished or who gets rewarded and just wanna wanted to add that in there.

C

So it's the premise of non-violent communication that conflicts can be resolved rather easily. Once we get past our judgments and recognize the humanity of the other person that we're connecting with and.

C

And during my research um you know the of common.

C

The common framework uh for nonviolent communication is observations. Feelings needs and requests, o o n, f, r, o f n r, if you're, no nominee communication, if you're familiar you've, seen this um ofr before, um but I thought it makes sense to add the t onto that um marshall added. He had a big section on gratitude in his workshops.

C

He did a whole. So I haven't you know it's not that he neglected this, but it just wasn't integrated with this part of it.

C

The the acronym ofnr observation feelings needs requests and thanks because you know first we're it's all about observations, feelings and needs and whether those needs are met, then we can give thanks and when those needs are not met, then we can make clear requests um time tying in our needs and our feelings and the observation, and as someone who has studied nonviolent communication for like four years, I can say that all this is really not super easy.

C

It sounds kind of simple um it's kind of a lot to wrap your head around, at least if you're me, and so that's kind of what we want to do. This session is to get more familiar with with the feelings and the needs.

C

And this is a nice.

C

Because observat observations were we're. Looking for straightforward facts, not our evaluation of the behavior, not our judgment, of what they are based on the thing that they did and our needs are going to tie to universal human needs. We're not looking to blame we're, not um we're not trying to enforce people to fulfill our expectations.

C

It's a beautiful framework and there's a lot of moving parts to it, so it's hard to kind of get all in all in one place.

C

um So in a second we're gonna go over a list of feelings and needs and um try to get more familiar with them in our own language in ways that we can relate in a language that we would use in everyday conversation.

C

But first I want to just pause. I just spit out a lot of words, and um you know I'd like to take a little break and hear um if anybody has any thoughts or questions they want to um put out. We can take a few minutes for uh brief thoughts or reflections.

C

And you can um I'm looking for the.

C

Yes, uh wonka, you can you can unmute.

A

Yeah also chauncey was raising the hand, um but I love this topic and I wanted to say two things.

A

um One is about a book of john paul sartre that is called a closed door and it's a play of people in hell and they are facing an uncomfortable position, but as they are dead, they cannot change and uh jean paul sartre says that what distincts living from dead people is the capacity of changing, and um when you say that some person is x, you are giving them like a fixed role and you are not allowing them to change. So when you stop um objectifying people, you start allowing them to change.

A

So if you want something someone to change instead of do instead of telling them what you judge that they are um because that only perpetuates uh that behavior and fits your ego with the, I was right, um try focusing on what do you want and what can you do to meet your needs um based on the of on the process?

A

That uh dan is is, uh is explaining where uh you don't focus on your perception or on the other, but you focus on what can you do to to enrich life and meet uh needs of the people who is participating.

B

That's beautiful, can you guys hear me.

C

Yeah um yeah go ahead and then um after you're you're done talking uh guyan um you can just unmute chanzi when you're, when he's done and go after that.

B

Okay, cool um yeah. I just think it's it's interesting, the way it's being described. I haven't heard nbc correlated with retributive justice like that before, but that that makes a lot of sense um and the notion of just tying into this human impulse of like us versus them, like I've heard studies or they divide people just totally arbitrarily by like who likes country, music or what color your eyes or whatever and very quickly. People just start talking about the other side.

B

Basically, and so there is that impulse, but there's also, I think, by focusing on one's own needs. It's also recognizing, like these are universal human needs, and not only do I feel them myself, but other people feel them in themselves as well, and that very much pushes one into the direction of empathy so yeah thanks for explaining it that way, that was really useful. For me.

A

C

E

Nice, that's a that's a really great point.

E

I appreciate you guys letting me get up here and speak, um but no, um I don't know when so when we talk about needs, something that comes to my mind, like immediately is like like how do we know what our needs are? Like I mean, I think we all think we know what our needs are, but I think that sometimes you know you uh kind of lose sight of the force from the trees.

E

You know what I mean and with that being said, um I think it's really important to recognize that, because sometimes we don't actually know what is best for us um that when we are presented with that thing, that is actually what we need.

E

Sometimes that can make us feel um very negative. You know we can get very uncomfortable and get even angry, because this is what we do. This is who we are right, and I think that for all of this to really hold you have to like meet that place in yourself.

E

That no, like knows that you really don't know anything and to be humble to any kind of opinions, and example that I'm going to use for this is um my very best friend. We've been friends for about six or seven years now he has a way of telling me that I am just absolutely messing up and that, like hey, you should try it this way and I may not like it when he says it, but once I do it, I'm, like you know what you're right. You know, and I think I don't know it's like.

E

I said we're just talking about feelings and needs, and I think that part of that is just I said, uh staying humble to the fact that we really don't know what we need, because we really don't know like who we are. You know I mean I think alan watts says you know you can't bite your own teeth, you know and um yeah. That was just thought that I had thank you.

C

Yes, absolutely um I, as years go on and the more I learn. uh It's definitely you know I can see how most of my life I've gone through with this sort of illusion that I, this illusion of being a free actor in the world, choosing what I wanted and doing what I wanted.

C

Not what you know, but we're you know were all like a kind of big jumble of complexes where we're reacting to some emotions that we have stored up um and all sorts of different reactions, um and it's just it is really like our we're. Like a big puzzle. I it's hard to it's hard to realize like each time I feel like oh wow, I have some more awareness of the world and then a couple years later, I'm just like oh yeah, I didn't know anything what I was talking about.

C

Even so, um that's so much so much for all that.

E

If I, if I may say one more one more thing and then I'll I'll mute, but um one of the best pieces of advice, I've ever gotten is that if something is triggering you, that's where your work lies simple. As that.

C

Yeah and- and I definitely recognize that a lot of times when I'm getting upset by something that somebody else does that that's something about myself- that I really don't want to examine that ties into shadow work, which is definitely an important subject. That gravity deals with, but we're not going to get too much deeper into that today.

C

um Unless anybody, I didn't see any other hands up, um does anybody want to just unmute and um there.

A

Was a question in the chat of what do we do when we are the ones being judged to be x.

C

Oh well, um you know, that's tough and I don't you know. I think.

C

Well, nonviolent communication does help us with that, because when, in that moment, when we're being judged, we can look to the other person um in our imagination and we can. We can imagine what they might be feeling and what they, what needs of theirs might be interfered with um whether by our action or not, and then I mean it doesn't eliminate the pain of the judgment um and the reaction from the other person.

C

But it definitely you know at least add some perspective, and perhaps through that you could, you could look and find a solution by really considering what the other person's needs are. Maybe they're not reacting in a healthy way, um but if you figure out what their needs are and you can meet their needs, then you might very well or you can help towards that end. Then there's certain, certainly a chance that uh you know. Maybe you could change their behavior through focusing on the needs.

C

um Yeah so let's go: let's go on to that and um we're gonna take 10 minutes uh or so, and we're going to go through this uh there's three pages of feelings when needs are met, feelings with unmet needs and universal uh human two pages of feelings, one pages of needs and.

C

I don't know, if maybe um yeah, I think we don't need to. um We don't need to talk, but we can each we can take, uh or I can even just read them aloud, but I would like for each of the feelings to for you to consider, even if it's not one of the feelings listed or the versions of the word, that what what kind of word would would match for you in that situation.

C

We have start with the feelings when needs are met because those are the fun ones. We have exhilarated static, elated, enthralled, exuberant, giddy, silly slap happy and yes, you can see these are not all sensations. When I like, when I started in the beginning of the session, I wanted us to focus on. I wanted to narrow the focus as tightly as possible because, usually when we say I feel people start the sentence, I feel, and then they go on to describe their thoughts on the matter.

C

I feel that you just don't understand what I'm talking about. No, that's a thought: that's not a feeling, so we're not quite that strict on as far as only naming specific sensations, but getting to name and understand what sensations are happening in our body when we're having these feelings is is important, maybe not specifically non-violent communication, but it's definitely part of our our literacy in feelings and needs.

C

Excited uh alive, which also can be expressed as a live amazed, animated, eager, energetic, enthusiastic invigorated, lively, passionate, inspired, also expressed as amazed astonished, odd dazzled, radiant, raptures, surprised, thrilled, uplifted.

C

Joyful, which may also be expressed as amused buoyant delighted, elated, static, glad gleeful, happy overjoyed pleased, radiant.

C

And yes, these are not all expressing exactly the same feeling and they will fit in different circumstances, um but we're trying to expand greatly beyond the the norm from hey. How are you, oh I'm doing all right or I'm good, I'm bad.

C

You know I haven't my most of my life been very used to thinking in terms of all all these different descriptive words for feelings, um but it's exactly this kind of inquiry into what we're feeling exactly um and not what we're just thinking about a situation, but how we're feeling in our bodies of that's that's, going to bring us closer to connecting with other people as people and not just reacting.

C

Not just blindly reacting from the sensation.

C

Curious adventurous alert, interested intrigued, inquisitive fascinated spellbound stimulated, so I know not everybody's sitting at a computer or has a pen and paper nearby, but I do hope that.

C

You're, taking some of this time to specify some some feeling, words uh that you connect with and that you.

C

You will have better access to in the moment when.

C

Usually, when something's going wrong is when we need to have the closest attention to what we're feeling, but it's just as important, I would say, to connect with the the feelings of when we're our needs are met.

C

um Does anybody want to volunteer to uh to read some of these uh feeling words or.

C

Maybe even just choose one from each uh each row and read them off.

E

Yeah I'll throw down with you dave.

C

Yeah that'd be great um because I think you know most times and the reason why I'm doing this is because the most times that I have been in non-violent communication, uh trainings or workshops, or whatever we kind of breeze by this feeling section, you see a big chart of all the feelings and then it's sort of like I'll get around to that someday. So that's today.

E

Cool, so should I just start at relax.

C

E

Okay, relaxed where's ah relaxed at ease, carefree, comfortable, open.

E

E

F

Can you hear me.

C

Go right ahead.

F

Curious curious, adventurous alert interested intrigue right intricate. I don't know how to be intrigued.

F

Inquisitive fascinated spellbound.

F

Let me move this window stimulate it.

F

I can keep going if you want sure, confident, empowered, proud, safe, secure, self-assured engaged, absorbed, alert, ardent curious, engrossed, enchanted, entranced involved for sure. I'm feeling involved right now. Hopeful, expectant, encouraged optimistic.

F

Grateful appreciated, moved thankful touched if you use it, refuse it yeah refreshed and my screen is broken at this uh part of the screen. So I can't keep you right now.

B

I I can take over if you want I'll, read the line or two sure refreshed enlivened, rejuvenated, renewed rested, restored, revived and energetic. Someone else want to go from.

C

Temmie has their.

B

C

B

Could I could I could go.

E

B

So um affectionate, compassionate friendly, loving open-hearted, sympathetic tender, trusting warm peaceful, blissful, calm, centered, clear-headed mellow, quiet, serene tranquil, so um yeah any other person want to head in because I feel really tranquil right now.

C

I uh I'll close up this page uh with relieved complacent composed cool, trusting and collected feeling collected right now that wasn't that's a bonus word. It wasn't on the list, content, glad cheerful, fulfilled and satisfied. That's great! I'm glad we got to spend so much time uh with these feelings uh when our needs are met, because I think we don't spend enough time with them.

C

That's that's my suspicion feelings with unmet needs. We might even be more familiar with um hostile, antagonistic cold contempt, disgusted disliked hate, horrified, repulsed, scorned, vengeful yes, and these these feelings can be very easily used to encourage us towards.

C

Towards that type of behavior, that's judging and punishing, and all that annoyed, aggravated bitter cranky cross dismayed disgruntled displeased exasperated frustrated, upset, agitated, alarmed disturbed rattled, restless troubled turmoil. Uncomfortable uneasy, unsettled tense, anxious distressed, fidgety, frazzled, irritable, jittery, nervous, overwhelmed restless stressed you can see as compared with like the top line.

C

Hostile feelings um are sort of pointed at other people, hostile, angry annoyed upset uh and, as you go down, they're less personal they're, more personal to us and what we're experiencing um and that's more what you know, we're gonna feel those we're gonna feel those feelings of anger and hostility and annoyance with people um and those are sort of like our gateway feelings into you know the more neutral things that we're feeling in relation or yeah, so less personal ones um can help getting in touch with these less.

C

These feelings that aren't, as directed at other people, can help us to um to break free of the enemy images and the you know the.

C

Change our focus more to the to the needs and not on what we don't like about the other person confused, ambivalent, baffled, dazed, flustered, hesitant lost perplexed puzzled, skeptical torn embarrassed, ashamed, contrite, guilty disgraced, humiliated, mortified, regretful self-conscious. These are some more gateway feelings that could maybe help us get closer in touch with the the needs.

C

Longing envious jealous nostalgic pining wistful yearning, tired, beat burnout, depleted, exhausted fatigued, lethargic, listless, sleepy weary, worn out disconnected alienated aloof apathetic bored, distant distracted, lethargic, lonely and numb sad blue depressed dejected, disappointed, discouraged, downcast, down-hearted, grief, hopeless, shocked, appalled, disbelief, dismayed horrified, mystified, startled surprised, pain, agony anguish, bereaved, devastated, heart broke, hurt, miserable and wretched.

C

All of those feelings are indication that we have some unknown needs on meth needs and so.

C

And we should use those feelings as a reminder that oh, some need of mine isn't met um and um does somebody want to volunteer to read out the the from the universal human needs list.

E

I definitely want to start with connection.

E

I thought you want to jump into contessa. You want rock paper scissors on this. No, you can go ahead, you got it all right. Connection is my jam. If you guys didn't know so um connection acceptance affection there, we go appreciation belonging care, another one, one of the greatest hits greatest feeling ever: cooperation: communication, closeness, community, compassion, empathy, inclusion, safety, security, stability, support, trust and warmth.

E

E

That's right I'll tag you now well being air food movement exercise. Rest, sleep, safety, shelter, touch, water, honesty, authenticity, integrity presence. Oh, this is going to be fun, play joy, humor, recreation, dance, physical expression, rough housing. We need more rough housing.

E

That was great.

C

Yeah, we don't, I actually added rough housing to the list because I felt like it was kind of missing uh lanka. Do you want to jump in here.

A

Yeah, um I just wanted to compliment that. Sometimes, when we think of well-being and on human needs, one of the main ones is like the financial need, but uh that's something that we've been talking about um in multiple of our sessions, that um there are multiple uh ways of that: a human can experience wealth, so there's the financial wealth, but there's also the physical wealth, there's also um um the social wealth. So so in this well-being.

A

um I it really um resonated with with me that um some of these uh definitions of well-being or needs for well-being um are more human than than economical, and we sometimes think that the needs of people are only economical.

C

Yeah and that's exactly right and in non-violent communication money is not a need. It's a strategy.

C

You know your need might be security, shelter, food, um but the this your strategy in that moment is oh, I need some money um and so that you know it does encourage creativity in considering our problems um as bigger than just what the strategy that first comes to mind or when somebody interferes with one of our strategies to open our mind a bit to consider. Well, what do I really need here and how can I work with this person so that both of our needs can be met.

C

I don't see any other hands up. Oh okay, uh you want to come back in um on honesty or no on peace, yep.

B

So, peace, beauty, communion ease, equality, harmony, inspiration and order autonomy, choice, freedom, independence, space and spontaneity and then I'll leave meaning for someone else.

C

um If you're one of the.

B

C

Raisers, you can jump in. I don't I don't know why. I don't see it in my list.

B

Architect, meaning meaning awareness challenge, clarity, consciousness, contribution, creativity, discovery, efficacy, growth, hope, learning, mourning participation, purpose, self-expression stimulation and understanding.

C

Absolutely- and I don't know if somebody read autonomy- and I was just scrolling through my list looking for hand raises, but uh autonomy is a pr important one um to consider and a lot of times. um We just want to keep in mind that our strategy, our strategies for meeting our needs, can interfere with somebody else's autonomy if we're not, if we're not really open to finding a different way than just this. One way that we've thought to do it.

C

So that's awesome thanks everybody for uh for helping out with the readings, and um hopefully somebody in this group has a list of feelings and needs in their own of their own that they can use. I I'm gonna do this after the session and get my words like I've been meaning to for the last three years.

C

ah So now we are to it's almost over, but now we're. The main point of this session is expressing gratitude and non-violent communication, um which this slide that I'm on right now um there's a direct link to the place in a direct link to marshall rosenberg, talking about how to express and receive gratitude.

C

So if you feel like you want to listen to that later, please uh just be aware that it's there and, as we've already covered a number of times, gratitude in my communication involves observing what action enriched our life, not just like you make me feel great, but you know the way you talk to me.

C

uh You know I feel really supported with your your language and that- and I feel great about that, so it can feel a little stilted like getting all the pieces into place, but uh but it's it's a lot more satisfying for the other person than just to be told you're great.

C

But then, when you tell them specifically what needs were met. What how you feel- and they know why they're awesome exactly because they're, because they know your need- was met by something that they did.

C

um So there's some exercises. This isn't really meant for us to do, but just for us to consider for the future or you can try this at home. um Think of a gratitude that you would have loved to receive but didn't practice how it would be expressed as observation feeling and need, and then then imagine telling them about this exercise and why and ask them why they didn't share thanks.

C

And then, similarly think about gratitude that you haven't expressed, but would like to think of the reasons why you haven't expressed the gratitude and then write it down in a non-communication way um and then here um in the links for this slide.

C

This is a giraffe gratitude journal and there's.

C

On this on, the second page is a journal when I remember, I feel, because it contributes to my need for and it there so if it makes it easier for you. You might like this journal that kate raffin made in 2018 um and there's other there's a whole session. That uh marshall did on gratitude, also linked there.

C

C

Then, just to wrap things up um kind of thing. I thought that would be. Oh, yes, wonka.

A

Yeah, just before jumping into that this last um section, um I think you went over really fast of this, a slide that says difficulties receiving gratitude. I think it's worth talking about. We all sometimes struggle to receive gratitude.

C

Absolutely um you're right and I I um and everybody, obviously, if you have somewhere to go um at three, don't be don't feel bad. um You know you thanks for sticking around um and anybody who wants to stay. I don't have anything immediately after this, so you can feel welcome to hang around and we can continue on this. um But yes, absolutely. That was a big, a big part of that um session. Nine.

C

In the workshop, the training workshop that marshall taught um was that a lot of times um we don't you know people want to downplay what good they did um or they feel like.

C

Oh, this is just something that it was my duty or there was like some obligation that they had and that's I thought I've took notes on that. Actually, but there that's a big important part of non-binary. Communication, too, is that you know you don't have to do anything and we're not. We don't want to think of.

C

We don't want to think of obligations, um because that's one way that people can um they don't they feel like they don't have any choice. That's how a lot of unjust and horrible things happen in the world because they're following orders or just doing their job, um but non-violent communication wants us to remember our freedom and our choice in every circumstance, um and so we want to avoid that type of um kind of it's sort of like a false humility.

C

um Where we don't it's it's important to receive uh to receive gratitude and praise and the you know the simplest thing is just to say. Thank you. You know that's. I appreciate you sharing that, even if it's uncomfortable it's better than denying someone's uh praise, which maybe was hard for them to share in the first place um yeah. So if you have been around uh the token engineering commons with gravity uh for a while, then you probably know how to do praise.

C

But if you haven't, you can go to the praise channel on our discord, server and type forward, slash, backslash activate, and then you can use the praise command there and my uh we did this a while ago and it was at first my thought of trying to add the feeling and the need to every time we praise, but I think it's maybe simpler, just to add the need.

C

What need was meant um because I think that can add a lot and is not too much extra work, while we're in the middle of a praise to think of what need was met um by the action that were that we're praising um and with that I just want to open for any discussion. Questions comments. um Yeah.

C

Thanks everybody for not fleeing to the uh channel the moment that three came.

A

I also um want to um go a little bit deeper on this last um tc praise invitation and I sent the discord link for the dc and there we have this cool thing. That is called the praise system where, when you praise other people after some time, that phrase uh turns into our token the token of our project and then we distribute tokens um as a reward for the people uh who received praise um um rewarding their contribution.

A

So if you haven't, if you are not familiar to the tc, um the first thing you have to do is to join into the discord server and um feel the the some of the things for, um so that we can know that you're, human and then uh below the community section.

A

There's the first um text channel is called praise and uh if you haven't um praised before the first thing would be to write, slash, activate and then you link your metamask account um to the to the praise system, and then you, you use the slash praise command and you then write the handle of the people that you want to praise and the reason why, for they are receiving that phrase.

C

Thank you for for sharing that extra explanation. I kind of assumed everybody would know about our our ways, but that's uh that's very good. Thank you. Wonka uh contessa, you had your hand up. Do you want to share something or.

E

I do I did not know that I needed this session today. um I did not know what to expect. I did not know what you were going to. I mean I had an idea because you know we had the the documentation, but when I first came, I was kind of sluggish and tired and worn out and feeling a little bit of pain in my body and even in the beginning, when you said you know to kind of focus in and feel what you're feeling I'm like yeah, I'm not doing that.

E

But being here in this space and listening to everyone read, I just something connected inside of me and I feel more grounded to myself to this space and I feel more energized. I don't have the pain in my body anymore, and it was just what I needed, and so I wanted to say thank you for.

F

E

Today and for teaching and for allowing us just to be because that's what I needed to just be, and it being, I was able to receive what I needed. Thank you.

C

Well, that's, that's so awesome contessa. I feel I feel really great uh hearing that feedback and I did notice that in the beginning uh you didn't have the camera on. uh Like I seen your smiling face the last couple times like uh bright-eyed bushy-tailed but then like. While we got into the feelings and needs you you seem to perk up. So I'm glad I'm glad for that. Definitely.

E

C

uh Nicola, you have your hand.

F

Yes, thank you. I just want to say big, big big. Thank you. I'm really grateful for today's session. uh You know when I was coming in all that I had connected with nonviolent communication. Was this way of talking like? What's a life in you?

F

What's the life in me like identifying identifying how like how I'm feeling right- and I just really appreciate so much bringing feelings and emotions into the field of consideration, because it really, you know, matters how we feel right and we do want to feel good in our bodies and in our lives, and we want to follow the good feeling and I think it's really important to know how to connect with the sensations and feelings and you know, allow them also to be experienced and and then work with um all the great tools and I'm.

F

I just want to praise every single speaker that you know every single lesson so far. It's amazing I'm enjoying this training so so so much uh and I have a uh question of topic but related with the with the training. I noticed in the calendar that there is a conflict resolution in dao's session uh in your calendar, guys it's up for thursday and I'm curious what it is and if I can join and listen and maybe, if you'll be practically using some tools or what it is.

F

A

I can I can answer that and yeah that session on the 16th was an invitation from the metagame community. They are having the meta farm um events during this week and we will have a presentation of 30 minutes this thursday also um next week.

A

It will be my session and I am really happy that um we have had all of these previous topics um to gain momentum to to my session and to because I am going to try to wrap everything that we have been talking about in the past sessions and try to make it like really practical into why all of these topics that we have been talking about are key for people who want to actually facilitate or mediate in conflicts and um yeah.

A

If you would like to participate on this thursday call, um I will be topic talking more or less on some similar things, but um each of the sessions it has like its own single singularity.

A

So if you want to to come to this thursday session, it's cool, uh but also um on next tuesday, I will be leading um the session and and my session will be really really focused on how to put in practice all what we have been talking about in the situation of you being a third, a positive third side in uh in a conflict between between people.

C

Awesome yeah. Thank you. uh I'm definitely looking forward to that.

C

Sorry, every anybody who was writing in the chat. I wasn't able to uh to stay with that while I was um leading, but I am gonna- save this and.

C

We'll see, maybe there's some good stuff we can bring over to our uh also.

A

And aloysius is raising her uh their hand.

C

Absolutely uh jump right in.

F

Hey there, I just wanted to add an accessibility thing for juan because of the 2 event that he'll be streaming from. I wanted to say that it live streams from youtube, so when it comes time to like share the link, just sharing the live stream will be the easiest way to like track down and find where that's happening.

F

That's it. I just wanted to pass that along to one and thank you for today I loved uh I loved the feelings. That's a that's like a home run for me. I think, um like a year ago, I had I had this thing where, at the end of the day I was like it was like no matter what, at the end of the day, because stuff does happen, every single day just ended up being like a bad day.

F

It was like you know, it could be like good mediocre bad, but if things happened, it usually fell in like oh. That today was a bad day, and uh it reminded me of I guess, like fast food, small, medium large, how small, medium and large has like changed over time and like I was thinking that that's how my emotions were that there was something I was doing where I wasn't like. I wasn't actually aware of my emotions.

F

I think that's what it was is that I didn't actually know how I felt at the end of the day. I wasn't taking the time to like articulate it because then I could be like. Oh you know today was like a really frustrating day. I don't have to say it's a bad day. Today was a frustrating day so yeah a year ago, I like built out my vocabulary for emotions, because I felt like it was really small.

F

So today's thing going through and taking the time to go through the different uh feelings or whatever and being exposed to those words like you know, out of sight out of mind, you don't really think about all the other emotions that you could be, but if they are in the front of your mind, it's a little bit easier to get to those places, um or at least that's what I've noticed from that exercise.

F

So thank you absolutely.

C

Absolutely thank you. Thank you.

C

Yes, the feelings and all the variety of them are not always like super accessible, and that was definitely the reason why I wanted to go through that list today and really take the time, uh even though it ate up a lot of our session. um I feel like it was worth it. So thanks everybody, I'm glad you your feedback. Let me know that um you know that it was my my intention.

C

That's why that's what that's one of the things that marshall says that it's not just important that we're working with the intention to serve life, but we need we need uh feedback to know for certain that we have and that's what is so important about gratitude. um Abby. You have your hands up uh abbas abbas, sorry, jump right in.

D

Hey everyone, I'm also, quite um you, know, feeling or mood of gratitude and also like, I would say, discovered how mellow would fit and say, like um feeling like a breeze. I could say then like as if we were on a some peaceful hill and could feel the wind as if there were no trees around that.

D

Yeah that are too much.

D

To block or something to that flow so like with this one, I felt like hey uh overall, like lots of feelings. There are many versions to express a feeling and they are not like so.

D

D

Expressed in levels like so many uh comes back to a few categories, but yet inside there is a um some equal feeling like each happen to feel similar. I don't know, what's that about the words or magic or feelings like the magic around the feelings but um yeah.

D

I think I I should have um really um use praise system, for example, for a long time, and uh by coincidence I did that, like last week, hey like why I am not doing it yes, but I knew what was stopping me. So I want to share like hey that thing like when something right you you want to make it, but there is a time.

D

That's been uh that um stopping you somehow, but when you realize it shouldn't, then it's all opening up that thing, like doesn't matter like this one, just one thing I want to say like um it's, never um too early or too late for something good. You know you can do anytime, that's like never early or late, like a lot of people are missing because they feel it's early like small uh hand, could matter a lot uh but yeah.

D

I don't know how that all relates, but um have a nice evening, and thanks for this one.

C

Thank you abbas.

C

And uh if anybody wants to uh unmute and jump in now's your chance or we're going to drop out here pretty shortly.

E

All right um I'll tee up, I have let's see so I notice.

E

I notice um a sense of discomfort like some agitation and like uh anxiety.

E

Around the the the possibility of expressing needs- and it feels like a sort of mind field right- I can- I can totally get behind like observation and inference right. So you know how am I feeling what's the impact? What's the meaning of just of what I notice and what I sense and then, when I'm sort of pressed with and then express a need, there's so much um yeah jesus christ, there's just so much that can go bad there right all right, I'm a big fan actually of expressing desire right and saying what you want.

E

Clearly, you know a bit unambiguously but there's something in particular about like the the like slippery slope. That is like, oh because I need this, I can be a dick about it for lack of a better word.

C

Yeah yeah needs are well for one thing, and this is something marshall talked about a bunch is that we're needs. Our top. We're taught like needs are like a bad thing like, oh, like that's, you're being needy, um and yes like someone framing, uh they can someone can easily frame their strategy as a need and then try to use that as leverage into an obligation um and it's sort of tough to um you know if you're in a relationship or if you're you know involved in a community where that type of thing is happening.

C

You know it's hard to know entirely.

C

You know, or even it can happen we can express. We can express these things uh as sort of like in a.

C

If we're not being conscious about the way we connect with others in the way that we meet our needs, uh we could any of us could slip into this. um This sense of like obligation around our needs, but we're we're trying to kind of open up the sense of needs as their universal, their human, uh the universal components to humanity, and that um you know, everybody's everybody's needs can be met.

C

um You know, if we're open to.

C

You know to more than just our specific strategies or the flexibility around our strategies, and I don't I'm not saying it's easy or any of this isn't easy necessarily, but it's definitely.

A

Worthwhile, I I also want to complement that. Sometimes we had valid needs and we have. I identified well our feelings and our needs, but then, when we try to express a request, we end up expressing a demand, and that also affects the communication process, because maybe you can have valid needs. But if you make a demand instead of a request, um the other person would feel like an imposition and thus um will trigger defense mechanisms towards your needs, um and that could be uh worked out.

A

If we um also think on the way that we are making our requests.

A

um I think that in the book marshall says that um one of the things that um you can use to identify when you are making a request and when you are making a demand, is when um you would be um able or or in the position of making that request. Sometimes we demand to. uh We make a request to others of things that we wouldn't be able to deliver and- and um that turns our our intention into a demand.

A

Please feel free to talk.

E

Hi, um I want to share something uh uh it. It's needed to be said that when we have a request, the other person isn't obligated obligated. I don't know how do you pronounce it.

C

E

Yeah, they don't have to uh fulfill your need, but uh so we need to be ready that if we ask for something we don't have to.

E

Yeah, the other person isn't like always going to do it, even if we need it. So uh there's an that's another thing that we could react strongly about. uh I already asked it so what's going on, but there's a next step where it's not always fulfill our petition, and I also want to comment that as human beings in human global rights, we should have some needs that should be obligated to be fulfilled for others, and we don't have that culture, but we should have obligation to feed someone to shelter someone to give peace to someone.

E

So I think that in culture we need to devel develop further into that direction, because it's unbelievable unbelievable what we live as a human kind in the whole world.

C

Yeah- and that was that was um on your first part um kind of ties into the idea of strategies that a lot of times what we ask somebody uh we're asking what our request is: a strategy, a specific strategy for meeting our need and you're right nobody's obligated to meet our needs, but, moreover, sometimes we're just asking a specific way to meet our need. But even then no one is obligated. It's more.

C

uh You know I guess once we're uh 18 or 21 or whatever then we're our it's our responsibility to meet our own needs, but but also you're right.

C

um This is tied in with marshall's uh presentation of mvc that, um and I don't have the I don't know. I don't have the information right on me, but the I should have added this to the to the session about the the.

C

Anyways you're totally right- I just I I uh can't recall, but there's but part of the research around. This- involves the intention towards judging an economy based on human needs, rather than uh you know, rich people getting richer.

C

D

Oh, actually, that's been some focal point in my works or maybe also sort of revelation, but still exploring that expression and effective expression of demand and um well, let's say it's a request. But in a context maybe producer consumer is more likely you you have the chance to demand stuff or, if you're, a resident or a citizen. Whatever you got that chance to say it's a demand, because that's a entity, you are appealing to it's, not a person, that's gonna have feelings and stuff.

D

That's like you expect something legit, so that could go demand, but um I would love to. um I don't know approach you if I can in any way and explore how the expression of peace can be, which I kind of kept it through the research. But um it's got some constants where people can say like what we do in the praise and imagine, like everyone praise everyone I always felt like hey like. I should be able to praise the whole like.

D

um I guess I ringed it or, like you know, like a group by like mentioning so um but per individual, is also important. That's like bringing in these people and giving that homage, but um yeah for expression of peace. I was gonna think I was thinking hey. There are like constant conditionals um dynamics and potentials in that, and some goes more like a constant behavior. You can say like hey, I'm in peace with every nation. Doesn't matter you don't say a difference. You know you don't maybe say uh these countries are so called my enemies.

D

You know like that's enforced like by media or history, but I'm not ex. You know, I'm not, inheriting that so to say that's a constant way of saying that, like treating everybody equal like if you can go like that, um high on that, but um like conditionals are more likely between like entities like states or creating some future synchronization around this expression of peace.

D

If we could make or if I could find wiser ways and you could, uh I believe you could uh give a lot of stuff there on your thoughts and that would make it something really um full of those feelings that are good. I would say um yeah and that's so maybe expression of.

C

Well feel free to uh reach out in chat uh in the gravity channel. um You can reach out to me or wonka directly. If you uh want to follow up on any of that.

D

C

A

I think is the last one.

C

B

Hi there I just wanted to say thank you. um I really appreciate you bringing um marshall rosenberg's work into into these spaces. I feel like it has a lot to say not just about basic human human interactions, but how we might organize on a large scale like because once you start unpacking what um operating from these kinds of needs-based assessments uh looks like it, it has implications for the per collective.

B

So I'm I'm, I'm really glad that this has been being covered in juan amir alois is gratitude that, for the vocabulary, I think, having a way to gain.

B

Clarity on your emotions is the first step towards being able to uh intelligently infer what another person might might be feeling and so create operating space and in what could be like bandwidth, starved dynamics. um I'm curious if we could talk a little bit about like the hidden costs of uh inauthentic yeses.

B

um I think that's something marshall rosenberg talks about directly a little bit, but, like um I'm curious, if anybody, if you how you feel like this, uh the gratitude work are, but in general, if you have any perspectives on um on that work within gravity or within the tech in general, on the uh the potential pitfalls or points to navigate um around when people give a yes that isn't genuine and therefore expensive, whether or not that's not that they don't have the capacity to meet the need or whether or not they that deprives them of bandwidth in another way, like yeah yeah,.

C

B

Me open that topic.

C

And uh marshall does talk about that, um but his you know his is centered more around in-person interaction. So if you, if I ask you, will you help me with xyz, I can hear about your tone of voice.

C

You know how the level of excitement that you actually have about that, um where probably in these digital spaces- it- I don't know exactly the answer, but I think it takes more conscientiousness on par of the person asking um and I don't know like that's a good question of what to what to do with that. Specifically in digital spaces. I might I don't.

A

I also think that this is a long life uh learning, so it's like.

A

You you continue learning every day and by practice like one thing is understanding it, but then the other thing is practicing it, and maybe you can understand that you are responsible for your own feelings, but you find yourself sometimes telling someone other hey. I am feeling because you and then you like, get into that chip and you say to yourself hey, I I am giving that responsibility to that other people. So it's like a uh a lifelong uh learning.

A

All of this non-violent communication, all of this conflict management, or at least that's the way that I perceive it because we all all the time will face conflict. We all the time will face communicational constraints, all the time where we are talking with people with different cultures, with different backgrounds, with different understandings and perceptions of reality.

A

So being um aware of uh that, the way that we express our feelings and our thoughts is as relevant as the thoughts themselves and the impact that they can have um can help us um yeah get a little bit further into the way that we coordinate peacefully and and that we coordinate um uh with others uh without any influence of or type of violence.

A

B

um If you don't mind me, I'm packing the wh. Why why? Why I'm thinking about the specific subject um marsh they talk about in their work, um the concept of like emotional triage like when a person isn't isn't resourced?

B

To, I believe, that's martial world's birth word might be wrong um of emotional triage when a person isn't resourced to be able to answer or operate within the parameters you're trying to set forth. There are ways and strategies you can implement to like to help give them the operating space to like give them an organizing principle um uh and I'm k.

B

I was just curious to like to begin unpacking what it might look like to develop uh strategies that might give people room for better, better yeses and no's um just the same way that we've had to work to like develop, share presence over the last number of years with each other like how do we develop working relationships when we're not in the same country um uh so I'll be following this like I'll, be subject long term with pretty great interest, um but I think it was uh feels really necessary.

C

Yeah, I mean, I think you know I mean at least I know how I am when I'm talking to a developer or someone else, who's like got tons of demand on their resources, and you know when, when you or you know somebody who's like an executive or or whatever and you're trying to you want them, you want to get their attention or you want to get get a meeting with them or something you know you it it.

C

It might be helpful to use that as like a start starting point to think of how do we talk with people when we know that there's gonna? We already know ahead of time that there's gonna be some reasons why they might say no or whatever, and then we could use that. And then um you know build a template from that.

C

A

I I also want to compliment that this uh tides up really good um with the last session that morgan presented, um because uh and I sent this image.

A

That is a very um uh more psychological concept that is called the window of tolerance and is um how you can identify um three states of of hyper hypo hyperarousal, optimal arousal zone and hypoarousal, and one of the things that um you should try to do to have to build ground for communication is to bring that other person into the optimal arousal zone, and for that you have to identify if their first reaction is being directed by a triggering of fight or flight or if they are um being triggered by a hypo, arousal reaction of freeze or phone where so so um you, when you are talking with someone uh regarding a conflict, one of the first things is to try to conduct them into the optimal arousal zone where they can uh process um what you are telling them and also expl um be able to communicate.

A

Because if you try to talk with someone who is in their hyper arousal or in their hype, arousal zone, you will end up um the the defense mechanisms that come with uh the re. The immediate reaction um of of trauma that we um talked about in last session.

C

Yeah, that's a good. uh I did really like that. I had never heard so many like. I just recently heard there's fight flight reflex and then there's the freeze and then but morgan, just added like a a bunch more to it that um I don't even remember it all off the top of my head, but that's something I want to spend some more time with for sure.

A

I I am really happy because um sometimes when, when people see the graviton training study plan, they see they say like hey. How are you going to connect so many different topics, but I see them really connected one to each other and um like once, we we continue advancing in the sessions. You will see how all of this ends up being like um important pieces of a puzzle that that you can play and moving in different um in in different positions um when trying to face a conflicted situation.

A

So yeah how how trauma can uh be connected with nonviolent communication, trauma-sensitive culture, and you end up seeing that when you are trying to communicate with someone non-violently, you also have to be able to to to understand the state of mind of the other person and what is the trauma that they are uh carrying or acting to or responding to so so um all of this gets gets connected to to to the whole intention of the course, but uh yeah with that.

A

I don't know if um other one wants to close this session, but I think we are. We are um very um past the hour and uh it it has been a really really cool session.

C

Thanks everybody for sticking around.

A

E

Thank you, bye.

A

And uh yeah: let's keep in touch, uh see you next tuesday in this session and if you want to come to the thursdays, uh call that we will have um a small presentation from for the metagame uh community. You are also super invited.

E

Awesome. Thank you. Everybody.

A

Thanks everyone.